Ignited

by Corrine Jackson

  The second I stopped trying to hide the pain, it engulfed me. A sharp, constant ache bashed the inside of my skull like the mother of all migraines, making the sunglasses a necessity to block out the light. Sometimes my heart beat erratically like it would explode out of my chest. The damage was serious, and it took the little energy I had to stay upright and moving. I could have asked Asher to help me heal myself, but that option had been taken off the table. I would rather deal with the pain than see him hate me for making him weaker. The same was true of Lottie.

  It turned out it wasn’t too difficult to hide my injuries when everyone avoided me. Lottie kept her distance, not wanting to be human. My sister could hardly look at me. She had no idea I’d tried to heal our mother. I could have told her, but what was the point? I’d failed. And Asher . . . Things had changed between us so completely that a piece of my soul had been severed and then cauterized.

  The sliding glass door opened, and Asher stepped out like my thoughts had called him. Maybe they had because my mental guard was down. He carried a plate of food, which he put on the ground by my chair. He’d changed out of his dark suit and into jeans and a light blue T-shirt that molded to his muscles. He looked strong and the desire to lean on him was so tempting. Whatever nightmares he might be having, he was hiding it well.

  “You should eat,” he said with worry in his voice.

  If he suspected how close I’d come to dying, he didn’t say. I nodded. I wouldn’t eat, but I wanted him to go away. His presence and the ever-growing distance between us magnified the pain, and I couldn’t take much more. Instead of leaving like I wanted, he sat across from me in the other chair. His perusal ate at me. I knew what I looked like. The injuries had taken their toll even in a few days. I’d lost weight I couldn’t spare, and without the sunglasses to hide them, my eyes had taken on a sunken quality.

  “Are you okay?” he asked in a quiet voice. “You’ve hardly said a word in days.”

  “I’m dealing,” I said with no emotion. I changed the subject. “How’s Lucy?”

  She’d disappeared into Lottie’s bedroom when we’d returned to the apartment. Her sobs had echoed through the rooms until I’d had to retreat to the balcony.

  “Not good. She needs you.”

  My mouth curved in a humorless smile. “She hates me. I’m the last person she needs.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. She knows that.”

  Lies. Don’t lie to me, Asher. It hurt how much I wanted to believe him. I rubbed a hand against my chest when it tightened. “You don’t have to take care of me, Asher. It’s not your job anymore, remember?”

  Please go away. I just wanted to be alone. It was easier that way.

  Asher didn’t hear my thought or chose to ignore it. “You can’t let her grieve alone.”

  I swung my legs to the side of the chair and faced him. “She has you.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not you.”

  I had been thinking about this since I’d left the chapel. Lucy needed someone, but she didn’t want me. Asher didn’t want to be around me because of how my powers changed him. The three of us were stuck together, but we’d often paired off for surveillance. Usually, I’d taken care of Lucy, but I didn’t see how that could work anymore.

  “She needs a friend, but it can’t be me.” My lip quivered, and I bit down on it hard enough to break the skin. “Lottie certainly isn’t going to do it.”

  I couldn’t bring myself to ask him, but he understood anyway. “You want me to watch out for her.”

  It wasn’t a question. “Please,” I begged. “She won’t be alone, and you won’t have to be near me. Problem solved.”

  His jaw clenched in frustration. “Don’t do that. I care about you, Remy. I know you’re hurting, even if you won’t admit it.”

  For a moment, I thought he was acknowledging my injuries, but the emotion on his face didn’t fit. Something wasn’t right, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I spread my hands. “I’ll say whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Just please do this. I don’t want her to feel alone.”

  “But it’s okay for you to be alone?” he asked.

  My breath hissed out. “I am alone. You broke up with me, remember?”

  He glanced away, his cheeks flushing pink in guilt. He rested his elbows on his knees, his white-knuckled hands clasped between them. He was so close, mere inches away. My defenses shook, and I thought, Please touch me, Asher. Make me feel something other than the pain.

  The rain continued to fall, and Asher’s expression didn’t change.

  “I didn’t mean for things to happen like this,” he said.

  That statement encompassed so many things. He hadn’t meant to become mortal. He hadn’t meant to be taken hostage. He hadn’t meant to attack me in the middle of a nightmare. He hadn’t meant to break up with me the night before my stepmother died. He hadn’t meant to fall out of love with me. None of this was his fault.

  “I know. I’m sorry.” I hooked my hair behind my ear and stared at my feet. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

  His toe almost touched mine, and I shifted away. I couldn’t let him touch me. Not now, when I was hanging on by an unraveling thread.

  “I want to know you’re okay,” he said.

  I’m far from it, I thought. I shrugged. “Of course. Aren’t I always?”

  He stared into my eyes like he was trying to read my mind. I need you, Asher, I thought. I’m right here. He rose, putting his hands in his pockets, the way he often did around me. The better to avoid touching me.

  “I’ll watch out for Lucy,” he promised. “You have my word.”

  “Then everybody wins.”

  Asher didn’t answer, and I couldn’t blame him. Even I didn’t believe that lie. He disappeared into the apartment, and I turned away, clutching my stomach. The tears almost came then, as I mourned one more death. I’d figured out what wasn’t right. My defenses had been down, and he hadn’t known. He hadn’t been able to read my thoughts.

  Our bond was broken.

  Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” blared out and snapped me out of a dreamless sleep. It had taken me ages to fall asleep on the couch, and I didn’t appreciate being woken. I opened one eye to glance at the clock on Lottie’s wall. Six P.M. I groaned. Lottie had left her phone on the coffee table. I would have to kill her or make her taste pickles later, at the very least. Beside the phone was a note in Asher’s handwriting. Took Lucy and Lottie to grab dinner. Didn’t want to wake you. Be back by 7.

  It didn’t escape me that they’d probably wanted to get away from me. The phone rang again, and I glanced at the screen out of habit. The caller ID read Gabe, and I snapped up the phone without another thought.

  “Gabe?”

  There was a moment of silence and his deep voice came over the line. “Remy? Where’s Lottie?”

  He didn’t sound upset exactly, but I could hear the confusion in his clipped British accent. “Out to dinner with Asher and Lucy. I was asleep.”

  “Ah . . . I’m sorry I woke you.” Another awkward pause. “How are you?”

  “Fine.” Awful. “What about you? Where are you?”

  “Europe. Paris, to be exact. I’ve been meeting up with old friends, other Protectors. There’s an old story about someone like you, born of both bloodlines sometime in the sixteen hundreds. I’ve been asking around, but so far it seems to be more fairy tale than truth.”

  That sounded about right. I wouldn’t have believed stories about someone like me, either.

  He continued. “I’ve been asking about Franc, too, but if people know the Protectors who are helping your grandfather, they’re not talking.”

  I’d hurt Gabe when I chose Asher. He’d told me that he loved me, and I’d rejected him. Gabe could have washed his hands of me, but he was out there searching for answers.

  “Thanks for trying,” I said in a husky voice. “It means a lot.”

  “Remy, what’s wrong?” he demanded. “Why are you with Lottie?”


  I sighed. “You haven’t spoken to her? Or Asher?”

  “Not for a few weeks. I’ve been around Protectors, and there’s been too much gossip about us. I didn’t want to take any chances until I was clear. What’s going on?”

  His voice dropped, and the sound of it rumbled over me. The throbbing started behind my eyes, and I let my head fall back against the pillow.

  “Aren’t we friends still? Come on, Remington.”

  That old nickname cracked off a piece of the iceberg that had taken up residence inside me. “It’s Laura,” I blurted out. “She died.” My voice cracked, and I threw an arm up to cover my eyes.

  His breath gusted out in a weighty sigh. “Oh man. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. How are you holding up?”

  “Lucy’s devastated,” I said. “She blames me. I . . . Well, I’m sure she just needs time.”

  A lifetime should about do it.

  “I didn’t ask about Lucy. I asked about you. How are you?”

  I never could fool him. “As well as can be expected, I guess. My heart is broken.”

  “Did you try to heal her?”

  He asked the question without blame, but I felt guilty anyway.

  “She was too far gone,” I said. He would assume that meant I didn’t try to heal her, and I was okay with that. What could Gabe do if he knew? My chest constricted and I rubbed a circle on it with my fist. “It doesn’t matter. Listen, I think you should know . . .”

  I hesitated. If I told Gabe that Asher was losing his powers, Asher might be angry. Maybe it would be better for him to tell his brother in his own time. Except we were headed back to San Francisco tomorrow. What if Asher got hurt?

  “Yeah?” Gabe prompted. “What should I know?”

  “Call Asher,” I said. It was my compromise. Gabe would know something was up, but I wouldn’t have to betray Asher. “Soon,” I added to be safe.

  There was a moment of silence. “There you go taking care of other people again,” he said, and I knew he understood. “Who’s taking care of you, Remington?” he asked in a softer voice.

  I almost came undone, but I steeled myself against the emotions. Gabe would join us if I asked him to, but I wouldn’t ask. I might feel less alone if he was around to share the burden, but I would be using him and his feelings for me. I hadn’t fallen far enough to do that to him. Suddenly, I was overcome by how much I’d missed him. It shouldn’t have been so difficult to hear his voice again after all these months, but I hadn’t known how we would slip back into the easy friendship we’d shared before everything had gone to hell. I had to get off the phone before I weakened.

  “I’m okay, Gabe. I’m a survivor, remember?” Before he could answer, I added, “I should go. If Lottie finds me on her phone, she’s going to lose it. You know how she is.”

  The forced humor in my voice fell flat. I said good-bye, and Gabe echoed me without argument. Perhaps he had finally remembered that he wasn’t supposed to care about me anymore. And who knew? After all this time, he probably didn’t love me anymore. Everyone moved on.

  It was hours before I realized that Gabe had no idea Asher had broken up with me. Relief sighed through me. His pity might have put me over the edge.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  One morning, about a week after we’d returned to San Francisco, I poured myself a cup of coffee in a travel mug and slipped out of the house on quiet feet with my phone in my coat pocket. I’d left a note, but I’m not sure it would have mattered.

  Somewhere between Chicago and San Francisco, I’d discovered a well of anger. My life had gone to hell in the last months. I had been dumped by a man who had promised me the world, and then walked away when that world wasn’t what he wanted after all. My sister hated me for not saving our mother, and she snarled at me, acting like she was the only one who had suffered a loss. Sometimes, I wanted to lash out at both of them, and the urge had almost become uncontrollable. That’s why I’d suggested scouting on my own this last week. I hadn’t wanted to cause more pain when they both looked edgy and brittle. The others had only put up a temporary resistance to my idea. Rather, Asher had argued for all of a day, but I hadn’t backed down. They had hurt me, and I needed some distance from them so that I could lick my wounds.

  I covered the couple of blocks to the beach in minutes. All my life, I’d lived near some body of water, and I wondered how people got by without an ocean to remind them how small they were.

  At the water’s edge, I sat on the sand, propping my elbows on my bent knees. I sipped my coffee and let the roar of the water and the soft sunrise work their magic. A few surfers in full body suits straddled their boards, riding the gentle lift and fall of the swells. They called out to each other every once in a while, though the words weren’t intelligible. Burnished rose-gold light brushed everything, and the tightness in my chest eased a bit. I propped my sunglasses on my head and closed my eyes to soak up the rays, pretending they were warm like the light.

  “Hello, Lottie,” I said, not looking around. I eased my mental walls up to protect her.

  I slid my sunglasses back over my eyes to avoid the migraine the light could cause. She dropped into the sand a few feet away, always careful to keep her distance. For once, she’d abandoned her heels and wore running shoes like me. She couldn’t feel the cold like I could, but her angled face had colored a ruddy red from it just the same.

  “How did you know I was there?” she asked.

  I tossed her a small smile. “You always are. Asher asked you to follow me. Again.”

  I’d suspected that I hadn’t really been patrolling on my own. I’d sensed her presence more than once, though Lottie had done a good job of remaining hidden.

  “You knew,” she accused.

  The laces on my shoes gave when I untied them, and I took them off to shake the sand out. “He gave up the argument too easily. He knew I wouldn’t cave so he went around me.”

  Lottie kicked off her own shoes and shook them out, too, gazing at the grains in disgust. She hadn’t felt them. “You guys are so mental. He sends me after you and he watches over Lucy. Why don’t you do us all a favor and watch over each other?”

  “You know why,” I said, observing her. “It’s the same reason you’re practically sitting in Nevada.” Mortality terrified Lottie, and she wanted nothing to do with my healing powers.

  She flushed and didn’t say anything.

  “Can I ask you something?” I prodded.

  Her eyes flashed annoyance, but she nodded.

  “Why are you here, Lottie? In San Francisco, I mean.”

  It had bothered me when she had returned with us. She’d been very clear on her decision to stay away from me.

  She lifted a pile of sand in her hand and let it sift through her fingers. I did the same, savoring the silky feel of it falling away. The brine of the ocean filled my nostrils, coating my soul with memories of sand castles and ice cream. So many of my favorite moments could be revisited when I experienced certain sensations, but that wouldn’t happen for Lottie. I could help her senses return, but she rejected the idea.

  She wiped her hands on her designer jeans and considered her words. “My brothers. I would do anything for them. They’re the only family I have left, so if they need me here, then here is where I’ll be.”

  I respected her choice, one that I’d made before. “I get that, but you have to know what you’re risking.” I waved a hand between us. “You should stay away.”

  Lottie made a face. “Okay, Mom.” I must have looked stricken because she winced and muttered, “Sorry.”

  The wind tossed her neat sleek bob into a mess of brunette waves, and I remembered a photo I’d seen of her in Asher’s island house. She’d looked like a 1920s gangster moll. Even at this time in the morning, she wore her trademark red lipstick. I couldn’t help asking, “Were you a flapper?”

  Her mouth quirked in a mysterious smile that gave nothing away. “I’m not a stranger to the Charleston.” She gave me a sly sideways l
ook as she put her shoes back on. “Does this mean we’re sharing now? Because I’ve been dying to ask you when you decided to go Bono. I like the sunnies, but you never take them off anymore.”

  I snorted and rubbed my chest when that set off a new ache. My powers were returning a little more each day, but I hadn’t been able to heal myself yet. I’d come out to the beach to try. Her eyes fell to my hand, and I dropped it to my side. My ringing phone saved me from answering.

  “Hello,” I said.

  “Remy, it’s Erin. We need to meet.”

  Erin wouldn’t share her news over the phone. She insisted we meet in person, and I suggested Muir Woods. The woods consisted of six miles of trails with multiple loops and access points that would be too much ground for our enemy to cover in case this turned out to be a trap. Plus, it was always full of tourists and locals, and an attack in the open would be too conspicuous.

  I drove the truck to the woods, while Lottie, Asher, and Lucy followed in the Mercedes. As we drove over the orange-red Golden Gate Bridge, I was reminded of my grandfather’s promise to take me to Muir Woods once. Instead, he’d taken me to Melinda’s house and tricked me into healing her. It was the last time I’d believed in him. Now, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was behind this call from Erin.

  The windy drive through the hills to Muir Woods ended at a crowded parking lot. I found a spot near the entrance and shut off the truck’s ancient engine. I hopped out, pocketing the keys in my jacket and fingering the handle of the knife I’d hidden there. I’d dressed warmly in jeans, hiking boots, a scarf, a thick navy blue sweater, and a black waist-length jacket. The Mercedes approached, and the others drove by. They would find a parking spot and follow me into the woods at a distance with Lucy and Asher acting like any couple on a date, while Lottie scouted the hiking trails. As they passed, Lucy’s gaze flicked to mine. Worry sparked in her eyes for just a second and was gone.