Knowledge Hurts
Page 13
Stepping out from behind a cluster of thick-trunked trees, I came to an abrupt halt, the breath leaving my lungs in a sudden, shocked exhale.
Lucas was standing beside a huge tree, his shirt casually discarded on the mossy ground. Bare-chested, he had Jennifer from Thut's Kiss wrapped tightly in his arms. He was kissing her and she was returning the kiss just as passionately, with her arms draped around his neck. I watched in fascinated horror as Jennifer's fingers entwined in his hair and Lucas traced his fingers down her back until he caught her lush backside in his hands and pulled her hard against his body.
I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting a rush of queasiness which threatened to have me gagging. This was the last thing I'd anticipated and I froze, hoping when I opened my eyes again, it would all be a really, really bad dream.
Regrettably, nothing had improved when I did force my eyes open and I stumbled backwards, desperate to escape. My foot caught a branch lying on the ground and it snapped loudly beneath my boot. Lucas and Jennifer instantly turned as one to where I stood, their eyes wide at my unexpected appearance.
Lucas extricated himself from Jennifer's arms and she smiled easily, not the slightest bit embarrassed. “Forgive us, Charlotte. We thought we were alone out here.”
I watched as she did up the buttons on her shirt, casually concealing the lacy black bra which had been exposed. Lucas's focus remained on me, his blue eyes filled with anger, but his face remained expressionless. He turned to Jennifer, murmuring something against her ear and she raised her hand to his cheek. Pressing a gentle kiss against his lips, she offered him a warm smile.
It was more than I could endure and I turned away. With an embarrassed flush creeping over my skin, I lurched through the trees and began to run, ignoring the pain of branches slapping across my skin as I trampled blindly through the forest. My only need was to get as far away from Lucas and Jennifer as possible and to nurse my badly broken heart.
Chapter 16: Distress and Desire
Dashing through the woods, I didn't consider where I was going or what to do next. My breathing was ragged, my lungs laboring painfully as I struggled through the darkening woods, oblivious to everything but the need to escape what I'd witnessed. Hot tears ran down my cheeks and I stumbled against a gnarled tree root, crashing heavily onto the mossy ground. Wrenching angrily to my feet, I was intent on putting more space between myself and Lucas when I felt his cool hand grab my arm and he spun me roughly around to face him.
“Charlotte, stop!” He gripped both my arms with his hands and I moaned, pummeling my fists against his chest.
“Let me go, let me go!” I shrieked, fragile emotions rapidly escalating into cold-blooded fury. The vision of him kissing Jennifer flew across my thoughts again and I struggled harder to escape his clutches.
“No. I will not let you go until you calm down and talk to me,” he responded, gripping my arms more firmly. “Stop this, Charlotte.”
I continued to beat against him, hurting my fists as I struck futilely against his solid chest. “No! I don't want to talk to you. Go back to Jennifer!”
“Charlotte – what the hell are you doing out here?” His voice was icy, his anger making the silver in his eyes flash like lightning strikes.
“I came to find you. Conal said you lied about not loving me, says you were trying to make this easier for me and pushed me away so I could choose him.” I glared at him, my eyes every bit as icy as his voice had been. “Apparently, he got it all wrong. You looked like you were doing just fine with Jennifer.” I spat her name out furiously, the rage and resentment flowing through my veins like a fast-acting poison.
For a minute, Lucas continued to grip my arms and his eyes burnt into mine, but I held my head high, staring back angrily. “Charlotte, the whole world doesn't revolve around you, for Christ's sake!” My eyes widened at the harshness of his tone as he continued. “What did you expect me to do? I thought I was doing the right thing by telling you I didn't want you. You were so damned confused about how you felt, I thought it would be easier for you if I took myself out of the equation. So that you could be with Conal if that's what you wanted!”
“I don't want Conal! I came out here to tell you I wanted you! That's what I was trying to tell you back at the tent. But I never dreamed you would move on quite so rapidly!”
Lucas suddenly released my arms and turned away, rubbing his hands roughly across his face. “It didn't take you long to move on! Why should the rules be any different for me? He turned back to face me, the muscle in his jaw trembling beneath the skin in his rage. “Charlotte, you started this! You were the one who moved on first. You left me, remember? And you've admitted yourself, you've been sleeping with Conal for the past three months!” His eyes were a maelstrom of silver lightning strikes and I could see my tear-ravaged face reflected in them as he continued to yell. “Do you think that makes me feel any different than you do now, when you've caught me kissing Jennifer?”
“At least you didn't see me kissing Conal!” I yelled.
“I didn't need to! Christ, Charlotte! You honestly think I haven't thought about him kissing you for the past four weeks? I can't get it out of my mind! I've wanted to kill him, knowing he's been in your bed, held you against his body, as I've wanted to do all this time!”
I watched him warily, my breath coming in short, sharp bursts. “Were you going to have sex with her?” I demanded suddenly.
His eyes narrowed and he frowned down at me. “What if I was, Charlotte? You left me! You have no right, no right at all to judge me on what I was or wasn't going to do with Jennifer! We're two consenting adults. It's none of your business, who I decide to have sex with!”
I bit my lip, teeth pressing hard against my skin. “Why?” I moaned. “Why would you hold back from me for so long and yet you'd give yourself to her without a second thought?”
His shoulders slumped dejectedly. “You know why. She's vampire, as I am. I don't have to be careful with Jennifer, like I did with you.”
Against my will, I recollected him kissing Jennifer and knew without doubt that if I hadn't turned up, he would have been having sex with her now. The image of her full breasts revealed in the lacy black bra was seared into my memory. “This is exactly why I was so confused about my feelings for you and Conal!” I spluttered furiously.
“What?” He stared down at me incredulously.
“I love you! I love you with all my heart, but I need the passion, not just the strength and decency! That's what Conal gives me, what I wasn't getting from you! Anger and arguments, passion and lust – he kissed me as though…” I stopped abruptly, horrified by my admission and the anger seeped from my body like water draining from a bathtub.
“He kissed you as though he'd never stop,” Lucas finished the sentence, his voice lifeless. “He can do that, Charlotte, because he poses no danger to you.”
“Don't you get it, Lucas? When you kissed me, you were always holding something back, always thinking about what you were doing. You don't touch me and kiss me as though it's the only thing in the world that matters. You're always so… restrained!”
“Because I have to be!” Abruptly he was livid, his eyes flashing under the moonlight. “Yes, I lied earlier! I lied about everything! Because I desire you more than you can possibly imagine! You think I don't want to hold you so tightly against me that I can feel every facet of your skin against mine? You think I don't want to kiss you deeply, as I know you've kissed him? To have my mouth and body invade yours, to run my lips over your skin, to feel the absolute exquisiteness of plunging myself inside you, making love to you over and over again?” He watched me ruefully. “Charlotte, I want everything, I want to make love to you and I think about it every minute of every single damn day. God knows I would like to lose control and do everything I've dreamed of with you. I hate the fact he's been in your bed, he's touched you and held your body against his. It kills me to know he's had what I've always wanted. But I have to keep control, you know that!”
“Don't you think I want to?” he yelled. “I can't, Charlotte! I drank your blood in Sfantu Drâghici and it was the most exquisite thing I've ever tasted! The scent of you as we stand here, everything about it makes me want to pull you into my arms, to put my fangs against your perfect neck and bite, to have your blood fill my mouth and my senses…” He looked aghast by what he'd admitted, his eyes filling with horror.
“But you stopped! When I asked you to – you stopped. You can control this, Lucas, you did that day, when your thirst was as extreme as it could ever be! With my blood already in your body, it will protect me. You won't bite me. It will stop you from biting me.” Frustration filled my voice as I told him what he needed to hear. “If you really love me, you'll do this. Don't hold back. Kiss me and make me forget about him. Prove to me that you want me, as much as I've always wanted you!”
He stared at me, blue eyes flashing dangerously and I thought for a moment he would back off and refuse. It took my breath away when he grabbed me, roughly pulling me into his arms and kissed me instead. His lips were cold and hard against mine and he pulled at the bottom of my tank top, yanking it up and ripping it from my body before he continued the kiss. He ran his tongue across my lips, forcing his way into my mouth while his fingers felt their own way, undoing the satin bra I wore. He released the clasp and tore the slip of material from my chest, rubbing his cool thumbs across my nipples, making them swell with need. My knees gave way and Lucas caught me up in his arms, dropping to his knees on the ground and laying me back against the cool moss. He raked his eyes over my naked chest before he tore his own shirt from his back and dropped over the top of me, his hands on either side of my body to hold him up.
“You can't possibly believe this isn't what I've wanted to do since the day I met you,” he muttered hoarsely against my throat, before trailing kisses down my neck and chest. His lips closed around one nipple and I arched upward as he suckled against me, pulling on an invisible cord which tightened parts further down my body. “This is all I've thought of, I want to feel you, touch you. All I've thought about is you. How incredibly beautiful you are, and that I've wanted you,” his eyes trailed a burning path across my skin, from my face down to my breasts, “as only a man can want a woman.” In a brief instant he dropped gently on top of me, his hard chest pressed against my breasts, his mouth invading mine and I gave in to the feel of his skin against me, rubbing across the tensed muscles in his back and relishing the hardness between his legs which pressed against my groin. Lucas rained kisses against my skin. “I love you, Charlotte,” he groaned against my mouth. “I have always loved you and I will always love you.”
I drew a ragged breath and held him tightly. “I love you too,” I whispered softly. “But I don't want to do this.”
He drew away until he lay at my side, gazing down upon me. “What's wrong?”
I sat up, covering my breasts with my arms. “I love you, Lucas, I love you with all my heart, but I'm not ready to do this. Not here and not now.” I reached for the bra, slipping it on and doing up the clasp, then wrenched the tank top back over my head.
He was frowning when I looked up, his dark eyebrows closing in on one another and I reached out to touch his cheek, watching him as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply against my wrist. “Are you punishing me for what happened with Jennifer?”
I shook my head and smiled weakly. “No, not at all. But I've dreamed about being with you for so long and,” I glanced around the rapidly darkening forest, “this is not how I imagined it.”
Lucas pulled himself upright and sat opposite me, his glorious physique making me sigh inwardly for what I was missing out on. “I see. How exactly did you imagine it?” he asked huskily. He caught me in his arms and drew me towards him, nestling me against his chest as he encircled me within his arms.
“I never imagined making love with you straight after seeing you kissing another woman,” I admitted quietly.
He played with the curls against my neck, trailing his fingers across my shoulder. “It was an experiment,” he admitted in a low voice. “Jennifer knows how I feel about you, knew how destroyed I was, thinking I'd lost you forever. You know how much she loves men and she wanted to help, to see if she could make me forget about you.” He leaned forward, kissing my neck softly and I shivered in the cool evening air.
“Have you slept with her before?”
Lucas looked startled, a frown creasing his forehead. He considered the question for a long moment, before answering truthfully. “Yes. Jennifer and I have come together at times in the past. We've never had a truly romantic relationship, I guess you could call what we had, 'friends with benefits'.”
“Oh.” We lapsed into silence and Lucas toyed with my hair, waiting patiently for me to consider his answer.
“Was it working?”
“What?” Again he looked startled and he stared down at me seriously, one eyebrow raised in question.
“Forgetting about me.”
Lucas turned my chin so he could look into my eyes. “Not in the slightest. All I could think about was the fact that it wasn't you.” He sighed heavily. “I was trying hard to convince myself I could be with another woman, but all its proven is that you are the only woman I will ever want.” He kissed me, biting my lower lip gently. “You are everything I have ever wanted.”
“I promise you,” I smiled softly, wrapping my fingers around his strong jaw, “we will make love. Just not right here and right now.”
Lucas lifted me away from him and stood in one graceful movement. Reaching for his shirt he slipped it on, before pulling me up into his arms. “I will hold you to that, my love.”
Chapter 17: The Hunt for Zaen
I was sitting high on the hill overlooking the encampment when Lucas located me the following morning. From this vantage point I'd been able to observe the camp being dismantled and Epi creating the portal to take our people to safety. I'd chosen this spot specifically, knowing it was far enough away to prevent accidentally overhearing their destination. I'd walked up just before dawn and settled on a low smooth rock to watch the sun rise.
Arriving back at camp last night, the Tines had been absolutely delighted when they realized Lucas and I were reunited. Rowena had alternated between the horror of knowing Jennifer and Lucas had gone out into the woods together and being unable to stop me from following them, to absolute joy in knowing we'd sorted out our differences. There had been hugs and handshakes all around. Even Epi grinned with delight, although he'd taken the opportunity to grumble about how I was supposed to be sleeping, not roaming through the surrounding forest looking for Lucas.
Conal approached after we'd talked to the Tines, kissing my cheek tenderly and shaking Lucas's hand. “Look after her,” he'd warned Lucas. “If you hurt her, I swear I'll kill you.”
“Duly noted,” Lucas responded.
It had been awkward when Thut and Jennifer approached. “You are a very lucky woman, Charlotte,” Jennifer had said. “He loves you as he will never love anyone else.” She'd turned her attention to Lucas, smiling warmly at him. “I'm so very happy you've found one another again.” And then she'd whirled away with Thut, offering us a last, stunning smile before she left.
Lucas joined me when I finally returned to the tent to get some much-needed sleep. We lay together in the small space, rediscovering one another and talking more naturally than at any time in the past few weeks. The combination of the sleeping tablets and being in Lucas's arms ensured the first solid night's sleep I'd enjoyed in weeks.
For the past half hour or so, I'd been marking my arms in preparation for our journey to locate Zaen. I was completing the last of them as Lucas strode up the hill toward me.
“I will never get used to that,” he remarked quietly as he watched me creating the intricate pattern of the agility sigil on my left shoulder. “To think they
appear on your skin so boldly and then disappear is truly extraordinary.”
I slipped the Hjördis in my pocket and stood up. “As extraordinary as me being an angel?”
“I knew from the minute I met you that you were extraordinary, Charlotte. Being an angel has absolutely nothing to do with it.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and drew me against him, kissing me while his hands roamed lightly across my back.
When he released me, Lucas caught my hand in his and we walked back to the abandoned camp, where the others were waiting for us. It had been agreed when we returned last night that Ben would still accompany us on the trip this morning, despite Lucas rejoining the group.
Epi had erased the pentagram by the time we approached and had his backpack slung across his shoulders. “Ah, you are already prepared, child,” he said, eyeing the indigo sigils which emblazoned both my arms, shoulders and upper chest. “Very good, very good indeed.”
I stared at Epi, subduing the desire to laugh. He'd discarded his standard attire of tunic and trousers for camouflage pants, black lace-up boots and a black t-shirt, the same uniform all the men had adopted for reconnaissance and training. On the other men, it looked both sexy and kind of militarist. Against Epi's bald head, wizened face and large glasses, it looked completely bizarre. “Now you need to mark the sigils on us,” he stated.
Conal groaned and tore his t-shirt over his head. “Crap. I hate this bit.”
“Not as much as I do,” I muttered as I retrieved the Hjördis and began marking sigils on Conal's tanned arm.
“Come on, Sugar, you love it. All women like making men suffer.” Conal's voice was teasing, but the agony was clear in his eyes as the Hjördis burnt the sigils onto his skin. I worked as quickly as I could, wanting it to be over.
“Lott should get a job in a tattoo shop after we defeat the Consiliului,” Nick suggested as I marked his skin. “You'd get a job easy.”