His home also had a lovely, lived-in feel to it, which seemed to make it all the more welcoming. Probably another reason why I’d felt comfortable the second I’d walked inside. His somewhat bohemian neighbourhood had the most wonderful friendly atmosphere, something I couldn’t really explain, but as soon as we’d pulled up outside on the bike there were people shouting hello, conversations striking up before we’d even reached the front door. It seemed like a nice place to hang out. A nice place to live.
‘There’s a barbecue at Hank’s across the road on Wednesday night.’
I turned to see Eddie standing in the doorway. He’d changed his clothes now – the reason why we’d detoured here first before heading out of town. He was still in jeans, of course, but he was managing to pull off a white t-shirt that clung to his toned chest quite magnificently, and it was all I could do not to, audibly, show my appreciation. The addition of a red-and- black bandana tied around his head and a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth only seemed to make the biker in him more obvious, and that was an even bigger turn-on in my eyes. I could feel my thighs physically ache for him, despite the fact we’d only had sex less than an hour ago.
‘I might not be here on Wednesday,’ I said, allowing my mouth to curl up into a slight smile.
‘Well…’ He walked over to me, stubbing the cigarette out in an ashtray on the windowsill before he slid his arms around my waist, pulling me against him, ‘… you used the word might, so, I’m gonna look at that as a positive sign.’
‘Eddie?’
‘Hmm?’ he murmured, his mouth nuzzling my neck.
‘You said you never felt the need to get married. Why was that?’
He pulled back slightly, and the look on his face made me wonder if I’d made a mistake asking him that. Was it really any of my business? But this was a man who’d just asked me to stay here in Las Vegas. To give up my life in England and start a new one, with him. Surely I had a right to at least know something about his past?
‘There was never anyone special enough, darlin’. Simple as that.’ His expression softened, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing I wanted to do was upset him. And anyway, I wasn’t exactly being open about my past, was I?
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered, letting him pull me back into his arms, his forehead resting against mine, my fingers lazily stroking the back of his neck.
‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart.’ His mouth lowered down onto mine, and I allowed his kiss to wash everything else away; all the doubt and the fear and the rationality that should be pushing its way to the surface here. It was all being slowly washedaway with every movement of his lips against mine. ‘I’m saying this again, Lana, because you need to know I’m serious. Stay with me.’
‘Eddie…’
‘You think it’ll be a mistake?’
I kissed him slowly, my fingers stroking the back of his neck, his hands pushing me harder against him as I continued to live out this fantasy I’d thrown myself head-first into. It also gave me a few more seconds to think. To get my head straight. To make sure I was certain about this. ‘I don’t know. I have no idea whether this is going to turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life, or the best thing I’ve ever done. But I’ll never find out unless I take that chance.’ I smiled, my stomach contracting as he returned that smile. ‘And I think I’m… Yeah. What the hell. I’m gonna take it.’
‘Okay.’ His smile widened, his eyes coming alive right there in front of me, and I couldn’t explain the atmosphere that seemed to surround us at that very second. I just knew it felt right. Like pieces of some messed-up jigsaw puzzle were finally coming together. ‘So, what do you say then, darlin’? You ready to start the ride of your life?’
As far as I was concerned, it had already begun.
8
I clung onto Eddie’s waist, the wind blowing my hair back off my face, the roar of the Harley’s engine the only sound I could hear as we sped along the deserted road. On either side of us there was nothing but an expanse of deep, rust-coloured land, the dust and dirt interspersed with patches of green cacti and desert plants. It seemed to go on forever, the colour changing only when it seemed to merge with the pale-blue sky, making it feel as though we were riding on the same stretch of road, over and over. The view didn’t seem to change, bar the fleeting glimpse of a bigger cacti patch, or the odd cloud that had dared to show itself in that crystal-clear sky. It felt as though we were the only two people there. Nobody else could touch us, because nobody else existed.That’s how it felt.
Leaning forward, I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes for the briefest of seconds, letting the sound of the bike wash over me. I’d ridden pillion on Finn’s Ducati a number of times back home, but it had never felt like this. This was something else completely. I felt as though, somewhere between me leaving the tattoo convention yesterday afternoon and meeting Eddie again in the elevator – I felt as though I’d somehow walked into a different world, crossed some kind of parallel timeline into another existence. And I was clinging onto that feeling like my life depended on it.
As Eddie pulled the bike up at the side of the road, I opened my eyes to see a small building a little way off in the distance.
‘The diner I was telling you about,’ Eddie said, killing the engine, pulling off his helmet and laying it down in front of him as he climbed off the bike.
I pulled off my own helmet, laying it down beside Eddie’s, but I stayed where I was for a few more seconds, looking out ahead of me. That building was like an oasis, stuck in the middle of nowhere, even though I knew we were really only a few miles out of Vegas.
‘This is so different to everything I’ve ever been used to,’ I whispered, my eyes still fixed straight ahead.
‘Different can be good sometimes.’
I turned to look at him, standing there all biker-hot and handsome. What I felt for this man was something I really couldn’t explain. I’d known him all of one day – not even that – yet the thought of leaving him behind was the most terrifying feeling. Which was why I’d made the decision to stay here in Vegas. With him. A stupid, crazy decision, but I knew I wasn’t going to change my mind now. I was living a fantasy, and I wasn’t going to walk away from that; from something not many people ever got the chance to do.
I climbed off the bike, leaning back against it, my eyes locked with Eddie’s as he came closer. ‘I have no idea how I’m gonna tell my brother I’m not coming home.’
‘Well, he’s probably gonna try and make you change your mind.’ He rested his hand against my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin in slow, gentle movements as his eyes sought to reassure me.
‘Probably,’ I whispered, my mouth almost touching his now, my lips physically aching to feel his against them. ‘But I’m a big girl now, Eddie. I can make my own decisions.’
I felt my whole body relax into him as he finally kissed me, every part of me falling against him, giving into him. He was that dream I’d never even realised I had. That person I’d been looking for, the one who could open up all those locked doors that were still firmly closed inside of me. I believed that. I truly believed that. With every touch of his lips on mine, his fingers on my skin.When he was inside me everything just felt right. How could I walk away from that?
‘You haven’t really said that much about your life in the UK,’ he said quietly, pulling back just a touch, his hand still resting against my cheek.
‘You haven’t said all that much about yours.’ I laid my hand gently over his. ‘Have you never felt like going home? Back to Scotland? Don’t you miss it?’
He shook his head, his eyes burning into mine with a strange kind of intensity. ‘America’s my home now. My life’s here, in Las Vegas. I don’t have any reason to go back to Scotland.’
‘There’s nobody waiting for you back there? No family?’
He smiled slightly, just a small smile, which I wasn’t entirely sure reached his eyes. ‘My family aren’t all t
hat accepting of my lifestyle. We’ve never really been that close.’
‘And what is your lifestyle, exactly?’
His smile grew a little wider, his eyes suddenly lighting up, which only served to make my heart beat that little bit faster. ‘I’m a free spirit, Lana. The bike shop, and my stake in the garage my MC owns earns me enough to get by on. I live pretty simply. My home’s quite basic, you’ve seen that… When I’m not working I ride, because when I’m out here, on the open road, it’s the only time I think clearly. It really is the best kind of therapy.’ His eyes were staring into mine with that strange, yet beautiful, intensity again, something that caused a ripple of excitement to bubble up inside of me. ‘I’m an old-school biker, darlin’. I wear my colours with pride and loyalty is everything. But freedom – that’s the most important thing in the world for me.’
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his. This tall, handsome man with the tattoos and the beard and a voice so low and sexy – he really was everything I’d ever dreamt of. I just hadn’t realised it, until now. And everything he’d just said there, it was everything I’d wanted to hear.
‘What about you?’ he asked, his thumb still stroking my cheek, his hand warm yet rough against my skin. I didn’t want him to take it away. I liked it, I liked him touching me.
‘What about me?’ But even after all of that I was still reluctant to open up to him. Maybe because opening up, talking about the past brought it all back to the forefront. And I didn’t want to look back. I wanted to move forward.
‘Last night, in the elevator – you told me you were divorced.’
I looked down, finally breaking that stare, because looking him in the eye and talking about Adam – that didn’t feel right. ‘I am. It’s just not something I really want to get into.’
‘Things didn’t work out, huh?’
I raised my gaze, my eyes meeting his again. ‘Yeah. Something like that. We were together a long time and… We grew apart, that’s all. It happens.’
‘Yeah,’ he sighed, finally pulling his hand away from my face. ‘A lot of shit happens.’
I frowned slightly as I watched his expression change, the look in his eyes something I couldn’t read. Sadness? I didn’t have time to really let it register as his face broke back into a slow smile. But what he’d said there…
‘You still think about him?’ Eddie asked, a question that surprised me, because it wasn’t something I’d expected him to ask.
‘Sometimes.’ I was being honest now.Because I did still think about Adam. He’d been a huge part of my life – he’d been my life. So of course I still thought about him. ‘I was with him for almost twenty years. And you can’t just forget all of that as though it never happened.’
‘No.’ Eddie’s expression changed again, the smile once more disappearing from his face, his eyes clouding over. ‘No, you can’t.’ But then, as quickly as if someone had just flicked a switch, the smile was back. The sadness in his eyes gone. ‘You said you worked in a tattoo studio…’ It was as if he’d sensed a change of subject was needed. He wasn’t wrong.
‘Yeah. Finn’s – my brother’s – tattoo studio. One of those major life changes, you know? I used to work in the theatre, now I’m training to become a tattoo artist.’
‘You’ve got some beautiful ink there yourself. Your brother do that?’
I nodded. ‘They’re all part of the new me.’
‘And what about the old one?’
My gaze dropped once more, focusing on my biker boots, the road, anything but him. ‘I’m moving on, Eddie.’
I felt him take my hand and I looked up at him, the feeling of his fingers sliding between mine was comforting. ‘Hey, I’m all about the here and now, baby. The past, it should stay where it belongs. You let it back in, it’s only gonna drag you down, believe me.’
‘How can you be so perfect?’ I smiled, my fingers lightly touching his slightly open mouth.
He laughed, that low-down dirty laugh that made my thighs ache for him. ‘I’m anything but perfect, darlin’.’
I cupped his face in my hands, kissing him slowly, enjoying the taste of him; that taste of beer and cigarettes, his mouth opening as his arms fell loosely around my waist. ‘Well, perfect can be boring,’ I whispered.
‘And boring is one thing I’m not, sweetheart.’
Oh, God, he was making me feel like that infatuated teenager I was trying not to be, but it was hard not to get caught up in the fantasy of this situation. Because the reality was still something I was struggling to get my head around.
‘So, you’ve definitely made your mind up, then?’ Eddie asked, letting his hands fall a little lower, his fingers sliding down the back of my jeans. ‘About staying here, in Vegas?’
It was still the craziest idea; the kind of thing that didn’t happen in real life, not to people like me, anyway. People like me didn’t just up and leave everything behind to stay with a person they’d only just met, in a strange country, just because the sex was great. No, the sex was mindblowing! But this was so much more than sex. I knew that. I could feel it.
‘Oh, I’m staying, biker boy. So you better get ready for a wild ride of your own.’
‘You’re joking, right?’ Finn folded his arms as he leant back against the wall, watching as I brushed mascara over my lashes. I hadn’t expected him to take the news well, and he wasn’t. He wasn’t really taking it at all.
‘Finn, I’m too bloody exhausted to joke about anything.’
‘So, let me get this straight. The reason why none of us have seen you since yesterday afternoon is because you’ve been spending all your time with a Scottish biker called Eddie who owns a motorcycle shop and lives here, in Vegas.’
‘That’s about the size of it, yes.’
‘And tonight, you’re going out with him again?’
‘You’ve been listening, then?’
‘Yeah, I have, and all of that – all of that is fine. It’s what I wanted you to do, start having some fun. Have as much of that as you can, kiddo. But… staying here, staying with him…? Staying in America? What the hell is that all about?’
I swung around on my stool. ‘I need distance, okay?’
Finn’s expression was, of course, confused. I couldn’t really expect him to feel any other way. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘He’s still there, Finn.’
‘Who is? Jesus, Lana, you’re not making any sense here.’
No. I wasn’t. Because all of this had come from nowhere. I hadn’t even been aware it was what I’d been feeling until I’d said the words. ‘Adam.’
‘Adam? Why the hell is Adam on your mind all of a sudden?’
I looked down at my hands, which I’d balled up into fists without even realising, my nails digging into my palms. So why wasn’t I feeling any pain? ‘He’s not on my mind “all of a sudden”, Finn. He’s always been there. And what with the divorce and everything…’
Finn came over to me, crouching down in front of me, taking one of my hands and unfurling my fingers. ‘Why didn’t you talk to me, hmm? I thought you and Adam…’
‘We are. We’re over. Of course we are. But it doesn’t mean I can just push him to the back of my mind and forget about everything, just like that. We were together almost twenty years.’
‘But you weren’t happy, Lana.’
‘I wasn’t happy, not all the time. But he wasn’t a bad person, Finn. He just wasn’t the right person. For me. And I just wish I’d faced up to that sooner.’
‘Okay. But, that’s why you left him, isn’t it? Because he wasn’t the right person for you? You finally found the strength to make that decision, to move on. And that takes guts, kiddo.’
I pulled my hand away from his and turned to look back in the mirror, saying nothing.
Finn sat down on the arm of the couch. ‘I’m more confused than ever now. Lana, I… Are you telling me that you’re gonna up and leave the new life you’ve made for yourself back home and… You’re
actually gonna stay with this guy? Just like that? Because you do realise how crazy that sounds, don’t you? And you’re gonna do that because, what? You think you need distance between you and your ex-husband? The same ex-husband you haven’t seen for months? And it doesn’t seem to have bothered you being in the same postcode as him since the split. The risk of you running into him, of seeing him, I wasn’t aware it was a problem.’
‘It isn’t.’
‘Then all of this is crazy.’
‘You’re making it sound crazy, Finn.’
‘No. It is crazy, Lana. It’s off-the-page crazy. It’s ridiculous. You’ve known this guy for all of a day, had one night out with him, fucked him a few times, and in your eyes that constitutes a good enough reason to ride off into the sunset on some ridiculous notion that you could actually have a life with this man?’
I swung round again, surprised by how calm I actually felt, considering everything Finn was saying made more sense than anything I was doing right now. ‘Nobody’s talking about making a life with anyone, Finn. This isn’t some kind of fairytale happy-ever-after. I’m not that naïve?’ Or was I?
He just raised an eyebrow, but thankfully kept his mouth shut.
‘It’s just… This past year, it’s been exhausting. And strange. And amazing, and…and I’m still trying to get my head around it all. And you… you are my rock, Finn. I am so glad I found you again, had the chance to get close to you again and you’re not just my brother, okay? You’re my best friend –you know? The one I will always turn to because you are so important to me now. I love you so much, I really do…’
‘And I love you too, beautiful. You walked back into my life as this woman who wanted to change her entire world, and you’d started to do that in a matter of days, Lana. Because you are stronger than you think you are. Than you ever thought you were. But this… this is just crazy. And as somebody who loves you, I’m not sure I can stand by and watch you make a mistake like this.’
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 7