Adam stopped walking, turning to face me. ‘Lana, come on. No.’ He rested a hand against my cheek, kissing me quickly. ‘You look amazing.’
I felt amazing. In a black, figure-hugging, knee-length strapless sheath dress and high-heeled black ankle boots, my hair loose and curled around my shoulders, I felt a million dollars. But every tattoo I had was on show, which meant I was going to stand so far out from that crowd of other women here tonight – the beautiful wives and girlfriends of Adam’s colleagues, friends and business associates. With their perfectly styled hair, expensive dresses and manicured nails, I was nothing like them, and I never would be. I’d tried to fit in before, tried to be the woman Adam had wanted me to be, but I’d never felt comfortable in these situations. Never liked coming to these kinds of dinners and the various other functions we’d had to attend because of Adam’s status as one of the region’s leading businessmen. I’d failed as the corporate wife on every level, and even though he’d told me that wasn’t what he wanted from me, I was still unsure he really meant it. He couldn’t change who he was any more than I could change who I was now.
‘I know I look amazing,’ I deadpanned, and he smiled, laughing quietly. ‘I think I look as hot as hell, but what are they all gonna think, Adam? That lot in there, all your colleagues with their perfectly groomed partners. I’m walking into the cast of The Housewives of Hexham here and I’m still not sure you’re ready for how they’re all gonna look at me.’
‘Their reactions might surprise you, Lana.’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘Listen, handsome, they weren’t all that over-welcoming when I was the old Lana, and now I’m covered in ink with a new-found love of skin-tight clothes and a mouth that can sometimes be a bit too loose, you think they’re gonna be any more welcoming?’
He was still smiling. ‘Who cares?’
It was my turn to laugh. ‘Am I hearing right? Did Adam Saunders just utter those words? Again?’
‘Adam Saunders has a red-hot new wife, and right now that’s all he cares about.’
‘I haven’t accepted your proposal yet, mister. Although, I agree with the red-hot bit.’
He gave my waist a small squeeze. ‘Seriously, though, Lana. Have you thought about it? Getting married again?’
‘I’ve thought about it, yeah.’
‘And?’
‘One step at a time, baby, okay? I think we need to take things slowly.’
‘Do we?’
‘Yes, we do. Come on. Let’s get this over with.’
He took my hand again, and I shook my hair out, remembering Finn’s words – head up, look amazing, and be yourself. I could do that.
‘You okay?’ Adam asked as we walked up the steps, the music and the chatter growing louder now.
‘I’m just fine,’ I replied, because I was. Adam loved me. He’d told me he was willing to accept me as I was now, and I had to believe he meant that. The successful businessman and the biker babe – just thinking about that sent a little tingle rushing through me and all of a sudden I just wanted to pull him into the nearest bathroom and show him how much of a bad girl I could be. But, maybe not right now. I had to cut him a bit of slack here. These people were his peers. I might not have to see them on any kind of regular basis, but Adam had to do business with them. So I’d try and behave.
Walking into the main hall confirmed at least one of my fears, though – most of the women in there had, quite obviously, spent a good part of the day being groomed to within an inch of their lives. Perfect hair and stunning dresses were everywhere, designer handbags hanging from their flawless, spray-tanned arms. So it was no surprise that heads turned when we made our entrance. And not all for the right reasons. I could see the expressions on their faces, see them whispering, trying not to stare. The men were less obvious. Oh, I could feel their eyes on me, there was no doubt Finn was right on that score. But at least some of them had the decency to talk to us, rather than about us.
For me, though, it was all having the opposite effect to how I’d thought it was going to make me feel. Because, looking around at those women who didn’t seem to want to come near me, it just brought back memories of how much I’d hated this before. But that was because I’d been pretending – to be something and someone I wasn’t. They weren’t bad people, these women. They just weren’t the kind of people I wanted in my world. I’d never be like them. I didn’t want to be. I’d tried, and it had only made me miserable. But now – now I was here with the man I loved, as the woman I wanted to be. And if they didn’t like it, that was their problem. I just wished I’d been able to pull up on a motorbike. I should have got Finn to drop me off, or better still, Bobby and all his biker friends. How much would I have enjoyed that entrance? Just the thought of it made me smile.
‘Everything alright?’ Adam asked, giving my waist another quick squeeze.
I looked at him, leaning in to kiss him, long and deep and not giving a fuck who was watching. I didn’t care where we were. I was Lana Saunders, and it was about time people got used to me, tattoos and all.
‘Lana…’ He pulled away slightly and I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him.
‘Something wrong?’
‘No… Look, don’t get all defensive, it’s just… There’s a time and a place, darling. Okay?’
I touched his cheek, running my fingers down over his beard. ‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.’
He took my hand, squeezing it tight, his expression changing to apologetic, with just a hint of panic in his eyes. Almost as if he knew he’d said something wrong. Something that hadn’t quite come out the way he’d meant it to. ‘It’s not that I don’t… because I do, but… When you do this, Lana, it messes with my head, do you understand? The way you look, the way you act now, it’s one hell of a turn-on, but somewhere like this – I can’t handle that. I can’t do it.’
Eddie would be able to handle it. Eddie would have dragged me, not all that discreetly either, off to a quiet place and taken me hard and fast just to release all those pent-up feelings. Oh, God, why did I keep thinking about Eddie? The memories were obviously still too fresh, still alive inside my head. But I didn’t love Eddie. He wasn’t a part of my life anymore and I had to get used to that. I had to start forgetting him and move on. That’s why I’d come back here, wasn’t it? Back to the UK? To move on. Because, when you scratched below the surface and started looking at the reality, Eddie’s life hadn’t been one I was sure I could have lived for long. Or was that just me letting a small part of the old, over-cautious Lana slip through?
‘Come here,’ Adam said, his voice jolting me back to the here and now as he took my hand and pulled me to one side. ‘Listen to me, baby, okay?’
I leant back against the wall, my fingers still curled around his, our eyes locked together, those memories of Eddie still lingering, refusing to go just yet. ‘What?’
‘Don’t look at me like that, Lana. I’m trying here, darling, I really am.’
‘Is this how it’s gonna be from now on, Adam? Both of us constantly on our guard, both of us trying, twenty-four hours a day? Do you know how exhausting that’s gonna be?’
‘Do you want to stop? End it? Give up, all over again? We’ve been here five minutes, Lana, and just because…’
I threw him a look and he stopped, bowing his head briefly, breaking the stare. ‘I want this to work, Adam. I do. I really do. But I guess I’m only just beginning to realise how much give and take it’s actually gonna involve. From both of us. Over in Vegas I didn’t have to…’ It was my turn to stop talking, his eyes once more meeting mine.
‘Didn’t have to what, Lana?’
‘I didn’t have to worry about anything. About anyone. But I’m back home now. And it’s time to stop being so selfish. I guess we’re both gonna have to do some compromising, huh?’
He reached out to gently touch my cheek, cocking his head slightly as he looked at me. ‘Did he feel different?’
I frowned, placing my hand over his, rubbing it
gently. ‘I’m not getting into this, Adam. Eddie’s gone. It’s all about you and me now.’
‘Did he feel different, Lana?’
I shook my head, squeezing his hand. ‘No, Adam. I’m not doing this.’
‘Is he the one who taught you all those things you’re teaching me? Did he get to experience them first, get to feel you touch him in that way? Did he break those inhibitions down…?’
‘Adam, no. No!’
His mouth lowered down onto mine, kissing me gently, his arm pulling me to him and I just fell against him, aware of the low hum of chatter coming from the main part of the room, of the fact we weren’t completely alone. But I wished we were. I wished we didn’t have to do this, be around these people and these places because I just didn’t feel at ease here. I still couldn’t completely be me, because being me was what was making Adam uncomfortable. Whatever he was telling me, I could see by his body language, the look in his eyes. I could feel how tense he really was.
‘I need a drink,’ I said, pulling away from him.
He looked at me, and I threw my head back, sighing quietly.
‘Don’t worry, Adam. I won’t be knocking back beer straight from the bottle.’
‘Lana…’
‘Leave it.’ I held out my hand, and he hesitated for a couple of beats, gauging my mood. So I smiled, lightening the atmosphere, letting him know I was running with this. I was going to try and get through this night as best I could. ‘Come on. We’re here now, so we might as well enjoy ourselves.’
He took my hand, pulling me back against him. ‘Lana, darling, you have to believe me when… I’m still learning, sweetheart. I’m still getting to know you, because there are times when it feels like I’m with a completely different woman to the one I used to know, and that’s exciting, it really is, but, sometimes… sometimes it scares me, too.’
I gently stroked his cheek, kissing him quickly. ‘I know, baby. I know.’
‘And I’m sorry if tonight…’
‘I’m still learning, too, Adam.’
He returned my smile, and I let the fluttering in my stomach remind me why I’d come back to this man. ‘Let’s go get that drink.’
‘Okay.’
‘Listen, Lana… when we get home…’
I leant in against him, my mouth resting on his as I spoke. ‘That bad girl inside me is gonna be so frustrated by that time that she is almost definitely gonna want to come out and play. And she’s probably gonna want to play pretty hard, I’m guessing.’
He groaned quietly, his hand slipping down into the small of my back. ‘You are killing me.’
‘Come on, Mister CEO. Time to get your business face on and mingle. That’ll take your mind off anywhere else it might be tempted to wander off to.’
‘You think?’
I winked at him, squeezing his hand but saying nothing. He was on a promise. And that was the only thing that was going to get both of us through a very long evening.
‘Lana Saunders?’
I turned around to see a tall, slim woman standing beside me. Dressed in a salmon-pink cocktail dress that screamed expensive elegance, her honey-blonde hair knotted into a perfect chignon, her make-up subtle and understated, I desperately tried to place her, because she obviously knew me. I just didn’t have a clue who she was, but then I never had paid much attention to any of Adam’s colleagues’ partners.
‘Emma Grayson.’ She smiled, quite obviously realising my memory needed jogging. ‘I’m married to Oliver, Adam’s accountant.’
Yeah. I still wasn’t all that much the wiser, but I vaguely remembered talking to Oliver Grayson at a Christmas party a few years ago. Not sure I’d ever had a conversation with his wife, though.
‘Are you and Adam…? Oh, I’m sorry. Forgive me for being so upfront, and please, tell me to mind my own business but, I thought you and Adam had separated? Oliver told me your divorce hasn’t long been finalised.’
‘A few weeks ago, yes.’
‘So, you’re back…? Look, this really is none of my business…’
‘No, it’s alright.’ Our separation had been common knowledge, so it stood to reason that me suddenly appearing back in Adam’s life just over a year later was bound to raise questions from people in his work and social circle. Especially this version of me. Nice, safe Lana had gone, to be replaced by this blonde-and-black-haired woman with the figure-hugging clothes and inked arms. ‘We’re back together.’
Emma gave me an almost relieved smile. ‘I thought as much. Oliver said Adam had tried dating a few times since you separated, but nothing ever came of it. Although, I do seem to remember him having a brief relationship with a lovely girl from Hexham – her father runs an agricultural machinery business near Wooler. The family are very prominent on the Northumberland social scene…’ She stopped talking when she noticed the look on my face. ‘Anyway, I… I see you’ve been…’ I toyed with the idea of letting her squirm for a few seconds longer, because it was quite obvious she was trying to find a way to address the fact that I’d changed somewhat since the last time she’d seen me. But I decided to play fair instead and put her out of her misery.
‘I’ve changed careers,’ I said, deliberately running my hand up over my tattooed arm. ‘I’ve left the theatre now, and I’m training to be a tattoo artist.’
I quite enjoyed watching her expression change. It wasn’t shock, exactly, more something akin to confusion, as though that kind of career was almost unheard of to her. ‘Oh, I… And… what does Adam think of your… of your career change?’
‘It’s got nothing to do with Adam.’ Her eyes widened even more, as if I’d just uttered the most shocking words possible. But I was standing my ground on this one. She might do everything that was required of her in her role as the perfect wife in order to make sure the lifestyle she was accustomed to stayed permanent, but that wasn’t me anymore. In hindsight, it never really had been. I didn’t care about the lifestyle. I only cared about being happy.
‘I, erm… They’re… they’re very… distinctive.’ Her gaze dropped to my arm and I watched as she slowly scanned it all the way from shoulder to wrist.
‘I like them.’ My eyes met hers and I held her stare. ‘And they’re growing on Adam.’
That one got her. But I didn’t really want to make her feel uncomfortable. That wasn’t fair and I was trying to be good tonight, for Adam’s sake. So I softened my expression and threw her a warm smile instead, which seemed to relax her slightly. But I imagined she was probably sorry she’d come over now.
‘Adam said you’d been in the States for a few weeks. Las Vegas, wasn’t it?’
I nodded, taking a sip from the glass of ice-cold champagne I’d acquired from one of the many waiters and waitresses hovering around the place. I was craving a beer, though. Or a whisky. Straight up, no ice. Just how Eddie liked his scotch. ‘A bit of an extended holiday,’ I replied. I wasn’t getting into this one. She’d had enough information out of me. There was nothing else she needed to know. Besides, I’d just seen David, Adam’s older brother, start making his way over to me, and that was a meeting I was looking forward to. I hadn’t seen him in over a year. He wasn’t exactly a member of my fan club after everything that had happened, and I’d never really been a member of his.
‘Anyway, it was lovely to see you again,’ Emma said, leaving me with a smile as David approached. ‘I really hope it works out for you and Adam this time, Lana.’
‘Thank you.’ I returned her smile before I turned my attention to David. ‘Not sharing her enthusiasm on that one, I take it?’ I looked straight at him. If I’d thought Adam was straight-laced, his older brother had taken it to a whole other level. But with David a lot of it was front, because he wasn’t half as savvy as Adam and deep down he knew that. But he loved his brother, I’d give him that much.
‘Vegas didn’t work out, then?’ David’s expression was stoic, but the sarcastic undertone in his voice didn’t escape me.
‘No. All the twenty
-four-hour sex and debauchery had started to play havoc with my sleep patterns.’
He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me. ‘You hurt him.’
‘I never meant to. But I’m sorry it happened. I’m sorry for everything that happened.’
‘It might have been kinder to say no to him this time, Lana. To let him move on, get on with his life. He’d started seeing other people…’
‘Yes, I heard.’
He narrowed his eyes even more. ‘And you were seeing some biker, I gather.’
He’d almost spat out the word biker, and I couldn’t help but let out a low laugh. ‘Yeah. I guess I finally found my level, huh, Dave?’ He hated being called that, which was why I did it.
‘Look, Lana,’ he sighed, pushing a hand through his greying hair. He wasn’t anywhere near as handsome as Adam was. In fact, to look at the two of them together it was hard to believe they were brothers. Maybe that was because of the six-year age gap, I didn’t know. I just knew that whereas Adam was a truly beautiful man, inside and out, David had a much harder face, more worn, and not in that sexy, lived-in kind of way that Eddie had. ‘It’s not that I don’t…’ He couldn’t keep his eyes off me, and he wasn’t even hiding the fact he was staring. ‘I’m just worried about Adam. If this doesn’t work out…’
‘I know I was never the kind of girl you thought Adam should be with,’ I interrupted, placing my empty glass down on the table behind me. ‘Even before all the ink appeared you never thought I was good enough for him. I get that. I do. But maybe it’s time to stop fighting it now, David, don’t you think? Adam’s a big boy and he’s quite capable of making his own decisions.’
‘Do you honestly believe it’ll be any better second time around?’ David asked, moving that little bit closer to me. ‘If it couldn’t work when you… when you were normal…’
I raised an eyebrow at that one, but kept my mouth shut.
‘… how can you possibly expect it to work when you’re on some ridiculous quest to become a… a tattoo artist, of all things, covering yourself in…’
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 23