I held up a hand. I’d had enough. ‘I’d stop now if I were you, before you become really offensive.’
‘It’s how I feel, Lana. I mean, look at you. And you expect Adam to bring you to these events and feel comfortable about that? Do you honestly think people are going to find it easy to accept that you’re his partner?’
‘I said, stop,’ I hissed. ‘Try getting your head out of your arse and quit with the generalisations, okay? Me and your brother, we messed up first time around. Somewhere along the line we forgot how much we love each other, how much we need each other, and me walking out on our marriage, I think it probably saved us, David. It brought him back to me, brought us back together, as changed people. Because we needed to change. Staying as we were – it was destroying us. And I love him, you know? I love him so much. I never stopped loving him. But I wasn’t happy being that person I was before. I was miserable, and because of that I let go of everything I felt for your brother. But now… now we’re trying to find a way to make it work, and it’s not easy. Tonight has shown me just how bloody difficult it’s going to be, and people like you… You’re not helping. But I want me and Adam to work this time. So you and everybody else in this room, all those who are judging me on the way I look, you can think what you like because now… now I don’t care. What you think doesn’t matter. What Adam thinks does. He is the only one around here who gets to decide whether I should be in his life or not. Not you, not anybody else. So back off.’
He gave a small laugh, briefly glancing down at his perfectly polished shoes. ‘And if you start being bad for business?’ I didn’t even flinch at that remark. ‘What do you think he’ll do then, Lana?’
‘Back off, David.’ I’d kept my voice steady and calm, because that’s how I felt. David and I had clashed on many an occasion, for a number of reasons, but this – he’d brought this down to a purely personal level now. He was crossing lines he had no right to be anywhere near. ‘Let your brother get on with his life the way he wants to live it, not the way you think he should be living it because, believe me, both Adam and I know how that feels and we know how much it can push people away.’ I held his gaze for a few seconds more, making sure he got the message, before I headed off to find Adam. He was out in the foyer talking to a man I vaguely recognised from a few of the dinner parties we’d been to over the years; just the thought of dinner parties sent a cold shiver creeping up my spine. Was I going to have to go there again, too? I watched as Adam and the man shook hands and said their goodbyes, waiting until Adam was alone before I went over to him. I wasn’t really in the mood for any more introductions. I was a bit tired of the same old conversation now.
Adam looked up as I approached, a warm smile spreading across his handsome face, and that made me smile, too. I couldn’t help it. He had that effect on me sometimes. Most of the time. All of the time, tonight.
‘Everything okay?’ he asked, sliding an arm around my waist.
‘A girl from Hexham, huh? Daddy own a country retreat and appear in Horse & Hound a lot?’
He threw back his head, sighing quietly. ‘Did David tell you that?’
‘No. David’s been offensive on a whole other level. It was Oliver’s wife – Emma, I think she said her name was. She told me you’d been out a few times since our separation. She seemed to like Ms Socialite a lot, though.’
‘It wasn’t like that, Lana.’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh, really? I mean, she would have been so much more suited to all of this, wouldn’t she? What with all those hunt balls and dinners she must attend. And coming from money…’
‘Lana…’
I put my fingers to his lips, shutting him up. ‘And you’d rather be with me? A woman who loves motorbikes, rock music, inked skin… beards…’ I removed my fingers from his mouth, moving my own closer to his as I spoke, ‘… and sex that is all kinds of wrong.’
He groaned quietly, a sound that, because his mouth was resting on mine, almost seeped into me. It made my whole body shudder with the low reverberation it caused.
‘She would have suited you so much better, don’t you think? She would have known how to conduct herself at these things; how to behave.’
‘I didn’t want her, Lana.’
‘I know, baby. I know you didn’t.’
‘What’s David been saying?’
‘I don’t want to talk about David. I want to go home and I want you to fuck me until it hurts. That’s the only thing I want right now because being here, I’m bored now, Adam.’
He took my hand, taking me completely by surprise as he pulled me outside, pushing me back against the wall and kissing me so hard I almost couldn’t breathe. But, oh, it felt good. He felt good. His kiss was slowly beginning to push tonight and everything I’d hated about it to the back of my mind. His kiss was reminding me, all over again, why I was back here. With him.
‘Come on.’ I smiled, dragging him around the side of the hotel. It was quieter there. Darker. There was less chance of us being seen.
‘Lana, I… We can’t…’
‘Can’t, what?’ I asked, taking his hand and sliding it up and under my dress. ‘You brought me out here, handsome. You took the lead.’
‘Jesus!’ he groaned. ‘Have you been wearing no underwear all night?’
‘Look at the dress, Adam. It wasn’t designed to have underwear worn with it.’
‘You are one bad girl,’ he whispered.
‘I know,’ I murmured, kissing him slowly, and just the way his lips moved against mine was enough to make me forget everything else going on around us. I’d already emerged from my shell, now I was slowly bringing Adam out of his. And I was enjoying every single second of watching that happen.
He pushed my dress further over my hips, lifting me up and holding me tight as I wrapped my legs around him. I was ready to feel him become a part of me again, because it was the only time I didn’t think about everything too much, dwell too deeply on the things that weren’t working; the long road we still had ahead of us. I didn’t think about any of that when he was making love to me.
I buried my face in his hair as he pushed into me, rocking my body back against the cold brick with every beautiful, harsh thrust. This was a new Adam here. A man who was willing to give me what I wanted, step out of his comfort zone and try new things. And I loved him for that. Loved that he was still here, after I’d pushed him so far away.
‘Lana, baby, I’m sorry it’s so quick…’
‘Sshh, it’s okay’ I held onto him as I felt him come, my legs tightening around him to keep him steady. ‘It’s okay, it’s all good.’
I didn’t care that it was over in the blink of an eye. I really didn’t. I’d just wanted to feel him inside me, to know that he still wanted me, that’s all I’d needed after the night I’d had. But why had I felt so insecure? Why was I letting other people’s opinions get to me? None of that mattered. They didn’t matter. They didn’t.
He put me back down, still holding onto me. His hair was all ruffled, his suit jacket a little creased, and I couldn’t help but think how sexy it made him look. How much it made me want this man – a man who still wanted me, after everything I’d done. A good, kind, caring man, who I’d almost pushed away forever.
‘The answer’s yes, by the way,’ I whispered, the words falling out of my mouth before I’d had a chance to realise I was saying them. ‘Let’s get married. Again.’
29
‘You’re looking pretty miserable for a woman who’s just got engaged. To her ex-husband.’ Finn threw me a smirk as I leant back against his bike, drinking beer from the bottle.
I looked at him. ‘I’m not miserable.’
‘Really?’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘How’d it go the other night, then? Seeing as you didn’t seem to want to talk much about it before.’
I shrugged. ‘Okay. I suppose. People stared, they asked questions… David stuck the boot in and voiced his disapproval that I’m back in Adam’s life. Nothing I didn’t expect
.’
‘No ring?’
I looked down at my still-naked left hand. ‘I don’t want one.’
‘You don’t want a ring?’
‘That’s not why I got engaged, Finn. I did that because… because I just want to be with Adam.’
‘I’d believe you if you could sound just a little bit more convincing.’
I turned to face him, giving him my biggest smile. ‘I’m happy, alright? But I’d be even happier if I had another beer.’ I gave him a gentle push. ‘Bar’s over there.’
We were at a biker’s festival on the outskirts of County Durham. It was a blisteringly hot August afternoon, the music was loud and heavy, the people friendly, the drink flowing, and I was having a blast, despite what Finn thought. Adam wasn’t with us, of course. This wasn’t his kind of place, and I couldn’t expect it to ever become his kind of place, so he was at home, working. Well, I say home. His home. It certainly wasn’t mine. I was still reluctant to move in with him, even though I was spending most of my time at his place. There was just something stopping me from making that move permanent.
‘Why is that?’ I directed that question at a surprised Finn as he returned with more beer.
‘Why’s what?’
‘Why am I stalling about moving in with Adam?’
Finn shrugged. ‘How should I know? Because you hate the idea of not living with me anymore?’
I looked at him, smiling slightly. ‘Yeah. That’ll be it.’
‘Listen, Lana, can I ask you something?’
I took a sip of beer. ‘Fire away.’
‘Are you sure you want to get married again? Are you sure you want to marry Adam again?’
I took another sip of beer, staring out ahead of me, at the crowds of people milling around the site, all of them the kind of people I felt comfortable around. Unlike the people I’d been surrounded by at the fundraising dinner. These people here, they didn’t judge, they accepted. Some of the people Adam mixed with, they judged. They only saw the tattoos, heard the strong Newcastle accent. They judged. But I needed to get past that. It just wasn’t turning out to be as easy as I’d thought it would be. ‘I’m sure.’
‘So, Mr Perfect’s managed to snare you a second time, huh?’ Finn smirked.
I couldn’t help smiling. ‘He’s a long way off perfect, okay? We both are.’
‘Christ, don’t start with the self-fucking-pity again, sis. It’s an ugly trait and one you never used to have. Adam quite obviously still loves you like crazy, although God knows why. I’m not entirely sure the poor guy knows what he’s letting himself in for this time around. Maybe I should have a word with him…’
I slid an arm around Finn’s waist, smiling as I hugged him tight. ‘How do you always know what to say?’
‘Because I’m a fucking genius, that’s why.’
‘Whatever. But you can talk a lot of sense sometimes. Even if you do look a little weird.’
‘Yeah. I could go off you, beautiful. So, if you want that new tattoo doing any time soon, I’d start being nice to your brother if I were you.’ He winked as he let go of me. ‘Back in a minute. I’m off to check out the portaloos.’
‘Too much information,’ I laughed, as he backed away from me, still grinning, before he turned around, digging his hands in his pockets as he walked.
I leant back against the bike, taking another sip of beer before throwing my head back and closing my eyes, letting the hot afternoon sun hit my face, the music filling my head.
‘Looking good there, darlin’.’
I almost froze at the sound of that voice. That still-too-familiar voice. A voice I hadn’t been sure I’d ever hear again.
Slowly opening my eyes, I looked at him, standing right there in front of me, large as life and twice as hot. His hair was still that messed-up mid-length with the ability to fall over his eyes unless he slicked it back; his beard was still goatee style, those dark eyes of his still as deep as I remembered. He was wearing battered dark-grey jeans and his old faithful biker boots, a white t-shirt clinging to his strong, toned torso. Eddie Fletcher. Back in the UK. But, why?
‘Good to see you, Lana.’
Jesus! The way he said my name, it still had the ability to floor me. ‘I… What are you doing here? I mean, I thought you… I thought you were moving to Los Angeles?’
‘I am. I have. Got a new shop in downtown LA, just like I wanted, an apartment in Culver City, and things are good. Everything’s working out, but… My mum, she passed away a couple of weeks ago and despite everything that’s happened with my family, I had to come home – I wanted to come home. I wanted to lay her to rest and make my peace.’
‘Oh, Eddie. I’m so sorry.’
He shook his head, dropping his gaze. ‘It’s okay, darlin’. It was expected. She hadn’t been well for a long time, so…’ As he looked back up at me I couldn’t help but see a touch of sadness in his eyes, a vulnerability he didn’t show all that often, but it was there. ‘It wasn’t such a huge shock.’ He threw back his head, shaking it slightly, almost as if he was trying to rid himself of any remaining negative feelings that were still lingering somewhere inside of him. ‘Anyway… I came home, I did what I had to do. What I needed to do…’ His eyes met mine again, and I could do nothing but stare at him. Because I still couldn’t quite believe he was there. ‘I’m not flying back out to LA for a few days, so when I heard about this biker get-together going on this weekend I called a couple of mates I know in the area, told them I was stopping by. This seemed like a great excuse to spend a bit of time hanging out with them, do some catching-up. One of them’s pretty friendly with a guy you know, apparently. Bobby Gardener?’
I continued to stare at him, not really knowing what to say. ‘Yeah. Yeah, Bobby’s a good friend. He’s one of the tattoo artists at Black Ink.’
‘Well, he said you guys might be coming here this weekend so I… I kind of hoped he was right. And fate seems to have worked in my favour. Again.’
I briefly looked away, running my hand along the back of my neck.
‘Still having that love-hate relationship with fate, huh?’
I faced him again, smiling slightly. ‘You could say that, yeah.’
He stuck his hands in his pockets as he leant back against the bike beside me. ‘So, you and the ex-husband…’
‘Not so ex anymore,’ I interrupted, looking down at my boots.
Eddie stayed silent.
‘We’re getting remarried,’ I continued, finding it hard to meet his eyes now I’d told him that.
‘Really?’
But I finally managed it. Finally I looked straight at him. ‘Really.’
‘Things are working out, then?’
I looked away again. Why? Why had I done that? That made it look like I wasn’t sure, and I was sure. I was absolutely sure that remarrying Adam was what I wanted.
‘Lana?’
‘Yeah. Things are working out.’
It was his turn to look away, his arms folded across his chest as he stared down at the ground. ‘Then I’m happy for you, sweetheart.’ His eyes once more met mine. ‘I really am. I’m happy that you’ve finally found what you were looking for.’
‘How’s Nate? And Kaley?’ I asked, desperate to change the subject now.
‘They’re doing just great. Getting married themselves in a couple of months, in Vegas. Got a baby on the way, too.’
‘Oh, that’s fantastic news!’ I gasped, and I genuinely meant it. Maybe that’s what Nate had needed, to focus his attention on something that mattered, something that would help him forget the past.
‘Well, I hope so, darlin’. Because the trouble Nate kicked up when we…’ He trailed off, looking back down at the ground. ‘Retribution isn’t always the best idea. And none of what we did helped, at all. The trouble hasn’t exactly gone away, but…’ He sighed, pushing a hand back through his hair and I watched as it did its usual trick of falling straight back over his eyes. ‘I don’t think anyone’s in any danger any
more, let’s put it that way.’
‘Glad to be out of it?’ I asked, willing him to look at me. I needed him to look at me for some reason.
He finally raised his gaze, his deep, dark eyes meeting mine. ‘I needed it, you know? That new start, and… Aye. Things are much more laid back in LA.’ He left a couple of beats before he spoke again. ‘I think you’d really like it out there, Lana.’
And the moment was gone, just like that. I had to push it away. I had to.
‘Finn’s bike, is it?’ He’d obviously sensed we’d needed another change of subject. And he wasn’t wrong.
‘Yeah. This is Finn’s bike.’
Eddie ran his fingers along the black and red paintwork of Finn’s beloved Ducati. ‘Never been much into racing bikes myself,’ Eddie went on, turning around to get a proper look at the bike. ‘But this one’s pretty impressive.’ He turned back to face me. ‘You gonna be here for the whole weekend?’
I nodded. ‘We’ve all got tents over on the site. God help us. You?’
‘Aye, I’m experiencing the whole camping thing too. Not spent the night in a tent for a while, though, I have to admit.’
‘No. It’s not my favourite sleeping place either. I’d much rather be at home, in my own bed…’ I stopped talking, my eyes down on the ground.
‘Are you happy, Lana?’
I couldn’t look at him. In fact, part of me was becoming a little irritated now, that he’d turned up here, out of the blue, just when things were starting to settle down between me and Adam. It was almost like the whole situation in Vegas had been reversed, and I didn’t need this. I didn’t need – I didn’t want the memories to return. That would hurt just a little too much. ‘I love him,’ I said quietly.
‘That isn’t what I asked, darlin’.’
‘It’s the answer you’re getting.’ I slowly raised my head to look at him, my eyes meeting his, holding the stare. He was the first to break it, looking down again, his arms folded back across his chest. ‘Why did you come here, Eddie?’
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 24