She directs me to the checkup table as I rub my eyes, releasing yet another yawn. Jeez, I'm so tired.
"Alex, you do realise that you're nearly two and half months along, don't you?" Aileen asks me as she comes and takes a seat beside the bed. I furrow my eyebrows. Has it really been that long?
"Uh... Yeah, I guess. Why?" I question strangely. Aileen doesn't answer, but just continues to stare at me. She gestures for me to lie down, so I simply comply as I continue to give her a look.
"Alex, with you only carrying one pup and with no royal or alpha blood in you, your pregnancy should be the same as any other wolf. Any other wolf would have their baby in three months, no more than maybe two weeks late. You, my dear, look like you're only one month pregnant," Alison explains, her eyes leaving mine as she allows me to digest this information.
I blink. Blink again. Then blink a third time. What is she saying? I know I should be having my pup in the next few weeks... Maybe it'll have a growth spurt? No, I'm pretty sure pups don't do that.
"Aileen, what are you saying?" I question, hoisting myself up on my elbows to stare at her with wide, stormy eyes.
Aileen sighs, dropping her eyes from my line of sight.
"Aileen?" I push, my voice firm.
"Alex..." she starts to say, only to pause and take a breath." You might have lost the pup."
I freeze. Lost the pup? How could I have...
"Oh my god..." I whisper, the news plummeting down on me like a bucket of ice. I cover my mouth with my hand, my eyes widening to the size of the sun.
"Oh my god!" I wail, the tears now falling, my heart now racing, my breathing now rapid and my brain thinking of how devastated Comrade is going to be when he wakes up.
"Alex, Alex, we don't know for sure yet. You never know, you might have been carrying twins without us knowing it." Aileen's distant voice echoes in my head. I latch onto that sound, her melodic voice being my life support. Everything's just falling apart...
"Just lay down and we'll check, ok?" Her voice sounds again, clearer this time. I numbly nod, lying back down on my back. It's little to no use though, my heart's already broken. I know I've lost the only thing I have left if Comrade doesn't wake up. If Comrade doesn't wake up... If Comrade doesn't wake up...
"Have you been feeling pains at all? Maybe experiencing bleeding?"Aileen asks as she squeezes the gel onto my stomach.
"Pains," I whisper, my mouth feeling dry from the effort to say such an agonising word.
Aileen places the wand on my stomach and moves it around a little before my pup comes into sight. I suck my top lip into my mouth to keep myself from crying. Please be ok, please be ok...
"I'll just check for the heart beat," Aileen tells me with a small, tight smile. I numbly nod my head and wait to hear the little sound of a heart beat fill the room.
It doesn't come.
"Are you going to check?" I whisper again, thinking Aileen just didn't check yet and my life isn't about to come crashing down around me.
"Alex... I'm so sorry. Your pup-" Aileen starts to tell me, but I cut her off by raising my hand.
"Don't!" I say with a hard voice. Aileen nods her head and leaves the room, most likely to give me privacy.
The only way I can describe this feeling is like my heart is shattering into a million pieces of tiny icicles. I feel like my insides are being twisted and turned. I feel as though my whole life is falling apart and I don't have my mum, my dad, my mate, no one. I have no one. No one to help me through this pain. No one to help me through anything that's happening in my life.
All at once, I break down. Tears flow freely down my cheeks as uncontrollable sobs wrack through my body. My heart constricts in my chest and my lungs shrink to the size of a jelly bean. Everything around me just falls apart. I curl up into a tiny ball as I just wallow in my self-pity.
I've lost the only thing that's been keeping me sane through these last few months. My pup was the only life source I had that could truly make me smile and feel content. Now it's gone. That's the worst part, it's gone.
I cry harder as the repeating thought of 'it's gone' plays in my head like a broken record. Then, something even worse than losing my pup fills my mind.
Comrade.
Comrade never had the chance to know about the pup, never had the chance to feel it, see it, believe it. I've taken that chance away from him and I don't know if I can get it back.
"Why me?" I whisper through my sobs. "Why me?"
Sitting and staring out the window of Comrade's bed as the rain pelts down on the glass, seems to match my mood perfectly. I trace my fingers over the fabric of the bandages that now wrap themselves around my stomach. Aileen removed my pup, removed a once living thing from me and just took it away.
I can't say it hurt because I can't remember. I was under sleep for about three hours because of the drugs that Aileen put on me. When I woke up, my stomach was stitched back together and my pup was nowhere to be seen. Not even blood stained the sheets of the bed or even the smell of blood in the air told me that I had just been through an operation. The only reminders I have are these bandages and most likely the scar I'll now have to constantly remind of what I lost.
A tear rolls down my cheek at the thought once more. I've lost my pup and now I have a constant reminder.
I duck my head and stand from my seat, intending to go to Comrade for comfort. He's still in a coma, but apparently, Aileen says that he's improving. I don't how she can say that; maybe she's just giving me false hope.
I stand at the side of Comrade's bed, running my hands through his hair. It got cut a few days before my operation, but it already seems to be growing again. I like it long though. It suits him better than the shorter hair he always wears.
"I don't know why you won't have your hair long all the time, Comrade. It suits you," I whisper with a small smile as I keep on running my hand slowly through his hair.
"I know this is selfish of me, but if you would only wake up, I could dump all of my problems on you and just grieve. I could soak in my sorrow until I was ready to accept and move on from the fact that I lost our pup. You aren't awake though and you probably won't wake up. Please though, Comrade, please, help me be strong. Help me survive through this. Please," I beg in a whisper as a single tear slides down my cheek. I just want him to wake up.
I duck my head and bite my lip, trying desperately to control my emotions. It's just so hard... Everything's so hard now.
What happens next, I don't think I can believe.
As I lay my head on Comrade's chest, seeking the comfort I so desperately need, the steady beat of the heart monitor speeds up, his fingers start to move ever so slightly and his eyelids start to flutter.
I blink and step away, the chair falling over from the force. This can't be happening! He can't be waking up! It's not possible.
My emotions get the better of me as I do the only thing I can. I scream. I scream and scream until I can't scream no more. Then, as though the Goddess heard my screams, those beautiful dark eyes that I haven't seen for so long, peek back at me.
25
ALEX
My jaw stays slack and my eyes stay open as those gorgeous dark eyes continue to stare at me. This can't be happening... This just can't be...
"Oh my god..." I whisper, barely audible. Comrade, my previously half dead mate who's supposed to be cut off from life support, is staring back at me with those dark eyes I've been wishing to see since the day he closed them.
"A-Alex?" his rough, scratchy voice whispers, the words sounding like they took a lot more effort than they were supposed to. Tears start slipping from my eyes. In over two months, that's the first time I've heard him say my name. The only person, who I've wished every night to say my name, has finally said it.
I nod my head while taking slow steps closer towards him.
"Yeah, that's me," I say with a weak smile. Before he can say anything else, my arms wrap around his torso and I bury my head in his chest. In return, he
wraps his arms around my waist, but they sort of just rest there. I don't expect him to be jumping up and down after being out of it for months, and I also don't expect him to have enough strength to cuddle me. Here he is though, barely doing it, but doing it nonetheless.
"I've missed you so much," I whisper into his chest. My tears leak onto his shirt as I just lie there with his arms resting on my waist.
"I've missed you too. So much more than you could ever imagine,” he whispers, voice still rugged and rasped.
"Alex?! Alex! What's wro-" a frantic sounding Aileen screams, only for her voice to be cut short. I slightly turn my head and offer her a small smile.
"He's awake," I beam, turning my head once again to face Comrade, a smile gracing my face. "He's awake."
Aileen just sort of stands there for a moment, her eyes wide and mouth ajar.
"B-but, you weren't supposed to..." Her voice trails off disbelievingly, but her sentence catches my attention. Wasn't supposed to what?
"What do you mean, Aileen?" I grit through a locked jaw. Aileen averts her eyes to my own before smiling.
"Nothing. It's just a miracle he's woken up!" she exclaims with glee. My eyes narrow into a suspicious glare. Was there something Aileen wasn't telling me?
One second I'm glaring at Aileen, the next, Celina and Axel burst through the door in a frantic state.
"Who screamed?! I heard screaming! Oh Goddess, is everyone alright?" Celina's puffed voice rushes out in one breath. I chuckle and look into Comrade's dark eyes.
"Everything's perfect," I say, my smile growing each second. Celina's gasp echoes throughout the room as Comrade slowly moves his head to face her, a smile showing on his face.
"Hey, Snow,” his voice whispers, the scratchiness not yet disappearing. Celina's hand covers her mouth as her eyes go large as the size of saucers.
"Comrade..." Her barely audible voice travels through the room. "Oh Comrade!"
In less than a second, Celina's beside the bed with both her hands framing Comrade's face. I growl lowly at the contact. Another growl from across the room cuts my growl short though. I twist my neck to see Axel giving me a look that pretty much says 'growl at my mate again and it won't be pretty'. I take a deep breath in to calm myself down, reminding myself that Comrade is Celina's guardian and she has a right to be near him. No one else does though...
"Are you ok? How many eyes do I have? Do you feel dizzy? Oh my Goddess, Comrade! If you ever do this to me again I'll be the one to kill you, you hear me?!" Celina babbles on and on until, eventually, Axel has to step in.
"Sweetheart, I think you're overwhelming Comrade. Just give him time to breathe and please stop squishing his face," Axel’s soft yet stern voice tells her. Celina stops her onslaught with furrowed eyebrows. She looks at Comrade, only to see him with a fish face caused by the force from her hands. It actually looks kinda funny.
"Oh, Comrade! I'm so sorry!" she explains, taking a few steps back into Axel's waiting arms.
Comrade chuckles a little before saying with a smile, "It's ok, Celina. I'd rather have a squished face than not have one at all."
I smile at his pathetic joke and brush some stray hair off his forehead. Comrade's eyes turn to mine. I can't help the smile that splits my face at the sight of those dark pools. Out of everything that I can possibly love about Comrade, his eyes would be my favourite. Those dark abysses that give you a peek straight into his soul are what I love most about this man.
"We'll leave you two alone for a while. It's good to see you awake, Comrade!" Axel says with a final nod before practically dragging Celina out of the room, Aileen following closely behind.
"So, what have I missed?" Comrade asks with yet another chuckle.
"This," I say quietly before softly planting my lips onto his. My eyes involuntarily close as sparks erupt from our lips and travel all the way down to my toes. Goddess this feels good.
I slowly pull back, my eyes still closed. The tingling feeling on my lips stays as I feel Comrade's fingers gingerly trace them.
"What a lovely wake up gift," Comrade says in a cheeky tone, making me open my eyes and give him another small kiss.
"You have no idea, Comrade, no idea," I whisper. His eyebrows knit together for a moment before gripping my waist in his hands gently.
"No idea of what, Alex?" he asks, those amazing dark eyes full of concern. I smile sadly as I think over everything that's happened in the past few months that Comrade has no clue about. Firstly, the fact that my dad died in the battle at the same time that Comrade was severely injured, didn't really lighten my mood for a couple weeks. Secondly, Callum not being able to find his mate, the poor guy, has put most of the pack in a gloomy mood because they need an heir for the beta title. Then there's the fact that I was pregnant. There's also the fact that I lost our pup, all because I was too lost in my own self-pity and didn't take the time to even notice that I had another living thing inside of me growing.
"Hey, it's ok. You don't need to cry. I'm safe and awake now. It's ok," Comrade coos, pulling my head into his shoulder as the tears I didn't even know were present start to fall.
"I-it's not o-ok, Comrade! I-I've been a-all a-alone for t-two months-s! Y-you have n-no i-idea what I've be-been th-through!" I wail while sounding like a selfish bitch. You know what? I don't even care. I've been living without a mate for over two months, I've lost our pup, my dad died and who knows what's gonna happen within the next week. You never know, maybe there'll be a freaking earthquake!
"Alex, come on. Please don't cry. I hate seeing you cry," Comrade says with a pained voice in a failed attempt to comfort me. I just cry harder and harder, and wail louder and louder, until the only thing I can do is whimper and silently let the tears fall.
Comrade runs his hand through my hair, the movement slow and soft. I sniffle and breathe out through my mouth; my breath stirred some of Comrade's hair.
"Oh, my little mate, what's happened to you?" Comrade whispers into my ear. Being too exhausted to answer, I close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.
26
COMRADE
I run my hand through my beautiful mate's hair while she sleeps soundly on my chest. Trust me, after being out of it for so long, sleeping is not on my priority list right now.
I sigh as my eyebrows furrow. Alex's tear stained face from hours ago is still imprinted in my mind and it's killing me not knowing what has hurt my mate so badly. It couldn't have just been from me being in a coma. She looked so destroyed and just about ready to give up. It's tearing my heart out not knowing what to do.
I sigh again while my hand leaves her hair and travels down her back. It’s comforting to know my mate is right by my side again. I have no doubt in my mind that she was by my side at any point in time while I was under coma, but having her here now, with me, is the best feeling in the world.
My feeling of contentment is cut short however, when I notice the slight bump on her lower back. My lips turn downwards into a frown and my eyes narrow slightly. I gently lift the bottom of her shirt upwards to see what's caused my curiosity.
My whole body goes rigid when I see the pristine white bandage wrapped around her torso, looking like it was put on just a few hours ago. How did I not see this before? Did something happen to her while I was unconscious? My heart breaks as I realise that I could've protected her, but instead I chose to go and get myself pretty much mauled.
Alex moves slightly in my arms before her eyes start to flutter. I look down at her with a pained look on my face. I always have to go and hurt people, haven’t I?
Alex's stormy eyes half open as she stares up into my dark ones with a smile. Her smile quickly drops when she sees my face. She sits upright; her eyes wide open now, she cups my face in both her hands.
"Comrade? What's wrong? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get Aileen? Where does it hurt? Comrade, answer me!" Alex says hurriedly as she makes a move to stand up. I softly grab her hands that have now left my face and gently pull her back down.
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"I'm fine, Alex. Really," I tell her with a small smile. She releases a long breath before running a hand through her hair.
"Don't do that! I thought- Never mind..." Her voice trails off into a whisper as her head bows slightly. I hook my finger under her chin and lift her head up.
"Will you do me a favour?" I ask quietly, only to have Alex nod her head furiously. "Why do you have a bandage wrapped around your torso?"
Just like me when I first discovered the pristine white bandage, Alex's whole body goes rigid. Her eyes widen slightly and she sucks her lips into her mouth.
"It's, ah... I-it's nothing,” she says in a voice that doesn't seem to belong to her.
"It doesn't look like nothing," I push. I lean forward slightly and rest my hands on her neck.
"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" I ask her pained, both from the pain in my muscles and from the pain of thinking she doesn't think she can tell me.
Alex merely nods her head and looks down, but not quick enough as I see tears brimming in her eyes.
"Alex, please tell me. I'll do anything I can to make it better. Anything," I promise. Moving my hands from her shoulders to her face, I see the struggle behind her eyes. It's clear as day she doesn't want to tell me, but she can tell me anything and everything, so why is this any different?
"Alex?" I ask softly, feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. The last thing I expect her to do is burst out crying, but that's exactly what she does. Her whole face breaks down and tears start rushing down her face as her shoulders sag in defeat. She grips my shirt so tight that her knuckles start to turn white.
"I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" she continues to wail, never letting go of my shirt. I wrap my arms around her waist and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Whatever happened is obviously not a light subject for her.
"Alex, please tell me. I won't do anything. I just want to know what happened. Please!" I beg, my emotions getting the better of me as she continues to sob. Please Goddess, if you can hear me, do something. Anything!
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