The Back of Beyond

by Doris Davidson

  ‘You mean you go every month? What about Gwen?’

  ‘She doesn’t want to go, you know how she is, but she doesn’t mind me going.’

  ‘Does Dougal know? I wouldn’t be happy about it if you were my wife.’

  ‘I’ve told him. All the boys know I’m married and out of bounds, so we just have a few laughs. Besides, with a dozen pairs of beady eyes watching my every move, I wouldn’t dare to misbehave even if I wanted to, which I swear I don’t.’

  ‘What about Gwen? Does she not mind being left here on her own?’

  ‘It’s only once a month, Alistair, for goodness’ sake, and you know she’s a home bird. She wasn’t happy to start with, but only because she was afraid I’d meet somebody. She keeps an eye on me, though she knows I’m a one-man girl, like her. I would never want anybody but Dougal, my big Scottish he-man.’

  Alistair’s leave flashed past. He was glad that he had taken Marge’s advice, for he had got to know his son better, showing him all the old haunts he had frequented when he himself was a boy, spending maybe half an hour before teatime every day fooling around together with a football, hunkering down with him at the back door to play marbles. Yet he hadn’t neglected his wife and daughter. On the Saturday, he had taken them on the bus into Aberdeen and while Gwen was contentedly looking round the stores in Union Street, he had taken the children to the beach by tramcar, a first for them in both cases.

  On the Sunday, they’d had a picnic at the tower, and while he and the two women had lain on the grass lapping up the sunshine, Leila had tried to find as many different kinds of wild flowers as she could, and David searched for insects. Watching them as they darted hither and thither brought a lump to Alistair’s throat. He was a lucky man, a truly lucky man, with a beautiful wife who loved him as much as he loved her, and the two bonniest bairns in the world. If only he could be here with them all the time!

  On his last evening, Gwen persuaded him to cycle to the village. ‘You might see some of your old friends in the hotel bar,’ she added, not really wanting him to spend precious time away from her, but trying to let him rekindle old acquaintances and give him something else to remember when he went back.

  He had intended to stop at the shop for cigarettes but the shutter was up and he carried on to the hotel. He was out of luck there too, the supplies having run out the day before. It was Dod Tough – husband of Doodie and regarded by her cronies as henpecked, but a force to be reckoned with in discussions and arguments in the bar – who came to his rescue. ‘Lexie aye keeps a puckle packets under the coonter for special customers, and you and her being … eh, good friends, heh, heh …’ He gave a loud snigger. ‘Go roond the back and knock on the hoose window.’

  Ignoring the knowing glances and winks being exchanged by the other men, Alistair said, ‘I need fags if I’m to be sitting here drinking for a couple of hours.’

  Lexie didn’t seem surprised to see him as she ushered him inside. ‘I heard you were home.’

  ‘I leave tomorrow.’ He shook his head as she gestured towards the sofa. ‘No, Lexie, if I don’t get back to the bar, they’ll think …’

  She regarded him clinically. ‘You wouldn’t have worried at one time.’

  Embarrassed, and more than a little apprehensive, he was unsure what to say. ‘At one time maybe, Lexie, but a lot of water’s passed under the bridge …’

  She gave a reassuring laugh. ‘And you’ve got a wife and two fine bairns. You needn’t look so worried, Alistair. I’m not going to jump on you.’

  ‘I never thought …’

  ‘No? Look, I admit I was hurt when you went off to London and left me, and I did hanker after you for years, but I got over you.’

  ‘You never married, though?’

  ‘Not yet, but I’m still looking.’ She gave him a playful punch on the arm. ‘There’s plenty of men around Forvit now, you know, and dances every …’

  ‘Every month, Marje told me.’ After a moment’s hesitation, he asked, ‘Is there any … gossip about Marge?’

  ‘Show me one girl in Forvit there’s no gossip about …’ She shook her head, giggling. ‘You must remember what Doodie Tough and her lot are like? If we as much as smile at one of the Ardley boys, we’re making up to them. But you can tell Dougal he’s got nothing to worry about with Marge. She tells each and every one of them she’s a married woman and they respect her for it, and they still have a good time and so does she. Now, you’d better come through to the shop and I’ll miraculously produce a packet of Capstan out of the air for you – that’s all I’ve got, and I’ve to keep them hidden.’

  He followed her through, insisted that she take the money for the cigarettes she gave him. ‘Thanks, Lexie … for everything. You’re a good friend.’ After a slight hesitation, he added, ‘I won’t be seeing you for a while, we’re being sent overseas when I go back. I’m going to tell Gwen tonight.’

  ‘You haven’t told her yet?’

  ‘I didn’t want to spoil our time together, but tonight’s my last night.’

  ‘You’d better make the most of it, then. Well, cheerio, Alistair, and good luck!’

  He put both hands round the one she held out and clasped it tightly for a moment. ‘Thanks, I’ll need it.’

  He did not see the wistful look she gave him as he made his way out, and walked into the bar to the accompaniment of loud cheers. Dod Tough leaned across to him when he sat down. ‘I didna think you’d get awa’ withoot … you ken?’

  Alistair’s laugh was guilt-free. ‘Lexie and I have never been more than friends. No matter what anybody thinks.’

  ‘Good enough friends for her to gi’e you a packet o’ Capstan, I see.’

  Alistair let that pass, he had done nothing that needed justifying, and his companions returned to their previous topics – the weather, the price of beer and cigarettes when they could get them, the progress or otherwise on all the war fronts. He put forward his opinions when they were asked for, but he backed out of commenting on the war. ‘Don’t ask me. The rank and file are the last to hear what’s going on.’

  ‘That’s right enough,’ agreed Bill Mennie, sitting in a corner with a man Alistair recognized but couldn’t name. ‘It was the same last time. Them at the top made the decisions, never mind if it was dangerous for the poor bloody infantry. We were … expendable, that’s the word. We’re the ones that had to go over the top though we knew Fritz was waiting for us, and we got mowed down like … rats in a trap.’

  ‘… like rats in a trap,’ echoed his companion.

  Dod Tough clicked his tongue. ‘Dinna heed them, lad. They mak’ oot they saw a lot of action, but they werena five minutes ower there when the Armistice was signed.’

  Alistair laughed along with the others, then said, ‘I hope it’s the same for me. We’re being sent overseas – I don’t know where.’

  He should have known better. He was now plied with drinks to wish him well, and he felt increasingly uneasy – not for his own safety, but because he still had to tell Gwen. After an hour, his head beginning to swim, he took his leave of the group of men and cycled back to Benview.

  ‘You haven’t been long,’ Gwen greeted him. ‘Didn’t you see anyone you knew?’

  ‘I knew most of them, but none of my old pals were there.’ He took out his cigarettes, and fished for the lighter he’d made from a bullet shell. ‘They didn’t have any fags left in the bar, though, and I’d to knock at Lexie Fraser’s house door to get some.’ He could sense a change in the air at this, and he wondered why everybody, even his own wife and her sister, took it for granted that there was still something between him and Lexie. The drink he had consumed was enough to fan his pique into anger. ‘Well, I see I’ve been convicted, judged and tried, so I won’t bother denying it. Think what you bloody well like, I’m off to bed!’

  He stamped upstairs, threw off his clothes and was asleep in minutes …

  Gwen looked imploringly at her sister. ‘D’you think he was with her all the time?�
�

  Marge screwed her mouth to one side. ‘Um, no, I shouldn’t think so. He’s had a few too many by the look of him, so maybe he doesn’t like being questioned.’

  ‘But if he’s nothing to hide …’

  Marge regretted ever having voiced her own suspicions. ‘He’ll feel guilty for drinking so much. He’ll probably tell you in the morning, but if he doesn’t, just let it drop.’

  Even after resolving to take Marge’s advice and not question her husband, the first thing Gwen did when he opened his eyes the following day was ask, ‘Were you with Lexie Fraser all the time you were out last night?’

  ‘Oh, Gwen,’ he groaned, gathering her into his arms, ‘my darling, darling Gwennie, I was only with her for … not much more than five minutes. Look, I’ll be perfectly honest with you. I’ve known her all my life, I like her quite a lot, but I do – not – love her! I wouldn’t have seen her at all if I hadn’t needed fags.’

  They were just reaching the point when passion would no longer be denied, when their son barged in. ‘Oh!’ he exclaimed in disgust. ‘Do you two never get tired kissing?’

  Trying to control his laboured breathing, Alistair managed to laugh, ‘No, and we never will.’

  ‘Well, you’d better stop now, for Auntie Marge says you’ll need all your time if you don’t come down for breakfast right now.’

  There was something of a scramble until they were all seated round the table having breakfast. ‘How long will it be before your next leave?’ David asked, his mouth full of toast.

  A silence fell now, an electrifying silence during which even David didn’t speak, then Alistair laid his hand over his wife’s. ‘I’m sorry, darling,’ he murmured, looking deep into her eyes, ‘I shouldn’t have left this till the last minute, I meant to tell you last night, but … things happened. I’ve been on embarkation leave, we’re being sent overseas when I go back, so it could be long enough before I get home again.’

  It was left to Marge to dam the hole in the dyke. ‘They’ll be needing reinforcements somewhere,’ she told David, ‘and your Dad has to go where he’s told.’

  ‘Where, Dad?’ the words were croaked, as the boy took his cuff across his eyes.

  ‘I don’t know yet, son. It could be anywhere – Far East, Middle East …’

  ‘Near East?’ Marge was trying to make a joke.

  ‘Anywhere.’ Alistair got to his feet and pulled Gwen off her chair, too. ‘Give me a hand to fasten my bags.’ He took time to hug his son and daughter before he turned away with moist eyes, and Marge cleared the obstruction in her throat in order to reassure the children. ‘He’ll be fine, don’t worry, my pets. He won’t have to fight Germans wherever he’s going, that’s good, isn’t it?’.

  She managed to shoo them off to school – David crowing ‘Wait till the boys at school hear my Dad’s going overseas!’ – and sat down with another cup of tea. Only a few minutes later, Alistair and his wife came downstairs, Gwen’s eyes red from weeping.

  ‘I hope you’re pleased at what you’ve done, Alistair Ritchie!’ Marge couldn’t help herself. ‘Fancy waiting till the very last minute before you told your wife and kids you’re on embarkation leave. Can’t you see how hurt she is?’

  Gwen shook her head. ‘I’m all right, Marge. He’s explained why he didn’t tell me before, and it was my own fault that he didn’t say anything last night.’ She slid her arm through her husband’s. ‘I’ll walk to the road with you, Alistair.’

  ‘You’ll have to put a step in, then.’ Marge stood up and kissed her brother-in-law’s cheek. ‘I’m sorry, Alistair, I’d no right to say …’

  ‘You have every right, Marge, and I’ll regret being so stupid to my dying …’

  ‘No!’ Gwen burst out. ‘There’s no need for regrets. We had a wonderful time while you’ve been home. Don’t let’s spoil it now.’

  ‘Well, ’bye, Alistair,’ Marge murmured, ‘and God bless.’

  When Gwen returned, her face ravaged by tears, Marge said, sympathetically, ‘I know how you must be feeling. I’d never speak to Dougal again if he did that to me.’

  ‘I was the one who made him go out last night,’ Gwen reminded her, ‘and I shouldn’t have said anything when he came home. It was asking for trouble when I could see he’d had too much to drink.’

  ‘I suppose he told his friends he was being sent overseas,’ Marge offered, ‘and they’d been dishing out the booze to him.’

  Gwen nodded. ‘Yes, that’s what he said.’ Squaring her shoulders, she added, ‘He told Lexie, too.’

  ‘Before he told you?’ Marge was outraged.

  ‘He said it didn’t matter to him. I mean, he wasn’t worried about telling her. She was just a friend, like the men in the bar, but I’m his wife, and he didn’t want to spoil our time together. There’s nothing between them, Marge, it’s just me he loves.’

  ‘Of course it is.’

  Not quite believing her own assurance, Marge wasn’t surprised at Lexie’s first remark when she went to the shop that afternoon. ‘Did Alistair get away all right this morning?’ Receiving only a slight nod in answer, she went on, ‘He wasn’t looking forward to telling his wife, you know. I nearly said he wasn’t being fair to her, but it wasn’t really any of my business.’

  ‘No,’ agreed Marge, tersely, ‘it’s not any of your business.’

  ‘Listen, Mrs Finnie, you know Alistair and me were … well, I looked on him as my boyfriend but he didn’t feel the same way about me. So if you and your sister think there’s still a spark of something between us, there never was … not on his side anyway.’ She smiled brightly. ‘And only friendship on my side now, as well.’

  There was something about the woman that got through to Marge at this point. She had heard the gossip about her looking for a lad at the dances, although she didn’t seem to have succeeded, but she was positive that it wasn’t because of Alistair. Whatever Lexie had felt for him at one time, and perhaps for years after he left Forvit, there was only friendship now, perhaps slightly more … affection? Certainly not love.

  Marge related the conversation and her conclusion to Gwen when she returned to Benview, and her sister’s spirits were raised even more when she received Alistair’s letter two days later, penned as soon as he returned to his base.

  My Darling Gwen,

  I had to write to let you know how deeply I regret drinking so much on my last night at home, and how ashamed I am for not telling you as soon as I arrived that it was embarkation leave. I could see how hurt you were that I had told Lexie first. I did try to explain how I felt about her, but I don’t think you believed me.

  My dearest darling, you have no need to feel jealous of her. We grew up together, we had some good times together, but only as pals, nothing more than that. We are adults now, of course, but still friends, close friends, but I treat her the same as I treat the men I’ve known all my life. I hope you understand.

  Thank you for the other nights we spent together, at least I have all those lovely memories to take out and relive when I feel down. You mean everything to me, my darling, and I bless the day Dougal decided to marry Marge, otherwise I might never have met you. By the way, give her my regards.

  We are being issued with light kit, and the rumour is it’s North Africa, but keep your chin up. Wherever I’m sent, I promise to come home to you. All my love, my dearest, and kiss the kids for me every night, so they won’t forget me.

  Your ever loving husband,

  Alistair. XXX

  Gwen handed the epistle to Marge, who gave it a cursory read then said, ‘Well, I think you can take it that he loves you.’ She regarded her sister with twinkling eyes. ‘How was it between you two the rest of the time he was here?’

  ‘Perfect,’ Gwen sighed, ‘but I wonder if we should …’

  ‘If you’re going to say we should stop inviting Ken when he gets back, put it out of your mind. He’s as straight as that broom handle and he’s got no designs on either of us. Being part of our famil
y reminds him of his own, I suppose, and we can’t deny him that. Maybe we should have told Alistair about him while he was at home, but there’s no sense telling him now, not when he’ll soon be in the heart of the fighting. It would just worry him. You know, my Dougal’s been saying in his letters for ages that he’s fed up still being on this side of the Channel. I ask you! After what he went through at Dunkirk! Funny creatures, men, aren’t they?’

  On Saturday morning, David asked when Ken would come to see them again. ‘They haven’t found out he was coming here before, have they, and punished him for it?’

  It took both his mother and his aunt a second or two to realize what he meant, then Marge said, ‘No, no, nobody found out. He’s on leave, like your Dad was, and he’s gone home to see his own family.’

  ‘I love my Dad,’ David stated, with a touch of embarrassment, ‘but I miss Uncle Ken, and all. We can speak about him now, can’t we?’

  ‘Not to anybody outside this house,’ Marge cautioned. ‘You never know, one of your school friends might tell his mother, and she’d tell somebody else, and it could easily get back to Ardley.’

  ‘OK!’ David gave an exaggerated salute before picking up the bag containing his football strip. ‘I’ll keep my mouth buttoned up, and so’ll Leila. You can depend on us. You coming, then, Lei?’

  His mother and aunt couldn’t help laughing when the two children went out. David’s words and actions came as a result of reading the Wizard and the other comic strip magazines for boys which he and his chums circulated amongst them. ‘I hope we’re not being stupid,’ observed Gwen in a moment. ‘Encouraging them to tell lies.’

  Marge cocked one eyebrow. ‘It’s not lies, just … well, a way of saving trouble, really, though we’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not thinking of being unfaithful to Alistair are you?’

  ‘I should think not!’ Gwen was horrified at the very idea.