by TJ Klune
I looked down at my hands as I spoke of Ryan upon a slab of stone, skin bone white, eyes closed with dark smudges on the skin underneath, sword clasped in his hands, lying upon his chest. Ryan’s hand fell away from my shoulder then, and he took a step away from me. I didn’t dare look up at him, not wanting to see whatever expression was on his face. They’d known about this part, vaguely, from that day when Vadoma had whammied me in the field. I’d never spoken the specifics aloud.
I told them of the star dragon’s warning, that there would be loss, that not all of us would survive until the end. Stone crumbled, I said, voice raw and urgent, but sometimes it did not crumble to dust before it had been traveled upon.
I didn’t tell them of my wish upon the stars to become mortal. That was mine and mine alone. I had been laid bare and needed something that still belonged to me.
It was a cold comfort.
I fell silent after a while, unsure of how long I had been speaking. My voice had gone hoarse, and my throat hurt. I felt like I was twitching out of my skin.
No one spoke for a time. The silence was almost unbearable.
Gary broke it finally. “Is that all?” he asked faintly.
I started to nod but then stopped myself. Because that wasn’t everything, was it?
No, of course it wasn’t. I’d forgotten the most important thing of all.
Myrin.
“What is it?” Ryan asked, and I finally looked back up at him.
He was standing against the wall next to Justin, the two of them almost shoulder to shoulder. His face was completely blank, intentionally so, and I hated that look on him. He was angry, probably furious, but he was hiding it away. I’d seen it on him before, but it’d never been directed toward me. It hurt even more than I thought it would. I couldn’t stand the sight of it, so I looked back down. I felt smaller than ever before. It was nobody’s fault but my own. I had made these choices. Now I would have to accept the consequences.
“We think we know what Myrin’s after,” I said slowly.
“What?” Ryan said. “How the hell did you—” He laughed bitterly. “Of course you do. It was that day in Mama’s office, wasn’t it? When I came in upon you and Randall and Morgan. I asked you—” He cut himself off.
“What does he want?” Gary asked, and I hated the fear I heard in his voice.
“Me.”
“I thought that much was obvious,” Justin pointed out.
“Yeah, maybe. But it’s not just that. It’s… when he came to Mashallaha, he— It happened quickly, probably even more than I remember. One moment I was sleeping, and the next I heard his voice and he was calling to me.”
“Like dragons?” Tiggy asked.
“Sort of. I guess. With the dragons, it’s always… bright. Like little suns burning inside my head. With him, it was shadow. It was dark, and I could feel it pulling on me. Calling me toward him.”
“And you went,” Ryan said. He was angry. That much I understood at least. “You went.”
My hackles started to rise. I felt cornered. “I had to,” I snapped at him. “He was there because of me. What if he’d hurt the gypsies? They were innocent. I couldn’t take the chance of them getting hurt.”
“But you didn’t trust me enough to take me with you,” Ryan said. “You just left me there knowing what you were walking into.”
“Of course I trust you. I didn’t want you to get hurt!”
“Then you didn’t trust me to take care of myself,” he retorted. “And that’s just as—”
“Ryan,” Justin said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Now’s maybe not the time for this. Let him finish, okay? We’ve got to get this all out now.”
And wonder of all wonders, Ryan deflated under Justin’s touch. My insides were hot and oily at the sight of the Prince being able to rein in Ryan’s anger so easily. The last few weeks had obviously brought them closer together, and didn’t that thought just burn a little.
“Fine,” Ryan said. He didn’t look back up at me.
Justin’s hand slid from his shoulder, but they remained close together. He waited a beat, as if making sure Ryan wouldn’t speak again, before he motioned for me to continue.
“I, uh.” I shook my head, trying to ignore the jealousy curling within me. Justin was right. Now wasn’t the time. “Right. Um. Myrin. He came. He told me that he wasn’t here for the dragons. That he didn’t care about them. He was after something else.”
“And you believed him?” Gary asked, confused. “Why would you find truth in anything that he’d say? Of course he would tell you that. He’s just trying to distract you.”
“That’s what I thought,” I said. “At first. But….”
“The scars,” Tiggy said. “Sam go boom. Like sand mermaids. But no scars then.”
“Sam go boom,” I echoed.
“Scars?” Justin asked with a frown.
I winced as I leaned back slightly on the bed, lifting my tunic up. Even with the sling still against my chest, the lightning tree embedded into my skin was painfully clear.
“My gods,” Justin whispered. “Myrin did that?”
I dropped my tunic back down, not wanting to be on display anymore. “Yes. And no. I… went boom.”
“But you didn’t get those with the sand mermaids,” Ryan said. “Those were only with Myrin. You said you thought it was just his magic and yours that caused it.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“But?” Gary asked quietly.
“But I was wrong. Randall and Morgan are working under the theory that Myrin was trying to eat me.”
Silence. Painful, painful silence.
Then, “You want to run that one by us again?” Gary asked. “Because I don’t know if you meant that the way it sounded. Or at least I hope you didn’t. Because that’s either sexy or cannibalism or sexy cannibalism, and I don’t think that any of those choices is a good thing.”
“Sexy cannibalism?” Justin asked. “Do I even want to know?”
“It’s a thing,” Gary insisted. “People have weird kinks.”
“Cannibalism isn’t a kink.”
“Some people dress like cats,” Tiggy said. “Kinky, kinky cats. I say, here kitty, kitty, but I no like those cats.”
Everyone stared at him.
He hummed quietly to himself as he rubbed a finger down Gary’s snout.
“You are incredible, and I love that I know you,” Gary said reverently.
“Pretty Gary,” Tiggy cooed.
“It’s called the consumption of magic,” I said quickly, trying to get it over with. “He wants to eat my magic and combine it with his own. Randall and Morgan think that’s what he was trying to do. That the scars came from that. It wasn’t supposed to happen then, but he wasn’t expecting me to be as powerful as I was.” Everything hurt. My shoulder. My head. My heart.
The castle creaked and groaned around us as the ice settled and shifted.
Gary sounded horrified when he said, “But your magic is part of you. To take that from you would be like ripping out your soul. He can’t be that big of a bitch.”
“I beg to differ,” I said, going for some levity. “He’s pretty much the biggest bitch.” My words fell with a resounding thud in the room. No one even cracked a smile. Tough crowd. “Look, it’s not as if it’s going to happen—”
“How do you know that?” Ryan asked, voice quiet and deadly.
I tried to smile at him. “I’m Sam of Wilds. I won’t—”
“Cut the shit, Sam.”
“Language,” I said. “You know you’re—”
“Sam.”
“You don’t think I know?” I demanded. I was frustrated and annoyed. It was mostly with myself, but still. “It’s fucked-up. It’s Dark. But in the end, it’s just another godsdamn villain with delusions of grandeur. It doesn’t matter who he is or what he was to Morgan and Randall. It doesn’t matter what his endgame is, because he’s not going to get it. I don’t give a flying fuck what the
gods say, or what the star dragon says, or whatever it is that Vadoma wants to show me. It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. Myrin is just like everyone else that’s come for me before. He’s going to monologue how he’s going to take over the world, that he’s going to be the death of me, and you know what? I’m going to kick his fucking ass, and it’ll be over. Nothing’s going to happen to me. Nothing’s going to happen to any of you. Can we just—gods. I don’t even know what I’m asking. Just… I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry that I hid all of this, but I can handle it. I’m a wizard, for fuck’s sake. It’s my job.”
The retort, when it came, wasn’t from Ryan like I expected. Oh sure, he looked as if he was gearing up for a serious rant, his face a storm cloud of anger. And whatever he was about to say was undoubtedly deserved. If he’d said anything to me like I’d just said to him, you can sure as shit bet I’d be shooting that down right quick.
But Gary beat him to the punch. Figuratively and literally.
He was up on his feet before any of us could blink, eyes blazing as he stalked toward me. If I’d had time, I probably would have attempted to dive out the window to escape his wrath. As it was, however, I was frozen where I sat, eyeing with growing trepidation the glitter beginning to slough off Gary. It was one thing to witness Unicorn Rage when it was directed at someone else who deserved it. It was another thing to have it directed at myself.
“Don’t murder me!” I managed to say before his face was pressed up against mine. He was breathing heavily, and I went cross-eyed trying to focus on him. Glitter was getting in my mouth, and I tried not to grimace at the thought of inhaling Gary’s Unicorn Rage. It didn’t seem very sanitary.
“You shut your whore mouth,” he growled at me.
“Shut my what!”
“Now you listen to me, Sam of Wilds,” he said, and the glitter practically dripped off him. By the time he was done, it was going to look like the aftermath of a massacre at an arts and crafts fair. “If you ever try to hide something of this magnitude from me again, I swear to the gods that there will be no end to the suffering that I will rain down upon you. You will know pain, because I will never stop giving it to you. And you should know it won’t just be physical pain.”
“Oh no,” I breathed. “Not my self-esteem. You wouldn’t. You couldn’t.”
“Oh yes, your self-esteem. I could and I would. Every day, it will be like it’s my job to chip away at you. You having a good day, Sam? Oh, that’s too bad, because your hair looks as if a mongoose died upon your head and is starting to rot. You laughing at a joke, Sam? Bully for you! You have spinach in your teeth, and it’s been there for ages, and I knew about it but refused to tell you. Are you content for no reason in particular? How wonderful! But you should also know that rumors are being spread about your prowess as a lover. Hint: the words shockingly lacking and surprisingly pedantic are being used. Another hint: I’m the one spreading the rumors.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Oh, Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam. I would dare so hard. Go ahead, keep another secret from me. Try it. See what happens.”
I kept my mouth shut for as long as I could. But then the thought of spinach being in my teeth for hours without anyone telling me rolled through my mind, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. “I have another secret!” I blurted out. “Remember that time you dyed your mane green and I told you that you looked like a forest sprite because it was so pretty? I lied. Green is not your color. You did look like a forest sprite, but one that was sickly and had been stepped on by an obese chimera.”
“Oh no,” Tiggy said, eyes wide.
“Scandal!” Gary hissed. “Of course I look good in green, you stupid little bitch. I look good in everything.”
“You told me no more secrets!”
“Well yeah. But I meant secrets that could affect the lives of our group! Do you know what I’m going to do to your self-esteem right now? Exactly what you just did to mine!”
“Please don’t!” I wailed. “I won’t survive. Your insults are so much more emotionally devastating!”
“Of course they are! I am a unicorn. Emotionally devastating insults are something we naturally excel at! You better be prepared, Sam of Wilds, because by the time I’m done with you, you’re going to be mentally incapacitated for at least five days.”
“Five days?” I said, somewhat in awe. “I’ll admit, I’m actually quite curious as to what you’re going to say that could mentally incapacitate me for that long. Gods, that’s got to be something so terrible, I probably won’t even be able to move from the bed. Are you sure about this?”
“Deadly.”
“Ooh,” Tiggy said.
“Are you ready?” Gary said, leaning in close.
“I don’t know that anyone can be ready,” I admitted. “But I suppose now is as good a time as any.”
Gary nodded. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for what I’m about to do to you.”
“You say that, but I just inhaled your glitter up my nose. It kind of negates your apology.”
“Oh! I’m truly sorry about that. You know this stuff just gets everywhere.”
“Odd, right? I really wish we knew where it came from.”
Gary frowned. “What do you mean? It comes from inside me.”
“Right,” I said, “but how? Are your insides full of it? Does it come from your diet? Like, when you eat chicken or grass or something. Does it go to a special bladder inside of you that fills with chicken or grass and then it converts to glitter which is then pushed out of you when you’re angry?”
“Huh,” Gary said. “I’ve never really thought about that. I don’t think I have a special chicken grass glitter bladder. I always thought it was just part of my inherent magic.”
I nodded. “That makes sense. But, like, why is that a thing? And why is it only unicorns that can do it?”
“We’re amazing creatures.”
I smiled at him. “You really are.”
He kissed my cheek. “Thank you, kitten. It’s always nice to get validation. This has just been lovely catching up with you. Let’s never be separated for that long again. Now, who’s hungry?”
“Me!” Tiggy cried. “So hungry. I dying.”
“Poor baby,” Gary said. “We certainly can’t have that. To the kitchens, where we will feast upon—wait a godsdamn minute.”
“Shit,” I muttered.
Gary whirled on me, eyes blazing. “You thought you could pull that trick on me?”
“What? No! Oh, crap. I just lied again. Yes. That’s exactly what I thought.”
“Oh, honey, I am about to destroy every good feeling you’ve ever—”
“Didn’t you think I had the right to know?” Ryan asked, and the room fell silent.
I sighed. “It’s not about rights. I mean, what rights do we even have in all of this? It’s not as if I have rights to—”
“Stop it,” he barked harshly, taking a step forward.
“But—”
“No,” he said. “You aren’t going to talk your way out of this one. You wield words like I wield my sword, and I’ve had enough.”
I stiffened at that, trying to ignore the bright flare of anger.
“Give us the room, please,” Ryan said without looking away from me.
Gary and Tiggy hesitated, glancing back and forth between us. In the end, though, they didn’t say another word before they turned and walked out the door, Tiggy hunching over so he didn’t hit his head.
Justin made to follow, but not before he stopped behind Ryan and put his hand on his shoulder again. I watched his fingers squeeze down on Ryan, like the Prince was trying to offer him comfort. I really needed to have a word with my best friend 5eva about getting his filthy fucking hands off my man.
“You sure about this?” Justin asked him.
Ryan turned his head toward Justin, and his face softened slightly. “Yes.”
Justin nodded and looked as if he was going to say more. But then he shook his head and left
the room, closing the door behind him.
This wasn’t the reunion I had in mind.
But what did I think was really going to happen? It was always going to come out at some point. I just thought I was going to be able to control it better.
My shoulder twinged again, and I must have shown it on my face, because Ryan said, “It hurts?”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” I mumbled, trying to fix the sling that was sliding off my shoulder.
Ryan was there before I could finish, pushing my hand away none too gently, fixing the sling for me. His knees bumped against mine, and I spread my legs just a little, hoping he would step closer so I could put my head on his stomach and just lie there for a little while. He didn’t. In fact, when he finished, he stepped away again. It hurt more than I would have expected.
“You had no right,” he said finally, after what felt like ages. “Especially those things that had to do with me. You had no right to keep that from me.”
“I just wanted to keep you safe. I thought if I could figure it out on my own, you wouldn’t have to worry about yet another thing too.”
He scoffed. “Of course you can spin the narrative like that. It makes you out to be the selfless one here.”
“What other reason would there be?” I snapped at him.
“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.”
I gaped at him. “Trust you enough? I trust you more than anyone.”
“Just not enough to tell me this.”
“This being the fact that Vadoma showed me your death?” I said, trying desperately to control my anger but failing miserably. “Or the fact that it was substantiated by the star dragon? Forgive me if you dying isn’t something I want to talk about.”
“Everything dies, Sam,” he growled at me. “I’m not afraid of death. I am a knight of Verania, the commander of the Castle Guard. I swore an oath to the King. I would protect him with my life. I do not fear it.”
“That’s good,” I said, annoyed at the way my eyes burned. “I’m glad you’re so quick to die. It’s nice to know you have no qualms about it.”
“And you don’t?” he said, hands fisted at his sides. “Sam, you court death like it’s nothing. How you’ve survived this long has always been a mystery to me, but now I know why. The gods needed you to get this far so that they could use you as their pawn to—”