The Guild of Fallen Clowns

by Francis Xavier

  “Well, it’s mostly just a part-time thing. I do the occasional kids party, but this year I’m helping out at the carnival.”

  “Really. Do you have a card? I might be able to help you out.”

  Alan reached for his wallet and pulled out one of his business cards. On the card there was a caricature of his clown face with multi-colored letters spelling out Boogy the Clown arched above it. His phone number and email address were listed below. He handed the card to Paula.

  “How cute! Do you do any magic tricks?”

  “I can turn a balloon into a giraffe,” Alan quipped. “Other than that, not really. Just your standard clown tricks.”

  “Don’t forget, Alan. You can also make pizzas appear out of nowhere.”

  By this point, Alan just wanted to get away. Paula had been everyone’s crush girl in high school. He knew he’d never been in her league, but she was always kind and nonjudgmental toward him. Tonight, as he delivered her pizza and talked about his other part-time job as a carnival clown, Paula’s eyes were no longer able to hide her pity and concern for his sad life.

  “I hope you all enjoy the pizza,” Alan said as he turned and walked toward his car.

  “Maybe we’ll see you at the carnival,” Paula responded before returning inside.

  *****

  His next delivery was to an apartment complex near the college. Most drivers did their best to avoid early deliveries to the college because students are usually bad tippers. Later in the night, after the alcohol takes effect, they become more generous. It was early, but that didn’t matter on this night because Joe’s ad-libbing resulted in his own generous donation to the tip jar back at Vince’s.

  He knocked on the apartment door. Inside he heard a girl giggling and screeching in a playful manner. She opened the door and greeted Alan with a big smile before turning her head back. “Pizza’s here. Come pay the guy.” With that she took the box and walked inside, leaving the door wide open with Alan still standing outside.

  A man approached. Without looking up he pulled out and opened his wallet. “How much?”

  “That’ll be twelve fifty,” Alan replied.

  The man pulled out a few bills and reached to hand them to Alan. The two made eye contact and the guy froze.

  “Alan?”

  “Hi, Dave.”

  Dave was Paula’s husband. Less than ten minutes earlier, she told him he was out of town on business.

  Dave looked back inside and said, “I’ll be there in a sec, Deb. Go on and start without me.”

  He moved outside with Alan and gently closed the door behind him. Closing the gap between them, he placed his arm over Alan’s shoulder.

  “Hey, buddy, I know this doesn’t look good, but you know how it is. We’re both guys. I’m sure I can count on you not to break the man code by saying something you might regret.”

  “It’s none of my business, Dave.”

  “Good. That’s right, Alan. It’s not your business and besides, we go back a long way.”

  “You picked on me in high school,” Alan said.

  “Oh, come on, Alan, it was just a few swirlies. The other guys wanted to do a lot more, but I wouldn’t let them. Seriously, Alan, I need to know I can count on you to keep this between us. You wouldn’t want to hurt Paula, would you? Neither of us wants that. Am I right?”

  The truth of the matter was that Dave was correct. Even without the fear of possible retribution from Dave, Alan didn’t want to see Paula get hurt. He knew this secret would likely come out eventually, but he didn’t want Paula to have his face burned in her memory for the rest of her life as the face that brought her such devastating news.

  “I won’t say anything,” Alan said.

  Dave removed his arm from Alan’s shoulder and smiled. “I knew I could count on you, pal. I know I wasn’t that nice to you back in school, but I always did like you. You’re a stand-up kinda guy.”

  This was an interesting choice of words coming from a douche bag just caught cheating on his wife. But Alan chose to let it go and try to forget about the entire encounter.

  For added insurance Dave reached into his wallet and pulled out a ten-dollar bill. He folded the bill lengthwise and held it out between his first two fingers. The payoff came with conditions.

  “I want to give you a better tip, Alan. But I need you to promise once more that you won’t say anything to Paula.”

  “You can keep the money, Dave. I’m not going to say anything.”

  Dave smiled, grabbed Alan’s hand, placed the bill inside, and closed his fingers around it.

  “Keep it, buddy. It’s yours.”

  Alan didn’t want to stick around and argue over it. Instead, he returned a halfhearted smile and walked away.

  On the way to his car, he struggled with his feelings. On one hand he felt sad for Paula. She was a good person who didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Unlike Dave, she’d never treated him as a lesser human being. She didn’t have it in her to look down on anyone. However, on the other hand, he felt an enormous weight lifted from him. The obvious pity she unconsciously displayed for his lifestyle no longer hurt. The dagger was pulled out and now he took pity on her.

  She might not be aware of it, but her life wasn’t as picture perfect as the world viewed it. Just knowing this made Alan feel relieved that someone he idolized also had flaws. Paula had her own demons to deal with. He grappled with an extreme amount of guilt for allowing himself to revel in her misfortune. He wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling good after discovering Dave’s tawdry secret.

  *****

  The short shift ended with his final delivery to a customer he knew well. The familiar address was the house he grew up in, and the new owners were his brother, Dale, his wife, Cheryl, and their two kids.

  He pulled into the driveway, grabbed the pizza from the passenger seat, and exited the car. He paused to look at the old house before going to the front door. The painted white brick veneer below the picture window brought back one of his only memories of his father allowing him to help with an adult project. He and Dale sat inches from his father and looked on with awe as he brushed the heavy paint over the bricks.

  Normally, their father was fine with the boys looking on as long as they stayed out of the way. However, on that day, he looked at his wide-eyed sons and decided to break with tradition. He asked them if they wanted to help. Of course the two were overjoyed at the prospect of helping their dad with such an important project. He retrieved a couple of two-inch wide brushes from the garage and showed them how to dab the brush into the bucket, brush the excess on the side of the can, and work it into the crevices of the bricks.

  Between the two of them, they probably only covered a few square feet of brick, but that fact was irrelevant in the grand scheme of life. At least for Alan, this was his greatest memory of his father.

  Dale answered the door. “Hey, Uncle Boogy. What are you waiting for? C’mon in.”

  Alan paused on the porch, still looking at the painted bricks. “Do you remember when we helped Dad paint this wall?” he asked.

  Dale stepped out to look at the bricks. “I wish I did. I was too young. I don’t have many memories of Dad.”

  “I can almost see him there, showing us how to use the paintbrushes,” Alan said.

  “I envy you. The only thing I remember is Dad coming home in his uniform.”

  They both paused for a few seconds before Dale broke their moment of silence. “Now let’s get that pizza inside. The kids keep asking when Uncle Boogy is showing up with the food.”

  “Uncle Boogy! Uncle Boogy!” came cries from inside.

  Cheryl followed the two girls.

  “Hey, Alan, let me get that pizza before they knock it out of your hands,” she said.

  The twins each took a leg and squeezed hard.

  “I missed you girls too. Now, let go so Uncle Boogy can bend down and give you both a big hug.” They released their gri
p and reached for Alan as he kneeled down to their level. The two jumped into his waiting arms.

  “See what you’re missing, Alan?” Cheryl said.

  Dale added, “Yeah, Boogy. You know you can come by more often. It’s not right that the only time we see you anymore is when we order pizza. Hell, you only live ten minutes from here.”

  “I know, guys. I really should make more of an effort. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. We just have odd hours.”

  “That’s true, but Cheryl’s always here. You don’t have to wait till our schedules work. Stop in anytime. The girls would love to see you more often. When you bring the pizzas, you always have to run.”

  “Yeah, Alan, do you have to go already? Can’t you stay and have a slice before leaving?” Cheryl said.

  “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m done for the night. I can stick around awhile.”

  “Great! Oh wait, it’s early. Why are you off already?” Dale asked.

  Alan didn’t want to share the disappointment of his suspension, so he lied. “I wasn’t scheduled but things got tight and I offered to help out for a few hours. Don’t ask questions, detective. Let’s just go inside so you can eat your pizza.”

  Cheryl looked down to the twins and said, “Did you hear that girls? Uncle Boogy is staying to have dinner with us.” The girls cheered with excitement. Each grabbed a hand and dragged Alan into the kitchen.

  Cheryl got the plates out and cut a slice into bite-size pieces for the girls.

  “Go ahead, Alan, take some,” Cheryl said.

  “That’s okay, you don’t have enough. I’m not really hungry anyway.”

  Cheryl took a slice from the box, placed it on a plate, and handed it to Alan. “Now get yours, Dale. I’m not going to feed all of you.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Dale said as he eagerly took a piece from the box.

  Alan took a bite and noticed lines etched into one of the doorjambs into the kitchen. One was about three feet high with the words “Little Man” written above it. He pointed to it and said, “That was right after Dad died.”

  “How do you know?” Dale said.

  “Because that’s when Mom started calling you Little Man.”

  “Really? I thought she called me that since I was a baby.”

  “No. She started calling you that after Dad died because you always mimicked him. You didn’t stop when he was gone. Instead, you did it more.”

  “Really, I don’t remember any of that.”

  “All I did was cry for a long time after he died. I wasn’t Mom’s little man. As the older brother, I should have stepped up, but I didn’t.”

  “Stepped up? You were only seven. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you shouldn’t feel bad about it,” Dale said.

  Alan didn’t want to make it about him, and the truth was that he never gave it much thought. The memory might still be repressed if Dale had painted over the markings on the doorjamb.

  “Look, Boogy. I may have acted like Dad, but I barely remember him. You were older. Of course his death would be harder on you, but you should feel lucky to at least have some memories of him. That thing with the paint is a good example. I would give anything to be able to remember that.”

  Alan looked at his little brother and said, “If you want to know who Dad was, take a good look in the mirror. I’m not saying you look like him. You look more like Mom, but everything else about you is Dad. You even became a cop.”

  “I’m sure you’re a lot like him too, Boogy,” Dale said.

  “No, Dale. Don’t get me wrong. I’m okay with it. I’m happy about it because looking at you helps me remember Dad. I’m just saying it might help you to do the same. If you want to know him, you don’t have to look far.”

  “Aw, that’s so sweet,” Cheryl said.

  Her words snapped Dale and Alan out of it.

  “We gotta stop talking like this, Boogy. We’re starting to sound like women.”

  “Yeah, right. What were we thinking?” Alan added.

  Dale picked up his soda can, stepped in front of the hallway mirror, and said, “Cheers to you, Dad.”

  Alan and Cheryl raised their cans as well.

  Dale moved back into the kitchen. “So what have you been up to, brother?”

  “Well, I started my job at the carnival. Oh, I almost forgot. Do you remember the old Krauss House?”

  “Of course I remember Krauss House. That’s the place you wouldn’t get within a mile of.”

  “Fifty feet,” Alan corrected.

  “Yeah, sure—fifty feet—whatever. You were scared to death of that place.”

  “It was fifty feet, give or take. But I got much closer last night.”

  “Really? So did I. Well, it wasn’t last night, but I was called out there about a month ago. The old Krauss couple left it to their grand daughter and she’s—”

  “Mary Krauss,” Alan interrupted.

  “Yeah, Mary. So you met her?” Dale said.

  “Yes, that’s what I was saying. Last night she ordered a pizza. I delivered it, and I was inside Krauss House.”

  “Did you go in the attic?” Dale asked.

  “Go in the attic? Why would I do that? I was just delivering a pizza.”

  “Well, I went in the attic. And it was at night. She called to report noises and I went to check things out.”

  “You went into the attic?”

  “Yeah. I couldn’t find anything, so I had to be sure the place was clear before leaving. It wasn’t a big deal.” Dale noticed how his statement amazed Alan. “What, you’re not still afraid of that place are you, Boogy?”

  Alan didn’t want to appear weak. “No, no. I was just bringing it up to tell you that Mary Krauss is fixing the old place up.”

  “That’s twice you mentioned her first name. Am I sensing a love connection? Boogy and Mary sitting in a tree—” Without missing a beat, the twins chimed in, spelling “K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

  “Leave him alone, Dale,” Cheryl broke in.

  “Not likely, Dale,” Alan said. “Why would someone like her have any interest in a middle-aged pizza delivery clown?”

  “Alan! Don’t say that. You’re the nicest guy I know. Any girl would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend,” Cheryl said.

  “Yeah, bro, stop being so hard on yourself. Your problem isn’t with your job. It’s your self-esteem. And, maybe a little bit with your hair. You gotta stop cutting it yourself, dude.”

  “Dale is right, Alan. I keep telling you I’d be happy to cut your hair.”

  “There you go, Alan. Cheryl used to do hair for a living. Look at mine. She does a great job. She could help…modernize your style so you might be able to get a date.”

  All this attention on his dating life, or lack thereof, was uncomfortable for Alan. Even if he was interested in Mary, he couldn’t do anything about it because he would never be able to get over his fears of Krauss House and the shadow spirit within. He wouldn’t be able to work on his self-esteem or dating life while running away from all the ghosts. If he was going to make any changes, he first needed to deal with his Peepers problem. This spirit found him in Clown World. Then he lured him into the Haunted Labyrinth of Mirrors. He sensed that avoiding that place wouldn’t be the end of Peepers. There was only one thing that might be able to help him.

  “Are you guys going to church tomorrow?” Alan asked.

  “Whoa! Where did that come from?” Dale asked.

  “I was just wondering if maybe it would be okay if I joined you.”

  “Of course we’re going, and you’re always welcome to join us,” Cheryl said.

  “What’s with the sudden interest in going to church? You haven’t been since Mom died five years ago.”

  “I don’t know. I’m not saying this will be a regular thing. I just think it’s time to give it a try.”

  “Give it a try? What’s that about? You know the drill, Boogy. You go every Sunday and pray. You hope someone is listening, but you can never know for sure. It’
s like an insurance policy. You pay in, and hope it pays off in the end.”

  “Dale! Stop that talk. Church is more than that and you know it,” Cheryl said.

  “Oh right, you also go because you want to pass your policy down to your kids and hope they don’t need it.”

  “Dale!”

  “Sorry, Cheryl, but you know how I feel about it. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God. I just don’t think he cares where I am when I talk to him. I go for the kids. It gives them a solid foundation and belief in God. As long as they believe, I really don’t care if they go or not when they get older.”

  Cheryl looked back at Alan and said, “We would love to have you join us tomorrow. And if you want to go after that, we would be happy to go with you as long as you want.”

  “Cool!” Dale said. “If you decided to go every week, you can sit in for me.”

  “Let’s just plan on tomorrow for now,” Alan said. “I’ll meet you there."

  Chapter 5

  Saint Helen’s parking lot was nearly full when Alan arrived. They had agreed to meet in front of the church so they could go in together. From his parking spot, Alan could see he arrived before them.

  The church was next door to the grammar school both Alan and Dale attended as children. Although it had been many years since he saw any of his old classmates, he didn’t want to risk being recognized as parishioners passed him on the way into the church. This wasn’t a day to reminisce or answer those awkward questions about where he’d been and what brought him back to church. His purpose for this day was to find the strength to cast the demons from his life. Specifically, Peepers and whatever thing he saw at Krauss House. Socializing wasn’t on his agenda.

  As he looked ahead to the church steps, his car began to rock back and forth. A quick look in the rearview mirror solved the mystery. Dale was parked behind him and held the family back so he could mess with his big brother.

  Alan stepped out of his car and only offered Dale a smirk for his efforts. The twins instinctively ran to their Uncle Boogy, each claiming a leg to hug.

  “What are you doing waiting in the car, Boogy? I thought we were going to meet at the steps,” Dale said.

  “That’s right. When I saw you guys at the steps, I was going to meet you there.”

  “Fair enough.”

  The group walked toward the church and Cheryl told them to go on in. She would meet them inside. The four walked into the church and found a pew with space for five in the rear next to the center isle.