Don't Run From Me

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  Aaron remembered them. He had called her sister, told her he couldn’t find her, had looked everywhere, so she had to be one of many dead. Of course they had blamed him for not keeping her safe. He had blamed himself.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, and she nodded. This was so polite. He took a seat on the sofa and leaned back, settling his arms across it. “Why?” he asked then, and she appeared confused. He gestured toward her. “You said earlier that you found out I was alive, yet you didn’t reach out to me, didn’t tell me you were alive, because your family said I’d moved on.”

  She wasn’t evading now. She was looking at him from across the room, and then she blinked for a second as if readying herself for something. “Yes, I found out long after. My family should have told me. I never really put it together. I just assumed you were dead. When I learned you weren’t, it was from one of your fights. I stumbled across an article about you online. My dad told me you moved on, as if he knew. It crushed me. I moved in with my sister then. Her husband had a cottage in back. I live there. I collected articles, followed your progress, and it was an obsession. I mourned you, us. That had my sister and dad bringing out all the guns, so to speak. They lined me up with a shrink, told me you didn’t care enough about me, had moved on so easily that you weren’t worth my time, that I had to forget you because you had forgotten me. My dad blamed you, and I saw it then: He hated you for what happened to me. I let them bully me and place me and organize me, tell me how to think and what to do, and I drew and sketched and stopped living, just existed.”

  “Didn’t know you drew. You’re an artist?” he asked, because thinking back, he’d never once seen her pick up anything to draw or sketch with.

  She smiled, and he noticed the dimples, just for a second, and they were gone. “I never considered it before, but it was something I became obsessed with when I didn’t know who I was. I started drawing everything, anything. My sister thinks I’m in the Carolinas at art galleries because they’re interested in my work.”

  He’d never known her to cower at her family. “When we left the States to travel, your family was horrified, but they caved. You could convince them to see anything your way.”

  “Once upon a time,” she said. “I was someone else. They hover now. I scared them.”

  He understood so much in that moment. “So you’re terrified. You let family tell you what to do, and you’re scared of what?” The Brittany he knew could never be terrified of anything. She’d been the one to take hold of every new opportunity and talk him into it.

  “Everything, anything. I was alone for so long in this black hole, knowing nothing of who I was, that when it came back, so did this fear I couldn’t make sense of.” Her eyes misted, and he could see the emotion as her lips firmed, her hands on her knees. “I have to go home tomorrow. My family…”

  “Fuck your family, Brittany. What the hell happened to you? The Brittany I know wouldn’t have let anyone tell her not to do the right thing. You should have reached out years ago as soon as you knew. It was cruel not to. I hate your family.”

  Her head jerked up, and he saw a fire there. “That’s not fair, Aaron. They were scared. They hover. My sister hovers. My mom died because of me. I can’t hurt them any more.”

  “So they lie to you, and you let them and say it’s okay? I never moved on! I fought for you, I get in the ring for you, every fight is for you.” He was standing, but he didn’t trust himself being so close, so he moved around the sofa and stood there, keeping distance between them.

  “No, of course it’s not okay,” she said as she stood up, and he took her in, trying to see anything familiar in the girl he’d loved with everything. This woman was a broken stranger.

  Then she walked over to the sofa, lifted her bag over her shoulder, and took a look around again before stepping over to him, closer. She squeezed her fist and then opened her hand, lifting it to touch his cheek, and she rose up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was quick, and she moved away, lowered her hand, and touched her tongue to her lips.

  “Goodbye, Aaron.”

  18

  His sister was there again as he pulled clothes from the dryer. His gym bag was on the table, and he stuffed sweats, shorts, jeans, and underwear into it.

  “And you just let her go?” Madison said. She was holding a large green mug of coffee, which she had made after showing up with a french press and a bag of dark roast ground. She had even made him a sandwich from the leftover chicken she’d also brought. He had smiled. He was touched.

  “You can’t change someone’s mind like that. Whatever happened to her, she’s not Brittany anymore. She’s Mary—timid, scared, and her family runs her life. There was no free spirit or independence left in there. It was as if everything she lived through beat all her love of life out of her,” Aaron explained.

  “Bullshit,” Madison said. She set her mug on the table and rested her hand on her hip. “She had the shit beaten out of her and just hasn’t found her footing again. You shouldn’t have let her go.”

  Madison just wouldn’t let it rest. She really did shove her nose right into his business, which wasn’t something his brothers generally did. Well, Chase was the exception, but Aaron was starting to realize that maybe Chase had nothing on Madison. What would happen when they finally met? Probably best if Aaron weren’t there.

  “I can’t stop her. She’s a big girl. Look, it took her a decade to find the nerve to sneak away—and yes, she snuck away, lying to her sister about where she was going, because they hate me, blame me, and have probably forbidden her to see me.”

  “They’re hurt, is all. Sometimes blame falls in the wrong place, misguided. You need to get her to see that.”

  “Madison, I’m sure she does. The problem is that her family is stronger than she is. She won’t go against them as she did when she left with me. She doesn’t have the strength to do anything but live in their shadow, live in a cabin behind her sister’s house.” He shoved the last of his clothes in the bag and zipped it up, and he sighed, looking over to a woman who’d walked into his life a few days before and had been there ever since. The giant hole inside him wasn’t as dark and empty anymore. “There’s nothing there for us,” he added, and his sister leaned in, shocked, as if he’d just said the moon was blue.

  “No, no, no. You listen to me, Aaron. I know women, and I may not have met your Brittany, and God knows I have no idea of what she went through, and I wouldn’t want to know, because I’m pretty sure that kind of thing can really mess a person up, but she flew across the country to see you. Granted, she lied to her sister about where she was going because her family likely would’ve stopped her.” She held up the flat of her hand as if he’d interrupt her. He just shook his head, because it was comical that she hadn’t figured out he didn’t talk, except with her. “What a bitch,” she added. “The sister, I don’t like her, but this Brittany…”

  “Mary,” he said, and Madison rolled her eyes.

  “Mary, sorry. Got it. She flew to you because she couldn’t live anymore without seeing you, telling you. That she had to hide this means she’s lying to herself about loving you.”

  He was shaking his head. “No, past tense. It was her guilty conscience, I’m sure. Love would mean doing anything she could to make it back to me, but she didn’t. She hid. That isn’t love.” He gestured sharply to make a point as he picked up his bag, walked to the door, and dumped it with his other bags.

  “Just go to the airport,” Madison said. “You know when she’s leaving.”

  He shook his head. “No, Madison, I’m not chasing after her. She made her choice.”

  “Or it was made for her. After all, you said how her family is basically telling her how to think, to feel.”

  “And you want me to go chase her down, scare the shit out of her, and tell her what? That her family are jerks, that she shouldn’t listen to them but to me? No,” he said very matter of factly. “Madison, seriously, leave it be. Maybe this is for the b
est. Maybe I can finally move on now.” He wondered whether his nose grew. So much had been revealed, and his life as he once believed it to be had been shattered, but it wasn’t as dark. He had people who cared for him.

  The loss of Brittany was very much still there. Even though she was alive, he realized he would always mourn the Brittany who’d died that day, because Mary was just a shell of the woman he loved.

  He walked over to Madison. He could see was taking all of this in and investing herself emotionally as if she could do something to fix it. He touched her shoulder and couldn’t stop the smile he knew was plastered on his face. “It’s going to be okay,” he said. “So why don’t you tell me about the community picnic you have planned for after my Nashville fight and how you want to introduce me to every neighbor and friend in Hale County?”

  It wasn’t lost on him that the old Aaron would have done anything to avoid this kind of spotlight, but this Aaron was becoming a lot more settled.

  19

  “So you didn’t tell me how the showings went,” Susan said. She had called again, and this time Mary had answered.

  “Great, just no interest,” she said as she stuffed her clothes into the open suitcase on the bed.

  “What? Oh, that’s a shame. Are you sure you’re okay and it wasn’t too much for you?” Her sister was hovering again. She could hear it in her voice. “Oh, and I forgot to tell you Dad is coming out for a few days to stay and visit. He said he has a surprise for you…”

  She heard a knock on the door. “Hey, listen,” she said. “Someone is at the door and I really have to get to the airport. I’ll call you before I land.” She walked over to the window and slid her hand behind the curtain to lift it, then saw a woman she didn’t recognize.

  “Sure, but listen, call me as you’re leaving the motel so I know you’re safe and when you get to the airport, and then…”

  “No, Susan, seriously, I’ll call you when I land. I really have to go.” She pulled the phone away when her sister said okay but before she could add something else. She pressed End and then opened the door, holding the phone in her hand still. “Hi, I’m just finishing and then I’ll be checking out. Sorry about the time—”

  “Brittany,” the woman said. She didn’t know who she was.

  “My name is Mary.” She put both hands on the frame of the door as she took in this average woman wearing jean shorts and a sleeveless blue and white buttoned shirt. She wore no earrings or makeup, and her hair was mousy brown, tied back in a ponytail. Her eyes were blue, but nothing stood out about her.

  The woman nodded. “I’m Aaron’s sister, Madison.” She gestured out to the parking lot and where she was. “I realize you’re probably getting ready to leave, but I’m wondering if I can have a moment of your time.”

  She was still stuck on “sister,” and maybe her expression showed that. “I didn’t know Aaron had a sister.”

  “Can I come in?” Madison asked, looking to the side. Everything about this moment was awkward.

  “Sure, yes.” Mary gestured into the room, stepping back and taking in her open suitcase. She let the door close and went over to it. “I need to finish packing,” she said. She was nervous and was wondering who this lady was. Maybe she was married to one of his brothers. “I thought Aaron had only three brothers.”

  “Actually four, plus me. He just didn’t know about me and Tom. We just connected. He’s my biological brother. My mother was his birth mother,” she added, rambling a bit, nervous.

  Mary really had missed a lot. A lifetime, it seemed. She knew he was adopted. It was a surprise he’d found his birth family. “And you live around here?” She zipped up the suitcase and took in Madison’s nod.

  “Just outside of town.”

  “I was wondering why Aaron had a place out here,” she said. So it was because of his real family.

  “Listen, I don’t want to overstep.” Madison slipped her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and stood straight.

  “Of course you do. You’re his sister.” She recognized this because her own sister did the same, sticking her nose in her family’s business.

  “Yes. Although we’ve not known each other long, he’s my brother. I care. I don’t want him hurt. Why did you come here and tell him about you and then just leave?”

  Nosy was an understatement. She should tell Madison to mind her own business. “Because it was the right thing to do,” she said. “Because he was everything to me and I knew I waited too long. He was right. I should have told him straight off. Not knowing was cruel.” She picked up her phone and stuffed it in her handbag, then pulled open the bedside table and saw her earbuds in there. She stuffed them in her purse. She walked into the bathroom and took in the bathtub, the sink. When she didn’t see anything she might have left, she stepped out, and Madison was still there, arms crossed now. She wasn’t sure if she was going to get an earful or what she was going to ask her.

  “So why didn’t you?”

  “Because I was so beaten down,” Mary said. “I had just figured out who I was and had my family telling me he’d moved on. I felt betrayed, gutted, and I was scared because I wasn’t the same. Every time I looked in the mirror, it wasn’t my face staring back, it was someone else’s, so I stopped looking at my image and knew he wouldn’t know me anyway, and he didn’t. I know it makes no sense. I don’t even know how to explain it so it makes sense to myself.” She pressed her hands to her face. When she looked up, there was sympathy staring back at her.

  “You lost your voice after you lost who you were. You let someone else get in your head because they saw you as weak, saw they could tell you what to do. I don’t know why your family would do that to you. Maybe they thought they had to protect you.”

  She smiled, and her eyes burned. “My dad never liked Aaron. It was my mom who soothed him and made it easier when I told them I wasn’t going to college, that Aaron and I were going to see the world and immerse ourselves in cultures, learn the languages, work when we needed to. My sister thought I was crazy, but I think my mom was secretly jealous. She was the one with the free spirit. It would have been something she’d do. She died because of me.” A tear slipped down her cheek.

  “It’s not your fault. Did your family tell you that?”

  She thought Madison swore as she sniffed, wiping snot on the back of her hand. There was no Kleenex, so she went into the bathroom and grabbed a wad of toilet paper, blew her nose, and dumped it in the toilet. She flushed it and grabbed more, dabbing at the moisture under her eyes. She walked back out.

  “Maybe not outright, but it was there,” she said. “My dad said it: My mom’s heart was broken. The loss of me was too much for her. I guess maybe I felt…”

  “Responsible,” Madison said.

  She’d never allowed herself to voice how bad she felt. “My dad even said she’d still be here if I never let Aaron talk me into leaving. He hates him still.”

  “So you are trying to be a good daughter and not bring your dad and sister any more pain? You let them tell you what to do, and you do what they say, and you bring them no worry.”

  Mary shrugged. No one had pointed any of this out to her, not so neatly. “It sounds horrible, I guess, but yes, you’re right.”

  “They fucked you over,” Madison said. “Is that why you’re Mary now?”

  She went over to the mirror, looked at the image staring back at her, and pointed. “That’s Mary. Brittany was gorgeous and happy, someone who wouldn’t just roll over. She was strong, and she loved life.” She saw Madison step up behind her.

  “She’s still in there, you know, just like the young man named Aaron who loved you and would have died looking for you if his brother hadn’t picked him up and stuck him on that plane. Yes, he told me everything about you, your visit. I guess I wanted a happy ending for him.” She shrugged. “For the Brittany he told me about, because that’s the girl he loves, who he fights for, and that kind of love doesn’t go away. It gets buried, but it’s deep inside. I
think if you see past the surface image of this very pretty face, you’ll find that the girl who loved life, who loved Aaron, is in there still. A tragedy has scarred you, and others have beaten you down more, but only you can break free of that.”

  Madison rested her hand on Mary’s shoulder and squeezed before sliding it down and stepping away. Then she pulled open the door, gave her one last look, and stepped out.

  20

  Managers, trainers, and fighters’ personal assistants were walking in and out of the locker room. Aaron squeezed his fists after slipping on his fingerless gloves. He was in his black shorts, snug cotton, ready for the fight, and he bounced on his toes as Jim rested his hands on his shoulders, squeezing, trying to loosen him up.

  “So after Nashville, we’re heading to Houston next,” Trey said. “I have interview requests before the next fight from a number of local sports shows. Reebok has even reached out for an endorsement deal. Thought you’d be interested in that one.”

  “That’s great, Trey. Ask them to send the contracts over to my lawyer,” Aaron said. “Jim, how do the fans look out there tonight?” He noted the puzzled expressions on their faces, because he never asked about the fans. This new Aaron wouldn’t be such a prick before every fight.

  “They’re ready to see you clean up and take Harris down. He’s unbeatable, but not for you.” Jim patted him on the shoulder and nodded to Trey, a motion to leave. “We’ll let you get in your head, but won’t be long before they call you.”

  Then it was just him left in the corner as the door closed. The locker room was huge, and others scattered here and there to their respective spots. He went into his locker again, pulled out his cell phone, and saw a text from Luc, saying he was in the audience, waiting for the fight.