My Worst Frenemy

by Marcus Emerson

  First published by Allen & Unwin in 2017

  Copyright © Text, Marcus Emerson 2015

  Copyright © Illustrations, David Lee 2015

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or ten per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

  Allen & Unwin

  83 Alexander Street

  Crows Nest NSW 2065

  Australia

  Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100

  Email: info@allenandunwin.com

  Web: www.allenandunwin.com

  A Cataloguing-in-Publication entry is available from the National Library of Australia

  www.trove.nla.gov.au

  ISBN 978 1 76029 564 6

  eISBN 978 1 92557 641 2

  Cover design by Marcus Emerson and Sandra Nobes

  Text design by Sandra Nobes

  Cover and internal illustrations by David Lee

  www.marcusemerson.com

  This one’s for Hazel…

  Contents

  Begin Reading

  Monday. My locker.

  Monday. The lobby.

  Monday. Outside the library.

  Monday. The hallways.

  Monday. The library.

  Monday. The Science lab.

  Tuesday. The Science lab before School.

  Tuesday. Lunch.

  Tuesday. The Science lab.

  Tuesday. The Science lab.

  Wednesday. The lobby.

  Wednesday. The Dungeon.

  Wednesday. Lunch.

  Wednesday. The Science lab.

  Wednesday. Wyatt’s house.

  Thursday. The lobby.

  Thursday. Lunch.

  Thursday. After School.

  Thursday. The hallways.

  Thursday. The Science lab.

  Thursday. The School parking lot.

  Friday. The Science lab.

  Friday. The library.

  Diary of a 6th Grade Ninja series

  Here’s a bit of advice for anyone out there who’d like to be a villain someday – if your phone rings, answer it. What’s the point in making evil demands if you’re just gonna ignore phone calls?

  That’s what Vesh was doing … and that’s why Naoki and I were scaling a building using nothing but thin rope. You ever climb a building with a thin rope? I don’t recommend it.

  Wait.

  Let me start again so things make more sense.

  Naoki and I were walking up the side of a hundred-storey building. At the top was one of the most notorious criminals our galaxy had ever seen. We weren’t sure whether he was expecting us or not, but I guess we were about to find out.

  Vesh had taken the Earth hostage, threatening to use his ultra powerful planet-eating machine on the planet unless he was paid a quadrillion fossil credits. You know how many zeroes are in a quadrillion?

  Fifteen. That’s 1,000,000,000,000,000.

  I guess it’s a good thing he didn’t ask for two quadrillion fossil credits, right?

  The people of Earth tried to contact Vesh several times in hopes of working out a deal that didn’t end with the destruction of the planet, because, y’know … that kind of thing really ruins your day.

  But Vesh never answered a single phone call.

  I know, right? What kind of alien monster carries around a clunky phone to begin with? Bad guys need better tech than that. Total noob.

  And Vesh was clearly ignoring the calls. It would ring twice, and then go straight to voicemail. That dude was clicking the ignore button … but why?

  Oh, and the text messages us Earthlings sent to him were delivered – Vesh still had read receipts on, so we could see that he got the messages.

  C’mon, Vesh! Be a better villain!

  So … that’s when yours truly was called upon to save the day. Again.

  My name is Chase Cooper, and I’m a sixth grade ninja … scaling a building to meet with an alien who refuses to answer his phone.

  Naoki, my trusty raccoon sidekick, was ahead of me, clawing his way up the side of the building. His backpack was slung over his shoulder and dangled above my face.

  ‘You mind strapping your bag tighter?’ I said, as his bag brushed the tip of my nose.

  ‘Sorry, master,’ Naoki said. ‘If I had an extra paw right now, I’d totally do it, but I fear I might fall.’

  ‘Right,’ I said. ‘Just concentrate on climbing.’

  ‘If Vesh would’ve just answered his stinkin’ phone, we wouldn’t have to do any of this!’ Naoki said. ‘And his demands for fossil credits! If he’d answered his phone, he’d know nobody has a clue what a fossil credit is! Are they even real? It’s like demanding a bajillion unicorn horns!’

  I laughed at his frustration. Naoki’s mouth ran like a river when he was upset.

  ‘Dude,’ I said. ‘It’ll all work out in the end. All we have to do is get to the top of the building and talk some sense into an evil alien who wants to destroy the planet. Too easy.’

  A loudspeaker crackled from somewhere in the sky.

  ‘Attention, citizens of Earth,’ said a deep, dark, kind of reptilian voice. ‘Due to your failure to pay me, your planet will be devoured in just a few short minutes …’

  ‘We must hurry, master!’ Naoki said, taking larger steps against the side of the building.

  I clutched the rope tighter, pulling myself up as fast as I could.

  Suddenly one of the windows on the side of the building slid open. I flinched, thinking Vesh had sent down a bunch of spiders or something to stop me from getting to him. And when I saw who opened the window, I wished it were a bunch of spiders.

  It was Wyatt, and he had a determined, I’m-here-to-help, look in his eye.

  ‘Sup, guys?’ Wyatt said, leaning out the window. ‘Whatcha doin’ out here?’

  Naoki groaned. ‘What’s it look like? We’re tryin’ to save the world!’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Little busy right now.’

  ‘It’s cool,’ Wyatt said, scooting across the windowsill and grabbing the rope. ‘I’ll help!’

  ‘No, no,’ I said. The rope tightened as Wyatt hopped from the window and hung below me. ‘We’re good, man! We don’t need any help!’

  ‘Yes you do!’ Wyatt said. ‘Be like water, bro!’

  ‘What?’ I said.

  ‘He said ‘be like water’,’ Naoki said through clenched teeth. ‘Water flows, transforms, adapts to its surroundings, no matter what they are.’

  ‘You got it,’ Wyatt said. ‘I’m here and I’m helping. Deal with it!’

  ‘Master,’ Naoki whispered. ‘We don’t have time to argue with him. Vesh is only minutes away from destroying the world!’

  I looked down to tell Wyatt that if he wanted to help, he had to be careful. But I didn’t get a chance to get the words out.

  Wyatt grabbed the bottom of my jeans and pulled himself up. He climbed up my back.

  ‘So how’d you guys get this gig?’ Wyatt asked as he rudely planted his feet on my shoulders to boost himself higher. ‘Do you freelance your ninja services or something?’

  ‘Freelance?’ Naoki repeated.

  ‘Yeah, like, working for yourself, finding jobs to pay the bills,’ Wyatt explained. ‘So, like, do you two go around finding random jobs like this and getting paid for your trouble?’


  ‘Random jobs,’ Naoki whispered sarcastically. ‘Like saving the planet from total destruction …’

  ‘Of course not!’ I said. ‘There’s no pay cheque! We’re doing this because our planet is being threatened by an alien monster!’

  ‘Huh,’ Wyatt grunted, unimpressed. ‘Then you guys are bad at business, which is good for me. I don’t have a ninja clan anymore, so I’m looking to branch out on my own, y’know? I’m gonna do what you’re doing, but better and for a fee.’

  Wyatt grabbed Naoki’s tail and swung back and forth.

  ‘Let go of my tail or feel the wrath of my ancestors!’ Naoki growled.

  ‘Look at me, guys!’ Wyatt squealed, swinging by Naoki’s furry tail. ‘I’m a monkey!’

  ‘Wyatt!’ I said, feeling like a frustrated parent. ‘Let go of his tail this instant! We’re gonna fall if you don’t stop acting like a little kid!’

  Planting both feet on the side of the building, Wyatt stopped swinging. He pulled himself up over Naoki so he was at the front. And then he stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at me.

  ‘Seriously?’ I yelled.

  From the top of the building, a silver robotic eye peeked over the edge and spotted us. It must’ve been one of Vesh’s cameras because it suddenly flashed red, and an alarm thundered through the entire building.

  ‘Great,’ I said. ‘So much for our surprise attack.’

  Naoki gasped. ‘Master, look out! Tiny ninja robots are falling from the rooftop!’

  ‘Tiny ninja robots?’ Wyatt said. ‘Flippin’ sweet!’

  The ninjas fell around us like rain. Several of them landed on our shoulders and attacked. You’d think tiny robot ninjas attacking you would kind of tickle, but I’m here to tell you it doesn’t tickle … it hurts.

  Wyatt’s attitude quickly shifted from delight to terror.

  ‘Get ’em off me!’ Wyatt screeched. ‘They’re punching me with their tiny fists!’

  ‘They’re punching all of us with their tiny fists!’ Naoki said.

  Flailing wildly, Wyatt did the dumbest thing a person can do while climbing a building with a thin rope – he let go.

  Naoki shouted as Wyatt fell on top of him. Naoki was a strong raccoon, but when someone three times your size slams into you from above, it doesn’t matter how tightly you’re holding on – you’re gonna fall.

  And then there was me at the bottom, staring helplessly as they came crashing down on top of me.

  The rope burned my hands as I slid down. I let go and arched myself back, reaching out for the nearest windowsill, but they were all too far away. Naoki, Wyatt and I fell into a freefall.

  The air was brisk and bit my cheeks through my ninja mask as I fell faster and faster, spinning uncontrollably. The tiny robot ninjas flaked off my shoulders, probably heading back to Vesh, who was still on the roof.

  Was that it? Was that the way the world was going to end? What were the history books going to say about it, I wondered. Then I realised there wouldn’t be any history books written about it … ever.

  Wyatt was hollering from somewhere I couldn’t see. He sounded like he was having fun!

  And then there came another sound, like an explosion. It was close – a little too close.

  Something grabbed the bottom of my jeans and stopped me from spinning like a violent ballerina. It was Naoki!

  ‘Hang on, master!’ Naoki shouted as he tightened his grip on me. In his hand was Wyatt.

  On Naoki’s back was a jetpack, blasting fire. Oh my god, his backpack was a jetpack!

  Wait … his backpack was a jetpack??

  ‘You have a jetpack?’ I shouted over the noise of the rockets. ‘Why didn’t you use that thing to begin with? We could’ve skipped the whole ‘climbing the side of the building with cheap rope’ thing!’

  ‘I never said anything because you never asked, master!’ Naoki replied.

  ‘Okay, from now on, tell me if you have a tool that’ll help any of our missions!’

  Naoki smiled. ‘Understood!’

  The three of us rocketed to the top of the building, where Vesh was working on his planet-eating machine. He was hunched over the foot of the machine as sparks danced around him.

  Naoki gently dropped Wyatt and me on the roof, and landed between us.

  Vesh stopped his work on the machine, and stood. The alien was at least three metres tall. He was still wearing his space helmet.

  He arched his back, stretching like he had just come home from a long day at work. Slowly, like, creepy-horror-movie slow, he turned around to face us.

  That’s when I realised his body wasn’t what I thought it was. It was just a robotic shell that was controlled by a tiny little alien sitting inside the helmet on top.

  Vesh was an itty-bitty little thing. If he weren’t about to destroy the world, I would’ve said he was kind of cute. He was even wearing a tiny t-shirt!

  The alien clapped his hands slowly, like he was applauding. ‘Well, well, well,’ he said from inside the glass helmet. ‘If it isn’t Charley Cooper.’

  ‘It’s Chase,’ I said, correcting him. ‘My name’s Chase, dude.’

  ‘Charley, Chase, it doesn’t make a lick of difference, does it?’ Vesh said, holding one of his hands out, presenting the machine that was behind him. ‘In a few short minutes, your planet will be toast, and nobody will remember you.’

  ‘Why haven’t you answered your phone?’ Naoki huffed.

  Vesh shrugged his tiny shoulders. ‘I prefer texting.’

  ‘We did text you!’ Naoki added.

  ‘I’m not too good with new technology.’ He held his gigantic robot hands in front of his face. ‘I’ve got these fat fingers and phone buttons are super tiny.’

  ‘So that’s why our planet is going to be destroyed?’ Wyatt replied. ‘Because of your giant sausage fingers?’

  ‘Dude, easy,’ Naoki said.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Wyatt said sarcastically. ‘We wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings, right?’

  ‘He wants to blow up the planet,’ I said. ‘You gotta be more careful when you—’

  Wyatt leaned his head back and groaned. ‘You buncha dandelions! Watch how a pro does this,’ he said, marching towards Vesh.

  ‘What’re you doing?’ I whispered harshly. ‘I’ve got this under control!’

  Wyatt spun around with his arms outstretched. ‘Really? This is ‘under control’ to you?’

  ‘I mean,’ I stammered. ‘I was about to talk him out of it!’

  ‘You were going to negotiate?’ Wyatt said. ‘Forget that! I negotiate with my fists!’

  With that, Wyatt turned and sprinted straight for the three-metre-tall robot shell that contained Vesh.

  Wyatt flipped over, somehow changing into his red ninja robes. Honestly, if the planet weren’t in danger of being eaten, I would’ve thought his stunt was pretty cool.

  Vesh planted one foot behind him. At first, it looked like he was bracing himself for Wyatt’s attack, but it quickly became clear that he didn’t care about Wyatt. Instead, he set his hands on the planet-eating machine and brought up a holographic control panel.

  Screeching, Wyatt flew through the air, throwing out a kick that would crack any kung fu master up. It looked like Wyatt was riding an invisible bicycle.

  ‘What move is that?’ Naoki asked.

  ‘It’s not in any book I’ve ever read,’ I said.

  Sadly, Wyatt’s move failed on a level so epic that even I felt embarrassed for him. His bicycle kick landed directly on Vesh’s back, but … have you ever hit a tiny rock while skateboarding? It doesn’t matter how fast you’re going, once your wheel hits that rock, you fall flat to the ground like a ragdoll. You could be coasting at a hundred kilometres an hour, and then BAM! You face plant into the ground so hard that people on the other side of the world cringe.

  Wyatt hit the ground and screamed in pain.

  Vesh didn’t even flinch. He was focused on the holographic display in front of him, twisting and
turning dials until he finally found what he was looking for.

  The alien put his hand directly into the middle of a blue holographic sphere, clenched his fist and turned his wrist.

  The planet-eating machine came to life. The sound was so loud that I couldn’t hear anything else but the grinding noise it made.

  Naoki covered his ears and shouted, but I had to read his lips in to understand him.

  ‘You have to stop the machine! We have to switch it off!’ he said.

  ‘But how? I don’t know anything about that thing, do you?’ I mouthed back.

  Naoki shook his head.

  I looked at the city streets below us. The planet-eating machine was already working cracking open the ground. Cars and buses had lifted off the ground and were being thrown back and forth like toys.

  Naoki tugged at my jeans, pointing back at Vesh’s machine. There, on the side of the monstrous machine, was a plug hooked up to a socket on the rooftop. ‘For real?’ I said.

  I ran for the plug. Vesh turned towards me, but I was too quick for him. I grabbed the thick wire around the plug and yanked as hard as I could. Lucky for me, and the rest of the planet, the plug slipped out.

  The cars bouncing around on the city streets crashed to the concrete as gravity returned to normal.

  ‘You fool!’ Vesh screamed from his glass helmet. ‘You’re only delaying the inevitable! I’ll return to your pathetic planet and finish the job later!’

  ‘Not if I stop you first!’ I shouted. My ears were ringing from the noise Vesh’s machine made…was still making.

  Vesh’s machine was still surging with power!

  Vesh pointed at the ground under his feet. A burst of green light shot out from his fingertip, creating a swirling portal.

  ‘How can you stop me when you’re too busy saving yourself?’ Vesh growled. And then he stepped through the portal and disappeared.

  ‘The machine!’ Naoki shouted. ‘It’s gonna blow!’

  The rooftop shook violently. Little pebbles danced around our feet.

  ‘We have to switch it off!’ I said.

  ‘But you unplugged it!’ Naoki said. ‘What else can we do?’

  I looked at the plug. The gears glowed red as flames shot from the top of the device.