Fireflies & Family Ties

by Rachel Hanna

  “Let’s make it our last fight, okay? I haven’t slept in days.”

  Janine giggled. “Okay, no more fights. We’ll just be blissfully happy forever and ever.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” he said, stepping back, his arms around her waist. “Looks like you had a pretty full class.”

  “I did. But, you’re right. I have to make some changes to my class rates. I did the numbers, and I’m just not able to offer all that free stuff until I get on my feet.”

  He grinned. “Did you just say I was right?”

  “Don’t get used to it,” she said, pinching his arm.

  Chapter 7

  Julie stood in the bookstore, staring off into space out onto the sidewalk. Why did everybody have to look so happy today? She wondered if they had the same kind of problems she had going on in her life right now.

  A daughter who left college and was pregnant at nineteen years old.

  A “sort of” boyfriend who seemed to be “sort of” dating his high school crush behind her back.

  A wretched ex-husband with an even worse fiancée.

  And serious writer’s block.

  For weeks, she had been trying to get back into writing her novel, a semi autobiographical version of her life. But now she felt like her life was becoming so unbelievable that nobody was going to want to read her book.

  More than anything, she wanted her daughter to be okay. She wanted her to open up, talk about what she was going through. But so far, Meg seemed to be isolating herself. Thankfully, one bright spot had appeared. Meg had asked her to go to her next doctor’s appointment with her.

  As she wiped down the counter for the fifteenth time, she thought about how that appointment might go. Would she get to see the baby on ultrasound? Would she get to hear the heartbeat? And would that make everything even harder if Meg chose to give the baby up for adoption?

  She turned her back for a moment to pick up a stack of books that needed to be put back in their proper places. The bell on the door dinged, and she turned around to see Christian standing there.

  So far, she had been able to avoid him. There was a part of her that blamed him for everything that was going on with her daughter. He was older than her, more experienced, more mature. How had he allowed this to happen?

  "Hello, Madame," he said, his thick French accent seeming less appealing than normal.

  "Hello." Julie just stood there, cleaning cloth in her hand, unsure of what to say. "Can I help you with something?"

  He smiled slightly and looked at his feet. "I thought maybe we could talk."

  She nodded slightly toward one of the bistro chairs in the café. Christian walked over and sat down, and she followed. She found herself suddenly wishing for a rush of customers to come into the store so that she could have a reason to tell him to go. But the other part of her really wanted to hear what he was going to say.

  "What would you like to talk about?"

  "I know this is highly irregular for me to be here. But your daughter won't speak to me, and I don't know what else to do. I'm not leaving until we work this out one way or the other."

  "Well, my daughter is an adult in the eyes of the law. I can't force her to talk to you."

  "I understand. And I know you must not like me very much."

  "On the surface, no. I definitely don't like you. But I don't know you well enough as a person to make a final determination."

  "I don't blame you. If I lived thousands of miles away from my daughter and found out she was seeing a man who was older than her, I might feel the same. But I would like you to know that I truly love your daughter."

  "So I've heard."

  "It may not matter much, but I’ve always respected her. We never… Well, I don't really know how to say this to someone's mother…"

  Julie put her hand up. "I get it. But I really don't want to hear any more about that."

  "Yes. Totally understandable. You must know also that the baby is half of me too. I am very distraught that Meg would come here and possibly give away our baby without me ever knowing.”

  Julie sucked in a long breath and blew it out. "We can agree on that. I think that was the wrong thing to do."

  "I just want to be involved in whatever way I can. I still love your daughter, and my plan was to be with her for the rest of my life. We have a lot in common, although you may not think that's possible. I feel like Meg is an old soul."

  Julie laughed softly. "We've always said that about her, actually. And I think it's why she feels things so deeply."

  "Yes, she's a very empathetic person. Anyway, I was just hoping that maybe you could talk to her for me. I'd like to sit down and discuss the situation, maybe even be involved in the doctor’s appointments. I just want her to hear me out."

  "As I said, I can't force my daughter to do anything, but I will speak with her. Encourage her to talk to you so that she can get some closure."

  He nodded slightly, a sad look on his face. "I hope this isn't the end for us. I've never met a woman like your daughter, and I dare say I will never meet another one like her again."

  "I have work to do, so if there’s nothing else?”

  "Yes, I don't want to interfere with your work day. Thank you for listening to me," he said, standing up.

  Julie nodded and walked back up to the front of the store as Christian walked out the door. Before leaving, he turned around and looked at her.

  "I don't know if you've ever been in love. I assume you have. Not being with Meg is ripping out my heart, and I'll do anything to stop feeling like this. I hope she'll speak with me soon."

  With that, he walked down the sidewalk, and Julie was left feeling conflicted. This man actually seemed to love her daughter, and now she didn't know what to think.

  Meg sat at the large conference table alone. Even though she had support available, she felt like this was something she needed to do by herself. She told no one she was coming here, not wanting to hear everyone else's opinions. It was so hard to keep herself objective about the situation, especially with the baby starting to kick. Feeling all of that made her even more determined to make the right decision, but it also ripped her heart out when she even considered handing her baby over to strangers in a few months.

  A woman walked into the room, prim and proper in her business suit. Meg didn't have any maternity clothes yet, mainly because she had been trying to hide her pregnancy for so long. Today, she wore her biggest pair of sweat pants and an oversized pink sweater. She was hot, moody and uncomfortable. Maternity clothes were definitely something on her list that she needed to get.

  The woman sat down, a stack of file folders in her hand. "Hello, Meg. It's very nice to meet you. I'm Lucinda Clark. I’m the adoptive parent coordinator.”

  Meg reached her hand across the table to shake Lucinda’s. Everything about this woman looked put together. Not a hair out of place. Expensive designer suit, make up that made every blemish disappear, beautiful and perfect white teeth. Meg felt like a troll that lived under a bridge sitting across from her.

  "Nice to meet you."

  "So, I understand that you're considering adoption. I just want you to know that it's a very selfless thing to do, to give your child the opportunity for a better home and to give a family the ability to grow. I also understand that you're currently undecided, and that's totally normal. This is a big decision. A lot of our birthmothers go back-and-forth and don't make a final decision even up until the baby is born."

  "Oh no. I don't want to do that. I want to make a final decision as soon as possible because this is really tearing me apart. My family wants me to keep the baby, as does the birth father."

  Lucinda looked at her carefully. "The birth father? I wasn't aware that he was involved."

  "Well, he wasn't until recently. He's a French citizen, and I got pregnant over there while I was at college. He came here to find me a few days ago, so he's here in town."

  "That does complicate things, Meg. A birth father has rights, and
I'll have to talk to our attorneys to figure out exactly what they are since he is not a US citizen."

  "I understand. I just thought since I haven’t actually even made the decision yet, maybe I could come and look at some of the adoptive family files. You know, see if anybody feels right to me. Then I can talk to the birth father."

  Lucinda nodded her head and slid a few file folders over to Meg. “Alright, that sounds good. If at all possible, we would want his agreement just to make everything legal."

  "Of course."

  "I've taken the liberty of pulling a few files that I think fit what you're looking for. All are two parent homes, and all of them are open to sending photos and updates throughout the years."

  "I'm not sure I even want that, honestly. I think it's going to make everything much harder."

  "I understand you have a lot of conflicting feelings right now. We can decide those sorts of things later. Honestly, most adoptive families are open to whatever contact you're comfortable with, even if it's none."

  Meg let out a breath she had been holding. "Good."

  "Well, I'll leave you to it. When you're finished, you can just give those folders to my assistant on the way out. Take as much time as you need, and call me if you see a family that you would like to meet with."

  Lucinda stood up, touched Meg’s shoulder and walked out of the room. Meg had never felt so alone. How was she supposed to choose strangers to raise her baby? What if everything they wrote about themselves was a lie?

  She carefully opened the first folder. There was a paper on the front that was a letter to the birth mother. Attached were pictures of the couple. There was also home study information inside detailing what kind of house they had, jobs and other pertinent information.

  The first couple seemed nice enough. The husband was an architect, the wife was planning to be a homemaker. They lived in Atlanta and had no children. They did have a cat, and Meg didn't like cats. She was allergic. She closed the folder and pushed it away, not wanting to risk that her baby was going to have the same allergies that she did. It was the first motherly decision she had made.

  She opened the second folder. It had the same set up, only this time the couple was a little bit younger. They lived in North Carolina and had two kids, three dogs and loved to raise chickens. Meg rolled her eyes, shook her head and pushed the folder away. The last thing she wanted was to put her baby in a household that already had kids. No, she wanted her child to get undivided attention, at least for the first year or so. And she definitely didn’t want her baby to have to compete for attention with a bunch of chickens.

  She opened the third file folder and saw a very pleasant looking couple. They seemed to probably be in their late twenties, not that much older than her. But they certainly had their lives together a lot more than she did.

  They lived in Orlando, and the husband was a marketing executive. The wife was a schoolteacher. They had a basset hound and no kids. Heck, Meg thought she might want to go live with them.

  She read their birthmother letter. It was heartfelt, and she got a good feeling about them. They were open to as much contact as she wanted to have. They had been trying to get pregnant for three years but then found out that the wife needed a hysterectomy. Their only option at this point would be adoption.

  Meg felt an immediate conflict in her gut. A part of her wanted to keep her child no matter what. Another part of her wanted to give her baby the best possible life, and wouldn't that be with a couple like this? She couldn't provide anything near what this couple could. Well, except for the love she had.

  Every day, it was getting harder and harder to feel detached from the life growing inside of her. Now that the baby was moving more, she felt every kick and flutter. And she felt a growing love in her heart that she had never experienced before. A mother's love, she assumed.

  If she gave her baby up for adoption, she wouldn't get to make all of those parental decisions as the years went by. The only decision she would get to make was whether or not to give her baby to someone else to raise.

  And she wanted to make the best decision. If it was her only decision, she wanted it to be a good one.

  She closed the folder and put her head on the table. She had prayed more since being pregnant than she had in her entire life. She just wanted God to send a really obvious sign on what she should do, but so far she hadn't felt pulled one way or the other. Some moments she was adamantly against adoption, and other moments she felt like it was the only good solution.

  And then there was Christian. She had to talk to him, she knew that. She had been avoiding it mainly because she loved him so much. She knew that when they met, he would likely try to talk her into keeping the baby, and she just didn't want to feel pressured.

  On the other hand, it wasn't fair to him. He had a right to have an opinion.

  She stood up and walked over to the window which looked out over the city. Off in the distance, she could see the island. She thought about what it would be like to raise a child in this area, next to the wild marshes and the beautiful ocean. What an idyllic childhood that could be.

  Conflicted, she turned, picked up the folders and handed them to the assistant before getting on the elevator. As she stood there, still unsure of what to do, she prayed that God would give her a sign, some way of knowing that if she kept her baby everything would be all right. Or, some way of knowing that her baby was meant to be with another family.

  “Wow, you do have a lot going on,” Tucker said as they walked down the beach.

  Colleen had found him to be a great confidante, after all he didn’t know anyone she was talking about anyway.

  “Yeah, it’s been a whirlwind.”

  “What do you think your sister will decide?”

  Colleen sighed. “I don’t know, honestly. But, I hope she keeps the baby. I just can’t imagine never knowing my niece or nephew.”

  “That’s hard. You know, I’m adopted.”

  Colleen stopped walking. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I was adopted at three days old. In fact, my birthmother left me at a fire station.”

  Her heart dropped. What must that be like, to know you were abandoned?

  “Wow. I’m so sorry,” she said, not really knowing what to say.

  Tucker smiled. “I’m over it now.”

  “Did you ever find out why?”

  “Yeah. About a year ago, I hired a private investigator. My mother had been fifteen years old when she got pregnant. She didn’t have a good family situation, and she hid her pregnancy. Gave birth to me alone in a vacant house and left me at the fire station. She watched from the woods across the street for hours until she was sure someone found me.”

  “Oh my gosh, Tucker. She must have been devastated. I cannot imagine.”

  “Not everyone has a good family situation. It makes me appreciate the great family I have now. Family doesn’t have to be blood.”

  They started walking again. “You’re right. But, Meg has our support, one hundred percent.”

  “True. But, this is her baby. Her flesh and blood. And she has to decide what’s best. I know it’s hard, but give her space. Let her know you’re there, but don’t judge whatever she decides. That baby will be loved no matter where it ends up.”

  In her heart, she knew he was right, but the selfish part of her still wanted Meg to keep the baby. Why were things always so hard?

  Chapter 8

  Janine and Julie walked down the sidewalk, looking in the shop windows. Although they had invited Meg to go with them, she said she was tired and wanted to rest up for her doctor’s appointment that afternoon.

  But she was running out of clothing quickly. Her sweaters were starting to become tight, and Julie was getting tired of seeing her walk around in sweatpants all the time.

  "So, you haven't talked to Dawson this week?"

  "He's called and texted a few times, but I told him I was just really busy with all of this going on with Meg."

  "Maybe it w
asn't what you thought. I mean, maybe he was just having lunch with an old friend."

  Julie stopped and looked at her sister. "Really? If it's no big deal, then why is he hiding it? Why does he keep telling me that he's just got some important job he's working on?"

  Janine shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Men are impossible.”

  Julie laughed. “Well, I've been through a lot worse, and I'm not getting hurt like that again. I'd rather be alone."

  They continued walking until they came to the maternity shop. They went inside, searched through the racks and found some suitable basic clothes they could get for Meg. After making sure she could return them if they didn't fit, Julie paid for the items and they left the store.

  "Want to grab a cup of coffee?" Janine asked.

  "I thought you had a class soon?"

  "Not for a couple of hours. And I hate sitting at the studio all alone. It's kind of depressing."

  "Where is William?"

  "He had some business in Charleston today. So, I'd much rather get coffee with my sister if she’s agreeable," she said, smiling.

  The two women walked a block over to the coffee shop. Julie loved this place. It was very down home and laid back. She hated those big coffee chains with a passion. Although, when she had lived in Atlanta, she’d frequented them often, most of the time with unlikable women from the country club.

  They sat down at a table after getting their coffee, and Janine looked at her sister.

  "I know you're worried about Meg."

  "How could I not be? You haven't told Mom have you?"

  "Are you crazy? There's no way I would tell her! I think we should just keep it between us until we know what Meg is going to do. And, if she keeps the baby, I don't think we should tell Mom until the kid is at least ten years old," Janine said, with a laugh.

  Julie smiled. "If she keeps it. I absolutely hate saying that phrase."

  Janine smiled sadly. "I know. It's just hard to fathom that she might choose adoption. I mean, I believe in adoption whole heartedly. But I can't even imagine the thought that she would give her baby away."