Whatever She's Got

by Lyla Grace

  Guilt tugs at my heart. I had planned on marrying Sarah. How is it now that I can just so easily discard her, almost forgetting her after only three months with Livie? It feels so wrong. Yet, with Livie, everything feels right. I know Sarah’s gone, I know it’s okay to move on, to love again. Why the hell do I feel so damn guilty?

  “So?” he urges.

  “So what?” I ask. He raises his eyebrows at me. “You know I don’t kiss and tell, man.”

  “You told me you did her in a damn supply closet. Can’t I get just a couple details here?”

  I let out a laugh. His eyes plead with me. Shit. I guess I could throw him a bone. “Fucking amazing, okay? She can do things with her body that I have never seen before, and trust me, I have seen plenty.”

  “Mmm…I can imagine.” A swift elbow to the gut causes him to bend over.

  “Don’t.”

  “So is this like the real deal or just a fling?” he asks.

  “Depends who you ask,” I answer honestly. I know Livie’s the one for me, even if I am having a hard time reconciling that little fact. But the problem is, yes, she agreed to be a couple, but I have a feeling that might be it. I don’t know if she sees herself or us going any farther than we are. And quite frankly, I am way too damn worried about her walking away to ask her or push the issue.

  “She’s not into you, huh?” he teases.

  “No, asshole, that’s not what I meant. Livie is basically a self-proclaimed bachelorette.”

  “I thought all chicks wanted the wedding bells and happily ever after shit.”

  Derek Sutton, Dr. Love, ladies and gentleman. When he became so knowledgeable about all things women I have no idea. I have seen him screw things up with Brooke more times that I can count. But here he is, divulging the secrets of all things women. “Yeah, well, not Livie apparently.”

  “You okay with that?” His tone has become more serious, even concerned slightly.

  “If you’re asking if I know what I am getting myself into…I do. I swear. Trust me, D. Even if wedding bells aren’t in the future, as long as I have her, I will be one damn happy man.” Derek nods in acceptance. It’s a sentiment I know he understands. Despite being an asshole on occasion, Derek adores Brooke; he would be lost without her. So I know he gets where I am coming from.

  After our heart to heart, or at least as close to one as the two of us will ever get, Derek and I rejoin Livie and Brooke by the pool. I snag her beer from her and take a long pull. I need something to cool me off when seeing her prance around in that damn bikini keeps me running hot.

  As the afternoon wears on we are all still by the pool, talking and laughing, and we each have more than a few drinks in us.

  “Wait, do you remember that one time that D and I walked in on you and Sarah? Oh my God, she was so embarrassed,” Brooke laughs. And it was actually a pretty funny moment. Sarah, the consummate good girl, could not have been more embarrassed. I swear I was on sexual reprieve for at least a month because Brooke was a nosy little shit.

  “Who’s Sarah?” Livie asks. Shit. “Is that the girl in the picture?”

  I run my hand through my hair. I could literally strangle Brooke right now. She and Derek both know how I feel about talking about Sarah – I don’t. I especially don’t want to talk about her right now, not when I am finally getting my love life back on track. Hell, it only took me ten years. “It’s no one,” I lie.

  “No one?” Brooke says, her anger evident on her face. I don’t blame her. I am pretty angry with myself for dismissing Sarah like that. But I am equally pissed at Brooke. Had she just kept her mouth shut, I wouldn’t have had to lie to anyone…including Livie.

  I shove myself off the ground and head into the kitchen. My palms are on the counter, my head hung. I am trying to breathe through the extreme panic I feel right now, as emotions that I have kept at bay for nearly ten years begin to rush me.

  I can feel Livie’s hand rest gently on my back. “Landon? You okay?” she asks, her voice quiet and filled with concern.

  I am too afraid to turn around. She knows me well enough to be able to read the pain I am sure is written across my face. “Listen, I’m sorry. I just….”

  “Don’t,” she says as she wraps her arms around me from behind and rests her head on my back. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

  I face her, making sure to keep her close. “I want to.” And I do. Maybe I don’t want to relieve those moments, the fear and the pain. I do want to tell her everything, though. About Sarah, about my past, about how much I love her.

  Just not here, not in my parents’ kitchen. We need someplace private, someplace that is just ours. I need to give her a little more of myself when she already thinks I have given so much. So I take her hand. “Will you go somewhere with me?”

  “Anywhere,” she replies.

  I grab a small cooler and throw in a few bottles of beer before I take her hand with my free one and lead her out of the kitchen and through the back yard.

  “Where are we going?” she asks

  I don’t answer as we rush past Derek and Brooke. I think Derek yells something to me, though I can’t be certain. Frankly, in this instant I don’t care about anything…anything except Livie, that is.

  “What is this place? It’s beautiful,” she says when we arrive.

  I squat down and start to build us a fire. Hopefully I’ll succeed--it’s been a while since I have done this without the flip of a switch. “It’s where I used to come if I needed to think or be alone when I was younger. It was just so peaceful. A place I could just clear my head, be alone without worrying that D would find me.”

  She nods in understanding. I have a feeling that with her childhood, she may have had a place or two like this of her own. I hand her a beer and sit down next to her.

  “I want to tell you about Sarah.”

  “You don’t have to. You know that, right?”

  “I know. I want to.” I inhale a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “The girl in the photo yesterday and the girl that Brooke was talking about today is Sarah. She was my high school girlfriend.” I sit next to her as I continue on, my head hung.

  Sarah Monroe was my first love, my only love. Until Livie. I had loved everything about her--she was perfect. A straight A student, volunteered in her free time, cheerleader with a rocking damn body that I was so grateful she let me be the first and only to touch. We met the summer before freshman year and were inseparable until…until the day she died.

  It was our senior prom. Sarah looked gorgeous in a black sequined dress that she and my mom picked out. The evening had started out well enough. We had an amazing dinner, partied away at the dance. But when it was time to leave, Sarah and I got into a disagreement. I had arranged for a special evening for the two of us. Sarah wanted to head to a party at one of our friends’ houses.

  “I pleaded with her not to go, but she got in a car with Heather and Brian anyway and they took off. I guess Brian had been drinking, and….” This is the part I don’t like to think about, the part I can’t deal with. I have to, though, for Livie, for both of us. “When I got home, my parents were waiting for me in the living room. They had just got the call. Sarah had been in an accident. She didn’t make it.”

  Livie’s gasps as I finish my sentence. She squeezes my hand in her own, offering comfort and solace. “Oh Landon, I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine how you must have felt.”

  “Destroyed. For two months after she died, I was a wreck. First, I got angry with her. I blamed her for ruining everything, ruining us. Our whole future was right in front of us and she threw it away for a stupid fucking party. Then I shifted the blame to myself. I drank myself into oblivion, got into trouble, basically self-destructed. It’s why my dad was so hard on you. He doesn’t want to watch me go through something like that again.”

  “What stopped you?” she asks.

  And that’s the caveat. Despite all the therapy sessions, I never stopped playing what-if. I was able
to function again, live life, but a part of me always played that game. Until I met Livie. Our first night in Mexico was the first night I didn’t fall asleep telling myself a bedtime story of what life would be like had Sarah survived.

  “You,” I admit. Her eyes are wide like saucers.

  “Landon. I…I haven’t done anything.”

  My hands cup her beautiful face, my thumb caressing her cheek. “You made me want, you made me need. You made me feel again when for so long I had shut myself off to any idea of that. You do know how special you are to me, don’t you?” Her mouth hangs slightly open, her eyes boring into me expectantly. She holds my arms in place with her hands as she nods. “I love you, Livie.” She inhales sharply at the words. “I don’t need to hear the words back; I just need you to know how I feel, what you mean to me.”

  “I…” she stammers.

  I silence her with my lips. “Don’t say anything; just show me.” Her lips meet mine, and she pours her soul into that kiss. Whatever she can’t verbalize, she can definitely tell me with her eyes, her mouth, her body. She surrenders herself to me, body and soul.

  “Say it again.” Her voice is a whisper. I oblige. I repeat the words over and over as I strip her of her clothing, as I kiss her body, as I slide my cock into her wet folds.

  “I love you, Livie.” Her body tenses as I slowly pump inside of her. We’ve fucked fast and slow, hard and soft, but we have never made love like this. But that is exactly what I intend to do tonight, make love to her, worship her, make her realize just how amazing she is and how much I love her.

  The slow, erotic movements have her writhing beneath me, her body surrendered to me to do as I please.

  Chapter 17

  Livie

  “Well, good morning, you two,” Gwen greets as Landon and I enter the kitchen. “Did you sleep well?”

  Apparently she isn’t that familiar with her son. The man’s sexual appetite leaves little room for sleep. Yet somehow, I always feel very relaxed and rested after spending a night letting him have his way with me. “Wonderful, thank you,” I lie. Landon sneaks me a wink as he makes his way over to his mother and kisses her cheek.

  I grab a mug off the counter and pour myself a cup of coffee. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited your family over for a barbeque this afternoon,” Gwen states. The words strike me, causing me to drop the mug onto the floor.

  I apologize profusely as I clean up the mess. “I’m sorry, did you just say you invited my family? Here?” I ask.

  It is a kind gesture. At least most people would think so. I mean, I appreciate her enthusiasm for Landon’s and my relationship, I do. But…well, most people don’t have Sharon Matthews as their “mother.” My attempts to make a good impression will surely go out the window after they spend a few hours with the Matthews clan.

  “I was going to ask you if it was okay, but I wasn’t able to find either of you last night. Where did you disappear to, anyway?” Gwen replies.

  “It doesn’t matter. Mom, you shouldn’t have done that without talking to us first. What were you thinking?” Landon demands.

  Gwen looks stunned. If only she understood that while her gesture was kind, given my family dynamics, it was more like a death sentence for me. “I…I’m sorry. I was just so excited about the two of you…and…” she attempts to explain.

  Landon goes to say something, but I put my hand on his arm, stopping him. Gwen has been so kind to me; the last thing I want is to make her feel bad when all she was doing was being nice. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine. You just took me by surprise, that’s all,” I say, trying to make peace. I give Landon a reassuring look, letting him know that I can handle this. “I guess I better go get ready.”

  “Livie,” Landon begins as he catches my arm just before I reach the stairs. “Are you sure about this? You don’t need any more stress in your life right now, and my mom overstepped her bounds. I have no problem telling her that.”

  Gently, I touch his cheek. “She did it with the best of intentions. I’ve spent my whole life dealing with Sharon and Madison. I think I can handle one day, especially if I have you by my side.” Quickly I rush up the stairs to the room we share and prepare myself for what should prove to be a very interesting day.

  I put on my most modest of bikinis and throw on a pair of jean shorts and a loose- fitting tank top for good measure. It is a poolside barbeque, but it is at Landon’s parents’ house, and I am still attempting to make a good impression here. Gwen and I get along great, but I still feel like I need to prove myself to his dad. Though, now knowing the whole story about Sarah, I have a better understanding why he was so concerned about my relationship with Landon. I think after our talk the other day, he finally realizes that I am not after Landon’s money or merely out to break his heart. With a quick glance in the mirror, I give myself a once-over, then slip on my sandals and head out toward the pool.

  Between what happened between Landon and me last night, and the stress of bringing our families together I am a nervous wreck. When I make my way onto the patio, my eyes lock with his, causing my heart to skip a beat. One look--that’s all it takes for all my crazy, irrational thoughts to leave my head. What the hell does any of it matter, anyway, when he looks at me like I am the only person in the world? It doesn’t. Not one damn bit.

  I make my way over to him and Chase, and just to have a little fun with my brother, I situate myself on Landon’s lap. I know he’s grateful that I am finally with a decent guy, and God knows he thinks the world of Landon, but it still makes him squirm a little when he sees us together like this. I guess that’s understandable when it wasn’t too long ago that they were banging chicks in the same room. I believe that there was even a story about swapping, but Landon won’t confirm that. The daggers he shot Derek when he brought it up, though, tell me all I need to know. Guess my Mr. Uptight isn’t quite so uptight after all. And here I thought I was a bad influence on him.

  “So are you ready for your Meet the Parents moment?” Chase says, his green eyes twinkling at me over his trademark Armani sunglasses.

  Normally, introducing one of my boyfriends to our parents had always been a source of entertainment to me--mostly because I knew they would hate him. Though I am pretty sure that Sharon would have thought that even the abusive bastards were too good for me.

  Admittedly, I am nervous this time around. Landon is a good guy, and Sharon would be right in her assumption that he deserves better. The whole idea only makes me all the more concerned about how far Sharon will go in her matchmaking attempts between Landon and Madison. I am sure whatever her plot is it will definitely include her throwing in as many digs at me as she can.

  More than that, though, I am worried about Landon. He’s mentioned to me that Sharon has suggested he take out Madison on several occasions, and even worse, one occasion where Madison actually threw herself at him. Now, don’t get me wrong. They would look pretty together. Both have blonde hair and blue eyes and amazingly toned bodies. But attractive physical attributes is where it would end. Madison has grandiose ideas about champagne and diamonds and exotic vacations, leading the life of royalty. Landon on the other hand, while highly dignified and used to the finer things in life, is more your beer and pizza kind of guy. The two would really be a match made in hell. From what I can discern, though, Madison would be okay with that as long as it came with fame and an unlimited bank account.

  “I’m actually worried more about Landon. I’m used to their disappointment,” I admit freely.

  “They might surprise you,” Landon says, a statement that both Chase and I can’t help but laugh at.

  “A thousand bucks says my mom tries to set you up with Maddie again,” Chase says, sticking his hand out in a wager.

  Landon slaps his hand in to Chase’s. “You’re on. No way will she pull that when she knows Livie and I are together.”

  “May as well pay up now, Stud. You’re losing this bet, I can tell already.” My gaze travels to the gate where my famil
y enters with Landon’s.

  He follows my gaze, and you can see the defeat in his eyes when he sees Madison. Her bikini may as well be non-existent with the strings of material that are holding it together. She is giddy. Her smile is over-the-top and she is obviously awestruck by Gwen. It’s a dream come true to her. There is no way she isn’t going to try to sink her claws into him now.

  “Show time,” I say with no enthusiasm. I take Landon’s hand as we follow suit behind Chase toward our families. Gwen gives me a sympathetic look. Great; I don’t even want to know what Sharon as said about me to warrant me that look. I greet my family, offering only my father a hug. I make a quick introduction. “Mom, Dad, Madison, you know Landon.”

  “Your new boyfriend, apparently,” my dad inquires with a lopsided grin on his face. He looks pleased. And his approval means the world to me. He likes Landon, and he’s happy for me. Sharon, on the other hand, if looks could kill…the glare she is giving me. Wow!

  “Yes, such wonderful news, isn’t it?” Gwen interjects. “We just adore Livie. She and Landon make such a wonderful couple.”

  “You better take good care of my daughter,” my father warns as he shakes Landon’s hand.

  “I have every intention of doing just that,” Landon says with his hand still in my father’s. It’s as though they are making a silent agreement, and my happiness is the only thing either of them cares about. His phone rings in his pocket. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I need to take this.” He places a quick kiss on my temple before stepping away.

  Sharon and Madison are busy fawning over Gwen. Sharon begins to go on and on about Madison--how wonderful she is, what style and class she has, all the time never saying one kind word about me or even acknowledging me. I wonder if she realizes just how transparent she is. It’s a miracle no one has ever suspected that she wasn’t my mother.