Sweet Hope

by Tillie Cole

  Austin shifted in his seat as he looked at his younger brother. Levi lowered his head. “I wanted to stay close to my brother and Lexi. That’s all. The Huskie’s ain’t too bad, and we’re doing real good this year.”

  My heart sank as I saw a wash of vulnerability flit across his handsome face.

  “Best damn player on that field, hey, little brother?” Austin said, breaking the silence, and Levi lifted his head, blushing at Austin’s expression of pride.

  “So, Al, Molls and Rome said you’re curating some fancy-ass exhibition at the University?” Austin said taking the attention of Levi, just after Rome ordered a round of drinks from the waiter who stood just out of our eyeline.

  I laughed at the way he put it. “Yeah, I’m curating some fancy-ass exhibition.”

  “What? It is fancy-ass, right?” Austin said, as Lexi shook her head in exasperation beside him.

  “Ignore him. He’s all football, football, football, not exactly an art buff,” Lexi teased Austin, earning her a threatening scowl.

  Lexi batted her hand and looked to me again. “Tell us about it, Al.”

  “Yeah, tell us about it Ms. Aliyana Lucia,” Rome said dryly. I used my mama’s maiden name for business, and Rome always teased me about it. I just didn’t want the Prince Oil stigma following me around. I wanted to be independently successful, not connected with the family name.

  My eyes were instantly brimming with excitement. “What can I say? It’s my dream come true. This exhibition is the artist’s debut show, and I was hand-picked to curate it. I still can’t believe it!”

  “What does he paint?” Molly asked.

  “He doesn’t. He’s a sculptor.” I released a long breath. “He’s the most inspiring, courageous, beautifully dark, tortured, talented sculptor I’ve ever encountered….” I stared out at the darkened view of the Sound, lost in the slideshow of his sculptures running through my head, each more poetic and tragic than the last.

  Shaking my head, I met the shocked stares of my friends and anxiously brushed hair from my face. “His work, it’s… it’s… it’s my soul. That’s the only way I can explain it. It’s life, death, love, tragedy, and everything in between, every human condition… everything. His work speaks directly to my heart.”

  “Ally…” Molly prompted with unshed tears in her eyes. When I felt a wetness on my cheeks, I realized I was crying. Quickly wiping away the tears, I took a deep breath and expelled a nervous laugh. “I really love his work.”

  “I can tell,” Rome said affectionately.

  “I’m so happy for you,” Lexi said excitedly and leaned forward. “What’s he like? Is he handsome?” Austin cast a disbelieving look at Lexi, but she either didn’t see it or flat out ignored him.

  I shrugged. “That’s just it, I’ve never seen him. No one has. He’s a complete recluse. I was commissioned by another artist, his mentor, who’s fronting the entire thing. He’s a patron of the university’s art museum and a local to Seattle. It really should have been at a bigger museum, but they wanted to keep it small.”

  “Vin Galanti?” Molly volunteered.

  “Yeah, have you met him?”

  “Once or twice.” A grin spread on her face. “He’s quite the character. He brought some of Plato’s original writings to the art museum for a temporary mash-up art/philosophy exhibition they were a part of. I helped with the history and translation of the Latin for the text boards. I adore him.”

  “So what’s his name?” Lexi asked, as the waiter came back with our drinks.

  “Name?” I questioned as a glass of champagne was placed before me.

  “The sculptor, Mr. Owns Your Soul’s name!” she stressed and pouted her lips to stop the smile from lighting up her face.

  “Oh, right, sorry. Erm… Elpidio. He goes by Elpidio,” I replied.

  Austin huffed beside me. “Haven’t heard that name in a while.”

  “You’ve heard of it?” I questioned.

  “It was our nonno’s name,” Austin replied. “Our mamma’s father’s name. It’s not that common anymore...”

  “So it’s Italian?” I asked, excited that just a little bit more about the reclusive artist had been revealed.

  Austin nodded his head, now too busy eating his breadsticks to elaborate further.

  “Well, Al,” Rome said and sat forward, grabbing his glass of champagne and raising it in the air. “Gotta say, I’m glad you’re here with us in Seattle, and good luck with your new job.”

  Everyone raised their glasses and took a sip.

  “I’m so glad to be here too!”

  Chapter Four

  Elpidio

  Seattle, Washington

  Vin pulled the car to a stop in front of the address I’d given him. The address I’d clutched onto the entire plane ride here, the ink of that address now smudged on the piece of wilting scrap paper in my hand.

  My hands shook as I stared straight ahead, too afraid to look to my right at the house I knew sat there waiting. Everything was silent as I tried to breathe through my nerves. I could feel Vin’s eyes watching me.

  “Are you okay, Elpi?” he asked, shattering the quiet.

  I opened my mouth to answer but no words came out. Nodding my head once, I pulled in a long breath and moved my shaking hand to the door handle. As the door popped open, and without meeting Vin’s eyes, I said, “Thanks for picking me up.”

  “Not a problem, Elpi,” he replied. “I’ll meet you at he studio tomorrow, yes? Show you the space I’ve got for you to continue your work.”

  “Fine,” I said in a clipped tone and jumped out the car, slamming the door.

  Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I forced myself to lift my head and saw a huge brick mansion in front of me.

  My heart hammered too fast, the driveway looking like a damn green mile. I took a step forward, my hands shaking harder as I thought about what waited for me on the other side of that black front door.

  Pushing myself to keep moving, the gravel crunched beneath my boots. My stomach clenched and sweat ran down my face under my heavy long hair.

  Everything I had left in the world was on the other side of that door. Everything I had left, but nothing I deserved. Questions bombarded my mind: what if they rejected me? What if the only people I loved no longer loved me back? I hadn’t seen them in three years, cut them off without any explanation. What if they couldn’t forgive me for that? What if I was truly on my own? What the fuck would I do then?

  Trying to push the fear from my head, my feet kept forging forward, my breathing increasing the closer I got to the house. Everywhere was quiet, only a few birds singing in the high trees surrounding the property. I hated quiet, it made the shitty thoughts constantly in my head too loud.

  Reaching the front door, I tried to listen for any signs of life inside, but I couldn’t hear shit. Inside was as silent as it was out here. I wasn’t used to it. I was used to shouting, metal doors clanging, and orders being fired… not this nothingness. Not this unsettling peace.

  The sound of my rushing blood thundered in my ears and I lifted my hand to knock. But I couldn’t stop my hand from shaking. I couldn’t fucking stop it shaking. I immediately lowered my head.

  I didn’t think I could do it. After all this time… what if they didn’t want me? My eyes squeezed closed. I was such a fucking pussy!

  Clenching my hand into a fist, I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and before I could talk myself out of it, I rapped on the door twice, dropping my hand to wait for an answer.

  Too many thoughts were running through my mind as I stood there, feet fixed to ground, trembling like a little fucking girl. Then footsteps sounded on the other side.

  Holding my breath, I heard the locks slowly being unlatched and, like time switched to friggin’ slow motion, saw the doorknob turn. My hair covered my face as I tried to calm my nerves, but when a pair of feet came into view, I knew who stood there… right in front of me… finally, after all these years.

  “Can I h
elp you?”

  I closed my eyes on hearing his familiar voice.

  Slowly lifting my head, I saw he was even bigger than I remembered. He was dressed in loose gray sweats and a short-sleeved white t-shirt, dark tattoos covering his exposed arms. I forced myself to look up and meet his eyes and I staggered back. It was like I saw him only yesterday, and with that realization, a ton of gutting memories came flooding into my mind; memories I’d try to block out so they didn’t fucking drown me in guilt.

  His dark hair was longer, not too long, but longer than it had been the last time we’d met. Blowing out a long breath, I dragged my hand through my hair, raking it back, showing more of my bearded face…

  And then I saw it, the moment it sank in exactly who stood on his doorstep. His brown eyes widened to what seemed unnatural size. He stepped back in shock, his mouth dropping open like he wanted to say something, but no words came out.

  “Austin,” I rasped out in greeting, glancing away, feeling the most nervous I had in my entire fucking life. Waiting… just waiting for him to push me away.

  Austin gripped the edge of the door, staring at me, until I shifted on my feet and nodded my head. I got the meaning of his silence: I wasn’t welcome.

  “Understood,” I said curtly.

  I turned to leave just as he stepped forward and whispered, “Axel?”

  Austin’s voice was strained, laced with emotion. I froze and reluctantly looked over my shoulder.

  “Kid,” I responded and watched as the shock on his now older face melted into the biggest fucking smile I’d ever seen. Austin launched out of the door and threw his arms around my neck.

  I’d never been squeezed so tight.

  Austin’s trembling hand held the back of my head, crushing me against his body. “Fuck… I can’t… I can’t believe it’s you…” His voice was rough and my throat felt so tight I couldn’t speak. Patting Austin on the back, I expected him to pull away, but when I felt his back shaking too, I knew why he wasn’t. The kid was crying.

  And it fucking broke me.

  “Fratello, look at me,” I said, fighting back my own tears. As always, my kid brother did as I asked—he always had.

  Austin kept his eyes down as he faced me, his hands on my shoulders, but I could see the tears dripping from his eyes. Gripping the back of his head, I pulled him back into my chest, whispering, “I fucking missed you, kid.”

  “Lo giuri?” Austin asked shakily, his voice muffled by my shirt.

  I huffed a single laugh. “Lo giuro.”

  Drawing back, Austin looked me over, shaking his head in disbelief. “How… what… Axe, how the hell are you out? How come you’re here?”

  “Good behavior, Aust.”

  The pride that flashed over his unshaven cheeks almost undid me. Why he’d always had so much faith in my sorry ass was lost on me.

  I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve him… none of it.

  Austin flung his arm around my shoulder and said, “I always knew you could do it. Keep your head down and get straight.”

  He began leading me into the house and pushed his hand over my long hair. “What the fuck’s up with the long hair and beard? Never known you to have anything but a buzz cut.”

  “Don’t know. Just never bothered to cut it.”

  Austin stopped, and I could feel his hard stare. I eventually looked up and raised my eyebrow. “What?”

  “I just hardly recognize you, that’s all. It’s like you’re another person. And…” His brown eyes bored into my left cheek, and I lifted my hand to where my Stidda, my tattooed black star, used to be, the mark that told everyone I was Heighter for life. “You covered it…”

  I glanced away. “Yeah…” I replied, no more information needed.

  “Why?” He pushed.

  “Just did, kid.”

  “To a crucifix?” he questioned, but I just shrugged. Austin was still staring, but I wasn’t going there.

  “You got yours took off,” I stated proudly.

  “It ain’t my life no more, Axe. It was ‘bout time to let all that shit go.” I nodded in understanding, and Austin took that as his cue to move us on into the house.

  As we walked through the door, I could feel Austin keep looking at me as if he thought I’d disappear if he didn’t keep checking. His arm never left my shoulders.

  Austin took my bag and placed it on the black marble floor. I took a look around and had to breathe through the unease I felt at being in such a place. I was used to the thin walls, tin roofs, and plastic windows of trailers, or stone floors and metal gates of cells, not fucking mansions like I was standing in now… a mansion that my kid brother bought all off his own back, from his own talent. It was damn surreal.

  Austin slapped me on my back, and I shook my head.

  “What?” he asked as I gestured to the large hallway and the TV room that looked like a shittin’ movie theatre.

  “You did good, kid.”

  Austin’s eyes dipped. “I said I would. Said I’d have a house you could come and live in too, when you got out.”

  That damn clogged throat was back again, and I knew Austin got that I couldn’t speak.

  “Austin? Baby? Who was at the door?”

  A female voice came drifting out from the right, down a hallway I saw led to the kitchen. Shortly after, a skinny, small black-haired chick appeared.

  My stomach flipped. Shit. Lexi.

  “Baby?” she called again, walking with her head down as she dried a glass with a dishtowel. Austin stiffened beside me. When Lexi looked up, she jumped, startled at what greeted her.

  “Ax… Axel…?” she whispered. Her hands began to shake so much that the glass she was holding fell to the floor and shattered.

  “Pix,” Austin said, and I could hear the worry in his voice. “Shit, Pix, you okay?”

  Her huge green eyes went from mine to Austin’s as she nodded her head, but it wasn’t a damn second before they were back on me.

  Austin stood before her and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at him. “Baby, look at me.”

  She did.

  “You okay?”

  She slowly nodded her head, and Austin wrapped her in his arms as if he were keeping her safe. Safe from me. I knew she’d had problems. Fuck, I knew she’d nearly died. Lev had told me that much when he’d called me from the hospital five years ago and ripped me a new one for letting them all down.

  My pulse slammed in my neck as I saw how much she feared me. She was fucking terrified.

  “Lexi,” I greeted, but my voice was rough.

  Her green eyes never left mine as Austin squeezed her tighter.

  “Axel,” she answered in a shaky voice.

  I couldn’t stand it.

  Taking a step forward, I watched her whole body tense, so I stopped and held up my hands. “Look, Lexi, I wanna say sorry for the way I treated you. It was real bad. I was a fucking dick.” I lowered my head, feeling Austin’s tension from where I stood. “I ain’t that guy no more.”

  Looking back up, Lexi stared at me in silence for the longest time. Then she eventually blew a long breath through her mouth, casting a glance to Austin.

  “Pix?” Austin questioned. Lexi reached up and, with her thumb, wiped the wetness still left on Austin’s cheeks. I saw tears fill her eyes too.

  Sagging her shoulders in defeat, she turned to me and dipped her chin. “It’s in the past, Axel. None of us were in a good place back then. We were all doing what we thought we had to do to survive. It needs to stay in the past.”

  It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  “Pix,” Austin whispered, and I could hear the level of gratitude in his voice. Gratitude for letting his ex-con of a brother walk into their home, fuck, storm back into their lives.

  Austin wrapped his wife in his arms, and I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I’d never really seen how much my brother loved Lexi, or even gave a shit about how much she obviously adored him back. When you’re d
ragged up in hell, I suppose you don’t think about what the other side could be like.

  But my brother had it. He had it all. He’d taken himself from the cesspool of our trailer park and was living the fucking American Dream.

  “Austin? Lexi? You seen my cleats? I need to get to training.”

  The deep voice sounded from upstairs, and my stomach sank. My heart seemed to skip a beat like I had a damn heart murmur or some shit, because I knew exactly who that voice belonged to.

  “Lex? You seen my cleats?”

  Footsteps pounded up ahead on the first floor, and Austin and Lexi darted their eyes to each other, then me, the same worried expression on their faces. Just then, a pair of legs began running down the stairs, slowly revealing the tall, built frame of my little brother, Levi.

  My lips parted as I realized he was all grown up, his dark-blond hair ruffled like he’d just got outta bed. He was wearing a pair of navy sweats and a sports tank, University of Washington Huskies Football written across the chest. His eyes were downcast as he searched the stairs for his cleats, but he started when he looked up, a shy smile pulling on his mouth.

  In an instant, his gray eyes widened, his smile turned into a grimace, hands clenched into fists, and his chest began to heave.

  Levi pounded down the stairs and Lexi met him at the bottom step, reaching out to grab his arm. “Levi—”

  “What the fuck is he doing here?” Levi said coldly through gritted teeth and wrenched his arm free.

  Austin stepped forward and gripped Levi’s arm. “Lev—”

  “What the fuck’s he doing here?”

  A huge unwanted feeling burrowed out of my chest. Levi was fucking burning with rage.

  “Levi, calm the hell down!” Austin demanded, but Levi shook his head in disbelief.

  “Calm down? Calm the fuck down? Are you shittin’ me?”

  “He’s our brother, Lev! What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Austin shouted, standing in front of Levi. But Levi couldn’t calm down.

  Levi pushed Austin aside and stepped forward, his eyes lit with fire, and boomed out, “What the fuck’re you doing here? Why aren’t you still rotting in that cell where you belong?”