Love Lessons

by Jacqueline Wilson

  'I couldn't get them in anywhere else, Bernard. I tried, I really did. I went to see the head at Kingtown but there's a very long waiting list. Wentworth was t h e only school with vacancies. It's not as bad as you'd think. There's a new headmistress, she's making all sorts of improvements.'

  'Wentworth!' said Dad in disgust. He struggled to get up from the toilet.

  'Careful, dear,' said Mum, trying to help.

  'No! No, traitor!' Dad said. 'Girls! No school!

  No no no school.'

  I looked at Grace. She started sobbing.

  'Please, Dad,' she said. 'I love school. I have these two friends Iggy and Figgy'

  'Stupid,' said Dad.

  'No, they're not stupid, they're very special,'

  Grace said bravely.

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  'You're stupid! Useless, useless, useless,' said Dad.

  Then he turned to me. Tour fault! Liar! Thief!

  Tart! Useless. Rubbish daughters!'

  'They're not rubbish d a u g h t e r s ! Don't say such terrible things! They're dear good girls. I won't have you h u r t them like this!' Mum cried.

  She turned to us. 'Take no notice of your father.

  Go to school, girls. Quick, off you go!'

  We stared at Mum. We couldn't have been more shocked if the t a p s or t h e toilet h a d spoken. But there wasn't time to wonder. I grabbed Grace and we r a n for it. We went on running right out of the house, down the road, all the way to Wentworth.

  Grace saw Iggy and Figgy in the playground and shot across to them. I saw her talking to them, waving her a r m s wildly. Then they hugged her, first Figgy, t h e n Iggy. I felt ashamed. They were sweet girls in spite of their silly nicknames. They obviously really liked my sister. I wished some of the girls in my class liked me.

  I had to see Rax urgently. We didn't have art on Mondays. I couldn't possibly wait till Tuesday. I didn't even know if we'd be able to get away from Dad again. And what was going to happen about Friday nights?

  I hurtled across the playground, making for the art block. I knew Rax generally didn't arrive at school until later, but I was so desperate to tell him t h a t I went looking for him just in case.

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  I heard Toby call out to me as I r a n but I took no notice.

  'Toby w a n t s you,' said S a r a h , who was bouncing a red ball on a string. She had no idea what she was doing. The ball bounced wildly backwards and forwards. Sarah cackled with laughter, making no attempt to catch it or jump it or control it in any way. It was enough for her just to watch it.

  'Yes, but I don't want Toby,' I said.

  Sarah blinked at me, trying to work out my meaning. I hurried past her.

  'Toby wants you,' she called after me.

  'Well, tell Toby I'll catch up with him later,' I said, and rushed on.

  I chanted inside my head. Let Rax be there, please please let Rax be there. I'll do anything, but let Rax be in his art room, all alone, so I can talk to him.

  I got to the art room, I opened the door – and wonder of wonders, Rax was sitting on his desk, shoulders slumped, staring into space.

  'Rax, Rax, Rax!' I called.

  He stared at me and then jumped down from his desk. 'What's the matter, Prue?'

  'Oh, Rax,' I said, starting to cry.

  'What is it? What's happened? Tell me!' said Rax.

  'It's Dad! He knows!' I sobbed.

  'What?' said Rax. He looked horrified. 'What do you mean, he knows? You didn't tell him, did you, Prue? What did you say?'

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  'I didn't say anything! He came home this weekend, he's getting better, he can talk now, and he saw us in our Wentworth uniform, and he says we can't come to school any more!' I wailed.

  'What about you and me? Did you tell him about us?'

  'Of course I didn't!'

  'Oh, t h a n k Christ.'

  'But don't you see, Rax, he hates the whole idea of Wentworth. He positively forbade Grace and me to come today. We just rushed out, but he's so fierce, he won't let us get away tomorrow, and he won't let me babysit, I know he won't.'

  I looked at Rax, tears streaming down my cheeks. He breathed out, leaning against his desk. I saw the look of relief on his face. I saw it and I couldn't bear it. I sobbed harder.

  'Prue! Prue, stop it. Come on, calm down. It'll be all right. Don't worry. Don't cry so. You're getting in such a state over nothing.'

  'Nothing! Is t h a t all our love means to you?

  Nothing?'

  'Ssh now! Of course not. But there's no point getting hysterical. We'll get everything sorted out. I'm sure you'll be able to stay at school.

  Prue, please don't cry like that.' He took two steps forward, hands outstretched, and I fell into his arms.

  I wept against his chest. He patted my back like a father. 'There there,' he murmured, as if I was Harry's age. I wept harder, hating him 241

  for not caring more, but loving him because he was still my true love and soul-mate.

  'I love you, Rax,' I said – as the art-room door swung open behind us.

  We wheeled round, Rax pushing me away from him. We looked at the door. It was only Sarah, smiling at us, her red ball dangling on the end of its elastic.

  Rax rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. Then he forced a smile on his face. 'Hello, Sarah,' he said.

  'Hello, Rax,' she said cheerfully. 'Look at my red ball!'

  'Great,' he said.

  'Prue, Toby wants you,' Sarah insisted.

  'Never mind, ' I said, scrubbing at my eyes with the back of my hand.

  'You're crying,' said Sarah.

  'No, no, she's just got something in her eye,'

  said Rax. 'Prue, you'd better go and find out what Toby wants.'

  'But I have to talk to you!'

  'I like talking to Rax,' said Sarah.

  'And I like talking to you, Sarah,' said Rax.

  Sarah smiled at me triumphantly. 'You go and find Toby,' she said.

  'But I must talk to you, Rax!' I said desperately.

  'Later,' said Rax. 'Off you go now.'

  I was summarily dismissed. I floundered across the playground, still crying.

  'Prue, there you are! What's the m a t t e r ?

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  What's happened? Is it Rita? What's she done now?' Toby said, rushing up to me.

  'Nothing,' I said. 'Just leave me be, Toby.'

  'But I've got the most amazing thing to tell you!' said Toby. 'Didn't you hear me shouting at you? You know t h a t book you lent me? You'll never guess what!'

  I could guess, all right. He'd read a whole page himself, or maybe a whole chapter. I didn't care if he'd read the whole book.

  'I'm sorry, Toby, not now. For God's sake, can't you leave me alone!'

  I r a n away from him into school. I hid in the girls' cloakrooms until the bell went for lessons.

  It was English first. Mrs Godfrey was irritably teaching the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. The class read out line after line, talking like metronomes, ruining the romance and the poetry.

  I ached to read Juliet but I knew Mrs Godfrey would never pick me. She was talking about the concept of love now, getting impatient when some of the class started whistling and making crass remarks.

  'For heaven's sake, stop all this nonsense!' she said. 'Romeo and Juliet are one of the most famous pairs of lovers in literature. Can anyone think of a modern equivalent?'

  'Posh and Becks, miss?'

  'Brad and Jennifer.'

  'Richard and Judy.'

  'Prue and Toby,' said Rita furiously.

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  'No,' said Sarah. 'Prue and Rax.'

  I sat very still, praying t h a t people would keep on shouting out stupid suggestions. But Sarah had a loud voice and silenced everyone else.

  'Prue and Rax? said Eita.

  'Yes, they're dead romantic,' said Sarah.

  'Don't be silly, Sarah,' said Mrs Godfrey, sighing.

  'I'm not silly,' said Sarah, getting
worked up.

  'No, I know, I simply meant your suggestion was silly,' said Mrs Godfrey.

  'Prue and Rax are lovers,' Sarah insisted.

  Someone gasped, someone giggled.

  'Will you stop staying that, please, Sarah,' said Mrs Godfrey.

  'They are, they are. Rax was hugging Prue and she said "I love you" to him,' said Sarah.

  'You did, didn't you, Prue?'

  There were more gasps. Everyone stared at me. The kids in front swivelled right round. Mrs Godfrey stood still, shocked into silence.

  The bones in my spine juddered all the way down my back, as if I'd fallen from a great height.

  Mrs Godfrey said nothing at all to me, but she must have spoken to Miss Wilmott after the lesson. Sarah was sent for. Then me.

  I'd r e h e a r s e d a dozen different excuses, stories, lies . . . but as soon as I saw Miss Wilmott's face I knew it was pointless. She looked at me with disdain, breathing shallowly as if I'd started to smell.

  'I want you to tell me all about your friendship with Mr Raxberry,' she said.

  My mouth dried. 'There's nothing to tell,' I mumbled. 'I know S a r a h said stuff in the English lesson, but she's got it all wrong because

  – because she's simple.'

  'Sarah might not be the brightest girl in the class, I know. That's the point. She's not the sort of girl who would fantasize. She says she saw 245

  you and Mr Raxberry together in the art room before school and you were embracing. She says you told Mr Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.'

  'No!' I said. 'Fondle sounds horrible. He was just being kind to me, like a good teacher.'

  'I believe you've been babysitting for him on Friday evenings?'

  'Yes, but I'm a friend of his family. There's nothing in it. We haven't done anything wrong.'

  'I'm not sure that's entirely true, Prudence.

  I've already had a long conversation with Mr Raxberry himself. I feel t h a t there are some aspects of your friendship t h a t could be considered inappropriate.'

  'No! No, he's done nothing. You mustn't blame him. All right, I did say I loved him, but he didn't encourage me in any way. He was just comforting me because I'm so unhappy. My father doesn't want me to come to Wentworth any more.'

  Miss Wilmott leaned forward, propping her chin on her fingertips. 'Do you really want to stay at Wentworth, Prudence? I don't think you've made much of an effort to fit in. You are obviously gifted in certain areas, and I'm sure in good time you'll learn to cope with maths, but I haven't been at all happy with your attitude. You don't seem to understand how to behave in school. I've heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel t h a t in the space 246

  of a few short weeks you've made r a t h e r a bad name for yourself.'

  I felt my face flaming. 'That's incredibly unfair! I don't know who's been telling you tales, but you've got an entirely slanted viewpoint. You shouldn't be influenced by rumours and tattle-tales.'

  'This is precisely what I mean, Prudence. I don't know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl. Your sister seems to be a sweet child and she's settled down well at Wentworth. I shall be happy to keep her here, but I can't help feeling t h a t you'll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.'

  'But I want to stay here.'

  'Why is that? Let me make myself clear. I can't risk having you and Mr Raxberry at the same school, whatever the ins and outs of your friendship. Things have to be nipped in the bud immediately. If you won't leave then I shall have to ensure Mr Raxberry finds another position.'

  'No, you can't do that! He's a brilliant teacher.'

  'You should have thought of t h a t before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher I would have Mr Raxberry instantly suspended.

  There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?'

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  I couldn't help crying then, though I hated breaking down in front of her. 'Please don't get him into trouble, Miss Wilmott,' I begged. 'None of this was his fault.'

  'I'm inclined to believe you, Prudence. So what are we going to do? Are you going to let me transfer you to another school?'

  I sat there, agonized. I so wanted to save darling Rax – and yet why hadn't he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, t h a t I'd got a ridiculous crush on him, t h a t I'd made ludicrous advances to him? I burned at the thought. I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he'd kissed me, but I couldn't do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

  'All right. I'll leave Wentworth,' I whispered.

  'That's very sensible of you, Prudence. Right.

  I'll send you to the Success Maker for the rest of the day. Make the most of your last maths tuition! The tutor in charge will tell you when you may go home. Before too long you should be notified about a new school. Off you go now.

  Of course I need hardly add t h a t I'm strictly forbidding you to get in contact with Mr Raxberry from now on.'

  I knew I couldn't risk running straight to Rax.

  I couldn't get him into any more trouble. I spent a terrible endless time in the Success Maker, in such a state of anxiety I was even more hopeless t h a n usual, and the tutor despaired.

  Sarah was part of our small dunce tuition 248

  group. She blinked at me nervously. 'Did I get you into trouble?' she asked.

  'Yes.'

  'I didn't mean to. Miss Wilmott kept asking me stuff.' Sarah was nearly in tears. 'Why is it bad to love Rax, Prue? I love him.'

  'It's not bad. Take no notice. Miss Wilmott's just being horrible.'

  'Was she very cross with you?'

  'Yes.'

  'But you don't have to stand outside her door as a punishment?'

  'She's not letting me come back to the school after today.'

  Sarah blinked again, her blue eyes watering.

  'Is it all my fault?' she asked.

  'No,' I said, with an effort.

  'It is,' Sarah said, her face crumpling.

  'No. Don't cry, Sarah. It's OK. I don't want to come to this crummy old school. I hate it.'

  I did hate it, but it felt dreadful to be excluded all the same. They kept me back an extra ten m i n u t e s by myself in t h e Success Maker. I realized it was so I couldn't see any of the others in my form. They were acting as if I might contaminate them. I couldn't even say goodbye to Toby.

  When they eventually let me out I marched across the playground with my head held high in case Miss Wilmott or any of the staff were spying on me from their windows. Grace was hopping up and down at the gate.

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  'What's going on, Prue? I asked some of the girls in your class if they'd seen you and they said you were in dead serious trouble but they wouldn't say why.'

  'I can't come back to Wentworth,' I said.

  'Yes we can. Mum will maybe talk Dad round.

  Or we can just r u n out like we did today. We have to keep coming to school. I'd die if I couldn't stay friends with Iggy and Figgy.'

  'No, Grace. You don't understand. You can keep coming to school if you can get past Dad.

  I can't. Miss Wilmott told me I can't come back.'

  'What? For the whole week? What have you done?'

  'I can't ever come back. Well, to hell with her, to hell with all of them.' I tore open my bag and pulled out all my school textbooks and exercise books. 'I won't need this – or this – or this!' I started hurling them over the wall, into the empty playground. They flew through the air like large awkward birds, pages flapping.

  'Prue! Stop it! You've gone crazy. Tell me why you can't come back,' Grace said, tugging at me.

  'Because I love Rax,' I said, running off d
own the road. I r a n and ran, with Grace thudding along behind me. I rushed round the corner –

  and there was Rax's car. He was parked, waiting for me. He leaned out of his window. He looked very pale, but he nodded pleasantly to Grace.

  'Hello, Grace. Do you think you could go home by yourself just this once? I need to talk to Prue.'

  Grace stared, open-mouthed.

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  'Yes, you go home, Grace,' I said, and I got in the car with Rax.

  We drove off quickly.

  'We're not supposed to see each other any more,' I said.

  'I know.'

  'If Miss Wilmott saw—'

  'She can't see round corners.'

  'So where are we going?'

  'I don't know. I don't care. I just had to see you. What's happening? Are they excluding you?'

  'Miss Wilmott doesn't want me back at all.'

  'Oh God. Prue, I'm so so sorry.'

  'It's not your fault.'

  'Yes it is. I hate myself. I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my own skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and t h a t I was just trying to be kind.'

  'Well. That's what you said before, to me.'

  'And you were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth.'

  'Which is?'

  He hesitated. Then he said it, very softly. 'I love you.'

  'You really do?'

  'That's why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn't want you to think I didn't care.'

  'Then let's keep driving. Let's really r u n away, you and me. I don't care where we go. We'll find 251

  a little seaside town with a harbour and boats, just like the one you painted when you were little, and we'll both eat ice creams every d a y '

  'I can't, Prue. You know I can't. I'm going to stay with my family, stick with my job, do all the safe sensible things. But every night when I close my eyes I'll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I'll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water's edge—'

  'I'll imagine it too. I'm good at pretending.'

  'You've got your whole life in front of you. You won't have to pretend, you can live it for real.'

  'Can we at least drive to that secret place where we kissed?'

  'No. We can't go there, it would be crazy.'