“Have you heard from Adam?” he asked, holding his phone up.
“No, why?”
“I’ve left him three messages, and he hasn’t come back to the room yet.”
I joined him on the couch, sat down, and proceeded to inhale the smell of a brewery and stale cigarette smoke. He’d definitely been at the casino.
“I’m sure he’s fine, Guy. Adam’s a big boy.”
He leaned back, hands on his thighs spread wide. His eyes turned to the ceiling and then closed. He was not falling asleep on my couch!
“Guy.” I nudged his knee and his eyes popped open. “Have a few drinks after I left?”
“Yeah, but I’m good.” He sat up straight, ran his fingers through his hair. “I played some blackjack for a few hours. Free drinks, you know.” He showed a boyishly sweet grin and then his chin fell, leaving his eyes pointed at my chest.
“Okay. Well, why don’t you head back to your room?” I said to the top of his head.
“What about Adam?” he said to my boobs.
I reached out and lifted his chin, raised it up so he’d meet my gaze. “Listen, Adam is just Adam. He could pull an all-nighter and then rock an eight a.m. meeting. Don’t worry about it.”
He took hold of my wrist. “All right, Emma. But before I go, I wanna ask you something.”
“Go ahead.”
“Why did you do that tonight and then bolt out of there so fast?”
I wanted to know the answer to that myself. I also wondered why he was still holding my wrist.
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t like the look on your face. Or hers. I know women like that.”
“Really?”
“Sure, why not?”
He took a deep breath and refocused on my face. “You know, since I started at the magazine, I got the feeling you didn’t like me very much.”
I didn’t know what to say. I shook my head no, wondering where he was going.
“But I’m starting to wonder if that’s just you,” he continued.
I pulled my wrist from his grip. “What’s that supposed to mean? That I’m a bitch?”
He laughed. Then he narrowed his eyes at me like he was about to explain a simple concept to a small child. “Emma, you’re a strong businesswoman. Very driven. But that’s not why you keep people at arms’ length.”
So, he’s suddenly sobering up and playing the shrink? Everyone didn’t have to be a people person like him. That didn’t mean there was something wrong with them. Besides, what did he know? I’ve been working hard to be close to Jayne.
“Who says I’m at arm’s length from anyone?”
“You don’t want to get close to people, and I’m not sure why. But you showed me tonight that you’re a very caring person.”
I looked away and let out a sigh. Why was he doing this to me? He knew how uncomfortable I was with compliments. If that’s what it was. I tried to think of something to say in my defense, but in defense of what?
Guy touched my cheek, turned my face to him. “And as much as you may not want to hear it, I like that about you.”
I felt flustered as his blue eyes with the gold flecks peered into mine and once again hypnotized me. Were they getting closer? I felt my heartbeat quicken, my skin warmed though goose bumps presented themselves. Then, as if time somehow skipped ahead a few seconds, Guy’s face was now an inch from mine. I felt his breath on my lips. I could think of nothing but his eyes and then his mouth as it brushed against mine. My stomach dropped forty floors at the feather-light touch of his lips.
“Shit!” Had I just said that out loud? We both pulled away, and Guy popped up from the sofa.
“Aww, fuck! Emma, I am sooo sorry.” He spun in a half circle, holding the sides of his head.
I was still on the couch, trying to catch my breath. I opened my mouth to say something unknown to me when Guy spoke again.
“I can’t believe I did that.” He started pacing the room. “That is so not me. You have to believe me,” he said, the words spilling out faster. “I’m not that guy. I’m not the type of guy to go after someone’s wife.” He stopped for a moment and stared at me, looking completely sobered and shocked. Then he started pacing again. “I know it’s no excuse, but I had so much to drink, and I was upset about Dana, and you were so nice to me, and you’re just so beautiful and—and I should really stop talking now.” He turned and flopped down in a chair diagonally from me.
Did he just say I was beautiful? I knew that wasn’t the point of his tirade, but it had caught my attention. He sat with his head buried in his hands. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty myself.
I mean, nothing happened, but it wasn’t entirely his fault. Maybe I was sending a few of my own mixed signals. When he’s clear-headed later and thinks about this, he’ll probably realize that. And then he’ll start thinking that it was not how a respectable married woman should behave, and I didn’t want him to think of me otherwise.
But what was I supposed to do? Slap his face and yell, “How dare you?” Maybe not, but I didn’t exactly cut him off at the knees, either. See, I knew Guy would end up being bad news for me, I just didn’t think of this particular scenario. The only thing to do at this point was to play it off as no big deal. We both needed simply to move on and forget that it ever happened. But again, nothing happened!
“It’s okay,” I finally said. “Let’s just try to forget it happ—. I mean, nothing happened. It’s fine.” I knew the instant I said it that neither of us could do that. In fact, if I’d thought things were awkward before, this brought it to a new level.
“I’m gonna go,” he said. He stood and paced to the door. “Again, I’m really sorry.”
What killed me was that the look on his face was as bad, if not worse, than when he was talking to Dana in the bar. And yes, I was partially responsible for that.
“Just get some sleep.”
Guy’s phone beeped as he stalled in the doorway. He looked down at it, shook his head, and let out a breathy laugh.
“It’s a text from Adam. He’s at the room and wants to know where the hell I am.”
***
We practically had to sprint through the airport to make our flight. The bag swinging at my side may have knocked a kid’s teddy bear right out of his hands. Our morning session had run over and then Adam went AWOL saying good bye to Sheila.
As I’d predicted, Adam showed up for the workshop as ready as the Energizer bunny, while Guy looked like a truck hit him. Make that a tank. Turned out that Adam and Sheila ended up at some VIP party with a live band. His cousin who lives in Primm knew someone who knew someone—or something like that. Adam’s life was like six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Anyway, he couldn’t hear his phone and didn’t bother to check it for hours. His reply to Guy when he finally got home was typical Adam. “My bad. You missed a hell of a party, though, man.”
The other thing I’d not only expected, but downright dreaded was worse than I had imagined. Awkwardness didn’t just hang in the air between Guy and me, we were drowning in it. The final workshop was a hands-on lesson involving one laptop for the three of us to huddle around. Guy and I barely said two words to each other. But whenever our eyes met, we seemed to be holding a pretty in-depth conversation. His end of it was apologetic, regretful. Mine was more like stop this crap and move on. I wanted to pretend that his lips hadn’t brushed against mine ever so slightly. That his touch hadn’t caused an electrical surge to shoot through my whole body, boomeranging at every turn like the metal ball in a pinball machine. That I couldn’t even be near him without feeling guilty and agitated and scared and … sad.
Once we’d finally made it onto the plane, I convinced myself that when we got back home it wouldn’t be an issue. We would be so wrapped up with the launch and the party that all this would simply fade away. Guy had explained the reasons for his actions. And I was simply feeling lonely as I often did when I was away from home, away from Pop and Howard. I’d remembered the dream I had of Howard marry
ing Kelly and my fear of being alone. It was a perfectly normal reaction for someone who’d lost both of her parents at a young age, wasn’t it?
Adam and Guy trailed me down the narrow aisle of the overstuffed plane. A number of single seats were available here and there, but I continued to search for two together for Adam and me. I’d kick someone’s ass out if I had to. I was not in the mood, and I wasn’t about to let Adam be alone. At last, I spotted two together; a window seat and one in the middle. A chubby, collegiate type took up space on the aisle seat.
“Right here,” I said to Adam. Then to the kid I said, “These taken?”
I’d just noticed he had ear buds in place with the wires trailing to the pockets of his sweatshirt. But he seemed to know what I was saying and got up to let me by. There was no way I was getting by him otherwise. Along with his surplus of body fat, he was also tall. Big Boy took a step down the aisle to let Adam in, but to my dismay Adam hooked a turn to the opposite aisle and sat in a single.
“Adam?” I said.
“It’s cool, Emma. You and Guy take those.” He winked and nodded. “I got this.”
“Are you sure, man?” Guy said.
I pictured myself leaping across Guy and Big Boy to come to Adam’s rescue when he realized fears like that didn’t just disappear. I knew from experience.
“I need to,” Adam said. “Besides, I’ve slept two hours in the last twenty four. I’m going to be out.”
Big Boy stared at his iPod while we finished our therapy session. A flight attendant came from the back with a school marm look on her face.
“All right,” I said under pressure and shimmied over to the window seat. I probably should have asked Guy if he wanted it, but then I’d have to look at his pathetic face. I planned to spend the flight staring out the window and making a mental to-do list for the days ahead.
Ten minutes into the flight, Guy and I still hadn’t said a word to each other. On the other hand, he and Big Boy had a lively conversation about life at UNLV where Big Boy majored in hotel management.
Boredom began to set in, but I didn’t want my mind to wonder. I couldn’t replay those moments with Guy again. My only option was that ridiculous magazine in the pouch in front of me. The one where you can order an awesome cast iron toilet paper holder in the shape of a giraffe, or a remote-controlled kitty condo. Out of desperation, I reached forward to grab the magazine. The plane bumped up and down, slamming my wrist into the seat in front of me.
“Crap.”
“Are you okay?” Guy said. He reached for my hand, but I instinctively pulled it away.
I held it close to my stomach, feeling a small throb begin. “It’s fine.”
Then the plane lurched again, this time continuing in tiny ripples like an earthquake. I stared at Guy.
“Probably just a little turbulence,” he said.
“Yeah.” I peered out the window across the wing flowing in and out of puffy clouds.
Another lurch and I noticed the wing tilting up and down as if we were going to turn, only we didn’t. The pilot’s voice came on to say we’d hit a bit of weather; nothing to worry about.
“They always say that.” My voice was low and shaky.
The bumping continued. Two flight attendants passed to the back of the plane with determined looks. That wasn’t a good sign. I grabbed both arm rests and stared straight ahead. I didn’t want to die a liar. Then I laughed at my idiocy. I wasn’t going to die. Plane turbulence was very common. I’d simply never experienced anything this strong or continual. Why wasn’t it stopping?
I began to take deep breaths, concentrating on the vibration. My mind was telling it to stop, like I’d often done as a child when I thought I had telekinetic powers. I never could get that darn spoon to bend. Then I felt Guy’s hand settle on mine on the arm rest we shared. He squeezed it gently, but I continued to stare at the seat in front of me.
“It’s okay, Emma.”
I nodded in sync with the bumping.
“Look at me.”
I turned to find understanding eyes and a faint smile spreading across his face.
“It’s really going to be okay. I promise. This will all be fine.”
I had a feeling he wasn’t only talking about the plane, and I believed him. I guess I trusted him, too. If he was right about all of it, then things would change when I got back home. They had to. I couldn’t keep it up any longer. I’m not the same person any more. I just wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle any more freaking turbulence, and that’s exactly what was in store for me.
“I know,” I said at last. We stayed that way for a few moments longer when I realized the plane was settling down. I looked down at my hand, still covered by Guy’s and slowly slid it down to my lap. “Oh, my gosh, Adam!” I felt a twinge of guilt at not having given him a second thought during the whole ordeal. I couldn’t see him from where I was at and looked at Guy with concern.
He leaned over Big Boy for a quick peek, turned back to me, and revealed a relief filled smile. “He’s sound asleep.”
Chapter 18
I didn’t have my car at the airport, so Adam gave me a ride home. We were all beat and thankful that Bill had said not to worry about coming into the office. But he did want us to stay connected, check emails and voicemails.
I wasn’t going to stay long. The wheels were turning, and for once it wasn’t about my career. But before I made any drastic moves, I needed to run it by my main man. So, I’d planned to drop my stuff off and head right back out and over to Pop’s place.
When I got home, I noticed Howard’s stuff sprawled across the dining room table. He was working from home.
“Hey, I’m back,” I said to the empty room. I wheeled my bag to the table and left it there. Then I heard water running; I assumed he was in the shower.
His phone rested on a pile of papers on the table and his laptop was in screen saver mode; a picture of Howard with Emilia and me back in college when she’d come for a visit. We’d had so many great times back then. Howard and I met freshman year in the dorms. We both seemed to be shell-shocked by the new lifestyle and pretty much kept to ourselves. I spent most the time in my room or in the library. We met in the tiny downstairs kitchen of the dorms. Did I say, kitchen? It was a closet with a sink and a microwave. I’d burned my popcorn in the microwave, which wouldn’t normally be a big deal. But along with worrying about everyone shooting me dirty looks for stinking up the kitchen and the lobby, I was already feeling stressed and lonely.
I’d taken on too much. Dad was supposed to be visiting that weekend, but he was a no-show, as usual. I had broken down, right there in the kitchen closet. Howard walked in, and I couldn’t even cover as I often did. Really, I wasn’t even a crier, but something inside me had just snapped. He stared at me for a few seconds and then walked over and put a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey,” he’d said in the softest, sweetest voice I’d ever heard. “It can’t be that bad.” He was thin, cute, and sporting bed head, but the look worked for him. He took the charred remains of the popcorn bag from my hands and tossed in the trash.
“I’m fine,” I said, attempting to slow my breathing so I wouldn’t sound like a hiccupping idiot.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
I shook my head. “Thanks. I’ll be fine.” Then I noticed a small crowd had gathered outside the kitchen door. I didn’t know if it was from the smell or if some were waiting to get in there.
“Are you sure?” He watched me tentatively.
Then someone from behind yelled. “C’mon, people are waiting here.” Another said, “Great, now my fuckin’ lasagna is going to taste like popcorn.”
“Hang on!” Howard shouted in a voice so opposite of how he’d been speaking to me, it made me giggle for a second. But the dirty looks from the others pushed me back down.
“I better go,” I said. I squeezed out a smile and a “thanks.”
“Hold on,” he said. He pulled something from his pocket. “Th
ey’re going to love this.” He unfolded the popcorn bag, held it up to the crowd and said, “Three more minutes, guys.”
I think I fell in love with him in that second. We introduced ourselves while listening to popping and grumbling from outside. Then we went back to his room and talked for hours. We’ve been pretty much inseparable ever since. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
His phone beeped and lit up on the table. I leaned over to take a peek. A text displayed on the screen from Kelly. Did you tell her yet?
“Hey, you’re home.”
I whirled around to find Howard standing in the doorway wrapped in a towel. “Hey,” I said back.
He came over and gave me a hug. With his arms still looped around my neck he said, “I’ve been dying to see you.”
“You have?” I gave him a smile accompanied by a suspicious look. Then I felt the dampness seep through my shirt. “Hey, you’re still dripping.” I peeled his wet arms off my shoulders and went to the kitchen for a towel.
“How was the trip?” Howard said, while I brushed my sleeves with the towel.
“Exhausting and enlightening.”
“Hmm, sounds interesting. I want to hear all about it, but first, I have some news.”
Whatever it was, the expression on his face (along with that text) told me it was something huge.
“What is it?” I asked with reluctance.
He smiled and opened his mouth to speak. Then he seemed to change his mind. He held up a finger and said, “Mmm … maybe I should go get dressed, and then we can sit down for a nice, long talk.”
I didn’t want to prolong it any further. If it was going to sting, I much preferred to have the bandaid ripped off quickly. “Howard, just tell me what it is. Please.”
I walked over and sat down in a leather chair. Howard sat next to me on the matching sofa. “It’s exciting news, actually. Scary, but exciting.” He reached out and took hold of my hands. His eyes found mine and tried to prepare me. It was like they were begging for cooperation.
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