A.I. Zombie

by L. A. Johnson

  Nobody was walking all over Floyd anymore. Who knew you could stand up for yourself without having to trick people? No wonder people loved weapons. Refresh. Something new!

  Floyd squinted at the email. He read it slowly. Then he read it again. He thought about this new problem and frowned. He wished that this new concern was as simple as being sued. Even worse than getting sued was the uncertainty of maybe getting sued. Uncertainty was the worst.

  He re-read the email again and took a sip of coffee. Giant mutant rats. He shuddered. Well, one giant mutant rat, that had apparently started a bar fight.

  Floyd figured if the rat was cool enough to enter a bar and start a fight, then it probably wasn't diseased after all. Although he was glad that he wasn't the one who had to get close enough to examine it. He did have to deal with the aftermath, though. He squirmed in his chair.

  But yes, if push came to shove, then rat started a bar fight was a strong place to start with his argument that it was all in people's head. That was unless they got locked down on quarantine. He got a headache thinking about it. That opened them up to even more lawsuits, although smaller ones that had the capacity to take a long time and be painfully boring.

  He tried to think about which one he happened to prefer. Gigantic, interesting, and newsworthy rat plague lawsuit or a bunch of ticky tack whiny I-was-stuck-for-a-few-days-on-the-space-station-that-is-my-home-anyway-and-was-mildly-inconvenienced lawsuit.

  Fine, he thought. Spectacular rat plague was way more fun, left him more wiggle room to get out of it depending on natural causes. And the fact that they did employ exterminators on Celestica helped. And rat plague wasn't mind bogglingly tedious case law that had already been tried a thousand times and set in stone. It was shiny and new.

  This made him smile, because although he had made up his own mind as to preference, he wasn't in charge. These things were always fluid, always a surprise.

  Life here, if nothing else, usually found a way to throw stuff at him that he never would have suspected. And that's why he was still here after all of these years, practicing law at the end of the universe by a spectacular black hole. Because he loved a challenge.

  A noise made him jump. Above him. There was a rumbling, running noise. It sounded like something was alive and running around the bones of the space station. He looked up in time to see a few specks of dust fall from the ceiling. So, he hadn't imagined it after all. This was new and worrying.

  He grinned. It was time to call the exterminator. And also, to make a note of it, both in writing and in digital form, for later.

  He dialed Maura. It rang. “Pest control, you got Maura.” He explained to her what had happened and what he’d like her to do and what the ramifications were. He didn’t leave anything to chance.

  That done, he turned his mind back to his own rat problem and the email that he continued to stare at. It was very official looking and intimidating and had come from the Office of Intergalactic Disease Control and Coordination. IDC. Apparently, the doctor who had performed the necropsy had felt compelled to contact the intergalactic feds. Oddly enough, the email was not asking questions or gathering information, they were giving orders.

  So who was this IDC person, BBasdhhhi, and what was this all really about? He knew that the only way to find out was to spend his morning doing research and making phone calls.

  That was fine. That was how he spent most of his mornings. At least now he had something to do. There was one thing he wanted to do first, though. He wanted to touch base with the technician and find out what they knew about this whole rat thing. If he could get a handle on what he was in for, then all of this would go smoother.

  He stood up, staring up at the ceiling at the spot where it sounded like something had run by. If there was even a possibility of more rats on the station, then he'd better find out in a hurry whether they were relatively safe or not.

  "Pest control, you got Maura." She loved answering the phone this way. It made her sound like she was the head of a large department with tons of resources rather than a single person sitting in a banished office at the far end of the space station.

  Truth be told, in space, there weren't an awful lot of bugs, so she didn't need a team. What she needed was very, very strong coffee so she could stay awake most days.

  The voice on the other end of the phone call was Floyd, the space station lawyer. She had had a couple of conversations with him over the years on the phone, and only one conversation in person. Nothing of any particular importance, just odds, ends, and technicalities.

  This time was different, though. She could feel the concern in his voice. An oversized rat. Possible disease infestation. We have to rule out contagion, that sort of thing.

  It was worrying, but nothing she had not heard before. These types of pest problems popped up everywhere there were beings and food. The bar fight was new. How could a rat start a bar fight? And at a trendy bar like Frenzy? How'd he even get in? She had intended to ask Floyd about that, but he got another call and had to go.

  Maura hung up. Now she had a purpose. Now it fell to her to do her thing. Investigate and report. That's why she got paid the barely minimum bucks. Hey, she wasn't complaining. She loved having an arsenal at her disposal and lots of free time to read and watch television. And every once in a while, when work did intervene, it was a nice change of pace.

  She glanced down at the notes that she took from the phone call and decided she'd start at a garbage collection center on the far end of the station, just past the Frenzy nightclub. One thing was sure, today she would be getting her exercise.

  She rummaged around her arsenal. Only a few light weapons were necessary for this first foray, which would be little more than a fact-finding trip. She stuffed the items in her pocket. A small ray gun, a species dropping test kit, and an extra-long extendable baton. The last item was the most used one in her arsenal which spoke to the usual level of danger that she was in, which wasn't very much.

  That done, she grabbed her cup of coffee and headed out the door.

  13

  Maura made her way toward the trash collection zone for the Frenzy area of the space station. The collection zones were placed on the extreme edges of the station for obvious reasons.

  So that one rat was big, she thought, so what? Rats had always been on the station. Still, the further down the deserted hallway she went, the more uneasy she felt. Up ahead of her, one of the hallway lights was blinking on and off ominously.

  Figures. Easy, Maura. You're not in a horror movie. She reminded herself that just because she felt afraid, it didn't mean the fear was warranted, but she couldn't keep it from floating across her consciousness.

  She swallowed hard and made it past the malfunctioning light. She hoped she would feel better once she got past it, but she didn't. Instead, she felt even further away from the rest of the station's inhabitants.

  It's because you are further away, idiot, she told herself. People obviously don't hang out at the extreme edges of the station. That should probably make it safer overall, statistically speaking. She knew she was almost there now and picked up the pace. Soon, the large, iron trash receptacles were in sight. Whew.

  She stopped, heart still racing, and looked around. The first thing she expected out here when she heard of a giant rat was that maybe these bins were overflowing, but they weren't. Everything appeared to be in order. And so far, no rats.

  The next order of business was to check the trash bins themselves. She crossed over to them and took a deep breath. Then she lifted the heavy cover and peeked inside. Nothing.

  She wasn't sure exactly what horrors she was expecting, but she knew that nothing wasn't one of them. Everything was fine. Huh. Weirdly enough, things were better than fine, which oddly didn't make her feel any better. Normally there would have been at least a couple of the furry creatures scurrying around.

  She turned back toward the hallway that would lead her out of this place. She should leave and check out a couple
of other trash receptacles to be sure, but she was now feeling more relaxed.

  Oh yeah, droppings. She may as well poke around and find some droppings to test since this is the receptacle nearest the earlier disturbance.

  Only, as she turned back, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She did a double take and her heart started to race. Over in the corner were about a dozen giant rats.

  They were huddled together, but not for warmth. The space station was kept a constant temperature. Why were they together? And why were there so many of them? And why in stars name were they just staring at her.

  What they should be doing is scurrying around looking for food. Or at least scurrying away at her presence. But in the last minute or so, none of them had moved. It was unnerving.

  They continued to look at her and not move. It felt like they were waiting for something.

  Floyd was right, these rats were huge, probably thirty to forty pounds each. She stayed frozen for a moment, trying to think of what to do. There were clear, fresh, rat droppings only a couple of feet away. It just happened that it was a couple of feet toward the rats themselves, which were maybe six or seven feet away. Seemed risky, but so far they were only standing there.

  She held her breath and took a step. And then another one. None of them moved. She took out her baton and extended it. If one of them did decide to run over here while she was collecting the droppings, she could always push it back. And so, with one eye on the rat horde and another on the floor, she got what she needed. She put the container back in her pocket, but kept out the baton.

  Then she backed away keeping an eye on them, but as it turned out, they never moved. In fact, it looked like all of their eyes were glazed over. She was starting to suspect by their strange behavior that they might be diseased after all. The priority now was getting back to her office, running the tests, and keeping Floyd in the loop. And more weapons. She was going to need more weapons. Not because they had done anything that was actually threatening, but because of her growing unease with the whole situation. She wasn't one to spook easy, and she always trusted her gut when it came to situations that didn't add up. With that thought she began a very fast sprint down the hallway past the wonky light. She didn't even slow down when she passed Carl and the Frenzy.

  Maura found herself in her office filling out paperwork describing the earlier craziness. Now that it was over, it seemed like an even smaller ordeal than it had at the time. She couldn't believe how worked up she had gotten.

  She chuckled to herself, took a sip of coffee, and looked the forms over. Hmm. She wondered about the whole Frenzy aspect. A rat starting a bar fight? She began to wonder if they had gotten carried away just like she had. Either way it would probably be an entertaining story. She decided she'd drop the samples she had taken off at the lab, and then go to the Frenzy. The extra work wasn't required, specifically, but the paperwork she would turn in would look even better with an eyewitness interview.

  The march across the station itself was always fun. Even though a few thousand permanent residents sounded like a lot, she usually saw at least a few familiar faces in the crowd.

  Dropping off the samples was easy. Now she just had to make her way to the Frenzy. It had been a while since she'd visited as a patron, opting lately for some of the quieter bars that were closer to her apartment. Celestica seemed even busier than usual today as she walked across it.

  Oh, look, a new restaurant. She stopped. The sign said: I, Pizza. Ok, thought Maura, bonus points for a good name. She stared in the window for a moment and decided that the patrons looked more than happy enough gobbling down their thin style pieces. She decided to come back soon to try it. She continued on.

  Several minutes later, she approached the Frenzy. She paused, eyeing the doorman, who was a werewolf. A shaggy, tan one dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. She waited in line for a few minutes. When she got to the front, she squinted at the nametag and then smiled.

  He smiled a jagged, toothy, carnivorous smile back at her. Then he looked over her clothes and squinted. It was a judgy, you aren't dressed for the Frenzy squint. Or maybe it was all in her head.

  "Um, hello Carl, I'm Maura."

  "Hello." He grinned in the trademark friendly manner of the Frenzy doormen. He still looked dubious about her, but apparently had made a decision to keep the line moving instead of making a big deal about it. "Fun and Frenzy await you, my lady."

  "Sometimes," she answered him, "but right now I'm on duty."

  He raised an eyebrow.

  "I am in charge of pest control on the station. And I was hoping to interview some witnesses from the earlier rat incident. Employees, if possible." Her thought process was that the employees were less likely to be incapacitated, hopefully, seeing as they were on duty. And she didn't mention the fact that the rat was involved in a scuffle because she didn't want to put words in the mouth of any potential witnesses.

  "Oh yeah," he said, his face brightening. "That was wild. How many witnesses do you need? Most of the employees there at the time are either gone or have been drinking wildly since then. Hold on a minute." He let the next few people in before turning back to her.

  "So you were there?"

  "I saw the whole thing," he answered. "I got here early before my shift and was kicking back at the bar."

  "Drinking?"

  "Nope," he said, "against company policy before a shift."

  "Sorry," Maura said and pointed at the notepad in her hand, "I had to ask."

  "No problem," he said. "Happy to help. But if you want to do this now, I have to clear it with my manager." He texted on his phone.

  Maura stood to the side and watched him let in all of the patrons. A few minutes later, a lizard wearing a camo leisure suit came out.

  "What's going on?" he asked.

  "Larry, Maura," Carl said. "Maura, Larry. My boss. Hey, Larry. She needs to interview a sober employee who was here at the time of the, uh, rat incident."

  Maura stood and switched her weight from foot to foot.

  Larry looked thoughtful for a minute. "Well, kid, if that's what she's looking for, then it's a subset of exactly one."

  All three of them stood there looking awkward for a moment.

  "Oh, you need to do this now?" Larry asked.

  "That would be very helpful," Maura replied, pointing to the notepad in her hand seriously, "the Celestica lawyer is all over me on this one. You don't see this every day."

  "Now that's true," Larry said. "I wish I had seen it myself, I think the tales are getting taller in there every five minutes," he said, pointing to the bar. "Okay, you two can use my office around the corner, it's nice and quiet. I'll cover you, Carl, but the night shift is coming in soon, so make it snappy."

  Maura thanked him and followed Carl around the corner to the office. When they entered, it looked more like a supply closet overflow than an actual working office. An ancient computer was gathering dust on an undersized desk piled high with old papers. Luckily, the only thing that mattered was that there were two old, metal, and extremely uncomfortable chairs. That would have to do. They sat down.

  Maura got her notepad and paper ready again. She was recording the interview on her phone, of course, but it looked more professional to carry around good old fashioned paper and pencil.

  "Let's start over," she said, "you said you were there, at the Frenzy nightclub, during the event in question at approximately two forty-seven that afternoon, right?" Maura nodded at him and waited for him to continue.

  "Ok, yes," he said. "Like I said, I arrived early for my shift, and was just kicking back inside. Well, there were a bunch of rowdies on the end, way over in the corner where they always sit. Orcs, you know. They're surprisingly good tippers, by the way, orcs."

  "You don't say."

  "Actually, it had been an oddly quiet day up to that point. Isn't that the way it always is? The calm before the storm and all that."

  "Tell me about it," Maura agreed. "Then what happened
?"

  "Well, I don't know exactly what happened before the shouting began. That's when I turned around and saw it."

  "What did you see?" Maura asked. It was so hard not jumping the gun.

  "I saw that mutant rat, that's what."

  "The rat? So, you saw it. Was it really that big? And how in the name of stars did it start a bar fight?" Oh well, so much for not leading the witness.

  Carl laughed. "These things do tend to take on a life of their own, don't they? Well, all I know is that I heard the yelling and I turned around. When I saw it, I assumed somebody had let a dog in here or something, although I could tell right away it was wild. Sort of."

  Maura frowned. How could something look sort of wild? "What do you mean?"

  "Well, when I saw it, it was circling the table in the back. The one with the rowdies, and they were freaking out, man. Half of the screams after that were because of the giant rat, and the other half of the screams were from the impressive number of illegal weapons that those guys pulled out upon seeing the rat. Once the screaming started, then everything happened really fast."

  "What happened really fast?"

  "The rat was circling the rowdies. And then it just stopped, like it was playing some weird game of duck-duck-goose. And those guys were yelling. And it's not like those orcs are easily spooked. But like I said, it was circling, and then it stopped. Then it bit the guy who happened to be sitting where it stopped."

  "What?" Maura thought back to the phone call with Floyd over and over in her head and could clearly remember the notes she took. There was nothing in their conversation about anyone getting bit. She was pretty sure he would have mentioned that first.

  She leaned forward in her chair. It creaked a metallic sound. "I'm sorry, are you telling me that not only did this rat bite someone, which wasn't in the information I received by the way, but that it, um, picked him?"