by Walker, Nina
There was no modern design here. And it wasn’t classically southern like most of the original palace architecture. Our area was still grand, but different. My mother had decorated it with a much cozier feel.
“Wow, so this is home, then?” Sasha was busy eyeing all the closed doors.
“Is he here?”
“No, he’s rarely here. He spends his time working in other offices.”
“What about your mother?”
“Natasha is already in bed.” I pointed to the closed door at the end of a long hallway. “She won’t come out before morning.”
“No one knows we’re here?”
“He might spy on my mother and me. But there are some places that even he wouldn’t invade. Not here. Not his own house.”
I took her hand and led her directly to his private study.
The door was locked, as usual. But it was an old lock and an old door. And there were no palace guards allowed in here. Or alchemists.
“You’ll have to open that. Is that going to be a problem?” I knew there were multiple ways alchemy could open a locked door.
“I’m not getting caught breaking in there.”
What she didn’t know was that although Richard probably kept a few things in this office, there were no documents or anything else centered around national security. I would know. I’d broken in at least a dozen times over the years, looking for information.
I pondered Sasha’s presence in the palace. Her small, curvy build and long blond hair were enough to give anyone the illusion that she was just another carefree, beautiful girl. But I knew differently. Why would she be afraid of breaking a lock?
She must’ve read my expression. “I don’t want to risk the mission. Maybe you won’t get in trouble for getting caught in there, but I will.”
She was right. “Well, since my study hasn’t been swept for bugs, that only leaves us one other option for privacy. We’ll have to go talk in my bedroom.”
She followed me down the hallway and into my most private space.
15
Jessa
I was avoiding everyone, especially staying clear of Lucas and Reed. The best way to manage that was to hide out in my boring room. I couldn’t stop thinking about the night before when I’d attempted, unsuccessfully, to fall asleep. A thought kept surfacing in that dramatic “this is really important and you won’t sleep all night until you fix this” kind of way.
You’re acting suspicious.
And it was the truth. Ever since Reed had tried to manipulate my emotions with blue alchemy, I’d been avoiding him. Why shouldn’t I? He pretended to be my friend, spent weeks hanging out with me, all in order to use alchemy on me, against my will, to see if I would reveal my secrets. I was sure now that he was reporting everything back to Faulk. I knew I should have told Lucas and apologized for not having believed him in the first place, but I couldn’t bring myself to go looking for him. Not after our second almost-kiss and the feelings of rejection that had left a bitter aftertaste.
So I decided to get over myself and go find Reed. Maybe if I acted normally, he wouldn’t worry about me. Or maybe I should just confront him?
“Hey, Reed!” I called out, running to meet him in one of the GC hallways. “What’s going on?”
“Hi, Jessa.” His voice faltered. “I was just going to spar for a little bit. Do you want to watch?”
He nodded toward the gymnasium, just behind a large sheet of thick glass. There were black mats lining the floor. Most had a pair of guardians on them, fighting. Maybe it was kickboxing, wrestling, or, as Reed had called it, sparring, but all I saw was fighting. Combat.
This was so foreign to me.
“Sure, sounds fun.” I smiled, forcing myself to follow his muscled form into the gym.
As we walked in, I immediately noticed there was another area in the space that I hadn’t seen through the glass, filled with shiny exercise equipment. Almost every machine had a person utilizing it. Treadmills and weight-lifting machines were lined in neat rows.
The entire space was loud and buzzing with adrenaline.
Sure, it made sense that the royals would want the alchemists to be strong and healthy. But this was something else. These people were beyond athletic—they were machines.
My jaw must have been hanging open as I watched the pairs of people, because Reed reached out and actually pushed my mouth shut, laughing to himself. “Okay, so you can kick butt. Note taken.”
“It’s part of guardian training. Royal officers, too.” He pointed to some of the people in white clothing. “And all the recruits. You’ll be in here soon enough.”
So they were all lethal. I wondered if guardians ever fought with color, but I was too afraid to ask. I think I had a pretty good idea of the answer already.
“You ready?” a girl purred from behind us. I turned and recognized Brooke, the one who’d been rude to me at my introduction party. She smirked when she saw me. “Do you want to play, too?”
“I don’t think Jessa came to fight.”
“Too bad.” She rolled her eyes at me.
I stepped back as Reed pulled her out onto the closest mat. They stood apart for a moment before she dived for him, and they ended up wrestling. Something about the whole exchange didn’t feel right. They were definitely fighting. He knocked her head against the floor hard, and she retaliated with a kick to his jaw. But despite the pain, it seemed like they were enjoying themselves way too much. The way they moved was almost sexual, but in a way that made my skin crawl. And when Brooke looked up at me and winked before wrapping her legs around his torso, I had to turn away.
I didn’t know what to think. But something about watching them, about this huge gymnasium and the GC headquarters in general, felt wrong. I didn’t want to be there anymore, so I left, hoping the short conversation with Reed was enough to keep him satisfied for a while. Maybe just coming down here would throw his suspicions to the back of his mind for now.
As I made my way back toward the sanctuary of my bedroom, I noticed a familiar face and stopped short. “Eliza!”
She slowly turned, before stepping back.
“Miss Loxley, how are you?”
“I’m fine. Eliza, how are you? I’ve wanted to talk to you ever since the accident. I need you to know how sorry I am.”
She just stared at me for a moment and nodded before looking away. She took another step back, and I noticed that her hands were shaking. Guilt plunged through me. “Really, I am sorry. Are you feeling better?”
“I’m fine, miss. Just busy working.”
She’d been transferred somewhere else, I guessed, and was no longer working with alchemists. I assumed I had somehow gotten her into trouble, but I realized now that maybe she’d asked to be moved. And that was my fault. “How’s your mother doing?”
“Jessa, I really don’t want to talk to you about my mother. I already told you I could be in trouble for that. And to be honest, I really don’t want anything to do with you.”
Of course she hated me. I’d almost killed her.
“Oh, okay,” I frowned. “I’ll leave you alone, then.”
She nodded and scurried off. Another maid joined her as they walked down the hallway, whispering to each other. I didn’t recognize the other woman, who turned back to me with a snarky glare.
And then, just like that, they rounded a corner and disappeared.
I continued down the hall, bothered by everything. Why did I have to be here? This wasn’t the life I wanted. I was on track to living my dreams before the alchemy surfaced. Wasn’t there a way to shut it all off? Lucas had assured me there wasn’t, and from what I could tell, no one else was developing anything like that. Maybe I could find a way to do it, but as it stood, I still felt clueless every day I spent in training. I was such a newbie!
And as much as I pretended it didn’t bother me, it really hurt to be treated like an outcast. The other alchemists hated me. I wasn’t yet in with them, no GC initiation plans to speak o
f. Not that I even knew what that meant. But I was invading their training rooms daily. Lucas and Jasmine gave me special treatment, Richard had made it clear I was “chosen” and Reed was Faulk’s little spy. I clearly didn’t belong.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard if I could just have contact with my family.
Just then, I spotted Faulk stalking around the corner with her royal officer, Thomas. I was pretty sure he was second in command. Could I convince them to let me have a call home? I still hadn’t said a word to Faulk about the blood situation, and I wasn’t going to. Not yet, anyway. As much as he infuriated me, I felt like Lucas was telling me the truth. I needed to keep my mouth shut.
Just as I was about to catch up to them, I stopped short at the mention of a familiar name: Lacey. They had turned the corner now and couldn’t see me. But I could hear their every word.
“You’ve had eyes on the Loxley house?” Faulk asked.
“Yes, constantly. I don’t know how it happened.”
There was a long pause.
“They were acting normal enough. Going to work, sending the girl to school. Anytime we questioned them, they answered everything,” Thomas said.
“But this wasn’t the first time. I should have known better than to let them continue on like that. Like they aren’t criminals, hiding alchemists from us. It was only a matter of time.”
“So you think Lacey is an alchemist then?”
Another long pause.
If they think Lacey is an alchemist, they’ll take her. She’ll become part of this twisted system. And my parents? They’ll be destroyed.
“What do you want us to do?” Thomas asked.
Please don’t bring her in.
“Don’t you think we’re a little late to the party, Thomas?” Faulk spat.
The next thing I knew, they rounded the corner, practically running me over. There was no use in hiding I’d overheard them. “What’s going on? Is everything okay with Lacey?”
“Lacey isn’t your concern right now,” Faulk said.
“She’s my little sister. I have every right to be concerned.”
“Did you already forget about our little deal? When you produce red alchemy, then you’ll have contact with your family.”
Thomas stepped back, peering at Faulk as if confused. What did he know that I didn’t?
“So,” Faulk continued, “do you have red or not?”
I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted my family and speaking up would do that. But, until I knew what red did, I couldn’t risk it. I shook my head.
“That’s what I thought. Don’t worry about your family. Worry about your job as an alchemist.”
She brushed past me, heading for her office. Thomas shuffled after her, only once peering back at me. He shrugged and mouthed, “Sorry.” I could tell he felt bad for me, but not bad enough to actually do anything about it. He may be the nicest royal officer around here, but he was still under Faulk’s command.
Why did she have to be so horrible? The royal officers would get more done if they didn’t treat the guardians like such criminals. Yes, guardians got to do some cool magic. Yes, they got to live in the palace. But at what cost? Was I the only one who saw the flaws with the system?
I couldn’t take it anymore. I hurried back to my room to be alone. It was my only sanctuary. What would it feel like when I had officially moved into the GC wing? I didn’t want to think about how hard that would be.
After Reed showed me blue alchemy, how he had used it to create a listening device, I’d been trying to do the same thing in private. I had stolen a blue stone from one of the classrooms a few days ago. But so far, I’d had no luck getting blue to do much of anything. I didn’t know what I was planning. But I hoped to figure out some way to get in touch with my family. I still wanted to find a way to go home, but for now, communication would be better than nothing.
I originally believed blue to be a harmless color. But the alchemy Reed used it for wasn’t innocent, prying into my emotions like that. At least he hadn’t tried anything more—that I knew of.
I sat on my bed, holding the stone. Again, I wondered if I could access the blue to speak with my parents. Was that possible? After my run in with Faulk, now more than ever, I needed to talk to them. I looked back at the stone. I didn’t want to think too hard. Just start small.
I allowed myself to relax and focus on the stone.
Who do you think you are? You can’t do this.
Yes, the calm voice within me responded. Yes, you can.
And just like that, I did it.
The color exploded around me. Blue swirled through the room in ribbons of brilliant light. Tentatively, I reached out, hoping I could mold it the way Reed had shown me. But when I touched it, it spun away from me, like ink in water.
I tried again. Still, it seeped away from me in chaotic swirls. I didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t the blue do what I wanted? So far I could access green, orange, and even red. What was so hard about blue?
You will be able to figure it out if you practice.
If there was anything I’d learned from all those years of dancing, it was that practice and hard work paid off.
But for how long? It took you years to master ballet.
I reached again, and the color darted away in a flash. I couldn’t even get close. A prickle of frustration bubbled into my chest. Why am I even here? My true place wasn’t with these people. They only wanted to use me. I was meant to be at home with my family. I was meant to be a ballerina. The anger raged inside as I threw the stone across the room. It hit the wall with a ping and dropped to the floor. Suddenly, the room was normal again.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so upset, but I couldn’t help it. Jasmine had told me that not every alchemist could manipulate every color. That must be why red wasn’t something others could tap into. It seemed so strange to me that Reed could control blue, and I could control red. Maybe we just had different talents.
Fatigue washed over me. I lay down on the bed, realizing that the attempted alchemy had taken an enormous amount of energy. All I could think about was sleep. I started to drift away, my eyes getting heavier by the second. A thought tried to push its way through…something about the red blood and about how I had felt the times I had turned it gray. Was that important? But just before I could formulate a clear thought, sleep swiftly took me away.
Their faces are ghosts. I know they are there, but I can’t see them beyond the darkness. The hot lights blind me. Floating purple orbs fill the horizon. I blink rapidly, trying to clear my vision. The oxygen moves quickly in and out of my lungs, like a smooth stone skipping violently across water.
It is quiet, and the rush of blood and adrenaline swishes through my ears. A drop of sweat runs down my back, tickling my spine. Instinctively, I straighten a bit more as I take my position. The music chimes to life, and with it, I begin to dance.
I fly effortlessly across the smooth stage, creating a beautiful story with my body while the delicate melody meets me. Each movement is soft yet precise. Calculated. Studied. Natural. From the tips of my loose fingers to the strength of my pointed toes, I am in complete control.
The dance is the best of my career, validating my position as a prima ballerina. And with every effortless step, I fill with pride. The music builds to a crescendo and I leap high, my legs extended and powerful. Falling into a crouch, I complete the performance as I fall to the floor. I pant with exhilaration.
There is a pause before the audience erupts with applause. I can’t help but smile widely. Catching my breath, I stand and curtsy, looking out into the crowd. I want to see their faces. I want to know them. Somewhere in the distance, over the roar of applause, someone is chanting my name: “Jessa! Jessa!”
I search for them, a prick of familiarity burning at my memory. The voice is young.
Lacey appears on the stage. My little sister is wearing a simple white dress. Her dark blond hair curls sweetly around her small face. As she steps forward, the crowd co
ntinues applauding, oblivious.
I try to run to her, but my knees buckle, and I slip. Falling at her feet, I look up. I try to speak, but no words come out. All I want to do is hug her. To get to her, somehow. But my body won’t move.
Lacey smiles. A drop of crimson falls from the corner of her mouth. She holds out her hands, and I watch, horrified, as rivers of blood flow from her palms. The moment stills as drops hit the floor, thick and heavy.
I reach out, urging my body forward. I will myself to get up. To help her. But it’s as if I am moving through quicksand. It’s like she is behind a wall of glass. The audience continues their cheering, louder now. Maddening. Don’t they see her?
Lacey falls to the floor, and the blood continues to pour from her mouth. Her eyes flutter and roll into the back of her head as her complexion pales. Can’t I fix this? Can’t I heal her? I’m screaming in my head, desperate to hear myself over the noise.
She starts choking on her own blood then. Straining to get air that just won’t come. Dying under the heaviness. Someone needs to help her. I need to help her.
Something shifts in the audience. They are laughing. A chorus of cackling hysterics drowns my senses.
Lacey abruptly sits up. Her thin torso is perfectly straight. “Help me!”
“No!” The scream erupted as I flew out of bed.
Where’s Lacey? She needs my help.
My heart pounded in my chest. My throat prickled. I shook my head, trying to clear the terror as I realized it was only a nightmare.
I stumbled out around the room to find a water bottle. I walked over to the window and looked at the dark sky outside, chugging the room-temperature water. Then I checked the red numbers on the bedside alarm clock. They blinked glaringly: 02:18. 02:18. 02:18. 02:19.
The alchemy I’d tried before falling asleep pushed through my mind. It seemed like something had happened, but I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t touch the blue. The amount of energy I’d used knocked me out for part of the night. Why?
I yawned and lay back in the large bed. But my eyes didn’t want to close, so instead I stared at the dark ceiling, trying to make out the features of the room. I registered the door to the bathroom and the door to the hallway, where undoubtedly, there were two palace guards. Even if they’d heard me screaming, they hadn’t bothered to check on me.