by Walker, Nina
I closed my eyes, but the image of Lacey in the bloody white dress appeared. The fear of the dream rushed back through my body.
This was about the day Lacey had fallen from the swing. It hadn’t been as dramatic as my nightmare, but the fall had definitely been impactful. Blood had streamed from her palms and mouth after she landed in the gravel. I must have used red alchemy on her blood when I tried to help her. But that didn’t heal her. She’d passed out and ended up in the hospital. So what had I done? Had I used the red for something else without realizing it?
It was maddening to feel like the answer was right in front of me, but I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Not yet, anyway. What had Lacey said in the dream? Help me. Did she really want me to help her? And how could I do that if I was stuck here? The very fact that I had neither heard from nor seen my family in weeks was killing me! I doubted I could trust Faulk. The conversation between Thomas and her made me nervous. Plus, if she was truly trustworthy, Reed wouldn’t have manipulated me. I was sure he’d been trying to get me to talk about the red. I’d been ignoring what I knew deep in my gut. I couldn’t deny it any longer. Lacey was in trouble. That dream was an omen—I was absolutely sure of it. I knew with every fiber in my being that I couldn’t stay here any longer. Especially after hearing Faulk and Thomas earlier today. I had to find Lacey.
I knew what I needed to do.
I stood up and walked to the tall window again. I assumed it was locked from the outside, just like everything else in this room. But what if it wasn’t?
I wrapped the tips of my fingers under the rim of the windowsill and lifted. The window slid open easily, and a warm summer wind danced through the room, brushing my tangled hair out of my face. I peered out at the dark night. It waited for me. The lights of the capital city loomed just beyond the palace garden wall, beckoning. Reaching out to me.
I stood peering down from the third floor. Below me in the darkness, the edge of the palace intersected with the hard manicured lawn. Something had been slowly formulating in my mind for weeks now. Something so completely crazy, so reckless, that I’d tucked it away in the back of my mind. But what if it works? Before I could talk myself out of it, I lifted myself onto the window frame and jumped.
16
Lucas
My bedroom was one of the few places I had to myself. Sasha slowly walked around it, taking in everything that was mine. She peered at a row of black and white photographs on one wall before turning back to me. The photos held various stages of my growth. Pictures of my childhood and more recent ones too. Behind her, the darkness waded through the large window. “You’re sure it’s safe in here?”
“Privacy is everything to my father. And to me. No one is listening.”
“I hope you’re right. What did you want to talk about?”
I sat on the edge of the bed. Sasha tilted her head and bit her bottom lip, staring at me.
“We need to talk about Jessa.”
“Have you really told us everything you know about her?” Sasha asked. “Something is…missing.”
Francesca Loxley, I thought, but just shrugged instead.
By “us,” I knew she meant the Resistance, but it wasn’t like I’d met more than two of its members. The gardener woman had been the one to convince me to join them. But she vanished after Sasha showed up, and I never got so much as a name. What about the rest of them? I wanted to meet someone higher up in the organization.
“You’re right, something is missing. It’s about time you take me to meet some of your leaders. I can’t go down this path with you much longer. You already know that.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to them. I know you’re right. But hey, at least you know we’re serious about nonviolence. We haven’t hurt anyone yet, have we?”
“But once I’m firmly on your side, how do I know you won’t assassinate Richard? Then I’ll become king, and you could essentially try to control me.”
There it was.
Sasha stared at me for a moment, and then she laughed. “Lucas, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s not like that. First of all, we don’t want a king. Period. Not even you. We want democracy back. Second, you would probably become a talking head, but things would continue as they always have. It’s the whole organization of the GC that needs change. And worse—the people would turn against us, in retaliation for their beloved king. Richard has enemies, but not enough. No one knows what he’s really doing, do they? We’re not going to kill your father.”
“Okay, fine,” I said. “What do you need to know about Jessa?”
“What else do you know about her?” she asked. “Is there anything we should know? Anything she’s hiding? Or anything your father is hiding?”
“I know that she’s ready for the truth. That’s what I know.”
Yes, there was more. Maybe Jessa had an older sister who was once a member of the GC. Maybe her parents knew more about color alchemy than we’d suspected. But that was information I wanted to keep to myself for now. I trusted Jessa. I didn’t think she knew about any of those things. And I’d already let the Resistance in on the information about her red. That should be the only thing that mattered, anyway.
“All right, well, I’ve been told we need to get Jessa on our side. So I guess someone agrees with you,” Sasha said.
“So what’s the plan? How are you going to get her to listen to you?”
“Have you made contact with the Loxley family?”
The realization of my mistake came at me, sharp and sudden. After my last conversation with Jessa a few days ago, I had meant to reach out to her family. I’d wanted to make sure they were okay. Maybe I couldn’t give Jessa everything she wanted, but that was something I should have done. She deserved to know about their situation. But I forgot. When she’d come to me about it, I’d pushed her away and had been avoiding her ever since.
How could I have been so careless?
“Did something happen to them?” I asked.
I tried not to picture them in prison, or worse, but the images burned into my mind anyway. Jessa loved her family above all else. How would she handle something like this?
“They’re safe.”
“The Resistance has them?”
“Yes. We extracted them a couple days ago. New Colony officials have no clue of their whereabouts. Believe me, Faulk isn’t happy. It won’t be long before Jessa gets questioned again.”
“What are you going to do with them?”
“We want to work with the young one, Lacey. To see if she has any alchemy abilities, too. It’s very likely that Jessa’s powers run in her family. But the parents aren’t cooperating. They don’t want any of our alchemists near the little girl. They’re confused, to say the least.”
They asked for the parents’ permission?
That would never happen here. People were forced to give their kids up to the GC. They were not asked. That fact alone relaxed me. Maybe the Loxley family was in good hands, after all.
“So you want Jessa to talk to them?” I asked, putting it all together. This must be why they decided to let her in. If the Loxleys weren’t open to the idea of Lacey being tested for color alchemy, then maybe Jessa could talk them into it.
“Exactly,” Sasha said.
It wasn’t such a bad idea. But it was risky. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the logistics of getting Jessa in contact with her family without Faulk noticing. Not to mention, now that the Loxley family was MIA, I was certain Faulk was keeping an even closer eye on Jessa. Of course, no one had said a word to me or Jessa about any of this. Faulk must have decided to pretend the Loxleys were still under her control.
“How are you going to pull this off?”
She sat down next to me and frowned. “We need your help. Your father has been communicating in emails that he wants to take Jessa out of the palace for field training. He wants to see what she’s capable of.”
“Where?” I asked, afraid that I already knew.
“Not nor
th, though I’m sure that’s only a matter of time. He won’t be patient for much longer.”
I hoped we still had time.
“So how does this help us?”
“You’re overseeing her training, right? You can ask to take her there. Make it seem like your idea. First thing tomorrow, go to the king. Request that I come with you. We’ll be making contact with the Resistance while we’re gone.”
It sounded reasonable, but I knew there was more to it than just this simple plan. It was too easy. Too convenient.
“Won’t Faulk be coming? What about Reed? And Jasmine has been a part of her training too, perhaps the biggest part. She’ll want to come but my father seems to want Jasmine here.”
Sasha studied me, as if she suspected I was going to say something more. “I’m sure the whole gang can come along. If not, we’ll just have to figure it out. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that.”
“We can’t get caught,” I said, stating the obvious.
“You think I don’t know that? Don’t forget my life is on the line too.”
I knew she was right. I still didn’t know too much about this mysterious woman. She had revealed that she could use red alchemy as a child, but it seemed that it had disappeared. But then what? Maybe when she grew out of it, the royal officers let it go. It was true that alchemists’ powers could change over time. But other than that, Sasha was not exactly an open book.
She put her hand on mine, rubbing her thumb gently along my knuckles. Without meaning to, I became acutely aware of where we were. My bedroom.
What is going on between us, anyway?
“How long do you want to keep this cover of ours going? Because I think it’s working.”
“Why do you ask?”
“It’s been fun. We know there are no real expectations between us, so there’s none of the pressure that goes along with actually dating someone.”
I knew what she meant. Most girls seemed like they all had the same goal in mind. The same eye-on-the-prize mentality. What would start out as fun would soon turn into hints of marriage. Talks about “our future.” So I’d learned to always end things before it ever got further than a few dates. But still, some girls went in with that attitude from the very beginning. And how was that fair to me? I wanted to see what my possibilities were. I wanted to be a normal eighteen-year-old. Everyone assumed I was looking for a princess. I really wasn’t.
She understands. There’s nothing between us.
“I agree, it has been fun,” I replied.
It didn’t hurt that Sasha was gorgeous and sophisticated. And she was easy to talk to. That was what I liked about her the most. She had inadvertently become my first true female friend since I’d matured.
“So we agree?” she said. “That’s all you want? To have fun?”
When she put it that way, I knew it wasn’t all I wanted in a relationship. But it was all I wanted from her. I was happy to have her as an ally and a friend. That was all.
My mind shot to Jessa and that electric spark that was building between us. I thought of her sweetness and her innocence, her fire and her endearing uncertainty. Her smile... And the way she’d trusted me when I couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear—that felt good. All those things had added up to something more powerful than the show Sasha and I had been putting on over the last month.
“Actually, I want more.” With Jessa, I wanted more.
“Me too.”
Sasha’s mouth crashed against mine, hands encircled my neck. She grabbed my hair and pulled me against her. In another breath, she was sitting on my lap. My thoughts instantly went murky. At that point, I was kissing her back. I ran my hands down the curve of her back. My body tensed as my fingers gripped the warmth of her skin. She sat back for a moment and smiled sheepishly. A curtain of blond hair brushed my face.
And then I remembered what I was going to say to her before we’d started this. I cared about Jessa too much to continue with Sasha. Jessa brought something out in me I couldn’t explain. She made me want to be a better man. Actually, she made me want to be a man, to grow up, to be mature for once in my life. I knew that if I continued to kiss Sasha, I’d lose Jessa.
That can’t happen.
I gently pushed Sasha off of me. Her cheeks flushed.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not wanting to look at her. If I saw that seductive gleam in her eye again, I might lose my cool. She was undeniably beautiful. And the old me would have gladly jumped at the chance. But I’d changed over this last month, without even realizing what was happening. I’d grown up.
“What’s wrong?” Sasha said combing her fingers through her thick hair. “If you don’t want more, if you just want to have fun, I’m pretty sure we can manage that, too.”
“It’s not that.”
“Well, then if you want to make this relationship something real, you already know how I feel about that too. No hiding it now.”
Sasha inched closer and wrapped her arms around my neck, glowing with determination. “I want what you want.”
I was pretty sure if she knew what I wanted, or rather, who I wanted, she wouldn’t be smiling anymore.
“We can’t have a relationship. Not even a fake one. And definitely not a real one. Whatever is going on here needs to stop. I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
Should I tell her?
“Is this about Jessa?” She guessed.
I shrugged, not ready to admit it to her out loud. I had barely admitted my feelings to myself. I didn’t know how to put them into words.
Sasha stepped back and did the last thing I expected. She laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re so transparent. Do you know that?”
I didn’t know how to answer. Was I that obvious? She’d caught us almost kissing that night in the garden. How could I forget?
“You’re not mad?” I asked.
She shook her head and shrugged. “Maybe a little disappointed, but I’ll live. I’ve got plenty of options.” She said it with such confidence that I wondered if she was deflecting. I didn’t want to question that. I didn’t want to hurt her.
“So, what are you going to do about Jessa?” She asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe nothing.”
There was nothing I could do. Jessa was still so young. She was only sixteen and hadn’t lost that glow of innocence yet. And I was overseeing her training. If we got close, I knew I would lose my judgment. And if Faulk or my father found out, they wouldn’t trust me with her training anymore. They could separate us.
Sasha shook her head. “If you say so.”
“Are we okay?”
“We’re fine. But let’s lay off the kissing for a while, okay? It’s getting late. I’m beat. Can you walk me out?”
I thought about that for a minute and wondered if I was ready to let the cover we’d created with our relationship die so early. As much as I wanted Jessa, I wasn’t going to pursue her. I couldn’t. And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed Sasha’s help. Would she be upset if we played our game without any of my feelings getting involved? Without kissing?
“So, are we supposed to break up now?” I asked.
“Well, we could keep the façade going if you want. But I’m seriously not going around kissing a guy who has the hots for someone else. I’m not that pathetic. Sorry.”
I felt a twinge of guilt. She was right. She deserved better.
“You could spend the night.” My face burned at the implications of those words, especially in the context of what we’d nearly done. “I mean, not to do anything with me,” I quickly added. “But to give the impression that we’ve gotten closer. Maybe we could just hold hands in public, and you could sleep here every once in a while to keep this going. And in here, we’re safe to talk about what we need to.”
“It’s not a bad idea, actually. But don’t try anything.”
I nodded. But was Sasha really okay with this? On the one hand, she was laughing about o
ur situation. But on the other hand, her ego was obviously bruised. I watched as she took her socks and shoes off and walked over to the bed. She lifted the heavy black comforter and climbed inside.
“Coming, honey?” she asked sarcastically.
Deciding I didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable than I already had, I grabbed one of the pillows and tossed it on the floor. “I’ll sleep down here.”
She just looked at me for a long moment before rolling onto her side with her back to me. I lay down on the hardwood floor with only the pillow for comfort.
That night, my thoughts spun circles in my head. I stared into the ceiling. I questioned, not for the first time, what I was doing here. Why did I have such a complicated life? Who was hurting my mother and why? It was something I thought about often. When Sasha had explained what red did, I knew that had to be what was happening to my mother. They were controlling her mind and wiping away the memories. Someone had access to red, but they must be hiding it from Richard. Unless he knows about it.
Could he be the one hurting her? His own wife? I hated to even entertain the thought, but it kept creeping back up. Sure, he was a bad guy, but he wasn’t abusing his own wife, was he? I didn’t think it was him. I would have seen something. And it’s not like he’s an alchemist. He would have to be using a guardian. There wouldn’t be a good enough reason for all of that. Right?
No, someone else was behind this. Someone lurking in the corners, hiding their access to red. I needed to do a better job of watching out for my mom. I was letting her down every time I allowed myself to forget what was at stake.
But there was so much on my mind these days. Like, how was I going to stop Richard? When was the Resistance going to let me in on their secrets? How were we going to help Jessa and her family? It was all too much to handle. But I had to handle it. And, despite the various important things I needed to worry about, I couldn’t get Jessa out of my mind. She danced through every moment. Every memory I had of her played itself out, again and again, of the girl with stormy, ocean eyes.