“I’m here, I’m here!” I heard Doctor Aserov yell, the flats she always wore sliding across the floor with urgency.
It was that moment I wished I could stop what was about to take place — to spare Ryder the pain of having to see this. I wanted to comfort him. To hold him. Instead, I was a useless rag doll that could only bend to the will of those around her.
Pressure began to build inside my mind and the fuzzy, electric zing that signaled the beginning of a Gran Mal seizure started. I felt nothing, and then all awareness was gone. There wasn’t anything left but the pitch black that welcomed me with open arms into unconsciousness.
ChapteR
FOURTEEN
I didn’t remember anything after I lost consciousness. All I even vaguely recollected was warmth and the sensation of floating, but nothing more. When I finally woke from slumber, the room was relatively dark except for the small sliver of light that peeked from the cracked bathroom door. Well, what I assumed was a bathroom. I wasn’t entirely certain since I had only seen the portion of the room I blacked out in.
Everything else was a fuzzy recollection, but what I did remember brought a tear to my eye. The love of my life saw me at my worst and close to death multiple times. He shouldn’t have had to endure any of this, but he did so by choice.
Ryder lay beside me in an obviously uneasy sleep, breathing softly. He lay on his side, facing me, with his hand resting gently on my belly. Inviting and reassuring with its heat. I held back a sob and smiled, placing my hand tenderly on his so I didn’t wake him. If anyone needed the rest, it was him. Taking his hand delicately, I removed it from my stomach and laid it down gently between us on the bed, giving it a small pat of reassurance even though he was out cold. His breathing never changed, but a soft snore did resonate in my good ear past the deafening silence.
It wasn’t until I moved to swing my legs over the side of the bed that I realized my prosthetic had been removed. My body was still slightly numb from the seizure, and it seemed I barely noticed even the smallest things – like the soft hush just outside the door to our room that I hadn’t noticed when I woke up. Someone was outside the door. I wasn’t certain why, but my best deduction was that it was for our protection. From what in the Fallen Paradigm? I didn’t have the slightest inclination. As far as I was aware, aside from the war raging inside my body between my ability and the serum, Dead End was the safest place for all of us at that point.
My mind was straying too easily, even I was fully aware of it. But that brought the fact of my missing power to the forefront.
A decision had been made instantly.
Scanning the room quickly, my eyes came to rest on my prosthetic. It leaned precariously against the side table where an old lamp stood, the same magnetic sleeve Doctor Aserov and Rayna had given me in Myrtle Beach draped over the wood. I couldn’t see much, but what I did see almost made me gasp. It was severely beaten up, scuffed and dinged in a few places from what little I could make out in the near dark. I reached out and picked up the sleeve, sliding it onto my remaining appendage with a slick coldness that was typical for the device. The materials were wetsuit material interwoven with a cloth that contained metallic, magnetic threads to hold onto the prosthetic limb.
It was that moment that I realized my clothes had been changed. I wore something reminiscent of the tank top and bicycle shorts I had worn in Myrtle Beach as well, which led me to believe that this stronghold had the same supplier.
Anxiety chose that moment to strangle my heart, butterflies taking residence in my belly as the memory of Myrtle Beach and all those that had perished crashed down around me. I hadn’t even really asked who had made it out and to Dead End, so absorbed in my own problems I never bothered to ask before collapsing into yet another seizure.
God, how selfish had I been?
Putting on my prosthetic, I felt the familiar pressure as the vacuum inside of it pulled out excess air for the best fit possible – ceasing quickly as I jumped to my feet and made a mad dash for the door. I had to know. I had to know everything, but firstly, I needed to be certain my ability had abandoned me. If it had, how could I save us? And how could I bring it back?
When I opened the door and rushed through the threshold, I was greeted by yellow fluorescent lights, coffee-colored walls, and the broad chests of two massive men holding large military-grade weapons. They were dressed to the nines in the same military uniform the Fallen Paradigm had always worn – all black – one man with dark skin and the other slightly tanned.
Huge hands grabbed me, and I pushed them away without even caring who owned them.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ruckus said – grumpy like an old man who I had woken from his afternoon nap.
“Wow, little lady. Where do you think you’re going?” Ajax’s voice almost bellowed in surprise.
When I looked up, it wasn’t Ajax who was holding me in place. It was the other man that had arrived with Gaia and John Baker – Ruckus – the hard lines of his face skeptical as he stared down at me. I glanced at Ajax, then back to Ruckus, and back at Ajax again with shocked determination. Ruckus was a newcomer and hadn’t yet earned my trust. How had he managed to secure a position guarding my door? Another question on the long list of ones needing answers.
“Where’s the training room, Ajax?” I snipped, jerking my arms away from the large, intimidating man.
“Hey now, no need to be rude,” Ruckus began. “You wanna wake up the boy? We can talk civil-like if you just calm down.”
My chest heaved, and I puffed, “Where is it?”
“What could you possibly be needing in there, girl?” he asked. His brow furrowed, and his blue eyes sliced into me with a newfound sense of vigor. Like my outburst was completely unwarranted.
“Just, please, Ajax,” I pleaded past a wheeze of exasperation.
“This is our last resource, Mila. We don’t have one here at Dead End, but…” Ajax replied as Ruckus moved around me to close the door to mine and Ryder’s room.
Somehow, my explosion hadn’t woken him, and I was thankful. I could still see the faint outline of his body – still in the same position as when I had risen from bed. He looked peaceful and exhausted. The door clicked shut, and I watched the man guardedly.
“Then outside. How do I get outside? I have to know,” I asked, lowering my voice.
“Why…?” Ruckus began.
Ajax pointed to the right, and my eyes followed the path of his finger to a door all the way down at the end of the long hallway. My body screamed for a release that I didn’t think would come, but as soon as my eyes landed on the door, I broke out in a run – limping as I readjusted to wearing the prosthetic. Like a bullet, I used my adrenaline and my terror to shoot toward the door – shouts echoing down the hall behind me as heavy boots followed. I felt their eyes on my back like missiles, but I kept going even though my fake foot attempted to slip across the slick floor a few times. I closed in on the metal door and pushed even more energy into my body, giving my legs the boost they needed to pump furiously and speedily toward the outdoors. My palms slapped against the push bar, and I exploded through the threshold, warm air crisp with the beginning of Fall causing my flesh to break out in goosebumps.
I was surrounded by dense forest much thicker than that in Myrtle Beach, surrounded by pine trees with the building at my back. Turning to look at the building I just came out of, I was still out of breath, but not enough to stop me from my current course of action. The building was old, in a worse state on the outside than any of the others I had been to previously. I was certain there was plenty reason for that since the interior looked as if it had been renovated completely. More difficult to spot on satellite feed as an active site was my first guess. Everything about it screamed long-dead. The name – Dead End – made more sense now than it had before.
I faced the forest again, o
nly the sounds of birds and chirping animals to keep me company aside from the sound of others following me outside. I wasn’t certain who all had come, but I didn’t care. I had to know if I was useless.
Focusing on the closest tree, I called on the power inside of me that made my exothermic telekinesis possible but felt nothing. No heat swirling in my belly. Just an emptiness I had never known before. It felt cold and lonely.
Gritting my teeth, I groaned, “Come on. Come on!”
“Mila, stop. You can’t force it!” I heard Doctor Aserov in the background but paid her no mind.
I tuned everyone out, recognizing the voices of Gaia, Ruckus, Ajax, Doctor Aserov, Ryder, John, Caius, Julius, and Cecilia as they yelled at me as well as one another. Clenching my jaw even tighter, I swore I felt a molar crack, but I forced even more attention into my outstretched palm – willing the trees and the ground before me to react. To move, or for the image of their building blocks to float into my mind as they usually did. Nothing. Barely even a flicker as I struggled with my body and mind.
“Come on!” I cried at myself, tears pricking at my eyes. “I will not be useless! I won’t!”
Hands touched my arm, and Ryder said, “Baby, please. You have to stop this.”
I dropped my hand and cried out in frustration, almost falling to my knees. I saw the world shift. Holding my arms out to my sides, I was able to keep myself upright. Everyone shifted to catch me. I glared at them, but couldn’t hold the expression. My face crumbled and the tears began to fall as everyone cascaded on top of me as if to crush me with the weight of realization that everything had changed once again, and they would never be the same.
“No, stay back. Please,” I breathed raggedly. “I don’t trust myself.”
A few of them looked as if I had grown another head, but the rest remained as placid as possible to keep me calm. It didn’t help. If anything, it made me feel even worse than I already had.
“Mila, try to remain calm, and I’ll give you some answers, okay?” Doctor Aserov said with hands outstretched toward me in a beseeching gesture.
I shook my head, and when she took a step forward, my resolve began to fall away.
“That’s it,” Caius muttered. “Calm.”
“God, you have no idea what this feels like,” I cried before even thinking about who I was speaking to.
“Don’t I?” Caius replied, falling into the same stance as everyone else. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
I saw John whisper to Gaia out of the corner of my eye, and she nodded. I couldn’t make out what was said, but it made me cautious of what anyone would possibly try. I wasn’t in my right mind – in shock – even I knew that much, and I felt like I could explode at any moment.
“The serum they gave you will wear off. It just takes time…” Doctor Aserov started.
“We don’t have time,” I interjected heatedly, hyper-aware of everyone’s actions.
Everyone was scared of me, that much was obvious, but there was something under the surface I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The shock began to waver while I breathed the crisp air, pulling it deep into my lungs with each passing second. It felt good. I felt my heart begin to slow to a low hum instead of a deafening roar in my ears.
“What the fuck did I get myself into?” Ruckus whispered.
I could tell he had hoped everyone else was well out of earshot, but my senses were hyper-acute in my anxiety.
“I can hear you,” I replied, my eyes shooting to him for all of a second.
H registered the words but had the type of steadfastness I had only seen in a select few. Those that had served their time in combat. It was even more obvious in the hardened lines of his face and his furrowed brow – the defensive stance of his body as he watched the goings on around him. He wasn’t just watching me, though I was his focus. He watched everyone like a hawk. All the time.
“This super-power shit is fucking weird,” he muttered more to himself than anyone.
“Get used to it, old man,” Julius snapped.
“Maybe I can help,” John stated as he took a cautious step forward, hands out toward me in an attempt to keep me still with his approach.
Taking a step back, I put my arm out as if it would stop him. “No, not you! Not you, Baker! I can’t…”
“Mila,” Gaia began, taking her own step in my direction, “he’s okay. You can trust him. I do.”
Gaia and John glanced at one another, and I sneered at him. He didn’t react to my obvious disdain for him, but Gaia trusted him. So did that mean that I could? I was skeptical, and I couldn’t help it. Not many people I had been around had a great track record. Especially not him.
“I don’t see how,” I bit back. “Where is everyone?” I directed to everyone else. “How the Hell do you think you can be helpful in this situation? Unless you somehow have a cure for the shit they gave me,” I said to John, motioning over my body with a flurry of hand movements.
“She’s still in shock. She’s coming out of it. Just, move slow, John,” Gaia whispered.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, my knees trembling as the adrenaline began to wear off.
“Almost everyone is gone, kid. Half of us that made it out of the hospital survived the crash, but King’s forces took some of us and killed even more,” Caius’ voice drifted to my ears. “Rayna’s gone and so is Doctor Devi. I’m so sorry. But Genevieve is alive.”
Pressure built behind my lids as tears threatened to spill past them. I wanted to give up. Almost everything my mother had built was gone because of my father, and it was all my fault. I hadn’t been strong enough to take the reigns when I first woke in Myrtle Beach. It had all fallen, and my mother’s ghost was insistent we could still win – if that dream was truly her visitation.
Opening my eyes, I shook my head again, and my chin trembled as my sadness finally began to pour out in fresh waves – across my body and over everything.
“It’s my fault,” I cried, my shoulders shaking with the sheer force of my grief. “How can I fix this?”
Ryder’s face fell as did many of the others. Even Baker seemed saddened. Gaia touched his arm and nodded, the nod all he needed as far as reassurance that he was about to do the right thing. I could tell that Julius and Ryder wanted to come closer, and tell me everything would be all right, but when they started, John cleared his throat and shook his head with a stern gaze. They got the message, hanging back, but poised and ready as soon as they were given the okay.
My knees gave out completely, and when I fell to the ground, John rushed toward me to place his hands on my arms – falling to his knees in front of me. No one else moved. I attempted to breathe past my sobs, but barely managed to pull in air tinged with pine and the scent of John Baker. His hands were warm and calloused, and he smelled of clean soap with a slight tinge of briny sweat. I looked at him past blurry vision, his dark skin breaking out in a soft sheen of sweat from anxiety and the heat. I felt it in the tension of his arms.
“We can’t fix it, but we can make it mean something,” John stated, his breath hot against my face, but minty and sickly sweet as if he had just brushed his teeth.
The statement struck a chord. It reminded me of what Cato had said to me before his death– almost exactly. It was that moment that whatever Cato had gifted to me surfaced after complete emptiness and quiet for what felt like an eternity. When I looked into Baker’s eyes, I saw honesty, apprehension, and the trauma he had suffered. I didn’t know anything about the man other than what I had been told about his origins, but I could feel the truth in his words when he spoke them. I began to wonder about a lot of things – his past, his present, his future. Especially when I saw how he looked at my little sister, who hung in the background watching over us with her palms pressed together, fingers at her mouth – tense. The gleam in her eyes on
his back said all they needed to. If Gaia could trust him, maybe I should take that first step toward reconciliation.
I forced a smirk and sniffed, blinking past the tears. I still felt disjointed in a way, but my mind felt a lot clearer than it had just moments prior.
“You know, you remind me of someone.”
“Yeah?” he asked nervously, his forehead creasing when his brow furrowed. “And who is that?”
I looked past him and to Julius who watched anxiously from the sidelines, hoping to help his unease with a soft smile. It seemed to work as he mirrored the expression, his eyes relaxing from worry to adoration. He knew exactly who I meant. He had heard me say the same words that were spoken to me in those heated moments – another jab of sorrow piercing my heart while I sat there on the ground among the trees.
“An old friend.”
Chapter
FIFTEEN
The sound of Velcro releasing itself caused my bad ear to ring slightly as Doctor Aserov removed the blood pressure cuff from my arm. After my outburst, she had quickly whisked me away to an examination room to assess my status. I felt almost like I had before except for the slight disconnect that still remained, but that was slowly fading.
“You know, Mila, the next time you have a mental breakdown, it would be best to keep it inside. The one in Myrtle Beach went unnoticed by King’s satellites because of the trees, but we don’t know how many times we can get lucky like that. Best not to push our luck,” she lectured.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied sarcastically.
She sighed loudly, making certain I heard her contempt, and set the blood pressure cuff on the examination table behind me. Removing a penlight device from a clasp on the wall, she moved around me, turned it on, and shined it into my right eye first – fingers splaying my eyelids open to the point of discomfort. I squinted my eye past the bright assault and jerked my head back. She acted nonplussed, coming back toward me to do the same with my left eye. I knew she meant well, but she was more forceful than usual. And I was getting irritated.
The Clash (The Permutation Archives Book 5) Page 11