Sweet Surrender

by Rebel Wild

  “What is it?” I ask, seeing the different emotions that pass across her face while she reads.

  “It’s my guidance counselor. She got some news today and she won’t be in her office this week to tell me about it so she’s telling me now.

  “What is it?”

  “I applied for an extended learning program. There’re only twelve spaces available and I got one.”

  “Baby, that’s great.”

  “Yeah... yeah, it is,” she says. I would expect her to be more excited about it.

  “Why aren’t you happy?”

  “I am, but it’s just that the program is part of a foreign exchange.”

  “Where?”

  “Japan.”

  Shit!

  “For how long?”

  “Four years.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck no. This can’t be for real.

  “Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?”

  “I applied at the beginning of the year. I honestly didn’t think I would get in and I forgot all about it.”

  I walk up the stairs and open the door with no real direction as to where I want to go. I go no further than the living room before I sit down on the couch. Reagan comes to sit beside me.

  “Reed, please say something?”

  What the fuck does she expect me to say? I have nothing to fight for her with, only what I’ve already given her. Is it enough to make her stay?

  “I already told you it was great. What else do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know. How you’re feeling, I guess.”

  “What does that matter when this is obviously something you want to do, right?”

  “Well, it’s an excellent program and an excellent opportunity for me to study Japanese design. It can strengthen my skills and—”

  “I know.” I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t want to hear about how fucking great the damn program is that’s taking her away from me. “As I said, it’s great and they’re going to be lucky to have you.”

  “You want me to go?”

  I get up to put distance between us, but of course, she’s right with me. I feel like I’m the butt of some cosmic joke. The sons of bitches revealed her to me. They showed me what it felt like to be loved by her. They made me fall neck-deep into this love shit only to turn it into quicksand.

  “Reed?”

  “No, I don’t want you to go, but I can’t ask you to give up your dream.”

  “My dream?”

  “I can’t stand in the way of what you want. How soon after you graduate do you go?”

  “I would actually have to leave in the next two weeks.”

  “In two weeks? Jesus. Is this the end of us? Are you leaving me, Reagan?” I’m dreading the questions almost as much as I dread the answers but I need to know. She doesn’t say anything, so I take her face in my hands and kiss her like my life depends on it because it just might. “Is this goodbye?” I ask her again. Three little words have never held so much meaning for my life, for our future together.

  “Reed,” she starts and I lose it.

  “Fuck,” I say, letting her go.

  I don’t want to hear this shit—this letting me down easy—shit. I can’t fucking believe this. I’m supposed to be the one walking away. I always walk away. Hell, I don’t get attached enough to even call it walking away. But now I have and I’m going to walk away before she does. I leave her and go to the bedroom. Not as effective as if I was walking out her door, but it’ll have to do.

  “Are you going to let me answer?” she asks, coming in after me. True to form, she won’t let me have that moment.

  She takes me by the arm to turn me around.

  “Not tonight.”

  “We need to talk about this.”

  “I just want one more perfect night with you. I don’t want to ruin it with goodbyes.”

  “Reed—”

  “I said no, Reagan.”

  Her head yanks back and I swear she can hear me yelling at her. It gives her pause, but only for a moment before she comes back stronger.

  “Don’t you dare Dom up on me right now.”

  How the hell did I ever mistake her for a damn submissive. Did she just call me out?

  “Let it be, Reagan.”

  “You need to hear me out because you’re already shutting down. If I let this simmer until morning, you’ll have completely closed yourself off. You’ll put all your walls up and I won’t let you do that to me. You’re not just going to shut me out. I get that you have abandonment issues, Reed. You have good reason, but I’m not going anywhere. I’d already made up my mind to turn down the offer before I even finished reading the text message.”

  “But this is something that you want to do.”

  “I wanted to study in Japan, sure. But that was before.”

  “Before us?”

  “Yes. A lot has changed since I applied for the program. I have a lot more to consider. I have a lot more to lose and I’m not willing to lose it. So, I’m not going.”

  “You’re not leaving me?”

  “No, of course not,” she says and I sigh as sweet relief washes over me. My world is spinning so right again, it’s making me dizzy. “Now, will you please just take me to bed because you are simply exhausting?”

  I chuckle at her as I pull her close. I’ll show her just how exhausting I can be.

  The brightness of the sun invading my closed eyelids coaxes me awake. My head is on Reed’s chest and I feel his breathing quicken so I know he’s already awake.

  “Good morning,” I say as I open my eyes. I lift my head to see him staring at me. The intensity of his gaze is making me worry. It means he’s been thinking and I’m not so sure that’s a good thing right now. “How long have you been up?”

  “A few hours.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “I like watching you sleep.” I run my fingers through his hair. “Don’t,” he says, yanking his head away. “I don’t deserve for you to make me feel that good right now.”

  “Why would you say a thing like that?”

  “Because I’m the man who’s keeping you from your dream.”

  “Oh, fucking hell.”

  “I’ve been thinking—”

  “Yes, I know and I wish you would stop.” I huff at him.

  “I think I have a way to make this work with you going to Japan,” he says. I go ahead and sit up to pay attention because I know there’s no stopping him right now. “I’ve been putting off starting a branch overseas and I think now’s the right time and Japan would be the best place. Alex is more than capable of handling things here while I set up there.”

  “You want to move to Japan?”

  “It should take about four years to get it up and running well enough to function on its own. Just about the time you’ll be done with your program. Then we can move back home or stay there if we prefer.” He takes his thumbs and wipes away my tears. “Baby, why are you crying.? I thought this would make you happy.”

  “That’s why I’m crying. You’re the most amazing man I have ever met. I don’t know what I did to deserve you or what I’m going to do with you, but I’m sure as hell never letting you go.”

  “Good, it’s settled.”

  “Yes, it is,” I sniff. “And if you want to move to Japan, I’ll go with you, but I’m not joining the program.”

  “What? Baby, I just worked it all out.”

  “Reed, I don’t want to join the program. I don’t want to spend four more years in school when I’ve already started a job that I love, working for the man that I love, in a city that I love. I meant it when I said I have a lot to lose. I’m happy here, but I’d give up two of those things if you truly want us to move to Japan because the job and the city I can live without, but you I can’t.”


  “I have no desire to move to Japan,” he confesses, making me laugh.

  “You really would have moved there for me?”

  “In a heartbeat. I want you to have all of your dreams and aspirations, baby, and at the same time, I want to stay relevant in your life. Moving to Japan was a win-win.”

  “You’re more than relevant in my life. You are my life. But to be perfectly honest, that wasn’t my dream. My real dream is kind of… I don’t know… most people don’t get it.”

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t think I should say. It’s kind of lame.”

  “What happened to not tossing around breadcrumbs and putting it all on the table?”

  “You’re right. Okay, I want what my parents have. I want a husband and kids. I want to raise them in a home that they can always come back to. It’s what makes me feel secure in life, especially after I got sick.”

  “That’s not silly, baby,” he says to me and I smile when I see the sheer panic in his eyes at the thought of marriage, kids, and a family home.

  “It’s okay,” I laugh. “I know you’re not the family guy type. It’s just a dream and I don’t mind altering it, considering you’re a catch.”

  “I thought you were the catch.”

  “Oh, I am and don’t you forget it,” I say, poking his chest with my finger.

  “I never plan to,” he says, taking my hand and kissing it before moving over to kiss my neck.

  “Aww,” I groan. “If you keep this up, I’m going to be late for work.”

  “That’s not a very good incentive for me to stop,” he says. I pull away from him and hop out of bed quick to avoid his grasp. “You’re a terrible influence.”

  “So, can we please put this Japan thing to rest once and for all?” Reagan asks as we ride the elevator up from the parking lot to our respective floors.

  “Absolutely,” I tell her but instead of putting it to bed, I store it in the back of my mind. I will take her to Japan. Maybe for her graduation.

  “Good,” she says, settling next to me.

  She jumps over to the other side when the elevator stops on the lower floor. The doors open and Baylis walks in.

  “Mr. Dixon. Reagan, good morning.”

  “Baylis,” I say to him dryly and roll my eyes when Reagan’s phone says good morning to him.

  She sounds too damn happy to see him and I don’t give a shit if it’s the phone talking. He stands in front of us as we ride up. Reagan fidgets uncomfortably and I glare at him as he keeps glancing back at her and then me.

  Great. He knows.

  We arrive on the second floor and Baylis steps aside to let Reagan out. She gives me a nod and he follows her, wishing me a good day. I stop the damn elevator doors from closing when she laughs at something he’s said. I know that fucker wants what’s between her legs. Instinctively she turns her head my way, giving me a brilliant smile. It’s sweet, sexy, and flirty all at the same damn time and I know he’s never going to get it.

  “Sharon, get hold of Hillary,” I tell her when I pass her desk. “And call my asshole of a brother. See if he’s free for lunch.”

  I sit at my desk and bring up the quick-glance of Reagan’s emergency contacts from her file on my computer.

  “Banks and Janine Montgomery,” I say out loud as I think of the best way to contact them.

  “Mr. Dixon, your brother is free for lunch and he’ll meet you at Angelini’s around noon. Ms. Jones is holding on your private line.”

  “Thanks.”

  Good morning, Deuce Dixon Yachts, this is Reagan speaking.

  I type on my computer to answer my phone.

  Oh, my God, Sweetie. I can’t believe you’ve been promoted. Your father and I are so proud of you.

  I smile at my mom’s words.

  Thanks, Mom. It’s an entry level position but I’m determined to work my way up.

  I have no doubt that you will. Are you going to be able to make it home this weekend? Dad’s in the mood for a cookout.

  I can’t. I was invited to a party and I already said I’d go.

  That sounds like fun. Is it Chloe’s party?

  No, a girl I haven’t met yet invited me.

  Really? How did that work?

  I know her brother.

  And just how do you know her brother?

  I roll my eyes. I can see her just waiting to find out what this is all about.

  I shake my head as I type.

  We’ve been seeing each other.

  It’s him, isn’t it? It’s the wet dream guy, right?

  She’s never going to let me live that down.

  Yes, Mom. It’s the wet dream guy.

  I knew it. I knew you were seeing someone. What’s his name? What’s he like? When can we meet him?

  His name is Reed Dixon and he’s amazing.

  Reed Dixon? As in Deuce Dixon Yachts, Reed Dixon? As in your boss, Reed Dixon? As in the most eligible bachelor on the west coast, Reed Dixon?”

  No. As in my boyfriend, Reed Dixon and how do you know all that?

  I did my research on where you’re working so I can brag properly to your aunt, but never mind that. What do you mean, boyfriend?

  That’s what he is and he’s a wonderful man. You guys are going to love him.

  Okay, we are spending the weekend there. I’m crashing this party.

  You will do no such thing!

  Reagan Montgomery, don’t you dare try to keep him from us.

  Fine, but you’ll all meet him when I’m ready. Stay where you are.

  Okay, but I don’t know if I can make any promises once I tell your father.

  Gotta go, Mom.

  I hang up on her when I see July approaching.

  “I’m having lunch with Ace Barnes and she requested you join us if you’re available,” he tells me.

  “Really?” I type out on my phone.

  “She was very impressed with your ideas and she wants to bounce a few more off you.”

  “Yes, of course, I’m available.”

  “Good girl,” he says before walking away. I frown at his retreating back. I’m only one man’s good girl.

  I shake it off as being overly sensitive and get back to work.

  “Bro, you need to slow down,” Alex says to me as he twirls his spaghetti on his fork. I just told him Reagan and I admitted we’re in love and it’s full steam ahead for us. “You’re moving too damn fast.”

  “Not fast enough for me.”

  “Hillary told me you’re jewelry hunting.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “You’re going to ask her to marry you, aren’t you?”

  “Eventually, yes.”

  “For fuck’s sake, bro. You’re moving too damn fast. You’re going to freak her the fuck out.”

  “It’s her dream to get married and it’s not like I’m going to ask her tomorrow. I was thinking right after she graduates.”

  “So, that’s what, in another few months?”

  “Exactly. Plenty of time. We can have a long engagement if she wants. Maybe a few months to plan it out just right for her.”

  “Reed, there has to be more of an adjustment period when this little world you two are living in comes crashing down and the reality of living with you sets in.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means she has yet to deal with you, Mr. Fine Ass Actor Millionaire, and the shit that comes with you. Your workaholic ways, sexy women that eye you like candy, social media saying whatever sick shit that comes to their minds to get likes and don’t think her disability isn’t going to be fair game.”

  “Fuck you, Alex.”

  “You can’t even handle me saying it. How are you two going to feel when you see it all in black and whit
e?”

  “I’m not that damn popular and Reagan’s a smart woman. She knows the deal about that bullshit. I have people in place to handle all that. Lyle is on top of it.”

  “Reagan needs to have tough skin, but I’m more worried about you driving yourself crazy trying to protect her.”

  “Why are you saying this shit to me?”

  “Because I’m your brother and I love you. I love her too and I don’t want to see either of you hurt. I’m glad you found someone that you’ve connected with, but this life commitment and marriage thing has to be your dream too, not just hers.”

  “She’s my dream and I plan on giving her whatever her heart desires.”

  “Damn, Reed. You’re really serious about this shit!”

  “I’ve never been more serious.”

  “I’m just flat on my ass from shock. You go from a Dom, to fuck and duck, to a no-commitment hard limit guy, to family man. I just don’t know what to make of it. I know you’re not the spontaneous kind of guy. You overthink shit to death, so I’m not worried about it not being for real, but damn, I just can’t wrap my mind around it.”

  “It’s simple. She’s the one. I always knew she was the marrying kind and I wanted her then. I want her more every day and I’m not talking about sex, although that’s mind-blowing. I’m talking about the day-to-day, minute-by-minute shit. You don’t think I haven’t been freaked the fuck out about all this? I’ve been in a tailspin trying to get my parachute open since the day I met her. Then I realized that she’s my parachute and all I have to do is hold on to her. I want a life with her.”

  “So, you always knew she was going to be your wifey?”

  “Not my wifey. That makes it sound like I’ve got some slut on the side. Did I know I would eventually be the one to make the ultimate commitment and want marriage? Hell no. Fuck no. I never saw this shit coming. I never saw her coming but here I am in love with her and wanting her to be my wife.”

  “What about kids?”

  “I haven’t worked that part out yet.”

  He laughs.

  “So, what you’re saying is that Mom and Myra are going to love throwing Reagan her baby shower.” I look around the table, but there’s nothing to throw at him. “I can’t believe my little snot-nosed baby bro is getting married. Fuck man, what happened to that kid who used to follow me around the house with a soggy diaper and wobbly legs wanting me to carry him?”