Choices (New Beginnings #1)

by Michelle Lynn

  "Thanks, Maggie. I owe you. I don't know how long I'll be away, but I have to be here. I can't leave her."

  "I know. Tell Michaela I'm thinking about her."

  "Will do. I'll call you tomorrow."

  "Sounds good." Jason hung up and stood in the doorway a minute longer. If he’d been unsure of his feelings for Michaela before, that had been erased over the past couple of days. Seeing her in that hospital bed made him realize how stupid he’d been not to tell her how he felt. It made him realize that she was the one person he never wanted to live without. But he'd wait to tell her anything until she was better. It was the right thing to do.

  "She's asleep," Chris said, rising to his feet. "Come on. Let's go get a coffee."

  Jason followed him out, and they walked in companionable silence down the hall. Jason and Chris had known each other for a few years now, and it had always been an easy friendship. They trusted each other and cared about each other. It didn't make any difference to Jason that Chris was gay. He didn't think it made a difference to Chris that Jason was into his sister. At least, he hoped it didn't.

  "You coming back to the house tonight?" Chris asked. They’d given him a guest room, but Jason preferred to stay at the hospital. Michaela's room had a chair that reclined. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but he didn't want her to be alone.

  "Probably not."

  "At least come back for dinner and a hot shower," Chris urged.

  "I'll think about it." They got their coffees and sat at one of the cafeteria tables.

  "I've been debating with myself if I should tell you something or not."

  "Spit it out," Jason said.

  "I think Ethan hit her, and I'm not sure if it was the first time."

  "He hit Michaela?" Jason jumped to hit feet, suddenly angry. "I'll kill him."

  "Sit down." Chris pounded his fist on the table and fixed Jason with an unblinking stare. "I know you, Jason, and you aren't going to kill anyone." Jason sat again, and Chris put his head in his hands and sighed. "If that's what finally got Ethan out of her life, then I say we let it rest."

  They didn't speak for a few minutes, and Jason looked up to find Chris smiling towards the doorway. Jason followed his gaze to Josh. His long stride carried him across the room quickly and Chris jumped up to give him a hug.

  "Hey buddy!"

  "I wanted to get here right after it happened, but I had a game," Josh said.

  "How long are you here?"

  "We have a stretch off before we play New Jersey, so they gave me two days before I have to meet the team there. I went to Michaela's floor first, but they wouldn't let me see her without you or your mom there. The nurse said I might find you here." He turned his attention away from Chris. "Jason, right?"

  "Yeah, good to see you again."

  "How is she?" Josh asked.

  "Getting better," Chris was the one who answered him. "Come on. She'll be happy to see you."

  Jason followed them back upstairs and watched as Michaela perked up when she saw Josh. Jason had missed that toothy grin.

  "I talked the nurse into letting Josh stay if we left," Chris said, stopping next to Jason. "Let's give them some time and get you that shower."

  Before leaving, Jason kissed Michaela on the top of her head. She grabbed his hand and squeezed. "I'll be back as quick as I can. I promise."

  ###

  Josh hung around the hospital for two days. He'd visit Michaela every morning and every evening, but then he had to get back for his game against the Devils. Her mom was in and out, but Michaela's dad needed help more than she did. Chris was the same. He’d forgotten the problems he had with his dad for the moment, and was trying to help him recover some of the memories he’d lost.

  Jason was the constant in Michaela's life during her stay in the hospital. She asked him once if he had to get back to the city to take care of the bar, but he said he didn't need to be anywhere but with her.

  There were a few times when Michaela thought she was finally going to hear what she’d been hoping for. She knew the hospital wasn't the most romantic of places, but she didn't care. She wanted Jason to tell her how he felt. She wanted to know she wasn't crazy. She wanted to know that there was something between them that was special and powerful. Was she imagining it?

  Michaela threw her hospital gown on the floor and pulled on her sweatpants. They were finally letting her go home. She was excited to just go outside. She'd been cooped up in the hospital for over a week.

  Every time she thought like that, she felt guilty. It would be quite a while before her dad came home.

  "Ready?" Chris popped his head in and grinned.

  "Yeah." Chris grabbed her bag, and Jason came in pushing a wheelchair.

  "Hospital policy." He shrugged in apology. She sat in it and let him push her down the hall. They took the elevator to her dad's floor to see him before they left.

  When they got to the room, her mother rose and came to hug her. It still surprised her. Her ‘dragon lady’ mother had been very affectionate since the accident.

  "Hi, Dad," Michaela said. "I wanted to see you before I left."

  "Michaela." He nodded her way and smiled shyly. Michaela's heart swelled when she heard her name. He remembered this time.

  "I'll be back, Dad," Chris promised him. "I need to get this one home."

  "I'll see you two later," their father waved as they left him. Jason squeezed her shoulder and kept going, wanting to get out of the hospital as much as she did.

  It was late in the day when they arrived at the house. Michaela breathed in the sea air. She wished the ocean was visible from the house, but it'd have to do just being close to it. The sun was already sinking on the horizon as they entered the kitchen in search of food. The kitchen staff had gone a bit overboard, but no one was complaining. They were all starving.

  They stuffed their faces, their mouths too full to talk. It didn't take long until they were stuffed and bursting at the seams.

  "It's good to be home," Michaela said. "That hospital food was gross."

  "You going back tonight?" Jason asked Chris.

  "No, in the morning." Chris slid his chair back from the table and stood. "I'm going to shower and crash early."

  "Sounds like a good plan," Michaela said. "I'll do the same."

  ###

  It wasn't a good night to be out driving. It was dark and the roads were icy. Michaela looked at the driver in the front seat and screamed. His faced was slashed like a checkerboard and a large fragment of glass stuck out from his neck.

  "Hold on to the wheel!" she screamed at him. He didn't respond. The wheel spun rapidly. Suddenly, a bright light blinded her, and she shut her eyes. When she opened them again, she was in total darkness, but not in a car. She was in her own room. Her breath rattled through her chest as it rose and fell in quick succession. She sat up and ran a sweat-soaked palm through her hair.

  Getting out of bed, Michaela went to her window and threw open the curtains. Not a bit of moonlight shone through the darkness. She flipped her light switch and shielded her eyes from the brightness. She rubbed at a scar on her face that had started to itch, and flopped back on her bed. She needed to get some sleep, but she couldn't bear to turn out the light. For the first time in her adult life, she was scared to be in her own bedroom.

  A light knock at the door almost made her jump out of her own skin.

  "Michaela?" Jason called softly.

  "You can come in," she said, breathless. She felt stupid, but the darkness held her nightmares.

  "Are you okay?" Jason walked to the end of her bed. He wore long sweatpants but no shirt. Water droplets gleaned off his torso. "I was getting out of the shower and I saw the light."

  "I'm fine." Michaela couldn't bring herself to look at him for more than a few seconds as he sat on the bed.

  "You sure?"

  "No," Michaela admitted.

  "What's wrong?"

  "I guess I just got used to you sleeping in my
room in the hospital." There, it was part of the truth. His presence had kept her from being sucked into the memories of the accident. He smiled shyly, not taking his eyes off of her.

  "Well," he said. "You should try to get some more sleep." He made a move to stand, but Michaela reach out and grabbed his arm.

  "Will you stay with me?" she asked desperately. "Please?"

  He swallowed hard, and then nodded slowly. Turning off the light, Jason went back to the bed and Michaela moved over to give him room. She took his hand in hers and curled up on her side, falling asleep immediately.

  ###

  It was still dark when Jason woke. He looked around trying to figure out where he was, and then it hit him. He was in Michaela's room. Where was she?

  Last night he’d watched her fall asleep, and then put his arm around her and done the same. Just as he’d done the very first time he held her in his arms, back when he barely knew her, it felt right. In her sleep, she’d molded herself to him and he held her against his chest protectively.

  It was time, he decided. He had to tell her. She was out of the hospital and was going to be okay. He worried about adding something else to her plate with her father not doing well, but he wanted to be there for her. He didn't want to hold anything back anymore. If she didn't feel the same way, he'd have to deal with that, but he thought she did. He felt it in the way she trembled against him. He heard it in the way she said his name. Or that could just have been his mind telling him what he wanted to hear.

  Jason inched his way down the staircase, trying not to wake the rest of the house. He didn't know where Michaela would be. The house was huge and, knowing her and how she grew up, she probably had a place she would escape to.

  The kitchen was silent as he made his way through the dark space. He didn't want to just open doors because he didn't know where they led. There was one room already open at the end of the hall with light spilling out. Jason stopped when he looked inside.

  Mrs. Matthews was sitting in an overstuffed chair in the study with a glass of scotch in one hand. Her head was tilted back and her eyes were shut, but she knew he was there.

  "If you're looking for my daughter," she said without looking at him, "you should try the beach."

  "Are you alright?" he asked tentatively. He hadn't seen her ‘dragon lady’ side yet, but he knew from her children that it was in there, always just beneath the surface.

  "Michaela probably needs you more than I do right now, young man." She finally looked at him warily. "I heard her crying as the front door shut."

  "Didn't you go after her?"

  "Son, as I'm sure you've heard, I am not that mother. I have no words of comfort. I'm sure I'll only make it worse if I go out there. You, on the other hand, need to stop talking to me and go." She pointed to the desk on the opposite wall. "There's a flashlight in the top drawer to help you find the path."

  Jason didn't say another word as he closed the drawer and walked away from her. He grabbed his coat and a blanket from the front closet before shutting the front door behind him.

  Outside, the flashlight made finding the path to the beach easy and, before long, Michaela's silhouette appeared. She was sitting a little ways up the beach. As he got closer, Jason could see that she had her knees hugged up to her chest, and she was shaking with sobs. He turned off the flashlight and draped the blanket over Michaela's shoulders. She tugged the corners of the blanket tighter around herself but didn't look at him as he sat beside her. He put his arm around her and she curled into his side.

  "Mic," he said. "Talk to me."

  "He should never have been in that car."

  "This is about your dad?"

  "If I just hadn't cried out. If I had let Ethan ..."

  "What did Ethan do to you?" His voice hardened and Michaela buried her face in his chest.

  "He ..." she paused. "He was hurting me, and my dad found us. That's why we left when we did. That's why we were in that car."

  "It isn't your fault." He had to work hard to soften his words with the anger rolling around inside of him. If he ever saw Ethan again, he didn't know what he'd do. Jason smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head.

  "I keep wondering when he's going to remember everything I said to him. I was so awful to him, Jason. All the years of anger towards him came spilling out, and I couldn't stop it. Then ... Then ..."

  "Then the car crashed," he finished for her. She nodded against him.

  "I keep thinking that it'd be best if those were some of the memories he never gets back. But, what if he doesn't? Do I just live with it?" She finally looked up at him with wide eyes.

  "We all have to live with something," he whispered, wiping the tears from her face with his thumbs.

  It happened quickly. One second, Michaela was crying into his shirt, and the next, she was kissing him. Jason didn't stop her. He’d been wanting to kiss her ever since that last time. Her lips were salty from her tears, and they felt warm and soft against his.

  She broke away and got to her feet quickly. "I'm sorry," she breathed. She tried to turn and walk away, but he stopped her.

  "Why are you sorry?"

  "I'm a mess." She started crying again and collapsed into his arms. "When I kiss you, Jason, I don't have to think about any of this. I don't have to think at all. I shouldn't use you like that."

  "Is that all it is?" he asked. "Using me?"

  "I don't know!" she pushed away from him. "I don't know anything anymore."

  "Michaela, I can't breathe when I'm around you ,and I can't stand it when I'm not. I hate not being able to kiss you, but if you don't have any feelings for me, I understand. I'd rather be your friend than be nothing to you at all."

  "Are you saying that ..."

  "I'm in love with you."

  Michaela stood perfectly still. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. This was what she'd been waiting for. That moment of clarity she’d always believed in but never thought she'd experience. The moment when she knew exactly what she wanted. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. It was Jason.

  In the dark, she could tell when Jason's shoulders started to sag in defeat at the lack of a response from her, and she realized she was waiting too long. She had to say something.

  "When I told you that I don't have to think when I kiss you," she started slowly, "it's because I can't think about anything but you, but us, when I'm that close to you." She couldn't read his expression to tell if he understood what she was saying. Then a memory popped into her head. "Right after I met you, you told me that sometimes you know right away if you could fall in love with a person."

  "That was about you," he said softly.

  "You knew," she said. "You knew right away. You knew long before I did."

  "Michaela," he said, stepping closer. "I feel like I've always known." Without another word, he smoothed her hair and turned her face up to look him in the eye. His eyes searched hers for an intense moment, and then he kissed her.

  Michaela felt her mind clearing until all that was left was her and Jason and that beach.

  This kiss was different than before. Gone was the desperation of a friendship that could never be more. It was more now. This kiss was about promises and hope rather than longing and jealousy. Michaela parted her lips and Jason deepened the kiss, but it never went farther than that. Michaela smiled against his lips and laughed.

  "What?" Jason breathed.

  "When I first moved to New York, my brother told me not to even think about going there with you because I was on the rebound."

  "Did you heed his warning?"

  "I haven't been able to stop thinking about doing this," she kissed him quickly and broke away, "since the day I met you."

  He kissed her long and hard and then sat back.

  "Man," she laughed again. "You sure know how to cheer a girl up."

  "I'll send you the bill."

  Seventeen

  "Do we have to get up?" Michaela whined. She was lying in bed
with Jason, although fully clothed. They’d decided to take it slow, and Michaela felt like she was back in high school again. She wasn't complaining, though. It was nice. There were no expectations. She draped her leg over his and bunched his shirt in her hands as he kissed her again. She leaned back, panting. "I mean, I know we have to go, but I want to just lay here like this forever."

  "I know what you mean," Jason sighed. He sat up quickly when Michaela's door banged open.

  "Are you ready ..." Chris stopped and stood, looking at them, with his jaw practically on the floor. Michaela threw a pillow at him and laughed.

  "Hey man," Jason said sheepishly. Yep, definitely back in high school. Getting caught making out in her parents' house. Chris's face broke into a grin.

  "Well, at least you guys have your clothes on. I can't tell you how many times I walked in on Michaela and douche bag mid-strip."

  "It's called knocking!" Michaela yelled. She wasn't angry though.

  "It's called locking your door," Chris laughed. "Anyways, it's about time you guys happened. I'm over your pining," he pointed to Jason, "and your moping." That was directed at Michaela.

  "I don't mope!" she yelled at the same time Jason said, "I don't pine." They looked at each other, and all three of them were laughing now.

  "So, as much as I'm sure we'd all like to throw a parade to celebrate what everyone with eyes knew was inevitable, Mom is waiting for us."

  "Right," Michaela said, untangling herself from Jason and getting to her feet. "Let's go see Dad." Chris left them to finish getting ready.

  "I should stay here and let your family be together." Jason grabbed Michaela's hand and she turned to look at him.

  "No," she pleaded. "I need you with me. I don't know if I'm strong enough on my own."

  "Of course you are." He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "And you won't be on your own. Your mom and brother will be there." He really had to call Maggie and Aaron to check on things. He knew he'd have to get back to the city soon.

  "Please, Jason." She looked up at him and it was then that he realized he didn't think he'd ever be able to say no to her. At least not when she looked at him like that.