by Wilder, L.
“Don’t mention it. I’m just glad I could do something to help,” she smiled. A concerned look crossed her face as she pleaded, “Be careful, Cotton.”
“Always.” I stepped forward and gave her a tight hug before I said, “Take care of yourself, Sara. I expect to hear from you… soon.”
She nodded and watched as we loaded the plane, waving one last time before walking towards her car. Sara had really come through for us, and I was grateful. With her help, we were able to make it back to Washington before daybreak. When we walked into the clubhouse, Luke and Guardrail were waiting for us in the bar.
Luke immediately got up, walked over to me, and put his arms around me, hugging me tightly as he said, “Good to see you, man.”
“Good to see you too.”
He stepped back and smiled as he said, “Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep Mom from heading up there to see about you? She is not happy with you, bro.”
“Didn’t figure she would be, but there was no point in her coming all the way up there.”
He laughed as he said, “Yeah, well, you try explaining that to her.”
“I’ll set her straight. Where’s Derek?” I asked.
Guardrail stood up and said, “Stitch has him in the back. He’s pretty bad off. Not sure how much longer he’s going to make it.”
“And Cass?”
“She’s in the TV room. Had a hard night,” he told me.
I knew I needed to tend to Derek, but he was going to have to wait. I needed to see Cass first, to see for myself she was really okay. Before I headed for the TV room, I turned to Guardrail and said, “I’ll be there in ten.”
He nodded as I walked out of the room and headed to find Cass. When I found her, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. She was curled up on the sofa, sleeping with her head on Clutch’s shoulder. I was only standing there for a brief second when he looked up at me. He didn’t move, just sat there, holding my Cass in his arms. I knew they were close. They’d been friends since the day she started working in the bar, but there was something different in the way he held her.
My chest tightened in anger as I looked at him holding her close. I wanted to jerk him up off that sofa and rip his fucking throat out, but instead, I walked out. I’d lost her, and I had no one to blame but myself. I needed time to think before I acted; I had learned that much. I stood outside in the empty parking lot, breathing in the early morning air, and tried to clear my head. Then the back door opened and there he stood. I didn’t have to turn around to know it was Clutch. I could feel the uncertainty radiating off of him.
Without turning to face him, I asked, “How long?”
When he didn’t answer, I turned around and said, “Dammit, Clutch. Answer the goddamn question! How long have you been in love with her?” I pushed.
I watched as he considered what he was going to say, and I could see he was struggling. Finally, he answered, “Honestly, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with her.”
“Fuck,” I roared.
He took a step forward and looked me right in the eye as he said, “I’ve never crossed that line, Cotton. You should know me better than that. I followed the orders I was given, and I was a friend to her. That’s it.”
“Fuck,” I growled. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I was following orders. As I always do. None of the other stuff matters. You saw the way she looked at you. We both did. She loves you, Cotton. Only you.”
“Does she know?”
He shook his head and answered, “No. She has no idea.”
Before I had chance to question him further, Guardrail opened the back door of the warehouse and said, “Everything okay out here?”
“Yeah. On our way inside,” I told him as I stepped forward. When I walked inside the warehouse, my brothers were surrounding Derek, who was bound to a chair in the middle of the room. His head was slumped down with his chin resting on his chest, and he had two bullet wounds to the chest. I noticed the pool of blood beneath him and quickly realized Guardrail wasn’t exaggerating when he said he didn’t have much time left.
I walked over to Derek and grabbed a fistful of his hair, jerking his head back to face me. His eyes blinked open, and when he saw me, an evil smirk curled across his face. He took a struggled breath and mumbled, “I was wondering when you’d show up to the party.”
“You’re not looking so good, cousin,” I smiled and released my grasp on his hair.
His eyes roamed over me, stopping when he saw the cane in my hand, and said, “Could say the same about you. Looks like I need to work on my fucking aim.”
“Among other things. But you’ve been pretty fucking clever. How in the hell did you survive the crash?”
“Figured you thought I was dead. You’ve always been a gullible sonofabitch,” he gasped, each breath more difficult than the last. “I was thrown from the truck just before it hit the bottom of the ravine. Guess you could say I had luck on my side.”
As much as I appreciated that my brothers were there, having my back when I needed them, I had to do this on my own. I looked over to Guardrail and motioned my head to the door as I said, “Out.”
He nodded, and I watched as they all filed out the room. Once the door closed behind them, I turned my attention back to Derek. The color had completely drained from his face, and I could tell that his time was running short. I pulled a stool over and sat down in front of him as I said, “Looks like your luck’s run out, Derek.”
When he didn’t answer, I said, “You know… you could’ve just left it alone. Gone on with your sorry fucking life and no one would have ever been the wiser, but you just couldn’t do that, could you?”
He coughed, trying to muster up the strength to speak, then grumbled, “Fuck you.”
“You’ve always wanted what you couldn’t have. Just couldn’t get it through your thick fucking head the club was never yours. Same goes for Sara. She never wanted you. Hell, she couldn’t even stand the sight of you, especially after you tried to fucking rape her. But she wasn’t enough… you had to go after Cass, too.”
“Sara,” he started. “She was something. Beautiful… Smart. But Cass. Fuck, she was a real prize.” Blood started to trickle from the corner of his mouth as he said, “That girl has it all. Those legs and that mouth…. I was looking forward to having those lips wrapped around my cock right before I put a bullet in her head.”
I jumped up from my stool and slammed my fist against the side of his jaw as I shouted, “Shut your goddamn mouth!”
I clenched my fists at my side and tried to steady my breath as I reined in my anger. I wanted to wrap my hand around his throat and end it right then and there, but I had to ask him, “Where was it going to end, Derek? When would it ever be enough for you?”
“Nothing… would ever be enough... Not even when everything you’ve ever wanted… everything you ever cared about was dead and buried,” he snarled. “You did this to yourself, Cotton... You got greedy… Took what should’ve been mine.”
“The club was never yours, Derek. You made sure of that long before I ever stepped in. Uncle Saul tried…,” I started.
“Fuck Saul,” he grumbled angrily. His voice was low and hoarse as he said, “It was easy, you know… Just took the bolts out of the rear brake caliper and let Daddy Dearest do the rest... He never saw it coming.”
He confirmed what I’d always suspected, and the rage I felt was all-consuming. I reared back and punched him again and again, until his body fell limp in the chair. I looked down at my blood-soaked hands and knew down in my gut that it was over. I couldn’t change the past. What was done, was done. I sat back down in front of him and watched as he struggled to breathe. He tried to fight it, tried to hold on, but it was useless. It took almost an hour for the life to completely drain out of him, and even after he was gone, I sat with him, trying to make peace with everything that had happened between us. But I finally realized that time might never come. I eventually got up an
d walked out of the warehouse, leaving Derek and our past behind me.
As soon as I stepped outside, Maverick walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder as he said, “We thought he was dead, Cotton. I fucked up....”
“Don’t. No way either of you could’ve known he was thrown from that damn truck. Besides, doubt I’d be here right now if you hadn’t gotten me to the hospital when you did. Derek’s gone now. That’s all that matters,” I assured him.
“I’ll get Derek sorted,” he told me.
I nodded and without saying another word, I headed for the clubhouse. I knew my mother would be pissed I hadn’t come to see her, but I couldn’t face her. I hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours, and after dealing with Derek, I needed some time to decompress and hopefully get some sleep. Before I reached my door, I spotted Cass standing at the end of the hall. She stood there, frozen, as she stared at me with surprise.
“Cotton?” she whispered. She took a step closer and began crying as she said, “My god, you’re really here… and you’re standing… walking.” I wanted to go to her, but I didn’t move. I deserved to lose her, but everything in my body screamed she was mine.
“Cass,” I said softly.
She moved a few steps toward me, but stopped herself. I could see the wheels spinning in her head as she looked at me. Finally, she said, “I’ve missed you… more than you know.”
“I’m here. Not going anywhere.”
“I want so much to go back to the days before you were shot. But, Cotton, how do I do that? How do I forget how you hurt me? Even after I’ve read all of your letters, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“You give me a chance… a chance to prove to you I know what a mistake I made, and I will do everything I can to make it up to you. All I’m asking for is a chance.”
Her eyes dropped to the ground, and then she said, “I’m not sure I have it in me to give you that chance.” I felt like I’d been punched in the gut as I watched her turn and head back down the hall. I had to fight the urge to go after her, but I knew pushing her wouldn’t resolve anything. I’d give her time, but I wasn’t giving up. She would be mine again.
I stepped into my room and locked the door behind me. I took off my cut and jeans, and dropped to the bed, closing my eyes as I mulled over everything that had happened in the past thirty-six hours. Cass, Derek, my recovery… it was all just too much. Eventually, everything just became a blur, and I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the next afternoon. I got up and took a hot shower, then headed outside to have a smoke. When I stepped through the back door, several of the brothers were in the back parking lot, working on Maverick’s bike. They were swapping out the passenger seat, so Dusty would have an easier time riding at the run.
Doc spotted me, came over to me, and laughed as he said, “Wondering when you were gonna come out of the cave.”
“Ah… missing me, Doc?” I laughed.
“Yeah, like a corn on my big toe,” he pestered. When he saw Dallas pull through the main gate, he smiled and said, “Oh… I guess you should know, the guys planned a welcome back dinner for you tonight, so the girls are all coming to help out.”
“Looking forward to it.”
It was Saturday, so Dallas brought Dusty along with her. He was staring out the window, and when he spotted us, he immediately started waving. As soon as she parked the car, he hopped out and ran over to me. With a big grin on his face, he said, “Hey Cot-en. You feeling bedder?”
“Yeah, Dusty. I’m feeling much better. It’s good to see you, little man.”
He smiled and said, “Did you know I get to ride wit’ Mav’rick on his bike?”
“He told me you were going to ride with him. I think that’s pretty cool,” I chuckled.
He looked down at my cane then asked, “You gonna get to ride wit’ us?”
“Not this time. But I’ll be there, front and center, to see you off,” I assured him.
“Okay. I’ll ride wit’ you next time,” he told me, then turned and ran over to Maverick. As usual, he slammed into him, giving him one of his big hugs. We all laughed as Maverick tried his best not to fall backwards.
“Yo, Dusty. I’ve missed you, little brother,” Maverick laughed.
Still clinging to Maverick’s waist, Dusty said, “You’ve been gone too long, Mav’rick. That was longer than a couple of days. I asked Mom, and she said couple means two.”
“Sorry about that, buddy. Took a little longer than I thought,” Maverick explained.
Dusty finally released him, and after he gave him a quick smile, he shot off for the clubhouse and shouted, “I gotta find Wy-it.”
Once he’d gone inside, Doc walked over to me and said, “It’s good to have you back, Cotton. We’ve missed you around here.”
“It’s good to be back, brother.”
We all headed into the bar, and once everyone had started drinking and talking among themselves, Guardrail turned to me and said, “Hope you don’t mind, but the brothers and I did some work over at your place,” Guardrail told me.
“Yeah? What kind of work?”
“Maverick talked to your doctor and got a list of equipment you’d need for your rehab. We got what you’d need and set it up in your basement.”
“I appreciate that, brother. I wasn’t looking forward to going to a fucking gym,” I laughed. “But I’ll do whatever it takes to get on my bike again.”
He nodded and said, “It won’t be much longer. You’ve come a long way.”
I was about to take another drink of my beer when I noticed Cass standing at the end of the bar. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Even though she was talking to Henley and Maverick, her focus was completely on me. Her hair was pulled back, revealing her gorgeous face, and I couldn’t wait a minute more to have her in my arms. I stood up and made my way over to her. I could see by the look on her face that all of her doubts were raging inside of her. I wanted nothing more than to ease all of her uncertainties, but I knew it’d take time. Thankfully, time was on my side. I’d do whatever it took to make her mine, no matter how long I had to wait.
Cotton. His name alone was enough to make my head spin, and to make matters worse, he was walking toward me, looking like sex on a stick. Damn it. I wasn’t ready. I needed more time. After our talk the day before, I wasn’t prepared to see that lustful look in his eyes, and my willpower was fading… fast. I’d missed him so much, and seeing him standing there with all his sex appeal and charm wasn’t helping matters one damn bit. I knew I needed to tell him to go to hell… tell him to turn around and leave me the hell alone. He’d hurt me, really hurt me, and I couldn’t just jump back into things with him without some kind of resolve. But damn, it was so stinking hard. He was just too damn irresistible. My mind was thinking one thing, while my body was thinking something else entirely. Just one look from him, and all of my girlie bits were going nuts, making me want to jump his bones and spend the entire night making up for lost time.
No.
I wasn’t going to give in… at least not yet.
“Cass,” he smiled knowingly. Damn that sexy smile. Why? Why did he have to be so damn tempting? It wasn’t fair, and deep down he knew it. He freaking knew what an effect he had on me, and it pissed me off.
“Cotton,” I answered, with no smile given in return. Check one for Cassidy.
“Hey, Cotton,” Henley smiled as she gave him a quick hug. “Glad you finally made it back home. We were all worried about you.”
“Thanks, Henley. It’s good to be back, and congratulations on the baby. You’ve made Maverick a very happy man,” he smiled.
“Thanks! I’m pretty happy about it myself. Just think… a little Maverick running around. It’s gonna be awesome.”
“I’m sure it will,” Cotton smiled. “Looking forward to it.”
Everything was fine until he turned his focus back to me. His eyes locked on mine, and I felt my knees begin to weaken as he declared, “We need to talk.”
I had every intention of telling him no. I did. The word was sitting right there on the tip of my tongue, but instead, I said, “Okay.”
“Alone,” he pushed. When I nodded, he took my hand and started leading me down the hall. With every step I took, I tried to muster up the hurt, all the anger I’d felt towards him since the day he’d sent me away. By the time we’d reached his room, I’d managed to work myself into quite a frenzy.
When the door closed behind us, I crossed my arms and said, “Just so you know… no one has ever hurt me the way you did. No one.”
“I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry, Cass,” he said softly. “You know you mean everything to me…”
I crossed my arms in defiance and said, “If I meant so much to you, why would you send me away like that? Why did you say all of those hateful things to me? And why would you let Sara, your ex-girlfriend, stay with you?”
He raked his hands through his hair, and with determination in his voice, he said, “I thought I was protecting you, Cass.”
I threw my hands in the air and shouted, “That’s such bullshit, Cotton! There was nothing to protect me from.”
He stepped closer to me, just inches away, and said, “Tell me this. What would you have done if I’d lost the use of my legs and couldn’t ever walk again?”
“I’d love you just the same. It wouldn’t matter to me you couldn’t walk as long as you were with me.”
“You’re twenty-seven years old, Cass. You’re going to tell me it wouldn’t matter I couldn’t have sex with you… or have kids with you? That I’d be bound to a fucking wheelchair and lose my presidency with the club? That wouldn’t have mattered to you?” he asked.
“No. It wouldn’t,” I said defensively. “I love you, Cotton. We’d figure it out. If we wanted to have kids, we could have adopted or tried in vitro. Whatever it took. And being President of the club isn’t who you are, it’s what you do. You are the only thing I care about.”
“You wanted to know why I did it. This is why I did it. I knew you’d sacrifice your life to be in mine. I couldn’t do that to you,” he explained.