Goodbye Lucifer
Page 21
* * *
Jack Harris felt like shit every time he saw Amanda Clark. They’d all been such close friends…all of them…he and Janice, Dennis and Amanda, Karol, Melanie, all the rest.
They had been happy back then. His feelings for Amanda were hidden somewhere and he never thought about them, even when the whole group got together, which was often. Then Dennis decided to save the world—Dennis, the doctor—in some nothing little war-torn, third world hellhole where he couldn’t even save himself.
When they’d found out Dennis was dead, Harris’ first reaction wasn’t grief over the passing of a good friend. His first thought was of Amanda—Amanda without Dennis, and all his feelings for her flooded back in with a vengeance. The possibility that— He’d caught himself there. The thoughts had lasted only an instant, but he’d felt like shit for thinking them…shit for thinking of Dennis being out of the way…shit for not thinking of Janice at all. Mercifully, the grief over his friend’s death came quickly and covered the self-loathing he’d felt that instant before. But his reaction, his selfishness, had hurt him and he’d never forgotten it.
The death of one of them had strained their circle of friendship. Then, as if fate had decided to pick them off one by one, there was Karol, and carnage at the curve at the end of Brandell Boulevard. And the circle was broken.
First Amanda, then Melanie, withdrew into their own sorrows. Jack and Janice, living in Stillman, rarely crossed the mountain into Brandell after that. It was several years before he and Janice drifted apart. Then he’d gone to Charleston for a while, for the sheriff’s department up there. But he missed Stillman and Brandell and the family and friends he had left. The transfer back to the Princeton County Department wasn’t a problem, and once home again, life settled and got pretty good.
Jack loved his job, he loved Stillman, and he loved the little valley where the river flowed behind the quaint old buildings of downtown Brandell. And no matter how hard he tried to keep it buried, he still loved Amanda Clark. They were friendly towards each other, not like before, not getting together, paling around…never like before. He patrolled Brandell, usually once or twice a day. He’d see her out walking occasionally and they’d speak, maybe reminisce a little. He’d see her at the Post Office in Stillman…other places, still friends…never like before. But sometimes when they’d see each other, times when they were talking—and maybe it was just his imagination—but sometimes she seemed to look at him almost…he wanted to think longingly but he didn’t dare. The problem was, every time he saw her the old guilt came back…the possibility that—and he felt like shit.