Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories

by Harry Dodgson

  I smiled and said, "I can do that."

  He addressed another of his crew, "Go take down the black flag and raise the one we got in the Americas. It might make the port authorities less likely to fire upon us."

  I was surprised. "You have been to the Americas? I would love to hear that tale."

  He replied, "Perhaps if we meet again."

  After the pirates left, I was feeling exhausted. I guess after all the excitement; this was to be expected. I asked Gerald, "Why did I have to make all the tough decisions?"

  He reminded me, "You were the one who told them it was your airship."

  "That's because you told me that it was mine."

  "And that's why you get to make the tough decisions."

  Gerald resumed his lessons while I washed and stowed the plates. I wondered where the dirty water went. Did we release it to rain down on people or did we store it to be emptied when we landed? Gerald's challenge this time was different. He said, "You cannot make me eat carrots." I tried using the various techniques he had taught me to no avail. He sat down next to a window, smiling, figuring he had won the game.

  I had one trick left; something he hadn't taught me. I walked by him as if to sit down next to him, but instead sat down on his lap. I stared into his eyes for a few seconds, leaned close, and kissed him. He hadn't time to protest as I pushed the slice of carrot I had been hiding in my cheek past his lips with my tongue.

  "Which lesson was 'All is fair in love and war?'," I asked. "I don't expect that to work again, so don't expect another kiss anytime soon." I sashayed to my stateroom in triumph leaving him to decide whether to swallow the carrot or spit it out.

  It was only a few hours until we saw land. We had been so close the whole time, but had no way to get there on our own. The pilots were busy keeping in line with the larger airship, and there was little to see from my room. The pirate ship filled my windows as we were so close to it.

  I had bought a few things to read while waiting at the aerodrome in Dublin and just remembered I had them. I read all of them now. I felt the ship settle to the ground with a slight bump. I looked out and saw the pirate ship as it spun around and headed back towards the sea.

  Gerald said he had business to attend to in town. We hadn't landed where we set out for and he needed to make arrangements for land travel. I hoped he would also find someone to replace the engine on my airship so we could take it home when we finished here. He returned shortly.

  He said, "The people in this village don't like us?"

  I asked, "Why not? What could we have done to them? We just arrived."

  "They knew we were towed here by a pirate ship even though it flew an American flag. That type of airship must be unique. The consensus is that we are friends of pirates and not their friends."

  I said, "The master of persuasive techniques was unable to convince them of the truth?"

  "I don't think they were interested in listening and I didn't have a pot of stew ready."

  I said, "Was that meant to be a joke? I don't find it funny. If not for me and my grandmother's stew recipe, you'd be swimming for shore now."

  Gerald assigned the pilots guard duty lest the people became violent. I went to the galley to check what I had left in the cupboards to eat, crawled into my bed with an orange, and cried myself to sleep. It had been a miserable day; too many things had gone wrong. I was emotionally drained and still stuck on an airship that wasn't going anywhere.

  • April 30

  I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on my door. My first real thought was something else had gone wrong. I closed the partition doors, smoothed out my dress, and took out my pistol before opening my door. Gerald was standing there and he looked happy. He had come to tell me that Eric had heard of us landing in the wrong port and was sending transportation to bring us to the exhibition.

  "What about my airship? I will not leave it for these people. Who knows what they will do to it without us here to defend her."

  "The local people respect your friend and have changed their minds about us. You do remember the lesson about the power of respect, don't you?"

  I gave him an irritated glance. "To be sure I remember. 'Tis not so long ago you taught me that."

  "I believe it will be safe while a new engine is installed; then the aviators can bring it to us. They are remaining here to oversee the work."

  "Who was watching the last time someone worked on it?"

  "I'd rather not discuss that now. Mistakes were made and lessons were learned and we arrived safely after all."

  I didn't get to see much of the town when we arrived yesterday, so I had the men unhook Bradan so we could wander about it. Our transportation was not due to arrive for a while but Gerald made me promise not to go far. I just wanted to get a close look at a windmill. I had read about them when I was a small girl. The book only had a few drawings and I hadn't realised they were so tall. I would have loved to see the inside of one, but no-one was inviting us in. I hoped there was one near the exhibition that was open to visitors.

  While the villagers were not hostile, they didn't seem very friendly either; except the children. They were curious about Bradan and he loved the attention. We became the head of a small parade as I checked the shoppes looking for souvenirs. As usual, Bradan had his arms full of packages by the time we left the parade behind us and returned to my airship.

  I don't think the men were pleased with me, but I didn't care. There was a carriage and a wagon waiting next to my ship. I ignored them and opened the cargo door. Gerald tried, without success, to get me to hurry while I found places to stow my new purchases. In exchange, I gave Bradan my luggage to load onto the carriage. I had a plethora of places in my suite to unpack my clothes, but not enough time. I guessed that was good seeing as I was leaving in a hurry again.

  It was a short ride from The Hague to Amsterdam. It was nice to know where I was and where I was headed today. Given a choice, I would rather have ridden with Bradan in the wagon. That was not permitted. I was facing the wrong way in a covered carriage and had no knowledge of the ruts and stones in the road until the wheels ran over them. It was quiet though. Horses made less noise than steam engines did.

  I don't know what I was expecting to see, but the countryside looked just like home... except with windmills. I would have thought a foreign country would look more foreign. I watched out the tiny window to see what we had just passed by. It was such a short time in my airship, but I had gotten spoiled by the view from my room.

  The carriage stopped in front of a castle. One man ran inside it while the other opened the door for us.

  The castle had all the expected parts: towers, spires, and arches. The main entrance and windows were all sized for a single person instead of an army though. As one would expect for a country that is mostly below sea level, the castle looked like it was built in the middle of a pond; the bricks going directly into the water without any land visible beneath them. I leaned over the railing on the bridge and looked at the clear blue water. I could see some fish darting in and out of the shadows below me.

  The man returned shortly with Eric a few steps behind. It was so nice to see a friendly face. I forgot about everything else as I hugged him. "It's so very nice to see you again!"

  "Yes, I am pleased to see you as well."

  The two men had gotten back on the carriage and were leaving without saying a word. Eric noticed my shocked look and said, "They are taking your things over to the guest house."

  I asked him, "We aren't staying at a hotel in town?"

  "Invited guests staying in town? Don't even think of it. It's much nicer here; just ask the others."

  "Pardon my manners, this is Gerald. He is my tutor."

  Gerald came over and instead of shaking hands as I expected, bowed before Eric. "I am honoured to meet you, sir."

  Eric smiled and said, "There is no need to be formal in private."

  I looked at the two of them. "Have I made a mistake?" I curtsied.
"Is this the proper greeting?"

  Eric laughed. "While that may be the proper one, I much preferred your first one. Do stand up and relax; both of you."

  "You didn't mention any titles when you were in London."

  "Then and now, I'd rather our relationship was of two people sharing common interests. You only need to treat me differently when surrounded by people doing the same."

  "I just remembered. My girlfriends wanted me to pass on their regards... in a variety of intimate ways."

  "Tell them that if they wished to embarrass me again, that just did. Anyway, there are few things I'd rather do than spend time hearing about your trip, but I have duties that must be done before evening. You are both invited to dinner, of course."

  I looked around, wondering where the carriage had gone. These clothes were clearly not appropriate for dinner amongst royalty. As before, Eric sensed my discomfort and said, "Follow the brick path to your left. It will take you to and from the guest house which is nestled in the trees just out of sight."

  Gerald bowed to Eric again, but I hugged him and said quietly, "There are few things I'd rather do now than tell you of all that has passed since we last met."

  The men must not have figured how to get Bradan out of the wagon since he was waiting in it. I would have to get one of Felix's convertible wagons stored on my airship for occasions like this. Bradan and I were accustomed to the process though and he had all three legs back on the ground shortly.

  I asked Gerald to see to our luggage while I talked with Bradan. I had noticed several soldiers wandering about the castle and guest house. I explained to Bradan that I would frequently be out of sight and he should stay on the brick paths. Once he sensed any jeebees, he will warn Gerald or the soldiers, but be discreet about it. We decided that the word 'INTRUDERS' was okay.

  That issue taken care of, I took a good look at the guest house. I could understand why it was out of sight as it wasn't interesting to look at; just a two-story stone box with a door and windows. Inside was just the opposite. It reminded me of a hunting lodge with dark wood supports, chairs clustered around a large hearth, and wide stairs leading up to the second level. Gerald had been busy while I was outside and had dealt with our rooms.

  We were on the second floor; the last two rooms on the left. I had gotten accustomed to a private commode in my travels, but that was not the case here. Luckily, the communal comfort room was just outside my door as it had been a long day with no stops until now. It also felt good to unpack and change clothes as I had been in these for too long. Hopefully, there was someone or someplace to wash them.

  There are few things like an unexpected formal dinner to make one learn to improvise. It took over a dozen pins to bring my hair up above my neck. I had a white blouse with ruffles down the front and at the cuffs. Over that, I wore my lime-green ankle-length dress which had a stiff collar that will stand up or be worn flat. I had a pair of slippers in the same colour. I chose a pair of delicate and dangly earrings and then several colourful bracelets. As far as my face, it was best without putting on anything that would be disturbed by eating.

  I was relaxing in a chair, looking at a book of art that had been in the room, when Gerald knocked on my door. He was dressed for the occasion as well; starched shirt, vest, bow tie, and suit coat. His shoes were recently polished and reflected the light like black marble.

  "You look very good," I said.

  "Nowhere near as good as you," he replied.

  "Now we've said what needed to be said, what do I need to know about dinner?"

  "I thought you knew that your friend was not just another guy with a rifle or I would have better prepared you."

  "I'm listening..."

  "While he's not in line to be king, he is in the royal family. As you have seen, his countrymen respect and trust him. The changing times have not favoured him and he has arrangements with the military for use of the family castle and lands in exchange for other considerations."

  "I had wondered about all the soldiers I've seen since we arrived here."

  "So have we. While the idea makes perfect sense, the way they've gone about it is more convoluted and suspicious."

  "Am I supposed to use my new skills to inquire about those arrangements?"

  "No, you may do anything except that. Listen to what people say and how they say it. Be attentive and they may say something interesting without knowing it. Once they do that, gently guide the conversation around that subject. Don't be direct, but flirt with it."

  "Could you provide an example?"

  "Well... This is a silly example, but it should suffice. Suppose a man says that he has five red cannons. You should not ask about the cannons or why they need to be red. Instead you ask if they are red like roses or robins? Flowers and birds are harmless and he will likely answer truthfully. You could get all kinds of useful facts that way."

  "I think I understand."

  "That's good. It is most important that you do not say anything about the jeebees and if your involvement with them is mentioned in public, you should dismiss it like it was nothing."

  "'Tis much easier to say than do."

  "I believe in you. You can do this... Since your friends believe I am an escort, may I?" He held his arm out and I took his hand as if he had asked me to dance. We walked side-by-side back up the brick path with Bradan following ten paces behind as usual. I thought we were a sight not seen often, but it was possible this path was used by many couples followed by their servants.

  We left Bradan at the door and were led through the castle into a massive room. As far as I was concerned, there was a large table in the centre, but it was small in comparison to the room it was in. It appeared as if we arrived late, seeing as most of the chairs were occupied. I asked Gerald and he assured me that we arrived precisely as he had planned, whenever that was.

  I was seated near the head of the table with Eric to my left and Mr. James Anderson across from me. There were women on my side of the table and men on the other side. Their names were unimportant to me now. I was almost speechless with admiration. I had idolised Mr. Anderson for years. I wanted to say so many things to him, but was afraid of his replies. I wanted to be his friend so badly. Gerald was too far away to advise me on the best way to approach this.

  I did have an advantage. As long as I could control my enthusiasm, I could act like a proper woman and wait for the man to talk first. This was so very difficult. I wondered what I would do once he not deign to speak with me? Eric solved this dilemma for me.

  "Fianna, this is Mr. James Anderson. Jim, this is Miss Fianna Kelly."

  I said, "I am most happy to finally meet you, sir." I was sure that I was blushing.

  He looked at me for a moment before replying. "Young lady, most people are happy to meet me. But few can say that I was happy to meet them... You are one of those few. I am honestly glad to make your acquaintance, Ma'am."

  I was about to ask him why when Eric interrupted, "I am surprised that you two haven't met before now."

  I said, "I don't travel much, this being my second trip outside Ireland."

  He countered, "I travel quite a bit, but America is a big country and one can go a long way without leaving it."

  "I've read of America. I'd love to visit someday."

  "Let me know when you do and I will clean up the country before you arrive."

  Eric said the meal consisted of exotic dishes from many countries. Jim entertained us with a short tale of his adventures between each one. I was as close to heaven as I could get while being alive. I was spellbound by this man and his words.

  After dinner, Eric stood up and got the attention of everyone. "I'd like to thank Jim for telling us his stories tonight... Fianna, now is the time to hear of your adventure on the way to our table tonight. I believe it is a story worth sharing."

  "'Tis not that exciting when I look back upon it. It is nothing when compared to Jim's tales."

  Jim offered, "You tell it the way it happened and
I will endeavour to make it sound exciting."

  "Gerald comes by our house and talks with my father. We headed to Dublin to take the airship to London in the morning."

  "A handsome stranger comes to your house and steals you away into the night."

  "My girlfriends show up to wish us a safe trip."

  "Many lovely sirens try to tempt the stranger to forget about Fianna and to go with them instead."

  "The dock workers tie Bradan down wrong and we have them correct it."

  "Evil men try to tie up and run away with the heroic automaton who fights them off to remain with his mistress."

  "We have an uneventful flight to London, arriving at sunset."

  "The tiny airship is tossed about by the winds and barely limps into port."

  "We transfer onto my airship and set off into the starry night."

  "You have your own airship? Pardon me. The brave adventurers commandeer another ship to continue their journey."

  "I woke up in the morning and they told me the engine was broken."

  "The lovely Fianna was disturbed while sleeping by a tremendous explosion as the engines overloaded. Fearing for the lives of all aboard she rushed out of her room and smothered the flames with her gown."

  "We drifted down towards the sea for a few hours."

  "The airship spiralled down, going ever faster, as it approached the bottomless ocean."

  "A pirate airship came along to assist."

  "Just as they were about to crash, another airship came to their rescue. Unfortunately, it was a pirate ship come to take everyone and everything."

  "I made stew for them and they towed us to port."

  "The pirates forced Fianna to cook and clean for them. When they were looking the other way, she escaped in her airship and brought it down safely on dry land."

  "We spent the night in it as the people thought we were pirates too."

  "Unfortunately for our heroine, she had landed in the middle of a savage village. She spent the night fighting them off."