Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories

by Harry Dodgson

  Reginald said, "I arranged for that already."

  The rest of the meal went just like any other with the men grabbing for what was left on the serving platter before someone else could. I assured them that I could make more if they were hungry, but that didn't seem to be the issue. It was some kind of contest between them to get the last morsel. I grabbed Ethan by his collar and pulled him back. I said, "'Tis your turn to help with the cleanup."

  We finished the washing, drying, and stowing quickly. We were all on board except Bradan and Asher. They untied the mooring lines and removed the posts while Ethan kept the Clover from drifting. When they were safely aboard, we ascended to what Ethan referred to as cruising altitude. Asher pointed us Southwest towards home and we waited for the navy ship to get in line behind us. This trip was more interesting than when we were towed as we had the better view. The navy pilots would have to settle for looking at our aft end for a few hours.

  My friends coerced Ethan into continuing their Morse code lessons and I went up to my suite. Reginald knocked on my door, saying he was bored in the sitting room. I invited him in and we sat quietly watching the clouds go past for a while.

  "I'm sorry we couldn't drop you off on our way home," I said.

  "That is okay. Captain Plumer has offered me a ride as far as Dublin. I'll spend a quiet evening writing up my report and fly out at daybreak."

  That was all we had to say. After a long spell, Darina ran up the stairs and to my suite. "You two have to come and see this! There is a pirate ship off of our... starboard side."

  Reginald bolted away. Having seen a pirate ship before, I wasn't in a hurry to see another one. Both pilots were back at the controls when I reached the sitting room. I asked, "What is on their flag?"

  Sheela had the telescope and replied, "It is a black flag with what look like a white skull followed by two sabres."

  I addressed Ethan, "Does the ship design look familiar?"

  He said, "Yes, I am sure it is them."

  "Then I suggest you get back on the Aldis lamp and wish them a safe and prosperous voyage. The last thing I want is to be in the middle of a conflict when we are so close to home."

  Ethan worked the lamp for a minute. The reply came quickly. He said, "They offered to help deal with the navy ship."

  I laughed for a bit. When I regained control I said, "Tell them I will deal with the navy and if they can return near sundown, I will make good on my promise to share drink and stories."

  My friends got excited when they heard that, all of them talking at once about being able to meet real pirates.

  Reginald said, "Why do you think they are flying here?"

  I replied, "The skies along the Eastern shore of England belong to me now. They had to claim skies of their own."

  Asher said, "We are almost to the hangar. We'll need to float above it until Benjamin can arrange to pull us in."

  I smiled and looked behind us. "I think we have enough manpower available to get us inside. They need to land anyway to pick up their passenger."

  This was a simple process. Benjamin showed us how to open the rear doors of the hangar. The pilots lined the Clover up and everyone helped pull it in. I saw now why they didn't want to fly it out of the hangar as a gust of wind could easily blow it into the walls.

  Reginald accepted his trunk from Bradan and boarded the navy ship with the sailors. Captain Plumer boarded last. We waved as they left us.

  I said, "If one of you could ride to my house and bring back the short wagon that Felix built, I'd appreciate it... But whatever you say, do not let my father know we are having drinks with pirates lest my feet never leave the ground again."

  End

  FIVE

  It helps to know where to go.

  • February 10

  I hadn't heard anything about jeebees for months, but I'd gotten accustomed to wearing my pistol when I went into town. My friends thought I was acting paranoid. I probably was. I didn't feel safe today. Bradan was standing watch over me as always. I would have felt safer if he had a Gatling gun mounted on his back.

  I saw Felix strolling along and I called to him. "Good afternoon."

  It looked as if I had disturbed him but he replied after a moment. "A fine afternoon to you too."

  "Have I told you how much I appreciate you installing the new spring in my watch? It keeps perfect time now."

  "Yes, you thank me every time you want me to do something else for you."

  "Now that you mention it, I could use a small favour."

  "I've been involved in your adventures, and it's safer if I say 'no'. Mary would appreciate it as well."

  "I'm not inviting you on an adventure. I'd just like you to make sure I come back from mine."

  "That's a rather vague request."

  "I'm haven't gotten to asking the favour yet."

  "How much longer until we get there?"

  "First, I want to know what you've heard about my airship."

  "I've heard your girlfriends were almost killed while on an adventure with you last year and my ribs still hurt when it rains."

  "I'm sorry about your ribs. May I remind you that I wasn't the one playing God when your invention flew apart."

  "Okay, I admit I got excited."

  "Anyway, I'd like you to walk through the Clover. People keep changing things without telling me. I don't want any surprises the next time I take her out."

  "Where is it docked?"

  "She's in the new hangar next to the railway station."

  "You're kidding. They built you a hangar for it? Next thing you'll be telling me is they left the railway gun installed."

  "They did. Those were both surprises to me too. The latest surprise is the entire balloon can light up a bright orange."

  "I have to work hard to acquire the best gadgets. They simply give them to you and you don't want them."

  "'Tis not that I don't want them."

  "Then what is it?"

  "I feel like I am losing control of my life. The pirate captain said something about my destiny. Is everything I do pre-ordained?"

  "That is a question you should have asked this morning at services."

  "Anyway, will you take a good look at the Clover for me?"

  "I will look. I won't add or change anything without your permission. Will that make you happy?"

  "It will make me feel better than I do now... I will arrange it with the guard. When can you do it?"

  "Give me a few days. I am working on something fantastic now. Would you like to see it?"

  "How can I refuse?"

  "You can't."

  His house was just a mile further. I noticed that Bradan was getting noisy again. That meant he needed the grease replaced in his gears and joints. I would have to have him checked by an engineer at the train station this week. We passed Mary going the other way. She said she was going to visit with my mother. Since Felix wanted to show me something new, she'd be safer there.

  "So tell me what labour-saving device you have come up with this time."

  "Nothing of the sort. I want to show you my time viewer."

  "I can already view time. I just look at my pocket watch. The wheel goes back and forth and I can even see one of the gears move."

  "But can you see what was South of my house over 100 years ago?"

  "I cannot. Why would I want to? Did something interesting happen then?"

  "We won't know until we look."

  "Where did you get the idea for this?"

  He said, "It came to me while fishing."

  "You came up with all of this one day while fishing? Did you catch anything other than this idea?"

  "No, the fish were not biting that day."

  "So, while the fish were busy ignoring you and your bait, you decided you wanted to see what was growing behind your house a century ago."

  "That's not how it happened! Why did I even invite you here?"

  "Because everyone else is not as gullible as I am? Or is it that they are smarter
than I am?" That managed to get a short laugh while I just smiled at him.

  "Anyway, I was letting out my line and thinking about how time just seems to go the one direction, away from us. Wouldn't it be useful if we could reel time in and see what happened earlier?”

  "Sounds interesting"

  "Well, I got to looking at the spool of fishing line and how it was wound. And you know that clocks are wound too. I was thinking that it might be possible to wind time backwards."

  "When I wind my watch, time does not go backwards."

  "You can't just wind and unwind a clock to get that to happen. It takes a lot more work."

  "So you built something to do the work for you?"

  "Let me show it to you."

  He had a table with a top that was tilted forward. Fastened to it were an assortment of dials, knobs, gauges, and other parts. On the left side of it was a tall panel with more gauges and some displays with numbers similar to what Bradan used. I saw wires and tubes coming out of its back and trailing on the floor at least twenty feet to the left ending at a huge copper ring that was about eight feet around.

  "This looks familiar. I'm sure I have seen something like this."

  "I doubt you have seen a time viewer before now."

  "Anyway, it takes all of this to wind your fishing line?"

  "You can't see into past with something the size of a looking glass. The past is a big place and needs something big to see it all."

  "That didn't make much sense. What is that floating in front of the circle?"

  "Oh, that is dispersed flour."

  I remembered the mess his automatic whisk had caused. It had taken a week to get the flour out of all the corners. "You have got to be joking."

  "Yes, I am. The mist is created by forcing water at high pressure out of pipes with pin-sized holes in them. That is where you can look back in time. An image appears in the mist similar to a magic lantern show."

  "Why not use a white wall to show it?"

  "It doesn't work like that. It needs a large copper ring, which I call 'a porthole to the past'."

  "Can it show me where the earring that I dropped last week is?"

  "Only if we bring it all to your house."

  "You need a smaller version that the great detectives can carry in one hand like a magnifying glass and use to solve crimes."

  "It's like my anti-flood device. It has to be just the right size."

  "Speaking of water, can it show me if it will rain tomorrow?"

  "No, it can't show the future. It can show you if it rained the day you were born though."

  "Okay, let's see it work. How will I know 'tis the right date?"

  "You can either count sunsets as we go back or trust that the date shown on that display is correct. I am proud of that display. I got the idea from your mechanical friend and then found out it had already been invented a hundred years ago."

  He started it and the mist lit up. I saw through the wall as if it wasn't there. I said, "You could use this to see inside things or through walls too."

  He turned a knob and the mist got lighter, and then darker, and then the stars came out. The stars slowly moved in the sky. They lined up and became a spiral that spun inside the circle. "Felix, is it supposed to do that?"

  "No, it is not! It should be showing yesterday afternoon."

  The stars changed to boxes and then the boxes changed to an assortment of bright colours. It was like a kaleidoscope. The boxes thinned into lines, and then the lines merged together, and then the mist turned a bright red.

  Something stepped out of the mist. My first thought was that it was a jeebee. I hid behind a table and motioned for Felix to hide too. The thing only had two arms and two legs though. It was shaped like a woman, but had something like a fishbowl or globe for a head. Arriving out of the mist after her was some kind of box-shaped thing on wheels. It moved to her right side and stopped.

  I took a long breath. I didn't realise I had been holding it. I checked out our guest. She was wearing a tight-fitting one-piece outfit that looked like a full-body corset. It was a dark shade of red violet or burgundy that was shiny like metal and was gold at the seams. Her boots went up to her knees and must have had three-inch heels. She grabbed the globe and lifted it off revealing that she was a normal person who had been wearing some kind of round helmet. She looked to be about my age, and she had chin-length brown hair.

  She went over to the panel and inspected the gauges. We came out of hiding. Felix said, "This is not good. She can't be here."

  "Why not?" I asked.

  "She's not from here or now. Her being here tangles the lines."

  She asked, "Where is here and when is now?"

  "Umm, Ireland 1884," Felix said. "Now you need to go back where you came from before something catastrophic happens."

  I turned to our guest. "Hello. My name is Fianna and the mad scientist is my cousin Felix."

  "My name is Gwendoline. My friends call me Gwen. I'm the world's first chrononaut and I'd like to stay a little bit."

  "I would like to be your friend. Felix would too, but he is having difficulty being friendly just now."

  Felix said, "How about I give you a souvenir to take home?"

  She ignored him and pointed to the panel. "This shows the year I came from, 2348, but these three that should show the location are all zero."

  Felix said, "It's not supposed to show anywhere but here and the years are not meant to go over 1884. You really should go as I'm not sure how long it will keep working this way."

  She said, "The guys at the centre said they were so lucky that they found a compatible receiving device. Otherwise, we would have only been able to look into the past. The two machines are now perfectly synchronised and will stay connected unless disturbed."

  I thought about what she just said. It was one of those comments just tempting fate to ruin things. The one I was most familiar with was: 'We will go to the beach tomorrow... if it doesn't rain.' and I honestly thought leaving the last part unspoken was a good idea. I was sure that mentioning the machines could be disturbed was sure to bring it about.

  As I feared, three jeebees ran out of the porthole. They looked around for a moment and then they started shooting. Before I could warn Gwen, two of them shot her in the side. It didn't appear to affect her in the slightest, but sparks travelled along her outfit and into the panel. She turned and shot all three of them as the panel caught on fire beside her. I hadn't noticed that she wore a pistol on her belt until now.

  I shouted, "Felix, your time viewer is turning into another mess! What do you have to put out fires?"

  "Not again! It is ruined!" he replied as he grabbed a bucket of sand and tossed it at the panel. The fire dwindled down to nothing but embers.

  Gwen moved away from the panel to inspect the jeebees and her trunk rolled over to her right side and stopped.

  "Is that an automaton?" I asked

  "No, just my luggage."

  "It follows you around?"

  "Technically, there are beacons in my boots that it tracks.

  Felix suddenly realised there was something new in his lab. "That is fascinating. May I take a closer look?"

  "You can look, but be careful where you touch him," Gwen said.

  "Your luggage is male?"

  "Of course. They all are."

  "Is this Tease Felix Day? I didn't see it on my calendar."

  I replied, "Every day is Tease Felix Day; all day."

  "I don't know why I even bother."

  "Gwen, let's talk outside. It smells like dead jeebees here and that makes me sick to my stomach."

  "What is a jeebee?"

  "Jeebees are what you just shot. They are vile, nasty creatures and if you hadn't shot them I would have."

  "It was just instinct to shoot back at those firing at me."

  "We thank you for your instincts."

  She grabbed her helmet and we went outside the laboratory and off to one side. Her trunk tended to roll a few fe
et behind her. It would come up beside her when she stopped. I wondered what would happen if it couldn't keep up, like getting stuck in the mud or running into a tree. Unlike Bradan, it didn't appear to have eyes.

  She asked, "Do you think he can make the machine work again?"

  "He said it was only designed to look into the past. However, if anyone can make it work again, he can."

  "It didn't look that badly damaged. The vital components were intact."

  "Are you a scientist?"

  "No, but I could have been. I have a degree in electronic engineering but mercenary work pays better."

  "What is a mercenary?"

  "A mercenary is a soldier; only without allegiance to any one country. I specialised in extraction; going into a dangerous situation and bringing people back alive. Now I am a traveller through time."

  "I see."

  "I feel out of time and place; literally. Is there something I can change into so as not to attract attention?"

  "Felix's wife is, shall we say, not shaped like us. We can get something for you from my closet though. 'Tis just a short walk from here."

  "Is there something else we need to do here first?"

  "Felix is used to cleaning up messes, but I'll be nice to him." I called back inside the lab, "Bradan, when you finish with the jeebees, would you please help Felix clean his lab? We are headed home and will be back shortly."

  "You have an unusual helper. Are you the only one who it obeys?"

  "Anyone can ask Bradan to do something, but so far few have bothered. 'Tis not a matter of me telling him to do things, just asking if he will, if you know what I mean."

  "So it could refuse?"

  "When I rescued him, he was refusing to do what the jeebees wanted."

  "That is interesting. Please tell me more."

  I hadn't gotten far in my story when we arrived at my house. I had her wait outside while I ran inside and brought out a loose fitting dress. I figured it would be better if she was dressed like any other woman when my brothers saw her. She had done something with her trunk as I didn't see it when I came out. I introduced her to my family and Mary as a visitor from London. They were accustomed to that now.