Inseparable

by Heldt,Dora

  “Nothing else happened, if you’re thinking what I think you are. We drove to a pub, had a beer, and then I told Sven that I really like spending time with him but that my private life is complicated enough at the moment.”

  Marleen sighed. “Christine. Sometimes you can be really silly. Why didn’t you just let it flow? It seems this guy could really be right for you. And you have to go and have scruples about it.”

  She had let her hands fall and was staring at Christine uncomprehendingly, who continued to peel untiringly.

  “I don’t have scruples; I’m too old for that. But Sven doesn’t kiss as well as Richard does, and I didn’t feel like trying out the rest.” She looked at Marleen and threw the potato into the water. “In all seriousness, Sven is really funny, but when it comes down to it I just see Richard’s face in front of me. It just won’t work. I really wish I felt differently, but that’s the way it is.”

  Marleen started peeling again, slowly this time, and thought for a moment. Then she increased her tempo.

  “So, is the problem that you could have with Sven what you really want to have with Richard?

  Christine wished that removing the layer of sadness weighing on her heart were as simple as peeling potatoes. “Pretty much. And it’s becoming more and more clear to me how much I want to have that with Richard and how little chance there is of it ever happening.”

  They both threw their last potatoes into the pot at the same time. Marleen gathered the peelings together. Then she filled another pot with water.

  “Don’t start thinking that we’re done here. I have the same amount all over again. But first let’s have a smoke and a coffee, OK?”

  Christine pressed her hands into the small of her back.

  “Great. Can’t you put pasta in the Grünkohl for once? Or rice? These piles of potatoes are horrendous.”

  She sat down at a table in the bar and pulled her cigarettes from her bag. Marleen put two cups on the table and sank down into the chair.

  “I’m really glad you’re here; it’s so boring doing this by myself.” She raised her coffee cup. “Cheers.”

  “Cheers. And I’m glad I came. You calm me down; I’m feeling much better again.”

  “That’s the potato peeling. But Christine, seriously, you’ve had far worse times, in spite of this complicated business with Richard. Why don’t you try to relax a little? Keep on meeting up with Sven, and just see what happens with you and Richard. You can’t make him do anything; he has to figure things out for himself. And if it all goes wrong, you still have me, and Dorothea and Ines; we’ve saved you from hopeless males before.”

  At that moment someone rattled at the locked door. Marleen stood up, went on tiptoes, and tried to see who it was.

  She laughed. “I don’t believe it. Speak of the devil.”

  Christine turned around. “Who is it?’

  “The hopeless male in question: Bernd.”

  Marleen went to the door and opened it. Christine stayed sitting down with her back to the door. Just what she needed! She hadn’t seen Bernd for a long time; he hadn’t exactly behaved like a gentleman in the time leading up to and following their divorce. She heard Marleen’s muted voice at the door.

  “I’m not open yet, what’s up?”

  “Hi! I just wanted to book our Christmas work party. Hey, isn’t that Christine’s car parked outside?”

  Before Marleen could answer, Bernd had already pushed past her and was standing in the bar. “Well, who do we have here?”

  Christine sighed lightly. Bernd was a master of insipid sayings, or at least he was when he felt insecure. Why had she so rarely noticed that while they were married? She turned around to face him.

  “My name is Christine Schmidt, and if I seem familiar to you, it’s because we were once married.”

  Bernd, however, was resistant to irony. He sat down on the chair next to her.

  “So? Everything fine and dandy? What’s new in Christine’s world? Marleen, pour me a beer, will you?”

  Marleen rolled her eyes. “Well, it’ll have to be a quick one; I have to get on with the cooking and I can’t be serving guests at the same time.”

  “Why not? Christine’s here, too.”

  “She’s helping me.”

  Bernd looked skeptical. “Really? Well, if you say so. Anyway, we’d like to hold our Christmas party here on the sixth of December. Thirty people. And we’d like Grünkohl.”

  “With rice or with pasta?”

  Bernd looked at her, baffled. “Why would we want it with pasta? With potatoes, of course.”

  Marleen looked at her calendar. “Fine, that’s OK. Why are there so many of you? Is it partners, too?”

  Bernd gave her an innocent look. “A few are bringing partners, but not everyone; I’m coming alone.”

  Marleen looked at him, just as innocently. “Why? Aren’t you with Antje anymore?”

  “Oh, on and off, it’s nothing serious, just, you know.”

  Christine was thinking that what her ex-husband really needed was a sharp kick in the balls. She looked at him discreetly while he was talking to Marleen. He had put on weight and it didn’t suit him. He looked podgy. The red fleece pullover he had on was at least seven years old; she had bought it for him. The seam was starting to unravel at the bottom. Without stopping to ask, Bernd took a cigarette from Christine’s pack. She should have tried to smack his fingers, not just a little slap but a real one. A giggle slowly rose in her throat, but feeling Marleen’s well-timed look, she coughed instead.

  “Oh, did you catch a cold? You look thin. Suits you though.”

  Knowing she would lose her composure if she answered, Christine jumped up and hurried to the bathroom without a word. Silently, she imagined her response: “Oh, thank you, you look podgy, but it doesn’t suit you.” She giggled as she sat on the toilet.

  When she came back, Bernd put down his empty glass and looked at her.

  “Girls, I have to go. See you soon, stay strong. Tschüssi.”

  Marleen and Christine watched him go. As the door closed behind him, they looked at each other, then broke out into unstoppable laughter.

  “Heavens above.” Marleen gasped for air, wiping the tears from her eyes. “And to think he was once the love of your life. And hasn’t he gotten fat!”

  “Podgy.” Christine doubled over, hysterical now. She tried to take deep, steady breaths. “Goodness gracious—as Bernd would say—where did I leave my brain? Was he always like that?”

  In doubt, she looked at Marleen, who tilted her head thoughtfully. Then she started to laugh again.

  “Yes, I do believe he was. So, the lesson to be learned here is not to take the men in your life so seriously.”

  She took a deep breath and wiped under her eyes. “Come on, honey, back to the potatoes; there are more important things in life than filling our heads with complicated love stories. Bernd won’t be the last of the hopeless men we have to save you from, I’m sure.”

  Christine giggled again and reached for the peeler.

  Marleen looked at her. “Is this Sven younger than you?”

  “I don’t think so. I’m not sure. Why?”

  “Oh, it’s just that Dani has a lover who’s ten years younger than she is. It can be difficult.”

  Christine looked up, confused. “Which Dani? My Dani? How do you know that?”

  At that moment the phone rang. Marleen jumped up, biting her lip. Shit, she thought, that was too close for comfort.

  She picked up the phone and took another Christmas party reservation.

  When Christine opened her apartment door a few hours later in Hamburg, she was glad to be home. Marleen was right; she had survived more difficult times. Everything was better than her old life with “podgy” Bernd and “on-and-off” Antje.

  Her answering machine was blinking. Calls from Dorothea, who wanted to know where on earth she was, from Gabi asking her to call her back, and from Sven.

  “Hi, Christine, I was just cal
ling to say hello. Call me back if you’d like to. I’m just bumbling around here.”

  Before the giggles could overtake her, she picked the receiver up and called Richard.

  “I just wanted to say sorry. Not for how I’ve been feeling but for the fact that I didn’t talk to you honestly about it. You’re too important to me for us to be like that with each other. By the way, Marleen said that the planets are badly aligned for relationships at the moment. It’ll be better again by November.”

  She could hear the smile in Richard’s voice. “I understand; it’s a difficult situation. How about we forget about last night and I’ll come to see you on Tuesday. If you’d like me to, that is. I read today that the planets will be better aligned by the day after tomorrow, and…”

  Christine took the phone over to her chair and curled herself up in it.

  “By the Power of the Moon”

  A month ago my friend Karola totaled her husband Paul’s car. It happened because she saw a boundary pole too late. Paul was pretty angry and didn’t speak to her for several days.

  Karola was angry, too, not because of Paul, but because she’d forgotten to consult her annual horoscope. It was all there in black and white. In the week in question, Saturn was retrograde, which meant there was the risk a relationship crisis could come to a head. Besides that she was warned to take care in traffic and in awkward spaces.

  I was very impressed, but asked her how long she had been having a relationship crisis; after all, it seemed it was only the totaled car that had brought it about. She explained that only those in third part of the lunar month were affected, and she was in the first, so her relationship crisis was only just beginning.

  She looked into it in more detail, and her crisis wasn’t supposed to last long; with the advent of the First Quarter Moon phase in two weeks’ time, she would have an almost implausibly beneficial constellation with the sun, Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter. Usually, people get married and have children under the influence of constellations like that.

  I pointed out that she had already been married for eighteen years and that, as Paul is fifty and Karola forty-six, I imagined their family planning was pretty much decided by now.

  Karola nodded and said these stars also stand for a reconciliation, so she wasn’t worrying herself about Paul’s silence—the Quarter Moon Phase would sort it all out.

  Besides, the car wasn’t a problem either, because Paul’s critical influence from Saturn would be coming to an end next week, following which Saturn would be overtaken by the good luck planet of Jupiter, which stands for financial success and windfalls.

  So she wasn’t in the least bit worried. Ever since she’d started having her annual horoscope drawn up for her, she understood everything much better.

  I was a little skeptical. According to the horoscope I always read, I should now be on my seventh marriage, the mother of twelve children, and a celebrity, none of which have even been close to happening so far.

  My friend Karola informed me that you have to get your own individual yearly horoscope made, with your place of birth, time of birth, and everything. Each year she orders one of these horoscopes for herself, and for Paul, too, and it almost always turns out to be true. And, she added, it’s already helped her to steer around a lot of issues.

  In May, for example, her lunar month was subject to a hard Saturn transit for four days. In a critical aspect like this she would, according to the horoscope, immediately overreact to things with anger and tension. She would argue with everyone, friends would reject her, and everything would be awful. But because she knew that in advance, she arranged to take some time off and planned a spa weekend with her sister. Admittedly, she ended up giving the owner of the hotel a piece of her mind and argued with her sister, but that was no more than usual. Just imagine what could have happened otherwise, she said.

  Or in August, for example, when Mercury was well situated, which means success in exams. My friend Karola triumphantly reminded me of the ADAC automobile safety course we did together. She beat me in every slalom course, and without even breaking a sweat.

  And then there was September. On the seventeenth, which was a Saturday, she had the strongest lunar power of the entire year. She set her alarm for six in the morning, slogged away for three hours in the garden, did her taxes, and then, in the afternoon, painted the guest bathroom. And she did it all in the best of moods.

  My friend Karola makes sure she only goes to the hairdresser when the moon is in Gemini, and only starts diets when it’s in Cancer. Things just work better that way. She also mentioned that you should never have a hip operation when the moon is in Sagittarius. Of course, her hips are perfectly fine.

  My friend Karola also says it is particularly important for singles like me to have an official yearly horoscope drawn up. Next year will be a lunar year, so it would be advisable to know on what days the moon and Venus will combine with my ruling planet, Pluto, because those will be the days when I should be keeping my eyes open. That’s when he’ll come, my dream prince, and Karola said it’s very likely indeed. I wouldn’t want to make the mistake of staying at home and ironing then.

  So a few days ago I ordered myself one of these horoscopes. I didn’t want to run the risk of letting my lunar year pass by indifferently and without giving it a good chance, just because I haven’t informed myself fully. I read with interest that in February, thanks to Pluto and Venus, I’ll get a dream constellation that means I’ll be courted by a lion and a bull. Whatever decision I make will be the right one, and based on the astrological calculations involved, November would be the best time for my Lion-Bull and me to start a family—aside from the small matter of my age, of course. By the end of the year I will stand proudly on my victory podium, looking back on an incredibly successful year. Damn right, I thought, for thirty-six Euros I should hope so.

  My friend Karola just phoned. The car insurance company told her that Paul didn’t have a fully comprehensive policy. So the damage to the car isn’t covered. And then a bill from the city authorities came for 168.70 Euros for repairing the signpost. Paul still isn’t speaking to Karola, even though yesterday heralded the Quarter Moon phase. Karola is planning to call his mother; presumably she was mistaken about the time of her son’s birth, and it would seem that Karola does have a relationship crisis after all. She has to check.

  I really hope my mother wasn’t mistaken about the time of my birth; that really would be a shame. After all, it’s such a lovely horoscope.

  Hamburg

  Ines made a note on a sheet of paper and then pushed it back into its plastic sleeve. She looked at the clock and then over at the door, which opened at that very moment. She saw Luise look around her searchingly; then, seeing Ines, she walked over to the table.

  “Ines, hello. I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

  Ines pointed to her beer glass. “That’s my first, and I haven’t even started it yet.”

  “Good.” Luise sat down and glanced at the pages in the binder. “Are those our search results? And as Excel sheets, too; wow, you really are organized.” She laughed.

  Ines brushed her hand over the binder. “You laugh, but how else would you suggest we go about compiling the results? After all, we have all been quite successful.”

  Luise pulled her jacket off and waved to the waiter. “I can’t wait to hear more; I haven’t spoken to Ruth, Gabi, or Dorothea for weeks now.”

  The waiter came over. Luise was just ordering a beer when Dorothea appeared in front of them.

  “Evening! I’ll have a beer, too. And I’m not the last one to arrive; I thought I would be. Where’s Ruth?”

  “Here.” Ruth appeared, just seconds behind her. “Are you deaf and blind? I’ve been calling you since the metro. Ten people I didn’t even know turned around to me and said hello; it was only you that ran off.”

  “Oh God, sorry, I was concentrating on how to get here. And besides, I don’t pay any attention to people shouting at me in the street a
nymore; I’m past that age, and in any case it’s usually just construction workers.” She laughed and looked around at the others. “And even they seem to be getting quieter and quieter.”

  Ruth asked the waiter what the red wine selection was, had a brief discussion with him about the various choices, and then ordered the most expensive. She sat down next to Ines and picked up the binder. “I see you’re prepared. This is great.”

  Ines nodded. “Yes, I thought I’d get everything typed up to make it easier. I had time last week to get it all in order. I’ll wait for your drinks to arrive then give the updates.”

  Dorothea turned around to the waiter, who was drawing her beer at the bar. “I’m so thirsty, please hurry.” She looked at Ruth. “Where’s Gabi?”

  “She can’t make it and sends her best. Her sister’s visiting and they’re painting the kitchen.”

  Luise pitched in. “Speaking of Gabi, she told me on the phone that she visited you in your new apartment. Have you settled in well?”

  Before Ruth could answer, the waiter brought the drinks over. Once they were all settled again, Dorothea asked: “Where have you both moved to? You had such an incredible apartment in Eppendorf.”

  Ruth took a long, slow sip of her drink, then put her glass down rather dramatically.

  “We didn’t move; I moved out.”

  Ines looked at her, shocked, while Dorothea raised her glass without batting an eyelid.

  “So, cheers then, welcome to the club.” She saw Ines and Luise give her peeved looks. “What? You both live alone, too; it’s much easier to look out for your girlfriends that way, and—if you remember correctly—that’s exactly what this plan is all about.”

  “Dorothea!” Ines pulled the sheets of paper out of the binder and shook her head.

  “What? I thought I did well in changing the subject there. So, what do we have?”

  “OK,” said Ines, clearing her throat. “I’ll tell you in the order I’ve organized things here, chronologically according to the time of the friendships. So, first we have Linda Love. As we already know, Luise has written to her. Linda can remember Christine but can’t make it to the party. She said she would fill in the questionnaire and send it to me. Then I’ll put them all together. By the way, I need your completed questionnaires, too, at the latest in three weeks’ time.” She looked at the others insistently, then continued: “Frauke was the quickest. She accepted the invite and sent the questionnaire back last week, and not just hers, but one from Gudrun, too; that was the girl with the horse, the one my brother could still remember. So that’s three already. Marleen has been on the case, too; she already has Dani coming along and has her questionnaire. And she’s also dealing with Lena and called her over the weekend. Apparently Lena was a little hesitant at first but has now said she’ll come and promised to fill in the sheet soon. So that’s five.”