Inseparable

by Heldt,Dora

  As the guests laughed, Ruth folded the sheet of paper back up. She walked over to Christine, who was sitting there a little stiffly. She only looked up once Ruth was standing right in front of her.

  “Thank you, my friend.” To Ruth’s relief, she was smiling. “But come on, I did a really good job of ‘Linda Love.’”

  “Of course you did, Christine.”

  Ruth turned around to the others.

  “There are copies of the ‘Linda Love’ column we’re talking about on the bar, for those who haven’t yet read it. And before we all hit the buffet, I’d like to wish this pack and all its wolves a wonderful evening and Guten Appetit.”

  After the food, coffee and grappa were served. It was warm in the room, so Gabi stood up from her seat and went out toward the roof terrace. Someone had already propped the door open. She walked out and took a deep breath. She went over to the railing, from where she could look down over the lights of the harbor. Out here, the laughing and hum of voices was muffled.

  “I don’t think we could have done a better job of that, do you?”

  Gabi jumped as she heard Ruth’s satisfied voice.

  “Ruth! You scared me; I didn’t hear you come out.”

  “Sorry, you seemed lost in thought. I saw you come out here. Is everything OK?”

  Gabi nodded. “Yes, of course. It’s turned out to be a great night. And they’re all over the moon to see each other again. It couldn’t be better. Your speech was wonderful. It all was.”

  “Well, apart from the mess-up with Marie Erdmann.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Ruth pulled her shawl more closely around her. “Well, it seems I was a little overzealous and didn’t listen closely during my conversation with her. They weren’t even friends. Christine thought she’d been hired to take photos here. Frauke just told me that she’s the Annemarie from the dance lessons, you know, the one Christine mentioned in one of her Kult columns. It’s pretty awful.”

  Gabi laughed. “Oh, shit! Is that why Frauke and Christine were in hysterics earlier? Did Marie notice?”

  “Marie held the camera on them and said to Dani that she was amazed at how childish women of that age could be. Which just made Dani giggle like a hyena.”

  They both stared over at the harbor lights in silence. Then they both started to talk at once.

  “Tell me, Gabi…”

  “Ruth, I wanted to…”

  They laughed, embarrassed. Ruth looked at Gabi.

  “Can I go first?”

  “Please.”

  Ruth hesitated for a moment. “I’ve been thinking about myself a lot over the last few months. And, because of our search, about what I’m like as a friend. I don’t think I’ve exactly covered myself with glory in the last few years.”

  Gabi opened her mouth to speak, but Ruth held up her hand to stop her. “No, wait, I’m not done yet. So, to be brief, I know I’m egotistical and too ambitious. And I also know I haven’t been there for you. And that I’ve taken advantage of you, and others, sometimes. I’ve known for a few weeks now that you’ve been meeting up with Karsten now and then; he told me himself. I was angry to start with, then I waited for you to tell me yourself, and then I realized I never give you the opportunity. By which time I realized I don’t actually mind anyway. I mean, I don’t have feelings for Karsten anymore, and I haven’t for a long time. I just didn’t want anyone else to have him. But that’s ridiculous, and I know it. So, to cut a long story short, I was being a real idiot…I can’t really explain what’s wrong with me; I’d really like to be a good person…Now you say something.”

  Gabi was amazed. “Well, yes, you were quite a handful for a while there. And it’s true that I’ve been meeting Karsten. Nothing major has happened, but we’ve talked a lot and been out to dinner a few times. I’ve always liked him, and I told you that, but I don’t know whether something will come of it. And by the way, you’re not such a bad person.”

  They looked at each other. Ruth started to laugh.

  “Oh, Gabi, here we are organizing the mother of all reunions, and we’re acting like fools ourselves. Come on, let’s go and have a drink to friendship.”

  They linked arms and walked back into the restaurant.

  By now, the seating plan had well and truly broken down. Some were standing at the bar, and others were in small groups. Christine made her way over to Marleen, who had just been brought a glass of champagne by the waiter.

  “Christine, would you like a glass, too? We haven’t had a moment to have a toast together.” She beckoned to the waiter, who offered the tray with the glasses for a second time. Christine nodded and took one.

  “Thank you. And for everything else, too. It’s wonderful that you’re here.”

  They took a sip; then Marleen leaned over to her.

  “Now tell me, what’s going on with you and Sven?”

  Christine tried not to give anything away with her facial expression. “Why?”

  “I saw him kiss you outside earlier. And anyway, even a blind person can see there’s something going on there. When did you decide?”

  Christine looked over at the table where Sven, Mathias, and Dani were sitting. Mathias was talking in an animated fashion while Dani hung on to his every word. Sven was listening and laughing. He had dimples. Christine felt a warm feeling in her stomach.

  Marleen was watching her.

  “You’re in love.” It was a statement, not a question. Christine pulled her gaze away from Sven and looked back at Marleen.

  “I think I am, yes. I only made the decision a few days ago, when I was cleaning. First of all, to end things with Richard, so I phoned him that evening. But he’s in Berlin this weekend and staying there until Wednesday, because Sabine has so many problems and needs him. I’d finally had enough of it. I told him I can’t do it anymore and that we have to stop seeing each other. Richard just thought I was angry because he couldn’t come to my birthday. I don’t think he really understood what I was saying. I told him that I’ve met someone, but he said that was just blackmail. It was a horrible conversation.”

  Marleen stroked her back comfortingly. “It’s better that way. I don’t think there was ever any hope with him; you would have stayed the secret lover forever. So, how do you feel now?”

  Christine thought for a moment. “Good. My feelings for Richard had already started to die; I realized that when I was on the phone to him. I was living too little, just hoping and waiting. It shouldn’t be like that. But I don’t know what will happen with Sven either; I need a bit of time. We’ll see.”

  Marleen didn’t have a chance to answer, for at the same moment Marie steered her way over to their table with two glasses of champagne and collapsed into the chair opposite Christine. Sounding disappointed, she looked at Christine’s glass and said:

  “Oh, you already have a glass. Never mind, I just wanted to make a toast with you. To friendship, my love, and to seeing each other again.”

  She raised her glass and beamed at Christine, who started to feel guilty.

  “Yes, Marie, it’s lovely that you came. Cheers.”

  Marie put her glass down and looked at Marleen searchingly.

  “And you’re friends, too? Lovely. I have something to show you, Christine. You know, it’s good when you don’t get rid of things. Look, do you remember?”

  Rummaging in her bag she produced an envelope and handed it over to Christine proudly. She opened it. It contained a strip of film with passport photos on it. Of two girls, who had crammed themselves onto a small revolving stool in a photo booth. Christine recognized Marie, who was looking at the camera and smiling. Her shoulder was blocking part of Christine’s face, who was looking past the camera with a serious look on her face. Christine remembered that Marie had insisted they get them done; she had collected these photos of herself and her girlfriends. Everyone used to do them back then. They cost two Deutschmarks and then hung on the fridge with magnets for years.

  Marleen looked at th
e photos. “Wonderful. I used to have some like that, too, of my friend Heike and me…but I have no idea where they got to.”

  Christine gave Marie the photos back. She felt sorry for her for some reason. She seemed so strained. Christine smiled at her. “It’s a long time ago now, but it was a great time. Can I have two of these?”

  Marie nodded and took some small scissors from her bag. She cut the strip through the middle, handed Christine two of the photos, and then looked at hers again. “I brought them with me for you. I was happy I still had them. You know, friendships that last a lifetime are the best things in life. We really should meet up more often. I’ll organize something.”

  Christine was saved from having to answer, as Ines walked into the center of the room and called attention to herself with a loud “Could you all be quiet for a moment?” Once it was still, she pulled a couple of sheets of paper from her jacket pocket.

  “Thank you, everyone. Before we get so tipsy that even the simplest of things are difficult to understand, I’d like to read out a few sentences to you. Christine, sweetheart, Ruth came up with a questionnaire that all the girls had to fill out. I’ll read one of them out to you, and the others I’ve put together in a folder for you so you can look at it later. So:

  “Name, Age, and Town: Marleen, 48, Cuxhaven

  “When and where did you meet Christine?: My ex-husband is Christine’s ex-husband’s best friend. Before Christine got married she had to meet us to get the official seal of approval. And she did a great job; it was the beginning of an important friendship.

  “Your best experience with her?: There are many ‘best’ ones, and I hope there will be many more.

  “What sets your friendship apart? And what is Christine like as a friend?: The certainty that there is no situation in life when you are completely alone. That you have shared moments and experiences that you can look back on together. Christine has never hidden her true feelings, neither in her sadness nor her joy.

  “Your motto for life?: ‘I hurry to laugh about things so that I will not be forced to cry’ (Beaumarchais).

  “A friend is…?: ‘Friendship is not just a precious gift, but also an ongoing responsibility’ (Ernst Zacharias). And a responsibility one should take seriously.

  “What was your reaction to this invitation?: I was able to take part in organizing it and saw this as a responsibility, one which I fulfilled well.”

  Ines folded the sheet of paper and looked at her sister. Christine wiped her hands under her eyes. She leaned over to Marleen and kissed her on the cheek. Then she stood up and went over to Ines, wrapped her arm around her sister’s waist, and looked at the guests.

  “I think I should say something now, too, although I really don’t know where to start. I’m completely surprised, moved, and lost for words. Ruth said earlier that I was dismissive when we were talking about female friendship, but that’s not true. Without some of you, my new start a few years ago would have been much more stressful. I was and am happy that you’re in my life. Marleen wrote that friendship is a lasting responsibility. It’s possible I haven’t always made a good job of it in my life. Dani, Frauke, Lena, I’ll make an effort from now on, I promise you. So, before my emotions overwhelm me and I start to cry, I would like to thank Ruth, Gabi, Luise, and you, my darling sister, for this party. And now maybe someone can put the music back on; otherwise I really will be in tears.”

  Ines hugged Christine and waved her hand to interrupt the hum of voices and applause.

  “Just a moment, I’m not done yet. I have one more letter I’d like to read out. Admittedly, it’s written to Christine, but unfortunately I’m going to have to break the secrecy of the letter—too many people have been waiting for this answer.”

  She took a pink-colored letter from an envelope, which she unfolded and held up. It was written in an awkward, childlike handwriting, and the edges had little pictures stuck onto them. It was clearly written by a child who was just learning to write.

  Ines cleared her throat:

  “Dear Christine,

  “I can write really well now, that’s why you’re getting this letter. I’m fine, and Klaus is, too, and all the others. The sun’s shining here, and we’ve already gotten to numbers over thirty at school. Tatjana sits next to me, but she’s stupid. Mom’s looking for your address, and then I’m sending this in the mail. I cut my knee rollerblading, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

  “Lots of love,

  “Your friend,

  “Linda.”

  Ines raised her hand as people started to chat and laugh again.

  “That’s one letter. And then there’s another, which Christine can read out.”

  Christine blinked, took the envelope from Ines, and pulled another sheet of paper out. She scanned through it, took a deep breath, smiled, and started to read, her voice hoarse:

  “Dear Christine,

  “When the letter from Hamburg arrived, inviting me to your birthday, I was very moved and got all sentimental. Immediately, I pictured us sitting on the steps in front of the butcher’s shop: we always had Band-Aids on our knees, do you remember? And, for some reason, it was always summer.

  “I took myself off to my attic and spent forever looking through my old boxes until I found this letter. I did write to you, back then, around three months after the move. But we lost your new address. I wanted to keep the letter; after all, I’d spent the whole afternoon writing it, drawing lines, writing in pencil first, then erasing the marks and sticking all the pictures down carefully. That was a lot of work for a seven-year-old! And then we couldn’t find the address. But I think I always knew you would get this letter someday; that’s why I kept it for thirty-seven years. And now you finally have. Isn’t that great? We should all have the confidence of a seven-year-old more often.

  “I hope you have a wonderful birthday, full of wonderful memories and confidence. In April I’ll be coming to Germany for two weeks with my husband and my youngest son. Maybe we could arrange to meet? I’d really love it if we could.

  “Until then perhaps,

  “With lots of love from your old friend,

  “Linda Love.”

  Christine wasn’t the only one with tears in her eyes.

  Christine stood by the open balcony door in her bathrobe, a mug of coffee in her hand. Today was the kind of day when you noticed the winter was past. The birds were singing, the sky was blue, and spring was in the air. Christine took a deep breath and sat down at the table. She pulled the letter from Gudrun toward her and read through it for a second time.

  Gudrun had given her notice in at the hospital, as had her boyfriend Carlos, the pediatrician from Kiel. They had been living in Spain since February. A few days before the move, Gudrun and Christine had met up in Hamburg for a bite to eat. “You know,” Gudrun said, “when I was sitting in front of that questionnaire back in October, thinking about the old days, I realized that I was only continuing with the things I’d once started for reasons I couldn’t even remember. But it wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Carlos and I had a semi-committed relationship, only seeing each other on weekends, and he was unhappy in his clinic, just as I was in mine. After the party I told him about what Linda Love wrote to you—about the confidence a seven-year-old has, about this belief that you can do anything you want to. So then Carlos looked for a job in Spain, for an apartment for us both, and now we’re doing something new, something we both really want. I’m so unbelievably excited. You’ll have to come and visit once we’re settled. Why don’t you come over with Frauke? Remember, we all wanted to work on fulfilling our ‘responsibility’ to each other in the future.”

  Gudrun had written her a long letter. They were renting a house near the sea, Carlos was working in a small practice; Gudrun, in a hotel. Every single word seemed to burst with enthusiasm. The letter ended with these words:

  So, as you can see, this decision was the best one I’ve ever made in my life. Frauke wants to come visit in May, so maybe you can arrange it to
gether; we have enough room and it’s wonderful here. I hope you’re doing well; write soon and let me know how the others are too. Your party was like a wake-up call to me. They were all wonderful women, and I think of them often.

  See you soon,

  Your Gudrun

  Christine found her writing pad and started her reply.

  Dear Gudrun,

  That all sounds amazing. Frauke already told me some of the details after she spoke with you on the phone. When I went to the opening of her shop a month ago we talked about wanting to come over and visit you at the end of May for a few days.

  The opening was wonderful; it’s a shame you missed it. Frauke looked great, and her decision to open a boutique for children’s clothing was right on the money. She has great taste, both in terms of the clothes and the way she’s designed the place. It was full to the rafters; Gunnar said there were about seventy people there. He was bursting with pride, pouring champagne and showing everyone around. It was so sweet. And Frauke looked as if she’d been doing it her whole life, such a natural!

  I went with Ruth and Gabi, and then dropped them off at the airport afterward; they were off to Mallorca for two weeks to concentrate on their writing. Gabi’s now writing columns for Femme; they’re really funny. And Ruth’s been the editor of the magazine since February, so they’re working together again now.

  I’m seeing Dani a lot more again now, which has to do with the birthday party, of course, but not just that. Did you notice that my boss at the time, Mathias, was flirting with my old housemate throughout the evening? I thought it was just the party mood, nothing serious. Well, in any case, it seems Mathias went to Berlin to see her the very next weekend. Dani only knew the evening before and went into a panic because she still had some “loose ends” to tie up. (Which were called Lars, by the way.) But she managed to sort it out in time. She always did work well under pressure! Mathias is on cloud nine and so is Dani; he’s really good for her.

  I went to Borkum for Easter with Lena, Jürgen, and her daughter Kathleen. There was a tournament for former handball players. I played with Lena in a team again for the first time in over ten years, and it was great. We won 15:9; it was just like the old days when we were still young and ambitious. I’m sure we didn’t look as sporty from the outside as we felt on the inside, but it was still great fun.