Insufferable Weight of Silence

by Huggins, Carrie

  "Who's the girl?" A familiar voice calls out.

  "None of your business, nosey." I call out to them teasingly and peek my head up over the booth. Being a small town I'm sure to know a couple of them.

  "Amity Mason?" Someone says but I don't see who.

  "The one and only." I reply looking over the top of the booth. They all whip they're heads in our direction including the three of them who had their backs to us. Kaseton being one of them and Declan's twin cousins.

  "Oh my god!" I squeak. "Jeremy and Jason!" Dex has a grin from ear to ear. "Why didn't you tell me they still worked with you?"

  "I've been a little preoccupied." He whispers. The two of them get up and walk over to us. I climb out of the booth and rush to them for hugs.

  "Wow! I haven't seen you two in years." I gush. I absolutely adored them growing up, I got to know them too when I was following Dex around.

  "Damn, Amity! You're looking good! Ain't grown an inch but it can be overlooked.” Jason appraises standing back and holding my hand above my head.

  "I've seen better days but never mind me, look at you two! You guys look great, I thought y'all would be fat and bald by now."

  "Ha! Thanks, Hun. You back for long?" Jeremy asks me as he goes to shake Dex's hand, he stops short and looks into the booth at my daughters.

  "We're back for good."

  "We?" Jason asks behind me.

  "Who do we have here?" Jeremy asks taking a seat next to the girls. "I haven't met these beautiful little ladies before. What are y'all's names?" Jason and I both walk over to them, they become confused when they realize there's two of him just like themselves.

  "Delaney Elaine Xylander and Delia Everly Xylander." Delaney beams happily up at them as she introduces herself and sister.

  I was surprised to see her bubbly personality come out again after what had happened this morning. Dex frowns at how enthralled the girls are by Jason and Jeremy. I think it's just because the four of them have a common ground. They're all identical twins and being twins they share something a mono births never will. Their best friends came into the world with them instead of someone they had to seek out.

  "Xylander, huh?" Jason looks at me curiously. Dex gives me the same questioning expression, I failed to mention their last name. I smile down at him before I take my seat back next to him. I nod. He squeezes my leg under the table.

  "Yes, these are mine and Declan's daughters," I smile wryly up at them.

  "I'm sure there's a story in here somewhere and I'd love to hear it but..." Jeremy starts.

  "...but I'm not in the mood to tell it." I say flatly.

  "Fair enough. Y'all want to go meet some of your mom and dad's friends?" Jason asks. They both look at us hopeful. Huge smiles grow across their faces when we tell them it's ok.

  "Yes, sir!" They both chime at the same time. Jason reaches for Delia and they crawl out of the booth. Jeremy takes Delaney who stands up and holds her arms out for him.

  "I have some stories to tell you about your parents, little lady."

  "Jeremy!" I groan. He certainly hasn't changed. He's a comedian as I had always remembered him to be.

  "Alright, alright. When you're older we can revisit this conversation." He laughs.

  "I think they're going to be just fine." Dex says giving me a kiss. I can't believe what all just took place. They actually may just do better than I thought. All they needed was a little bit of proof that not all guys were bad. They only seem to panic when chaos ensues anyways. Other than that, they're good with people. I need to have faith in Declan, he knows what he's talking about.

  "Dex I promise they are getting better and love you. They are just intimidated by...." I try to ease his mind.

  "I was there for the whole conversation, Amity, and I understand what's going on. I'm taking it in stride and not letting it bother me. They've never had a dad before so they don't know what my role is. We're going to be ok so stop worrying. Oh, and I more than like you too so you shouldn't be scared of me either." He leans in and kisses me chastely with a smile on his lips. "If their names are Xylander does that mean you have me on their birth certificates as their dad or just the name......?" He asks.

  "Yes, you're their father on paper too, and if you haven't noticed both their initials are D.E.X. just like yours.” I reply.

  "You just made my day, sweetheart." He grins from ear to ear. I glance over to the girls at the table having a good time.

  Carly brings our food over to us and the girls take theirs at the table with all the firefighters. They're laughing and giggling among the six massive men who have all taken to them as well. It's almost as if they've found their safe place here in Texas.

  While we eat he fills me in on who's married, engaged, with kids and what not. I can't believe so many people lead different lives now. Apparently Declan and Jason are the only single ones left, well Dex is spoken for.

  For several minutes he's awfully quiet, obviously deep in thought and watching the girls, then half way through our food he pauses, "You want to date a hot paramedic slash fireman?"

  I want to tease him but the mood didn't seem fitting. He was completely serious when he asked, it was almost like he was unsure of asking. He isn't even looking at me and is fidgeting with a napkin nervously. I lean into him and kiss his shoulder.

  "No. I don't want to just date you, Dex, I want to be with you. I want to be exclusively yours and only yours." A smile hitches at the corner of his mouth and he actually appears to physically relax.

  "Ditto, baby girl."

  "Mommy! I want to wide on the firetwuck!" Delia calls out excitedly interrupting our moment. "How about later tonight, if we have time, I'll take y'all up to the fire station and show y'all around. I was thinking we could go to the aquarium after y'all finish eating." Declan offers.

  "I'm all done!" Delaney sings. She stands in the booth and almost topples over. Kaseton's knee jerk reaction quickly catches her blindly wrapping his arm around her waist while he eats so she didn't fall. My heart nearly skipped a beat.

  "Can you fwiends, come?" Delia asks.

  "I think they're working, sweetheart." I answer.

  "Naw, we all just got off our 24." The man I now know as Richard replies he was on the same football team as Dex in high school which is why he looked so familiar.

  "If you don't mind, I don't mind." Declan informs me.

  "Yea, they can all go if they want." I call over to them. They all began whooping and hollering, they're like a bunch of children. In the last three days my girls have managed to wrap 7 grown firefighters and a detective around their tiny little pinkies. It was a far different reaction than what I had anticipated.

  Chapter 8

  We pull up to the aquarium an hour later. Some of the men stopped and picked up their wives and kids along the way. We went from four people going to the aquarium to about 25. I manage to crawl out of the truck myself with minimal pain while he helped the girls.

  I take Delia's hand and he grabs Delaney. Delia sees he's holding her sisters hand hand and slips out of mine joining him on his other side. He looks down at her with a hopeful smile since she's the one with the most aversion to him. My heart literally jumps out of my chest, I think our talk earlier may have helped. They're warming up to him rather quickly which also scares me.

  Of course it's what I wanted but it's just all happening so fast. I hang back for a few seconds to gather myself and snap a photo of the three of them walking away from me to meet up with everyone else. When Dex turns to see where I went I suck it up and quickly catch up to them.

  At the entrance I'm met by several of the wives and kids most of them I already know. I was surprised to see that Kaseton brought his new wife and it was a girl who I never really got along with. A couple of them, Jeremy included have little kids the same age as mine.

  Against protests Dex pays for everyone of us to enter the Aquarium. We got here as it was opening so there weren't many people here yet. I felt safe enough to let them wand
er a few feet ahead of the adults keeping an eye on all the kids. They ogled at the fish putting their hands on the glass and smashing their faces to it.

  "What's wrong?" He asks.

  "I've got a lot on my mind." I reply not taking my eyes off the girls.

  "Well cheer up baby girl, because this is y'all's life now." He whispers. I wrap my arm through his and hug his bicep tightly. Several of the people in our group turn a corner up ahead but Delia is focused on one of the tanks so we hang back with her.

  "Declan," she calls.

  Delaney turns to her, "no, it's daddy." Delia contorts her face and mouths the word. "Daddy." She continues to repeat it several more times. Then Delaney says, "Dex." Ugh, these poor kids are so confused.

  I walk over to them and kneel down pulling them both in front of me embarrassed. I point up to Dex. "He is your dad, his name is Declan, and his friends call him Dex. If you want to call him daddy, you can. If you don't feel comfortable calling him that, you can call him Declan or Dex." I pause giving them time to think. "So.... What do y'all want to call him?" I ask pointing up to him again.

  They both look at him and then turn to each other and Delaney signs, daddy. Delia turns to him a little iffy and then back to Delaney and also signs, daddy. Then they both look up at him.

  "Daddy?" They ask as if it were a question. I literally feel my stomach lurch being the reason for their confusion.

  "Yes, you both can call me daddy." He says with a big smile then picks them up one in each arm hugging them tightly to him. "I love my girls." He tells them giving them both kisses.

  Tears flood my eyes and it's not because he has agreed to it. It's because I'm such a screw up. This situation should have never happened and to make matters worse several of his friends saw. If it's not one thing it's another. I know none of them knew he had kids and can now deduce that he didn't know either. I'm embarrassed the whole situation wasn't resolved before hand.

  I hang back for a while with so much running through my mind. If they're wanting to call him dad, it means they're becoming attached. I keep a steady pace with them and his friends through the twists and turns of the tanks. They stop and pull him by the arm and continue to call him daddy actually abusing the word now. He seems to enjoy it. The three of their faces light up when someone points out a new fish or what ever these things are.

  There's a large painted wall with jelly fish on it and a bench they sit down and patiently wait for me. They both wrap their arms around his neck and I quickly snap a picture of them.

  "Come on, slow poke. Keep up." He smiles brightly obviously in heaven.

  "Yea slow poke." The girls mimic.

  "Hold y'all's horses. I'm doing my best." I say putting on a fake smile. He catches it and his own slightly falters. He stands holding their hands once I reach them and they both jump down.

  "I feel awful for them being so confused about you." I mutter while their at a sensory table.

  "I wish you would stop apologizing so much and enjoy this." He says with a faint smile. "Everything is going to work out like its suppose to." He adds.

  One of Jeremy's little boys walks over to Delia and grabs onto her hand and points down into the water at a sea cucumber. At the same time Delaney is playing around with Kaseton's nephew, Jackson. Dex and I both look at one another. I can't help but laugh at his panicked expression.

  "Give them a break, they're 6 and cousins." I tease.

  "They are." He points to Delia and Carson. "They aren't," he points to Jackson and Delaney. "..but I don't care, they're my little girls." He whispers. I roll my eyes at him.

  "...and you say I'm insufferable. Ugh, I pity our daughters when they're teenagers." I laugh.

  We complete the inside exhibits and continue on outside where the dolphins and otters are about to start a show. All 25 of us sit closely to one another and take up several rows. Delia is completely enamored by the otters, her face never leaving them even watching them as they leave the stage. They bring in a large walrus I didn't know they had and Delaney reacted the same way her sister had at the otters. I catch Dex looking past the girls over at me and I hitch a half smile at the corner of my mouth. He reaches around behind them and touches my arm brushing his knuckles down to my wrist then pulls my hand behind the girls giving it a squeeze and doesn't let go. The girls squeal with delight as the show comes to an end after the dolphins come out.

  "I'm tired, daddy." Delaney say to him.

  "Me too." Her sister chimes in both looking in his direction.

  "Hey, I think your taking over my gig." I laugh. He leans behind them and sticks his tongue out at me.

  "Alright beautiful girls." He winks at them. "Let's go home for naps. Lord knows I could use it."

  On the way out I stop to take the girls to the restroom and by the time we come back out he's disappeared. We wait for a few minutes before he comes back with two gift bags, I catch him looking at their name plate necklaces before he hands them their gifts. I shake my head at him.

  "What?" He grins down at me. "Don't open them yet, ladies. Wait until we get in the truck." He tells to them.

  "This is absurd. You're making them rotten. They get gifts when it's appropriate. Such as Christmas, birthdays, Easter baskets..." I trail off. He covers my mouth with his hand.

  "They're my children too and I won't be having your shenanigans. I'll give them what I like when I like. This is my day, not yours. Your pampering comes after surgery."

  "Shenanigans?" I chuckle. He sticks his tongue out at me again. "I know what you can do with..." I start but don't finish. He raises an eyebrow at me beaconing me to continue. I bit my cheeks to suppress a smile and just shake my head. I'm hoping that their new found like and building trust isn't all in vain and only because they had a good afternoon.

  We meet everyone at the exit and all say our goodbyes then head out to his truck. When we're settled in he turns to them. They're both anxiously awaiting to see what they got.

  "On your mark.... Get set.... Open." He laughs as they tear into the bags. Delaney pulls out a large Walrus stuffed animal and Delia pulls out an Otter one.

  "Thank you so much!" Delaney chimes.

  "I've always wanted one of these!" Delia smiles and hugs her otter tight to her chest. I can't help but laugh, until an hour ago she didn't even know they existed. Dex gives me a smug look and I roll my eyes and shake my head in return.

  "Aww yea, it's nap time ladies!" He bellows rubbing his hands together. I sink into my seat. This is going to be a very long night.

  Back at the house the girls gain a second wind and are too wired to nap so I put them in the back yard with Ellie for a little while. I keep an eye on them as I'm cleaning up the kitchen and making a pitcher of tea. Dex is out there with them messing around at his boat. Kaseton, who came over with his wife, Lily, is helping him get some fishing gear set up because they want to borrow the boat tomorrow.

  "Twins, wow, I couldn't imagine." She says amazed.

  "Yea, they're a hand full." I reply shifting uncomfortably. "Are you and Kaseton going to have any kids?"

  "We talked about it. I would like to but he wants to wait. He thinks we're still too young." She frowns. "Yours are gorgeous by the way."

  "Thanks. I'm sure Kaseton will come around. Ha! Well, Declan didn't expect it." I laugh. "He's 27."

  "Yea, but y'all have history. I mean everyone knows y'all were always attached at the hip. I guess it's no surprise you two would end up together. I mean he hasn't been serious with anyone in a couple years. Believe me several tried." She says with a hint of envy.

  "Is that so?" I mutter wondering if she was one of them. "So.... How long have you and Kaseton been together?" I ask wanting to change the subject.

  "Married 2 months." She smiles brightly.

  "Oh wow! Congrats. How's newlywed life?" I ask curiously. "It's good. Kaseton is nice." She answers. It strikes me as odd that she thinks he's ‘nice’.

  The guys walk in each of them holding one of the girls. They'r
e filthy so they sit them at the counter and clean them up. He doesn't seem to not want kids.

  "Beautiful girls y'all have." Kaseton tells Dex. "Well mannered to boot! I don't think I've ever been called sir so many times in my life."

  "Thanks but I owe it all to Amity. She's a helluva mom." Declan replies.

  "There so tiny, I never would have guessed they were six. Are you sure they're Dex's? You've been gone a long time." Lily asks out right as if I was lying. Kaseton gives her a shut up type of look and then me an apologetic one. I become infuriated with her it takes all I have to not jerk her out of her chair at her insinuation.

  "Lily have you met their mother, Amity? The tiny woman you're standing next to. How big do you think they should be?" Declan asks her annoyed at her accusation.

  "Yes, Lily. I know who my children's father is." I inform her straight faced.

  "Daddy I want to watch a princess movie." Delaney yawns exhausted. I find the clock and note it's 6:55pm.

  "Wow! I didn't realize it was so late." I say. "I should probably bathe them and put them to bed, Dex. They didn't have a nap today and Delia looks like she's about to pass out in Kaseton's arms." She's resting her head on his shoulder and has her face snuggled into his neck which is a tale tale sign. "What time is my surgery tomorrow?" I ask.

  "Noon. Hadley is going to pick them up in the morning and keep them over night." He answers.

  "Sounds good." I turn to Lily and Kaseton. "Why don't y'all stay, put on a movie or something. I'm going to get these girls in bed." I smile over at Kaseton who's still holding Delia. I go to reach for her but my ribs scream in protest reminding me why I'm having surgery in the first place and that I pushed myself too far today with all the activities.

  "Just show me where you want her. I don't mind." Kase says catching my quick reaction. Dex helps Delaney off the counter and she grabs my hand.

  "Alright, right this way then." On the way past Declan I give him a kiss that catches him off guard. Mostly because I don't think he likes the idea of Kaseton helping me with the girls.