Insufferable Weight of Silence

by Huggins, Carrie

  Declan easily clears the railing and steps into the ring. He finds me before walking to the center and kisses the top of my head. I want to reach for his arm to beg him not to do this but Kaseton quickly wraps both his arms around mine and clasps his hands tightly together forcing my arms to stay at my side. I look to Jeremy who's shaking his head at me disapprovingly and obviously agitated with my behavior.

  "Alright boys you know the rules. Anything goes it's a fight to the finish. Remember, the dirtier the better." The man with the megaphone calls out and places his hand between Dex and Slade. "Touch fists." They both do so. The announcer pulls his hand up and takes a step back before shouting.

  "FIGHT!"

  Without even moving away from one another both Declan and Slade immediately start in on the other. Slade throws a quick left Dex dodges and counters with a right of his own that connects with a loud crack. I flinch back into Kaseton knowing it had to hurt. Slade connects with a quick left right left series of body shots. I flinch into Kaseton's chest and bury my face into Jeremy's shoulder.

  "This is bullshit, him putting her in danger like this." Kaseton mutters loud enough for me to hear. I couldn't agree more, I think to myself but not the whole danger part, I'm worried about Dex. Jer, reaches up and covers my face with his hand. I hear more sounds that can only be explained as the sound of a watermelon hitting the floor. I pull Jeremy's hand away and turn back to the fight.

  Dex goes in for a leg sweep, as Slade stumbles causing him to fall he slams his left fist into Slade's face forcing him to the ground faster, harder. The crowd goes insane cheering Dex on. He mounts Slade and sends two hard punches to his face forcing his cheek to burst open. Blood is gushing out of the open wound spilling onto both of them, I try to hold down vomit that wants to make it's way up and out.

  I can't peel my face away scared I'll miss something bad happening to Declan. Slade manages to get out from under him and takes several steps back before charging at him and forcing his fist into the side of Declan's face and another to his jaw. Dex actually laughs unfazed while dodging several other punches. He comes back with two hard punches to the ribs and then a powerful uppercut followed by a right that forces Slade to stumble again. Dex sees his opportunity and takes it charging at Slade with all he has left. He grabs Slade on either side of his face bringing him down connecting his knee with Slade's face, he falls to the ground unmoving this time. Just like that it's over.

  The announcer rushes over between them and gets in front of Declan pushing him back by his chest. Two people enter the middle of the room and after a few seconds Slade comes too. He's stood up, the announcer takes both of their hands, and without using the mega phone raises Declan's bloody and swollen hand, he yells at the top of his lungs.

  "LADY AND GENTLEMAN THE REIGNING CHAMPION, DECLAN 'THE AMERICAN PSYCHO' XYLANDER!"

  The crowd once again becomes deafening cheering Dex on. I squirm out of Kaseton's arms, throw Dex's shirt at Jason, and force my way between them. Angrily I push myself through the crowd and out the way we came. When I come up to the door it's pulled open by the large man from earlier. I don't make it more than a few feet outside before I hunch over placing both my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath and keep the contents of my stomach down.

  Once I think I'm safe enough to walk I stand up and go as fast as I can to Declan's truck. I begin to feel more nauseous then before and without warning my body convulses forward forcing everything I had in my stomach to come out. I don't know when I stop throwing up but when I right myself someone is off to the side and has their hand at my back.

  "Amity?" Declan utters worried as he hands me his shirt. I take it and wipe the sweat and vomit from my face. I glare up at him angrily, I'm more irate than I have ever been. He has a swollen lip, his eye is swelling before me and turning blue at the corner. There's a large cut on his cheek, his hands are still bloody and puffy as well. Without thinking I cock my fist back as far as it will go and with all my weight and strength I punch him square in the jaw.

  He doesn't even move an inch but his swollen lip splits open spilling more blood. He reaches up and touches the corner of his mouth and looks at the fresh red liquid on his thumb.

  "You busted my..." I rush at him again before he could finish but someone grabs me by the waist picking me up off the ground while I fight whoever it is.

  "I fucking busted your lip!" I scream at the top of my lungs. "Don't you ever scare me like that again. I had no idea what we were doing here. You brought me to a god-damned fight! Your fucking fight! You're damn right I busted your lip you asshole!" I scream louder.

  He stands wide eyed and unmoving. I've never hit nor cussed at him or anyone before, he knows I mean business. Kaseton and Jason are both at his side with the same shocked expression as Dex's.

  "Y'all knew he was doing this?" I scream, turning m anger to them now. "No one thought to tell me that for the last three years my best friend was fighting illegally? Let me go. Let me fucking go!" I shout struggling, kicking and swing my arms and legs.

  "Put her down." Dex commands calmly. I look behind me to see Jeremy is the one holding me back. Hesitantly he does as he's told scared for his own wellbeing.

  "Hey! Good fight man. You're getting better, bro! You training or what?" Someone calls out from in front of Dex's truck. I turn to see who it is and am shocked to find Slade walking towards Dex with a grin. He holds his hand out to Dex who takes it and shakes it.

  "You're not too bad yourself. You gave me a run for the money." Declan smirks.

  "You're lucky you brought that pretty little lucky charm. Were you showing off or something?" Slade laughs.

  I'd like nothing better than to walk over to him and slap him in the face for hitting Declan. I ball my fist up and stalk towards them both. Dex sees me from the corner of his eye and grabs my wrist. I yank it from him and shout, "Get in the god-damned truck, Declan! Jeremy you ride with the other two lying assholes." I scream at them all.

  "I'm not some pretty little lucky charm, you ignorant ass." I blurt at Slade.

  "What's with your girl, Dex?" Slade asks taking a step back.

  "Dumbass here failed to mention to his girlfriend he's a fighter and thought if he showed her it would all be daises and glitter shit." Kaseton laughs. I stomp over to the truck and yank open the driver-side door climbing in, he isn't in any shape to drive and I need a distraction.

  He says his goodbyes and slowly walks over to the passenger side looking defeated. Jeremy, Kaseton, and Jason get in Kaseton's truck next to ours without a peep.

  "Amity..." He begins. I start the truck ignoring him. Then pull out of the parking spot kicking up a little too much dirt and rocks. Once I clear all the people and cars I turn onto the road and go towards our houses. I just drive as he sits there lost in his thoughts. I drive for at least twenty minutes neither of us saying anything having long passed our homes. Finally, he reaches over and touches my hand. As soon as he does tears pour out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. "You didn't tell me," I cry. "You've kept this from me for at least three years."

  "I knew you wouldn't react very well. I was right but it was worse than I thought it would be, honestly. You punched me in the face." He replies pointing to his lip.

  "You deserve worse for keeping this from me." I say without emotion. "We don't have secrets, Dex! I tell you everything."

  "So I'm going to go out on a limb and say you don't like it." He chuckles. "I'd also like to point out you didn't tell me about Kaseton but that's probably not a good idea." I slow the truck to a stop and pull over off the road.

  "You think it's funny?" I ask angrily.

  "You always watch the shows with me. Why do you think I watched them?" He asks.

  "For the same reason I do because I like the sport. Not because I was learning how to do it." I gesture too loudly.

  "How long are you going to be mad at me for doing this?" He asks.

  "How long are you going to be doing it?" I retort.

  "I
don't know." He answers.

  "Then I don't have an answer."

  I yank the door open to his truck and jump out taking off into the adjacent field. I don't want to be anywhere near him right now. I care far to much about him to see him do this to himself. People get killed all the time in this sport just by a simple blow to the head. I don't want to watch someone I care about die doing something moronic. If it makes me a hypocrite to like watching the sport but not like my friends doing it than so be it. He runs up to me and stops right in front of me.

  "What are you going to walk home? You don't even know where we are." He points out.

  "I'm not walking home." I mutter annoyed. He grabs my chin and forces me to look up at him.

  "I'm ok. I do it because I love it and it allows me to earn some money."

  "Money... Ha!" I laugh not meaning it.

  "Yea, for the money. It pays my tuition and my parents bills. If I didn't they wouldn't have a house." He replies making me feel bad. He'll never stop because it helps his family. There's nothing I can say to that.

  "Gambling and fighting aren't habits easily forgiven." I say sullenly. He swallows hard and takes my hand pulling me to the truck. As we reach it he picks me up wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I place my head in the crook of his neck and my legs around his waist.

  "I hate it. I can't stand watching you do that to yourself." I utter against the warm flesh of his neck. He sits me in the drivers seat and hugs me around my waist.

  "I can't stop; you don't understand how much my parents depend on the extra income right now."

  I pull back onto the road, drive to his house, and park in his driveway finding Kaseton had beat us there. The three of them are standing at the back of his truck waiting for us to arrive. I turn off the truck and get out still hurt I slam the door shut as hard as I could. Still holding Declan's keys and still mad at him I chunk them into the front yard. He tries to call for me from inside the cab but I ignore him and walk home. It's late close to 11pm so my parents are asleep when I walk through the door. There's nothing I want more than to take a shower and go to bed myself.

  I wake sometime in the middle of the night to shooting pain up my hand and arm. I can't feel my fingers or move them, it worries me I really screwed something up. Of course I couldn't just punish Dex, I had to hurt myself in the process. There's no one else I can turn to and as much as I hate to admit it, I have to go to the ER. Begrudgingly I reach for my phone.

  Amity- I think I broke my hand when I hit you.

  Declan- I'll be there in a minute. Get dressed.... Or don't.

  I meet him out on the porch. He's cleaned up and looks better than I thought aside from some swelling, the small cut under his eye, and the one I gave his lip. I'm sure once the bruising really sets in he will look worse.

  "Let me see." He says exacerbated. I hold up my swollen and bruised hand. He looks it over noting it all and tries to bend my fingers but I cry out in pain. "You need to go to the emergency room. I think you're right, your knuckles are broken." He pulls me into his side and gives me an apologetic hug. "I'll take you unless you feel like waking up your parents and explaining it to them."

  "No. I'll drive myself."

  "You didn't wake me up and have me walk over here at 3 o'clock in the morning so you could drive yourself." He points out. "I guess I'm paying for your broken hand."

  "No, you don't have to do that."

  "I feel responsible, so I will. I'm sorry for not warning you and keeping it a secret." He replies.

  "It scared me, you big jerk. How in the heck do we explain this to our parents?"

  Chapter 9

  "Welcome back, beautiful girl!" Dex smiles down at me relief washing over him. "You gave us all quite the scare." I lazily try and reach up to touch my face and immediately start gagging on the large tube in my mouth. I pull and claw at the tape holding the tube in place, only to make myself gag more.

  "Amity, you can't do that." He says grabbing my hands. "Ms. Mason, I need you to cough real big for me." A nurse says rushing over, I do as she asks and she pulls the tube from my throat. "Sorry, we had to leave it in because you weren't breathing well or coming too and then in all of a split second here you are." I continue to cough and gag trying to collect myself. My throat is raw and sore.

  "Water." I say hoarsely. He helps me up and hands me a glass. Shakily I take a long drink.

  "I don't feel so good." I whisper. Before I know it I start gagging again and throwing up. I don't stop until it's all out of my system.

  "Calm down Amity. It's ok, baby girl." He looks up to the nurse. "Go get Natal." He demands. I try to talk but can't this time. My throat is on fire now.

  "Don't it's ok. Take another drink." He says handing me the cup again. "You reacted a little to well to the anesthesia, you've been out hours longer than normal."

  "I want to go home. I want my girls." I mumble. He reaches up and wipes the hair from my forehead. Instinctively I lean into his hand needing to feel his warm touch.

  "I'll take you home as soon as Natal clears you. Just rest, if you can. Are you in pain?" He asks worried. I shake my head.

  "I have a lot of sinus pressure but it's not too bad. How does my nose look? It is still crooked?" I ask. He huffs out a laugh.

  "It's wasn't ever crooked. You've got some swelling and will most likely sport a couple sweet black eyes but nothing a little time won't heal."

  It doesn't take long for Dr. Natal to come in and clear me. After my allotted time in recovery to make sure I'm ok he drives me home, loads me up on my pain relievers and puts me to bed. The girls aren't home and won't be until tomorrow. When I awake from my nap he's sitting right beside me in the bed messing around on his laptop.

  "What are you doing?" I ask sounding congested now that serious swelling has set in. He smiles down at me.

  "Hey sleepy head, how are feeling?" He asks and brushes the hair from my face.

  "Better or as good as I can be for now. Do we have any soup? I'm starving but also kind of queasy." I say honestly. He pushes his computer off his lap and moves from the bed.

  "Vegetable or chicken?"

  "Vegetable." I answer.

  "Ok, be back in a second. You have some water there and your pills. You've been out a few hours so you may want to take another incase you start hurting again." He says as he walks from the room.

  "Yes, father." I call out sarcastically, he laughs in response.

  Something on his computer catches my eye, I check to see if he's really gone and pull it towards me wondering what he's been up to. Maybe he's just working. I'm surprised to see he actually has a few pages open. The first one are the MMA stats of a man named Mathewson. He's a heavy weight fighter and apparently he's fighting for a title in a couple weeks here in town. He's probably the guy everyone was talking about last night.

  I look to the top of the screen and see a familiar name that instantly gives me an unsettled feeling accompanied by chills. Jensen, Brody. I click the tab and a mug shot of Brody pops up. He doesn't look happy. I read down the page to find he's out on a $25,000 bail in Macon County. He's posted bail. He's been fined with felony Domestic violence, rape, and sexual assault to a live in significant other and mental abuse to children x’s two. He's going to kill me! He's going to hunt me down and kill me.

  I hear Dex coming back up the stairs so I switch the tabs back and push his computer away. My heart is beating erratically; I don't think I can hide the uneasy feeling in my gut. What the hell am I going to do? What if he figures out where we are and hurts me and Dex or worse my girls? Oh my god what if he hurts my girls!

  I start to feel nauseous and run to the bathroom as he is coming in. He hurriedly sets the tray down and comes to me as I barely make it to the toilet in time.

  "Still sick from the anesthesia?" He asks. I nod. It's a lie, heck no I'm not sick from the anesthesia. He's going to find me and kill me and the girls. Ellie comes trudging in the bathroom and lays at my feet while he holds my hair and rubs m
y back.

  "Where in the world have you been?" I say looking down at Ellie. Dex laughs at me for reprimanding the dog. My stomach is empty of it's contents but I heave again. My stomach finally settles so I shakily stand with the help of Dex.

  I brush my teeth thoroughly before returning to the room. I feel like my head is spinning by the time I lay back down. Ellie jumps on the bed and curls up between Dex and I. While he continues to work at his computer I try to force down my soup so I can take my pills. My nose was starting to bother me again thanks to throwing up.

  I finish eating and call Ellie over to the other side of me then rest my head on his lap. He's watching fighting videos of the Mathewson guy. "He's not very good." I note.

  "Yea, he seems to like the ground an awful lot. I don't think he's good at stand up. You see here," he points to the screen. "He doesn't really know how to throw all his weight into a punch."

  "Hmm, he's almost unsure on his feet too and he doesn't block very well, he holds his least dominant hand down near his chest and not up close to his face. If he wasn't so awkward he might be good. Is he a new fighter?" I ask. Dex shakes his head.

  "No, that's what's so surprising, he's been doing it for ten years. He's the guy fighting for the title in two weeks."

  "Oh, he's probably one of those guys that thought just because he was on the high school wresting team he can do MMA but failed to realize there's other aspects to it." I point out. He looks down at me and smiles.

  "That's exactly what it is. He was on the high school wresting team and has no other fighting style experience. You know your fighting really well."

  "I learned from the best. Spending all that time with you, Jeremy, and Jason at events and watching the shows.... Ooh." I blanch. On the video Mathewson was just knocked out by a single punch square to the jaw. "Yea, he's certainly not good at stand up. Jesus, that looked rough. I think the other guy is going to keep his title for another year."