Insufferable Weight of Silence

by Huggins, Carrie

  "I have an impeccable memory." I inform them and hold the suicide note. "I know the two of you had something to do with it. I believe I even know which of you did what." They both shake their heads.

  "We didn't do anything."

  "Don't start lying to me now." I look at them both. "You were with me when we got married, of course. Except for a couple hours after your fight which was when he actually died. The bruises I saw on the left side of his body were pre-death, I could point them out from the blood that pooled under his skin once his heart stopped beating. You're a southpaw aren't you Kaseton?" I nod already knowing the answer. "I also know that it took you 26 seconds to knock out Mathewson the other night, Dex. You didn't waste anytime. You took a lot of damage in those 26 seconds as you usually do because you're hasty when you want it over quick so you don't worry about blocking as much, so I know you didn't beat up Brody. When was your appointment with your tattoo artist?"

  "10:15." Deacon replies calmly.

  "We got lots to celebrate. See you soon. You had 15 minutes. You're smooth, you talk in such a way that even our daughter who is a panicked mess comes right to you without a second thought. You told her what she wanted to hear. You called yourself her dad. You've always been able to tell me just what I want to hear and have gone above and beyond for me. I appreciate it, by the way." I point out. "15 minutes, though. Jesus! You talked him into doing it in less than 15 minutes! What was it like 5, cause you still had to get to the tattoo shop in those 15 minutes too?" I ask him mortified. He purses his lips and looks over my head at the house across the street casually.

  "You were the only one missing during my wedding and those were the exact words you last texted me when we broke up." I tell Kaseton. "You really put a beating on him while we were getting married. Did you stay with him during the fight to? Cause I know you never showed up. Just like your fight with Ochoa you messed him up bad but came out unscathed because you're a hell of a blocker. Really your technique impeccable."

  "I know it wasn't a suicide, Brody was too proud of a person to pull the trigger on himself willingly. He was the one who inflicted pain on others, he enjoyed it so much so it was the only way he could get off."

  "Please stop talking, Amity." Declan begs.

  "I think we all know why you did what you did, Dex. You've been telling me if he ever shows up here he won't leave alive. I'm assuming you wanted to hurt him because he's the reason you aren't with Lily anymore. Everyone knows how much effort you put into your marriage. Congratulations! You were right, no one is going to jail. The case is closed and was ruled a suicide because his fingerprints were on the trigger." I tell Dex. "Y'all even have Hadley and Joe stumped. Impressive."

  "I didn't do it for Lily." Kaseton speaks up. "Are you going...."

  "Am I going to what? Neither of you killed him, remember? I owe you both my life and the lives of my girls. I just hope you understand I love Dex very much. So much so it hurts sometimes, like right now. I just don't understand why you helped." I say honestly.

  "I'm not in love with you anymore, Amity, but I do love you, we all do. It's what we do. We stick together and protect our own." Kaseton replies.

  "I never said I thought you were in love with me, Kaseton, you deserve so much better."

  August-11-2004

  I wake with a pounding headache feeling the repercussions of heavily drinking the night before. I don't know what came over me or why I did the things I did. I threw on a pair of distressed jeans and a large sweater then headed down stairs. The house was awfully quiet but I knew my parents wouldn't be here because my dad talked of running to the hardware store for some wood and supplies. He and Mac were going to be fixing the porch or something, I don't know I barely paid attention to the conversation yesterday before I left with Dex to the party last night.

  I plopped down on the couch and pulled a blanket over me and picked up the remote to the tv. My dad had it muted and closed captions on. It didn't matter there wasn't much on and nothing that could keep my mind off what he and I had done. I seduced him while we were both drunk. What the hell was I thinking? We grew up together and both of us were about to be separated by hundreds of mile in the next few days.

  "Hey, sis!" I hear Jason say as he walks through the door trailed by Jeremy and lastly Dex. He was looking at me cautiously probably wondering if I remembered what happened.

  "How you feeling? I heard it got pretty crazy last night." Jeremy adds. I look at Dex who shrugs and shakes his head as if to say, I don't know. What the hell does Jeremy mean?

  "You killed that bottle of watermelon vodka." Jeremy laughs.

  "Oh, ha! Yea, so I did." I reply sheepishly. "What are y'all doing here?" I ask curiously. Jason and Jeremy take seats in the two recliners and Dex comes around the couch, lifts my legs and sits down pulling them back onto his lap.

  "Your dad asked us to come help with the porch." He answers me.

  "Oh." I reply. He reaches over and covers my feet with the blanket noticing it had fallen off my legs.

  "We're going to the movies later. I tried talking Dex into it but he doesn't want to go. You want to go?" Jeremy asks. I look over at Dex curious why he wouldn't want to hang out with the guys when he's about to leave in a few days as well.

  "You're not going?" I ask. He shakes his head.

  "I have plans." He replies. I furrow my brows. He pulls out his phone and messes with a few buttons then passes it to me.

  "Check out these pictures from last night." He says. I take his phone from him praying they weren't of me acting like an idiot. In fact they actually weren't pictures at all but a note he had typed up. 'Want to get dinner and go to the lake instead?' It reads.

  "Oh no sorry guys. Maybe another time, I have to pack." I frown up at them. I quickly reply yes to Dex and hand him his phone back. He runs his hand down my leg and smiles over at me.

  "Y'all are awfully quiet this morning." Jeremy points out.

  "Sorry, I have my very first hangover." I say honestly and snuggle into Dex's side.

  Mac and my parents pull up and Jason and Jeremy jump up and go outside leaving Dex and I alone on the couch. I keep replaying over and over in my head about what we had done.

  "I don't want you to leave, Amity." He mutters. I look over at him sympathetically. I don't want to leave either but I don't really feel like there's another option, it's too late to back out and find another school now. That and he won't stop fighting anytime soon, I don't want to stick around for it.

  "I don't either." I say truthfully. "You'll stay in touch and come home on our breaks?" I ask hopeful.

  "Of course I will." He replies. "...and you do the same. I'm going to miss you." I tell him already feeling as if I do.

  "I'm going to miss you too." He says sullenly. I sit up and adjust myself so I'm leaning into his side and wrap my arm through his. Our moms walk in and smile at us.

  "Hey kids." My mom beams.

  "Hey Mrs. Mason." Dex smiles at her. They walk past us to the kitchen, he leans down and kisses my temple.

  "I better go help." He mutters standing up. I stand on the couch and face him so we're at eye level and kiss him softly with my hands on his chest. He cups my cheeks and holds me into him as he kisses me back with more conviction.

  "Hey Amity...." Martha says walking into the room. I pull away from Declan having been caught and look at her embarrassed and even more so when I see my mom is standing behind her. She grins at us, "You know what......never mind. Wasn't important." They both turn around and walk back into the kitchen without another word. Dex presses his forehead to mine and laughs.

  "I'm pretty sure we've just been found out."

  "...and by our moms no less." I add.

  Kaseton

  I push open the door to the drab dive and am immediately assaulted by the smell of stale liquor and vomit. I'm momentarily blinded so my eyes have to adjust to the dark room from the bright sun outside. I'm not surprised she would pick a place like this. It's not my taste and she know
s it, but it's always been her hangout. The place is close to empty aside from a few of the town losers and the bar back. Lily is sitting at the bar with a man I'd never seen before. He must be the guy I'm looking for. Why someone dressed like that would come to a place like this is beyond me. He looks out of place among the bikers and prostitutes dressed in his Calvin Klein polo and khakis. I almost laugh at Lily's pathetic attempt at flirting with him.

  I take a seat in a dark corner where I know neither of them will see me and order a beer when the washed up 50 something year old waitress covered in gaudy tattoos comes over. She's back in no time and I take a sip, regretting it. I'd rather drink fresh horse piss.

  Lily laughs at something I couldn't hear, doesn't matter. I watch her from under my baseball cap through my sunglasses. He's facing her now and she has her hand on his knee. Ok, he maybe dressed well but his standards are certainly beneath him. I'm not here because I care about her, I don't. Never have. I'm here for him. He told her he would be here so I had to see the bastard for myself. He's my charge this afternoon, the reason I climbed out of bed after a 24 hour shift and got dressed. I'm still kicking myself for not getting a fucking picture when Dex had them. I can't damn well text Dex for one and take the chance of giving myself away.

  Amity doesn't need to know and the police sure as hell don't. Now, Amity, that's a woman. She's nothing like Lily and has the whole package. If I had been an asshole I wouldn't have just handed her over so easily all that time ago but I couldn't do that to her. She wasn't mine to claim. She was already spoken for; I can't hold it against Dex. If she looked at any man, the way she does him they would be putty too.

  She's the type of girl you give up everything for and go out of your way to make sure she has more than everything she could ever ask for. Yet, she wouldn't ask for anything. She's dependent and strong willed like that. She puts everyone before herself especially those girls. That's an admirable trait. I want to find someone like her.

  Lily laughs again her annoying high pitched cackle. It makes my ears bleed. "Aww, come on Brody, I know a place." She pouts. Brody? I grin, that's Brody! Oh man, this is going to be too easy. "Not today sweetheart. I'm looking for the girls I told you about." He informs her.

  "I can help. I'll do whatever you want me to." She smiles and flutters her lashes at him as she walks her manicured, with my money, nails up his arm.

  "You give me a solid answer I want to hear, and I'll give you whatever you want baby doll."

  "Ok, what do you want to know?" She asks playing with her bleach blonde hair.

  "Amity Mason and my daughters. Where are they?" He asks her.

  I begin reeling, it takes me everything I have not to get out of my seat and beat his ass right in the middle of the bar. They aren't his kids, an idiot can see that and if Lily's smart she won't answer him. They look nothing like that filth sitting there downing beer after beer. Dex is fucking Greek for crying out loud and that preppy boy is as white as they come. They came out with Declan's Dark skin, brown hair, and blue eyes.

  "I don't know exactly where they are right now, but they'll be at my house for a BBQ tomorrow. Here." She says handing him her phone. Fuck, what is she showing him?

  "Thanks, Lily. I'll be calling you." He stands from his bar stool and lays some cash on the bar.

  "But what about our deal?" She calls to him annoyed.

  "I said I'd call you." He pushes open the door of the dive and walks out. Lily scouts out her next victim for the evening and quickly sets her sights on someone while I make my exit.

  I take a seat around the picnic tables in the back yard with Jason. I don't know what Lily was talking about last night but I almost half expect Brody to show here today. I haven't been able to get Dex away from Amity long enough to tell him what all is going on.

  When I had expected Lily to cheat I didn't think she would be doing it with a guy that was hurting Amity and planning on kidnapping her girls. I don't care about all the guys she's fucked in the past but this one irks me. He just puts off that feeling that he's capable of much more then what Amity has offered to tell Declan. I see it in Brody's actions and I see how he's changed Amity into this fragile scared little woman she never use to be. I'll be damned if we don't find that girl inside her again. She's one of us and we take care of our own. Dex is in a sticky situation to take care of the problem, but I'm not.

  Jason nods in the direction of the gate. I turn to see who it is thinking it might be Lily's date. Declan holds the gate open for Amity as she walks through carrying one of the girls. All her bruises and surgical scars are healed now, she looks amazing. Fuck, she looks better than amazing. If I was Declan I'd never let her out of my sight either. She could be in the simplest of outfits and rock it like a super model even in her tiny 5' frame.

  I nod in their direction as they both come over to us. Dex reaches his free hand out and I take it giving him a firm shake. "How's it going?" I ask and give the girl in his arms a smile. "Hey, sweetheart."

  "Hello Uncle Kase." She giggles in her dainty voice.

  "Not much, bro. You?" Dex asks. I read the necklace on the girl’s neck, Delaney, as she reaches out for me. "I'm good." I rely to Dex. I take her from his hands and she wrap her arms around my neck. "Is Jackson here?" She asks when she pulls away.

  "Not yet, sweetheart. He stayed the night with Carson. Why don't you go find the other kids, I think they're on the swings?” I tell her and put her down. Amity gives me a hug as well after sitting Delia down and they join us around the table.

  "Looking good, Amity. You're recovering well." Jason tells her. "Thank you." She replies embarrassed full on blushing.

  I shoot Declan a look letting him know we need to talk in private. He understands me without saying a word and no one else is the wiser. "Y'all got any beer?" Dex asks.

  "Yea, come on, I could use one too. Anyone else?" I ask. They all shake their heads and continue on with their conversations.

  "What's going on?" He asks when we enter the kitchen. I make sure no one is in the house and then pull a couple beers from the fridge and pop the top. I lean on the counter and start in telling him everything I over heard yesterday.

  "That son of a bitch!" He utters taking a long pull when I finish.

  "Don't sweat it, I'll handle it. Let's get outside before anyone thinks something's up."

  "What are you thinking?" Dex asks with a devious grin.

  "I'm thinking he could use a little taste of his own medicine." I laugh grabbing a couple more beers. He laughs too knowing exactly what I'm thinking and smacks me on the back.

  "I'm right there with you, but I'm going to finish the motherfucker." He answers me with too much conviction and finishes the last bit of beer in the bottle tossing it in the trash. I stop in front of him at the door. "What do you mean finish him?"

  "He beat her in front of my daughters then proceeded to rape her. What do you think I mean?" He asks when I step aside. I didn't think he would go that far but if I had my own Amity I'd do the same. We walk out the door together and I hold my fist out in his direction, "blow it up, bro" and we do so setting our plan into motion.

  *****

  I follow Lily to a cheap hotel across town. She's so oblivious she doesn't even notice. Dumb bitch! When she disappears into one of the rooms I give her a few minutes and climb the stairs. I quietly knock on the door and wait, "who is it?" Brody calls form inside the room.

  "Room service." I answer. The door swings open, "I didn't order any fucking room..." He tries to get out but I stop him with my fist. I half heartedly laugh when he stumbles back and falls to the floor. Lily screams from the bed half naked that I stop with a searing glare. She snaps her mouth shut and quickly covers up.

  "What are you doing here?" She asks worried.

  "Taking out the trash, sweetheart." I reply throwing them at her. "Now get out of town."

  "I'm not going anywhere." She protests.

  Brody finally comes to and staggers to his feet taking a swing at me and misses f
alling into the desk to catch himself. I draw back my arm and swing upwards towards his face hitting my target. I don't miss, I never miss. "You will if you want to see tomorrow." I inform her.

  "How do you expect me to leave? I don't have anything Kase!" She asks frantically searching for her clothes.

  "I'll give you 50 grand right now to leave town and never come back." I say holding up an envelope. "25 a year if you've kept your word."

  "Kept my word?" She asks confused.

  "Move far away and don't speak of any of this to anyone or I'll come for you and you know I will."

  I knew she would, she a gold digging whore. It's all she's ever been and all she'll ever be. I don't even plan on having to pay her that long considering the drugs are taking her over. It's only a matter of time before she OD's on crack and meth.

  "How long do I have till I have to leave?"

  "30 seconds."

  She snatches the cash filled envelope from my hand and looks it over making sure it's what I said it was. It's good and she knows it. She reaches the door without a backwards glance and is gone.

  Kaseton- Sorry I couldn't make it, was tied up in a bout of my own. Congrats.

  Declan- You're good, bro. How'd Lily take it?

  Kaseton- She ran with it as expected. Good riddance to her.

  Declan- Ha! I guess you gotta get Jason to be your wingman now, go find yourself a rebound.

  Kaseton- Already on it. Good luck tonight! Video it.

  I quickly shoot Dex a text and finish what I came for. I pull out a chair not knowing how long he was going to be out for this time and wait. There's empty liquor bottles and trash strewn about the room. The only thing I've touched since I walked into the hotel was the dirty cloth chair I'm sitting in. No worries there. The only DNA they're going to find in this room are his cum covered sheets and Lily's, who knows what. If anyone asks why Lily is gone, I'll just tell em the truth. I got tired of her cheating and left her, either that or she must have run off with someone else. No one is going to care about the fugitive in front of me anyways. As far as the cops and people of this town are concerned, they all know I have a clean background. The amount of shit she's put me through and I've brushed off no one would suspect a thing.