The Supervillainy Saga (Book 4): The Science of Supervillainy

by Phipps, C. T.

  I grimaced. “I’m already imagining the kind of things she’s picked up from you guys.”

  Cindy grimaced as well. “Thankfully, she’s mature for her age.”

  I decided to compartmentalize that for a second. “So, what about Kerri and Lisa? How are they? Please tell me they’re OK.”

  “Kerri lives at the base,” Cindy said. “Lisa is undercover with the Society of Superheroes as Fireworks the Sensational Singing Superheroine.”

  I stared at her. “I’ve heard my niece sing. It’s like if someone took my voice, made it female, and then made it sound worse.”

  “Auto-Tune,” Cindy said, having unfortunately heard my real-life singing voice. “Super-Auto-Tune.”

  Cindy reached into her picnic basket and pulled out an Omegapod that looked about the size of a quarter. She put it in my ear.

  “Play track five,” Cindy said.

  I listened to my niece, now sounding like a woman rather than a teenager. “OK, that’s just terrible.”

  “It can’t be that bad,” Mandy said.

  “It’s a cover of ‘Call Me Maybe’ with hip-hop elements,” I said.

  Mandy’s fangs shot out as she covered her face like Dracula being repelled by a cross. “Hiss!”

  “She also did rap versions of Katy Perry’s top singles,” Cindy said.

  “We have to stop her after we stop my doppelgänger,” I said, removing the earpiece and handing it back to Cindy. “She’s a spy?”

  “Unfortunately,” Cindy said, looking down. “There’ve been five or six resistance organizations that have popped up to oppose Other Gary and his regime, but he’s very good at rooting them out. Lisa has helped keep us ahead of them.”

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I was entirely cool with my loved ones living out their Rebel Alliance/Resistance fantasies, but the simple fact was I’d made a promise to my brother to look out for his daughter. People always thought about the glamor of being the plucky underdog, but in real life, people weren’t usually Han or Luke but those random guys blown up in the hallway of Princess Leia’s starship.

  Or, hell, our neighbors in Undertown who’d gotten blown up in a vain attempt to keep us from escaping. It put to lie any claim Merciful had to his codename. Some of the people in his prison had been brainwashed murderers and terrorist scum, but the majority were just people who refused to go along with his empire. They hadn’t been willing to step in line and had simply been removed. I didn’t want that happening to my family.

  “So, a group like Amanda’s,” I said. “Which was wiped out.”

  Cindy looked over at Amanda, who turned her head.

  “I’m sorry,” Cindy said. “I hadn’t heard.”

  “The First Citizen doesn’t show his atrocities,” Amanda said. “They happen at night and by the morning are completely cleaned up. People never even know for sure if they’re gone forever or whether they’ve simply been moved away. It’s easier that way.”

  It was a sobering reminder that, as much as Other Gary was still me and had a lot of quirks, he was still a ruthless dictator. I had to wonder how many other luxury underground prisons he’d set up across the United States and how much the Society of Superheroes knew. It occurred to me, also, that the constant supervision of the prisoners could have another sinister effect. Do what we say and the people imprisoned within will be safe. Don’t, and they won’t. It’s how I would have done it. If I were a complete scumbag.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to defeat Other Gary at the Merciful Building,” I said. “I couldn’t access all of the power within. Just a little bit of it.”

  “I didn’t actually think you’d be able to defeat him outright,” Amanda said, lowering her head. “Maybe just hoped.”

  “Our foe is raising crystal towers across the United States from Atlas City to New Angeles,” Diabloman said. “The Merciful Building was just the first. He has taken many fragments and grown them into other places with technology broadcasting the energy across the countryside. We have been trying to decipher the meaning from the beginning.”

  “It means he’s not putting everything in one place,” I said, shaking my head. “My doppelgänger has read the Evil Overlord’s List. Even if we destroyed or harvested the energy of one location, it would be picked up by another.”

  “There’s got to be a centralized location which all of the power from the crystal towers flows through,” Galahad said. “Unfortunately, that location is disguised and there’s no way to trace it. We can’t go after Other Gary directly, either. Merciful moves his location constantly and makes use of teleportation whenever someone tries to assassinate him. We think he’s also got access to time technology, even though he only uses it sparingly.”

  “Why should he?” I asked. “He’s winning.”

  Amanda looked at me. “That’s another reason we need you, Gary. You’re one of the few people who is immune to time shifts.”

  I’d gotten that from going back in time to kill Hitler sixty times. So, that’s what we call a win-win.

  “What’s with the fake son and daughter?” I asked. “Where do they fit into all this?”

  “I have no idea,” Galahad said. “They appeared just last year and have been serving as his own personal pet superheroes. Aside from the possibility that they might be based on his children from his universe, we’ve got no idea what they’re up to. They’re very powerful androids, though, and have defeated just about all the remaining supervillain opposition to his reign.”

  “And now Androids 17 and 18 need to be dealt with,” I muttered. “It was bad enough to have to deal with Western comics.”

  “Pardon?” Amanda said.

  “Never mind,” I said. “Just my theory that we’re all trapped in a bunch of bored divinities’ comic book fantasies.”

  “Uh-huh,” Amanda said. “So, what are you going to do?”

  I took a deep breath. “Meet with my daughter and come up with a plan that fixes everything.”

  “That’s it?” Amanda asked.

  “She’s the brains,” I said, gesturing to Mandy. “I’m just eye candy.”

  “Meet with your daughter,” Mandy said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll figure something out.”

  Chapter Nine

  WHERE I MEET MY DAUGHTER FOR THE FIRST TIME

  To say I was nervous is understating things. It was more like I was about ready to melt into a pile of jelly and then someone was going to stomp on it. I’d just spent the past five years imprisoned, and all of that felt like a distant dream compared to the stark reality, right now, that I had a child. It was a weird and unnatural feeling.

  “On the contrary, I think it is probably the most natural feeling in the world,” Cloak said. “To be a new father is something I both envy and congratulate you on.”

  “That bastard knew,” I thought back at him. “The bastard knew and kept me from her. If I wasn’t going to kill him for what he’d done already, I’d kill him for that.”

  Still, I couldn’t help but wonder how this would affect Mandy. Escaping from that suburban hellhole was bringing into sharp relief just how much I’d wronged my wife. Not just by being with Cindy—though I now had mixed feelings about that—but also by being responsible for her becoming a vampire and the nightmarish business with the time folds. Add in the past five years of imprisonment, and I didn’t understand how she didn’t hate me.

  “You should take caution not to infantilize Mandy,” Cloak said. “She has made her choice to be by your side and be a hero on her own. She died fighting against evil, trying to destroy her city, and fought for two hundred years against President Omega’s reign. If she has decided you are worth standing by, that is her choice. Not yours.”

  “Way to ruin my brood,” I muttered. Truth be told, I wasn’t reassured.

  Other Gary had played a cruel joke on me when he’d restored Mandy’s soul. He’d done so knowing that she would get caught up in his time loops and spend centuries fighting against President O
mega’s monsters. She’d spent decades alongside me that I didn’t remember, with knowledge of friends and loved ones I couldn’t share.

  I should be grateful, but I was also wary. I was afraid to disappoint my wife and was certain things would collapse any moment. How was a child going to impact my already fragile relationship with Mandy? Five years should have been enough to repair things, but we’d been mind-zapped nearly the entire time. I didn’t get to think much more on the subject as the tunneling device finally reached its destination.

  Out the window, I saw a beautiful palace of crystal in the middle of a lake full of lava. We were now floating on hover-jets, which took us to the side of the building. The place was massive, and I saw men made of magma hurling balls of burning flame at each other in the lake below. I felt like I’d walked into an eighties cartoon, and for me to say that, I was really entering Wonderland.

  “I really hope you’ve got temperature control,” I said. “Because despite what it looked like on Mustafar, getting anywhere near lava is actually a really bad idea. Your face would be catching fire right next to it.”

  “That’s not lava. That’s fire water,” Galahad said.

  I shot him a glance. “Is this an oil-versus-black-blood-of-the-earth distinction? Because I’m not seeing it.”

  Mister Inventor stared at me. “It’s harmless.”

  “OK,” I said. “I’m not drinking it, though.”

  “Never,” Mister Inventor said. “It tastes terrible.”

  The burrowing device, which really needed a snappy name like “The Molediver” or “The Mercidriller,” floated over to the side of the crystal palace and attached itself to a hallway extending outwards. The door opened, and we were let loose into a cool hallway of shining crystal. It was beautiful and had its own luminescence, making me wonder how anyone slept in here.

  “So, a hundred miles underground is how far you have to go to be safe from Other Gary,” I muttered.

  “Not quite that far,” Galahad said. “I hope you’ll make yourselves comfortable, though.”

  “I won’t,” I said simply. “I’ve spent way too much time underground lately and I’m eager to get back up to the surface.”

  Mandy came up beside me. “We thank you for your hospitality. I promise not to kill and eat anyone under your roof without your permission.”

  Galahad stared at her. “Right. Uh, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” Mandy said.

  “If only my cell had known about this place,” Amanda said. “Wyatt might still be alive.”

  “Wyatt?” I asked.

  “Who Amanda left me for,” Galahad said.

  “Ah,” I said, nodding. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll actually try not to butt into your every-bit-as-complex-as-mine love life.”

  “You do that,” Amanda said.

  “That’s kind of unavoidable in my case,” Cindy said. “By the way, you’re one hundred percent straight, right?”

  “Yes,” Amanda said. “Zero on the Kinsey Scale.”

  “Gotcha,” Cindy said, thumbs up. “We can work around that.”

  “We really can’t,” Amanda said.

  I walked into the lounge of the crystal palace, which I mentally named the Crystal Palace, and saw it was full of quartz furniture covered in cushions as well as twenty-ninth century electronics. The place was as close to living in space as I was probably going to get.

  “What do you think?” Galahad asked.

  “I think She-Ra could live here.” I paused. “Though I swear, this reminds me more of Ultragod’s old place at the North Pole. I used to go up there with Gabrielle to have sex during the holidays—”

  Mandy stared at me.

  “Just how deep am I?” I asked.

  “It’s like you started at rock bottom and kept going,” Mandy said, waving her hand like she was digging. There was a playfulness to her voice that unsettled me, though. The old Mandy wouldn’t be so understanding. What I’d done was wrong and had been born out of grief. Was Mandy even capable of feeling jealousy as a vampire?

  “Having briefly been enslaved by Carmilla, I can assure you, they are very possessive,” Cloak said.

  “Carmilla?” I asked. “Uh, Cloak, I don’t mean to put you down, but I don’t think she was actually into you.”

  “She did a remarkable impression,” Cloak muttered. “Although she was more interested in Guinevere.”

  “So, where’s my daughter?” I said, looking around. “I’m eager to get acquainted.”

  “I will return to my body,” Diabloman said. “I feel the strain of using my powers so long and need to recover. You should go fetch her, Cindy.”

  “What am I, a dog?” Cindy said, frowning.

  “You’re a parent,” Diabloman said.

  “Oh right,” Cindy said. “Sure, I’ll get her.”

  Diabloman vanished as his astral form returned to his body, while Cindy very reluctantly went off to get her daughter.

  Once gone, I looked over at Galahad. “On a scale of one to ten, just how bad is Cindy at being a parent?”

  “Solidly average,” Galahad said cheerfully. “After all, she always leaves Gizmo with excellent guardians.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said, sighing. “Listen, we probably got off on the wrong foot what with you raising my kid and all.”

  “As well as dating your mistress?” Galahad said.

  “Cindy’s not my mistress,” I said, more forcibly than perhaps was necessary. “Technically, again, I’m not sure how undeath affects marriage. Also, Cindy is her own woman; she can date whomever she wants. Unless you’re going to date Amanda, Galahad, in which case I don’t suggest trying for both. It never ever works out.”

  “Guinevere was married to Agent Dale Hammer as well as Prince Cosmos,” Cloak said. “Ultragod was married to his childhood friend Penelope Porter as well as Polly Perkins. This doesn’t count his Atlantean marriage to a mermaid.”

  I paused. “OK, you’re making that up.”

  “No, their love was not a hoax or a fantastic story. Her name was Patricia Palaces. I admit, though, Ultragod was split into three people at the time of his marriages. Those were good times, the Silver Age of Superheroism. I remember I used to have a German Shepherd with a mask named Nightdog.”

  “I’m not built that way, Cloak. Also, really kind of creeped out by that story. Not the dog part. Every superhero and villain should have a dog.” I was going to have to find out what happened to mine even though simple arithmetic told me the chances weren’t good they were still around. They’d been old before I’d gone absent for the equivalent of thirty-five dog years. Wow, that was depressing to think about.

  “As much as I would love to know what you’re talking with Cloak about, I’m not interested in seeing anyone right now,” Amanda said. “I just lost a bunch of friends and my hometown is ruled by a totalitarian dictator wearing your face.”

  “How’s your dad taking it?” I asked, referring to her monstrous cultist father who lived in her Reaper’s Cloak.

  “My father stopped trying to talk to me years ago,” Amanda said. “I think he willed himself not to exist once he realized I was never going to forgive him for murdering my mother.”

  “What do you think about that?” Mandy asked.

  “Good,” Amanda replied.

  “Sorry,” I said, sighing. “Just trying to lighten the mood.”

  “You’re failing,” Amanda said. “Badly.”

  “So why are you a superhero in rebellion, Mister Inventor?” I asked Galahad. “It seems like you and Amanda are the only people left on Team Free Will.”

  “Not quite,” Galahad said. “There was a lot more opposition to Other Gary in the beginning, but he had a way of twisting the minds of others to his will.”

  “More mind control?” I asked.

  “Guilt,” Galahad said. “He pointed out the fact that superheroes were constantly dealing with a revolving door of enemies, that regular humans feared them, and that our resources could bet
ter be spent building up the world if all of the supervillains stopped being an issue. Also, little things like due process and democracy. He argued he could sell the United States on giving up their self-determination to the Society of Superheroes in the aftermath of World War Three.”

  “And what happened?” I asked.

  “He sold the United States on giving up their self-determination,” Galahad said. “I would have resigned like the Silver Medalist if Gabrielle and Amanda hadn’t informed me that the First Citizen was an imposter. Gabrielle went after him directly, planning on exposing him to the world.”

  “She didn’t come back,” Amanda said, grief visible on her face. “Other Gary said she went to go help some aliens on Ultraworld. After that, we were framed as terrorists alongside the rest of your criminal organization.”

  “Shit,” I muttered, thinking about my former lover. “I was supposed to help her avenge her father, not lead to him taking over.”

  “You still might avenge him,” Galahad said, rapidly proving himself the third nicest superhero I’d met after Amanda and Ultragod. I didn’t count Gabrielle in that list since I’d seen her before she had her morning coffee.

  “How bad were things post-World War Three?” Mandy asked. “Amanda said twelve million people died.”

  “Yes. That’s not counting the people who died in the fallout either,” Galahad replied softly. “President Omega’s time ship still targeted major cities from orbit when he was confirmed as having been killed. The Society of Superheroes stopped most of those attacks but not all of them. Other Gary made sure hundreds of prisons across the globe were secondary targets. Thousands of supervillains were killed in the process, along with their guards and the regular prisoners around them. Maybe as many as half of the supervillains worldwide.”

  “I bet those deaths were mourned,” I said sarcastically. There had probably been cheering in the street whether they were despots or thieves. People were fascinated with criminals and their lifestyles but eager to watch them die. It was one of the things that disgusted me about humanity.