Growing Young

by Marta Zaraska

  In a 2012 New York Times article that went viral…—Alex Williams, “Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?” The New York Times, accessed August 1, 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

  A study published in the prestigious journal PNAS showed that friends resemble each other on a genotypic level…—James H. Fowler, Jaime E. Settle and Nicholas A. Christakis, “Correlated genotypes in friendship networks,” PNAS 108 (2011): 1993-1997.

  Police trainees, for example, are more likely to become buddies with other trainees whose last names start with the same letter. —M.W. Segal, “Alphabet and attraction: An unobtrusive measure of the effect of propinquity in field setting,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 30 (1974): 654–657.

  Among university students, those who live in apartments without ensuite bathrooms tend to have stronger interpersonal bonds with their roommates. —Matthew J. Easterbrook and Vivian L. Vignoles, “When friendship formation goes down the toilet: Design features of shared accommodation influence interpersonal bonds and well-being,” British Journal of Social Psychology 54 (2015): 125-139.

  Studies show that self-disclosure brings people closer together. —Kelly Campbell, Nicole Holderness and Matt Riggs, “Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors,” Journal of Social Sciences 52 (2015): 239–247.

  Among the elderly of Chicago, for instance, a high level of extraversion meant a 21 percent lower risk of death…—S. Robert et al., “Neuroticism, Extraversion, and Mortality in a Defined Population of Older Persons,” Psychosomatic Medicine 67 (2005): 841-845.

  …similar findings came from Japan and Sweden. —Benjamin P. Chapman, Brent Roberts and Paul Duberstein, “Personality and Longevity: Knowns, Unknowns, and Implications for Public Health and Personalized Medicine,” Journal of Aging Research (2011).

  …in one of his studies, Robin Dunbar has found that even though extroverts tend to have more friends, the quality of their relationships isn’t necessarily any better than that of introverts. —Thomas V. Pollet, Sam G. B. Roberts and Robin I. M. Dunbar, “Extraverts Have Larger Social Network Layers But Do Not Feel Emotionally Closer to Individuals at Any Layer,” Journal of Individual Differences 32 (2011): 161-169.

  CHAPTER 7: CHAMELEONS LIVE LONG

  “Most subjects typically assume a hunched position in a corner of the bottom of the apparatus…” —Blum, Deborah. Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection (New York: Basic Books, 2002).

  …securely attached babies grow up to be more empathetic, helpful preschoolers who are surrounded by friends. —Roberta Kestenbaum, Ellen A. Farber and L. Alan Sroufe, “Individual differences in empathy among preschoolers: Relation to attachment history,” New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development 44 (1989): 51-64.

  As preteens, they are more popular and socially competent. —J. Elicker, M. Englund and L.A. Sroufe, “Predicting peer competence and peer relations in childhood from early parent–child relationships,” in Family–Peer Relationships: Modes of Linkage, eds. R. D. Parke and G. W. Ladd (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1992), 77–106.

  Functional magnetic resonance imaging studies show that when people with avoidant attachment style meet their friends…—Pascal Vrtička et al., “Individual attachment style modulates human amygdala and striatum activation during social appraisal,” PLOS One (2008).

  In one recent study, adults with more attachment anxiety dealt less well with a virus that can cause mononucleosis. —Christopher P. Fagundes et al., “Attachment anxiety is related to Epstein–Barr virus latency,” Brain, Behavior, and Immunity 41 (2014): 232–238.

  …those who are anxiously attached have more strokes and heart attacks, higher blood pressure, and more ulcers. —Lisa M. Jaremka et al., “Attachment Anxiety is Linked to Alterations in Cortisol Production and Cellular Immunity,” Psychological Science 24 (2013).

  They also suffer more often from medically unexplained musculoskeletal pain. —Corinna Schroeter et al., “Attachment, Symptom Severity, and Depression in Medically Unexplained Musculoskeletal Pain and Osteoarthritis: A Cross-Sectional Study,” PLOS One (2015).

  …those who agree with statements such as, “I find it difficult to allow myself to depend on romantic partners”…—Charlotte Krahé et al., “Attachment style moderates partner presence effects on pain: a laser-evoked potentials study,” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 10 (2015): 1030-1037.

  In one study, people with high attachment anxiety had 22 percent fewer CD3+CD8+ cytotoxic T cells than those with lower attachment anxiety. —Lisa M. Jaremka et al., “Attachment Anxiety is Linked to Alterations in Cortisol Production and Cellular Immunity,” Psychological Science 24 (2013).

  …it may be linked to eating disorders, and binge eating in particular. —Hilary Maxwell et al., “Change in attachment insecurity is related to improved outcomes 1-year post group therapy in women with binge eating disorder,” Psychotherapy 51 (2014): 57-65.

  Research shows that people who are securely attached are happier with their friendships, fight less with their loved ones, and are less likely to end up divorced. —R. Chris Fraley et al., “Interpersonal and Genetic Origins of Adult Attachment Styles: A Longitudinal Study from Infancy to Early Adulthood,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 104 (2013).

  And even if they have as many friends as others do, they are often quite negative about the support they are getting. —Sarah C. E. Stanton and Lorne Campbell, “Psychological and Physiological Predictors of Health in Romantic Relationships: An Attachment Perspective,” Journal of Personality 82 (2014).

  The scientists behind the meta-analysis point out that smartphones and internet may be to blame…—Sara H. Konrath et al., “Changes in Adult Attachment Styles in American College Students Over Time: A Meta-Analysis,” Personality and Social Psychology Review 18 (2014).

  Research suggests that as little as six weeks of intensive therapy can boost security of attachment…—Jacqueline L. Kinley and Sandra M. Reyno, “Attachment Style Changes Following Intensive Short-term Group Psychotherapy,” International Journal of Group Psychotherapy 63 (2013).

  Frans de Waal, a renowned Dutch primatologist, believes that mood contagion evolved…—de Waal, Frans. The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society (New York: Broadway Books, 2009).

  In one of his speeches, former president Barack Obama noted that “we live in a culture that discourages empathy.” —“Obama to Graduates: Cultivate Empathy,” Northwestern University, accessed August 1, 2019, https://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2006/06/barack.html

  …studies confirm that those who are financially very well off tend to score low on empathy. —Paul K. Piff et al., “Higher social class predicts increased unethical behavior,” PNAS 109 (2012): 4086-4091.

  In research conducted at Michigan State University, the US ranked seventh from the top among sixty-three countries…—William J. Chopik, Ed O’Brien and Sara H. Konrath, “Differences in Empathic Concern and Perspective Taking Across 63 Countries,” Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 48 (2017): 23-38.

  …two-year-old girls showing more concern for people in distress than do boys of the same age. —de Waal, Frans. The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society (New York: Broadway Books, 2009), 259.

  In a study of six- to eight-year-olds that followed such a procedure, the most “outward looking” kids…—Emma Chapman et al., “Fetal testosterone and empathy: Evidence from the Empathy Quotient (EQ) and the ‘Reading the Mind in the Eyes’ Test,” Social Neuroscience (2006): 135-148.

  Take a teenager, measure their empathy levels, and you will be able to predict how socially well-integrated they will be…—Mathias Allemand, Andrea E. Steiger and Helmut A. Fend, “Empathy Development in Adolescence Predicts Social Competencies in Adulthood,” Journal of Personality 83 (2015): 229-241.


  It works for children, resident physicians, and sex offenders. —Colin Arthur Wastell, David Cairns and Helen Haywood, “Empathy training, sex offenders and re-offending,” Journal of Sexual Aggression 15 (2009).

  “When I took the bandages off, my skin was all infected because of acne and ingrowing hairs,” he told the Telegraph. —Anne Billson, “The Wonderfully Mad World of Nicolas Cage,” The Telegraph, accessed August 1, 2019, https://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/10155965/The-wonderfully-mad-world-of-Nicolas-Cage.html

  In one experiment, men scored much worse than women on understanding emotion until the researchers offered to pay them for their effort…—Kristi Klein and Sara Hodges, “Gender Differences, Motivation, and Empathic Accuracy: When it Pays to Understand,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 27 (2001).

  In case you are prone to taking acetaminophen pills such as Tylenol…—Dominik Mischkowski, Jennifer Crocker and Baldwin M. Way, “From painkiller to empathy killer: acetaminophen (paracetamol) reduces empathy for pain,” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 11 (2016): 1345–1353.

  In one of his experiments, simple disco dancing…—Bronwyn Tarr, Jacques Launay and Robin I.M. Dunbar, “Silent disco: dancing in synchrony leads to elevated pain thresholds and social closeness,” Evolution and Human Behavior 37 (2016): 343–349.

  Singing in a choir causes release of endorphins, natural painkillers…—Daniel Weinstein et al., “Singing and social bonding: changes in connectivity and pain threshold as a function of group size,” Evolution and Human Behavior 37 (2016): 152-158.

  Rowing in a group, as compared to rowing alone…—Emma E. A. Cohen et al., “Rowers’ high: behavioural synchrony is correlated with elevated pain thresholds,” Biology Letters 6 (2010): 106-108.

  Even tapping your fingers in rhythm with a partner works, promoting warm feelings of togetherness. —P. Valdesolo and D. Desteno, “Synchrony and the social tuning of compassion,” Emotion 11 (2011): 262-266.

  We humans are so sensitive to synchrony that even fourteen-month-old babies…—Bahar Tunçgenç, Emma Cohen and Christine Fawcett, “Rock With Me: The Role of Movement Synchrony in Infants’ Social and Nonsocial Choices,” Child Development 86 (2015): 976-984.

  Synchrony is so powerful, in fact, that coordinating your actions with a complete stranger…—L.J. Martin et al., “Reducing social stress elicits emotional contagion of pain in mouse and human strangers,” Current Biology 25 (2015): 326-332.

  Laughing with others can also work as social grooming, and studies show that it elevates pain thresholds…—Sandra Manninen et al., “Social Laughter Triggers Endogenous Opioid Release in Humans,” Journal of Neuroscience 37 (2017): 6125-6131.

  In one experiment people were presented with a pile of pictures—individual portraits of husbands and wives…—R. B. Zajonc et al., “Convergence in the physical appearance of spouses,” Motivation and Emotion 11 (1987): 335-346.

  Like empathy, mimicry makes us more pro-social, boosts trust, and keeps our blood cortisol low. —Tanya L. Chartrand and Jessica L. Lakin, “The Antecedents and Consequences of Human Behavioral Mimicry,” Annual Review of Psychology 64 (2013): 285-308.

  …and studies show that this process malfunctions in people who get Botox injections. —Joshua Ian Davis et al., “The Effects of BOTOX® Injections on Emotional Experience,” Emotion 10 (2010): 433–440.

  CHAPTER 8: HELPING OTHERS HELPS YOUR HEALTH

  “It was some crazy strength,” she recalled later, in an interview for a local Virginia radio station. —Michael Morrow, “Teenager uses ‘superhuman strength’ to lift burning truck off dad and save family,” News Corp Australia Network, accessed August 2, 2019, https://www.news.com.au/world/north-america/teenager-uses-superhuman-strength-to-lift-burning-truck-off-dad-and-save-family/news-story/9b85e3f96547950c8da3af34c8ee2619

  The first inkling that caregiving improves fitness came, unexpectedly, from a 1950s study of housewives. —Phyllis Moen, Donna Dempster-McClain and Robin M. Williams, Jr., “Successful Aging: A Life-Course Perspective on Women’s Multiple Roles and Health,” American Journal of Sociology 97 (1992).

  What’s more, volunteers may have 29 percent lower risk of high blood glucose…—Jeffrey A. Burr, Sae Hwang Han and Jane L. Tavares, “Volunteering and Cardiovascular Disease Risk: Does Helping Others Get ‘Under the Skin?’ The Gerontologist 56 (2016): 937-947.

  …about 17 percent lower risk of high inflammation levels. —ibid.

  …and spend 38 percent fewer nights in hospitals than do people who shy from involvement in charities. —Eric S. Kim and Sara H. Konrath, “Volunteering is Prospectively Associated with Health Care Use Among Older Adults,” Social Science & Medicine 149 (2016): 122-129.

  In 1961, Michio Ikai of the University of Tokyo and Arthur Steinhaus of George Williams College, Illinois…—Michio Ikai and Arthur Steinhaus, “Some factors modifying the expression of human strength,” Journal of Applied Psychology 16 (1961).

  “People willfully suppress knowledge most have had since childhood, which is that animals do have feelings…—de Waal, Frans. The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society (New York: Broadway Books, 2009), 497.

  Rats, for instance, will jailbreak their mates out of their cages…—Inbal Ben-Ami Bartal, Jean Decety and Peggy Mason, “Helping a cagemate in need: empathy and pro-social behavior in rats,” Science 334 (2011): 1427-1430.

  Jim Jefferies, an Australian comedian, once summed up the experience of parenthood in the following way…—Bare, Jim Jefferies, directed by Shannon Hartman, 2014, Netflix, accessed August 8, 2019, https://www.netflix.com/watch/80002621?trackId=13752289&tctx=0%2C0%2Cf6a6e1a7754334028ad220ae599e23f5419d06c7%3A316a4f16246224c4656e5f79e39d124069d1b94c%2C%2C

  For elderly human volunteers, caring for infants reduces cortisol levels in the saliva…—Tiffany M. Field et al., “Elder Retired Volunteers Benefit From Giving Massage Therapy to Infants,” Journal of Applied Gerontology 17 (1998): 229-239.

  In general, the more stress people experience in their daily lives, the more beneficial influence helping others exerts on their cortisol. —Sae Hwang Han, Kyungmin Kim and Jeffrey A. Burr, “Stress-buffering effects of volunteering on salivary cortisol: Results from a daily diary study,” Social Science & Medicine 201 (2018): 1200-126.

  …people with damaged amygdalae tend to be do-gooders more often than the rest of us. —Tristen K. Inagaki, “Neural mechanisms of the link between giving social support and health,” Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences 1428 (2018): 33-50.

  Show parents a photo of their baby and their fear centres quiet down like a newborn with a pacifier. —ibid.

  When people engage in activities that make them experience compassion, the activity of their vagus goes up, too…—Elizabeth B. Raposa, Holly B. Laws and Emily B. Ansell, “Prosocial Behavior Mitigates the Negative Effects of Stress in Everyday Life,” Clinical Psychological Science 4 (2016): 691–698.

  People who frequently volunteer have lower levels of C-reactive protein…—Jeffrey A. Burr, Sae Hwang Han and Jane L. Tavares, “Volunteering and Cardiovascular Disease Risk: Does Helping Others Get “Under the Skin?” The Gerontologist 56 (2016): 937-947.

  At one public high school in western Canada, students were divided into two groups. —Hannah M. C. Schreier, Kimberly A. Schonert-Reichl and Edith Chen, “Effect of Volunteering on Risk Factors for Cardiovascular Disease in Adolescents: A Randomized Controlled Trial,” JAMA Pediatrics 167 (2013): 327-332.

  In one experiment, Aknin and her colleagues handed volunteers either a $5 bill or a $20 bill…—Elizabeth W. Dunn, Lara B. Aknin and Michael I. Norton, “Prosocial Spending and Happiness: Using Money to Benefit Others Pays Off,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 23 (2014): 41-47.

  When Aknin analyzed pro-social spending across the globe…—Lara B. Aknin et al., “Prosocial Spending and Well-Being: Cross-Cultural Evidence for a Psych
ological Universal,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 104 (2013): 635-652.

  The gains can be as varied as better sleep, better hearing, stronger muscles, and lower blood pressure. —ibid.

  When seniors suffering from hypertension were handed $40 per week for three consecutive weeks to either spend on themselves or on someone else…—Ashley V. Whillans et al., “Is spending money on others good for your heart?” Health Psychology 35 (2016): 574-583.

  In one such experiment, scientists stopped passersby near a subway station in Boston asking if they’d like to try their muscles with a five-pound weight. —Kurt Gray, “Moral Transformation: Good and Evil Turn the Weak Into the Mighty,” Social Psychological and Personality Science 1 (2010): 253-258.

  Indeed, a widely cited study from 1999 showed that those who reported strain from caring for their disabled spouses…—Richard Schulz and Scott R. Beach, “Caregiving as a Risk Factor for Mortality:” The Caregiver Health Effects Study,” JAMA 282 (1999): 2215-2219.

  In one such analysis, scientists carefully matched over 3,500 family caregivers with more than 3,500 people who didn’t nurse anyone…—David L. Roth et al., “Family Caregiving and All-Cause Mortality: Findings from a Population-based Propensity-matched Analysis,” American Journal of Epidemiology 178 (2013): 1571-1578.

  If you are a grandparent, and not too frail, a great way to foster your health is to babysit your grandkids. —Sonja Hilbrand et al., “Caregiving within and beyond the family is associated with lower mortality for the caregiver: A prospective study,” Evolution and Human Behavior 38 (2017): 397-403.

  In one such “real” experiment in which university students carried out acts of random kindness over the course of three weeks…—Nicola Catherine Paviglianiti and Jennifer D. Irwin, “Students’ Experiences of a Voluntary Random Acts of Kindness Health Promotion Project,” Youth Engagement in Health Promotion 1 (2017).

  In one South California study, participants who were assigned to conduct random acts of kindness…—S. Katherine Nelson-Coffey et al., “Kindness in the blood: A randomized controlled trial of the gene regulatory impact of prosocial behavior,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 81 (2017): 8-13.