The Intrigues of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Nagaru Tanigawa

  Kunikida gave a pained grin. “I hate to say it, but it was only a matter of time, Taniguchi. I admit I never met or saw your girlfriend, but from what you said, she just didn’t sound serious about you.”

  “Oh, like you’d understand. Well, that’s fine. I don’t want you to understand.”

  “And c’mon, I mean, her reason for going out with you was way too weird. Like—”

  “Whoa, hey! Don’t say any more! I’m serious! I just want to forget the whole thing!”

  I wanted to stay a little longer to see how this overwhelmingly high school–like conversation between two good friends would play out, but I was in a hurry.

  “Well, don’t overthink it. A great guy like you will definitely meet a nice girl eventually. Every dog has his day, y’know,” I said. I didn’t wait for his reply before I headed out into the hallway, walking away without looking back. At least I’d given him some words of encouragement. I’m not such a jerk that I’d turn his heartbreak into a joke—although to be honest, part of me thought he deserved it. I was just happy that the friend who’d gone sprinting ahead of me was now back at the same starting line as the rest of us. We were all in this together.

  “But—why was he so jealous of me?”

  The thought occurred to me as I was opening my shoe locker, and with it came another, stranger notion: the terrifying possibility that if a romantic entanglement had been the source of Taniguchi’s malaise, perhaps the root of Haruhi’s gloom was something similar. I shuddered at the very idea, then laughed it off.

  “Couldn’t be.”

  The essentially absurd notion of Haruhi being lovesick was about as likely as my being the first-round draft pick in the Major Leagues next year. Which was fine, since I didn’t particularly want to get picked, but I had to admit I did want to know what was on Haruhi’s mind. I didn’t think she was just sitting glumly in an unheated classroom, hand warmers in hand, but…

  “Ah, whatever.”

  I didn’t have time to think about any of that right now. And anyway, Haruhi would be back to her usual self in no time. I already knew we’d be going on a treasure hunt the day after tomorrow, and since I knew about it in advance, I couldn’t afford to worry about extraneous things. A single misstep could set the entire SOS Brigade on the wrong path, an outcome I definitely wanted to avoid. It would be like exposing a harmless bacterium to radiation, thus creating a deadly disease. Even if it would have served the cause of science, it was too great a risk. I had to keep my priorities straight.

  “All right, time to do something about the immediate future.”

  I wouldn’t get anywhere worrying about the future of humanity. For me right now, the most pressing problem was the other Mikuru Asahina.

  I first headed home, then picked up my bike and headed immediately for the Tsuruya estate.

  On the way over, I’d planned to call ahead for Asahina to come out, but Tsuruya wasn’t home from school yet. I thus assumed that it would take some time for me to get a message through to (Michiru) Asahina the freeloader, but the servant who answered the phone seemed to have been informed of the situation by Tsuruya, and all I had to do was give my name, omitting my self-introduction, and I was immediately transferred to Asahina. Tsuruya sure came in handy for times like this. We’d forgotten to arrange it ahead of time, yet she’d perfectly anticipated what I would need. If she were to become a personal assistant or something in the future, she definitely had the talent for it.

  And Asahina was every bit as laudable as Tsuruya—“Just wait a moment, I’ll be right there,” she said over the phone before hanging up. Actions speak louder and more quickly than words. In my pocket was the letter containing the day’s instructions, along with a flashlight, just in case.

  I’d been to Tsuruya’s home several times, so my legs took me smoothly there. I could stand the February cold, and was just happy it wasn’t snowing. The wind in my face made my nose and ears tingle as I arrived at Tsuruya’s place and rang the bell.

  Asahina popped right out the front gate. “Kyon!” she said with a relieved smile, no longer wearing her school uniform but instead pants and a thick, fluffy coat. “I borrowed some clothes from Tsuruya,” she said, adjusting her collar as she noticed my gaze. “I can’t very well get clothes from home, after all.”

  “You don’t remember any of your clothes going missing?” I asked as I flipped my bike’s kickstand up, at which Asahina looked suddenly abashed.

  “I don’t, um, remember… but I know my usual clothes were all there. But even if they disappeared, I might not have noticed… I mean, not that I have that many clothes, really, it’s just—”

  She didn’t have anything to worry about. If a single pair of underwear went missing from my dresser, I’d never file a police report over it. Even if I managed to notice, I’d just assume I’d misplaced them somewhere.

  I gave Asahina a gentle look. Whether they were borrowed or not, I told her, she was definitely clear for launch.

  “No, not at all!” Asahina waved her hands, bashful. “The sleeves and hem are too long for me, and also…” She hugged her chest, turning a bit red before stopping. “Um, never mind.”

  I was feeling calmer and calmer. Clothes that fit the long-limbed, slender Tsuruya would definitely have lacked material in certain places when worn by Asahina. It was easy to guess which part of her outfit was the cause of her stiff demeanor. It was a shame that her upper half was hidden by her coat, but I could worry about that later.

  I showed her the message from the future I’d gotten from my shoe locker. “This is what we have to do next. Any ideas?”

  Go to a mountain and move a rock—it was like a side-quest from a role-playing game. Worse, the purpose for the quest was far from clear, and since we didn’t even know whether we’d get some kind of loot upon completion, it wasn’t even a very good game.

  “Er—the mountain? The only place I know of is… hmm. A strangely shaped rock… oh, could it be—?” Asahina murmured as she read the letter, the paper fluttering in the breeze, cocking her head curiously like a chipmunk that’s lost sight of its nest. “I do have an idea. I think this is where we went for the treasure hunt. Or I mean, that’s the only place I know, so… but why?”

  Naturally, I had no idea myself. But I could guess.

  “Asahina—we didn’t find anything, did we? On our treasure hunt?”

  “N-no.”

  My fingertips were already turning numb from the cold as Asahina refolded the letter uncertainly. Something felt strange. “It’s strange, though. These directions must have something to do with that treasure hunt.”

  “Th-that’s—” began Asahina, looking down. “I wonder…” She looked deep in thought, as though trying to decide whether to voice the feelings that were welling up inside her. The look in her eyes as she shook her head made me weak at the knees. “No, I can’t think of anything. But we should go. Maybe I’ll remember something when we get there.”

  “Yeah, let’s.”

  It was time to have a look. I felt bad for doing location scouting at the treasure hunt site ahead of Haruhi, but she’d forgive me as long as it seemed new to me tomorrow.

  I climbed back on my bike and gestured for Asahina to get on behind me. She sat demurely sidesaddle on the luggage rack; I nearly fainted at the arms that wrapped hesitantly around me from behind, but memories of the previous night brought me back to reason.

  “What’s the matter?” Asahina asked uncertainly as I looked left, then right, before starting off.

  “Oh, nothing,” was my only answer as I pushed down hard on the pedal.

  It was just that I thought I’d spied Koizumi, or somebody Koizumi-like, hiding nearby. Though I had no idea if he was staking out Tsuruya’s house or following us around.

  The Tsuruya clan’s private mountain was east of North High. It was more of a large hill than a mountain, and it didn’t have much in the way of altitude. If you really squinted, it did sort of look like a forgotten burial mound, but
looking up at the naturally wooded face of the mountain, it didn’t matter whether it was a dormant volcano or a forgotten tomb; it would take the same amount of time to climb, and there wasn’t a good path. All there was was a steep, narrow animal track, so if the bear wanted to go over the mountain, he wasn’t gonna have an easy time of it.

  “It’s over here. Yes—we climbed up from here.”

  The sun had started to get low as I rode my bike up hills and along fields at Asahina’s direction. At the base of the mountain were drained rice paddies and vegetable plots, and not a single person in sight.

  “I wonder if we should just be climbing up somebody’s private mountain.” I looked wearily up the slope, and Asahina giggled.

  “Tsuruya said it was all right. Ah—it was a few days ago that she said… no, wait, relatively speaking, that would be tomorrow, so… right. She’ll give you permission tomorrow too, Kyon.”

  Perhaps having finally become accustomed to her situation, Asahina seemed to feel free to think back on her own past.

  “I can’t tell you, um, very much. Only that what we did was a treasure hunt and a city patrol… that’s all I can say.”

  What about the Haruhi-sponsored lottery? I asked.

  “Oh, yes, that’s—”

  Asahina looked flustered. I asked if she was forgetting anything else.

  “Um, er…”

  She was strangely fidgety. Was there something she couldn’t tell me? I asked—more classified information?

  “Y-yes, that’s right. It’s classified. Or, well… probably.”

  So far as I could tell from her expression, her mood wasn’t particularly serious. I didn’t think that the ever-secretive time traveler would make a joke now of all times, but it seemed likely that this Asahina knew something she wasn’t telling me. The only one who was completely in the dark was the other Asahina in this timeline. What a pain. If I were to express it as an inequality, I’d put it this way, more or less: Asahina The Elder > (…) > “Michiru” Asahina > Asahina the Younger.

  I must have sighed louder than I meant to, as Asahina’s face turned uncertain again.

  “Um, Kyon…”

  If I turned my back on her I was sure she’d start crying, and I wasn’t so much of a sadist that I could ignore those eyes of hers, and in fact a sudden rush of affection made my expression turn as soft as Shamisen’s belly.

  “No, no, it’s fine,” I said. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out.”

  According to this Asahina, it had been my eight-days-later self who had directed her to time-jump eight days back. That version of me knew everything and had sent Asahina into the past. Since that was just the future version of me, if I just asked him he’d be able to tell me everything—except I’d be him, so there’d be no need to ask. Right?

  “Let’s get this mission done before it gets dark,” I said, laying my hand on Asahina’s shoulder.

  Asahina looked up at me with her big puppy-dog eyes and nodded. “All right. I’ll show you the way. We didn’t climb that high, so it’ll be close.”

  We headed into the dense forest. Normally I would’ve been at the lead, clearing dangerous branches and roots away with a machete, but given that it was winter and all the snakes and bugs were hibernating, there wasn’t that much danger. The best thing I could do was stay behind Asahina to make sure she didn’t slip and fall.

  “Ah—whew… wha—”

  Unsurprisingly, helping Asahina safely climb a mountain was tricky—and trickier still, since we barely had a trail. Normally when ascending a slope, you’d follow a switchback pattern, but as far as I could see there was no way to do that. We’d have to step on logs and grab onto craggy rocks to climb our way up.

  “Eyaaah!”

  I had to smile inwardly at the unexpected side benefits that came with constantly catching the tripping Asahina as we made our way nearly straight up the face of the small mountain. When I looked closely, I saw here and there signs of human passage along the route we were taking. Even so, this was more of a glorified animal track than a proper trail, although if it had been entirely wild, Asahina and I would never have been able to make any progress at all.

  After ten-odd minutes of climbing, I caught sight of a more level spot.

  “Here—whew—it’s here. We dug all over the place, but the stone was here.” Asahina was short of breath, and she leaned over, bracing her hands against her knees.

  I stopped next to her.

  “Huh.”

  While it wasn’t very large, there was indeed a flat space on this otherwise sloping mountain. It was completely overgrown with shrubs and vegetation, save for a semicircle of clear space. It wasn’t even ten meters across, and it seemed like it had been cleared to make a convenient rest stop while climbing the mountain. I didn’t know if it was man-made or not. It might’ve been the result of a landslide long past. Given the overgrowth, it definitely wasn’t a recent addition. Maybe it was natural, after all.

  Once she’d caught her breath, Asahina pointed. “I think that’s the rock from the message. It looks just like the one in the drawing…”

  A gourd-shaped rock. A rock…?

  “That’s awfully big for a rock,” I said.

  Asahina had exaggerated a bit when she’d spoken. It did not look “just like” the one in the drawing. If (Michiru) Asahina hadn’t been guiding me, I would’ve been wandering around on this mountain all damn night.

  “I suppose it does look a bit like a gourd…” she said.

  The rock sat at the nearer side of the clearing. To my eye it looked less like a gourd and more like the arched back of a sea serpent protruding from the surface of the water. Since it was partially sunken into the surrounding earth, it was hard to spot among the fallen leaves and dry grass, despite its whitish surface.

  I checked the letter again.

  “ ‘Move this rock three meters west,’ huh?”

  It was already starting to get dark. It would be dangerous to stay much longer. I didn’t want to wind up making a misstep on our way back such that we both went tumbling down the mountain.

  I handed my flashlight to Asahina and asked her to illuminate the matter at hand. It was time to try moving the rock.

  “Ugh, this is heavy.”

  Worse, when I actually tried to move it, I discovered a third of it was buried in the ground. This wasn’t just a rock. If you were going to label it, you’d have to call it a boulder.

  After much effort, I managed to pull it out, whereupon I took a good look at it. I had to admit it did look not unlike a gourd, if I stood the rock on its end.

  I heaved the rock up and tottered over in a direction I thought was vaguely westish, figuring four steps would be about three meters.

  “It was just a bit past that,” Asahina indicated. Of course—this Asahina knew where the stone was after it had been moved. “Right, right there. Right about there.”

  I dropped the rock onto the ground, where it stuck in the earth with a dull thump. Just as I was about to push it over so it would lay the same way it had previously—

  “It was standing,” Asahina corrected me. Her eyes then went wide and she drew a sharp breath. “Just like… a marker…”

  I looked down at the rock I’d just dropped.

  A marker.

  When I looked at it like this, the rock was really obvious. I didn’t know what kind of mineral it was, but its white color was strangely prominent even in the gloom, and its shape was odd too. If you were to call it the “White Gourdstone” or something and show it off to people as an ancient ruin of some kind, people would definitely believe you.

  “Asahina, does Haruhi by any chance make us dig beneath this rock?”

  “Yes, that’s right. Although the only ones digging were you and Koizumi.”

  And she’d said we didn’t find anything. Was that true? I asked.

  “It’s true,” she said, her eyes downcast. “We didn’t find any treasure…”

  I heaved a sigh and dusted the filthy
palms of my hands off against each other.

  So what was I even doing? But this wasn’t the time to ask. Not even Asahina had understood the purpose of our prank last night, or the man we’d played it on. The only one who knew for certain was Asahina the Elder. I’d have to ask her. I wasn’t gonna allow this kind of unilateral communication again.

  I gazed at the rock I’d just erected and realized another unnatural thing. Since it had been partially buried for so long, one side of it was dirty and covered with soil. Anyone could tell at a glance it had recently been moved from somewhere else.

  “And the ground there too.”

  The spot where the stone had lain was now exposed, the crater of black soil obvious.

  “What did it look like when you got here?” I asked.

  Asahina made a face of concentration as she thought back. “Hmmm, nobody said anything, so I didn’t really notice. I guess all Suzumiya cared about was digging holes…”

  In which case, we could’ve just left it be, but I figured we might as well make a bit of an effort.

  Asahina and I gathered up dried grass and ivy twigs and scattered them over the crater left behind by the now-moved rock, tamping them down with our feet. We also brushed off the soil that clung to the once-buried side of the rock. It wasn’t perfect—the difference between the two sides of the stone, one of which had weathered years’ worth of changing seasons while the other was buried in the earth—was too great.

  We did our best, but the sky was getting dark, so it was all we could do to finish up at a convenient stopping point. I wasn’t sure how hard the work actually was, but it was hard enough.

  “Let’s go home, Asahina.”

  I led the way going down. It was a good thing I’d brought a flashlight. The ancients feared and revered the forest’s darkness—plus they say the descent takes more of a toll on your body than the ascent does.

  Asahina stumbled several times, clinging to my back for support, and by the time we reached the foot of the mountain, it was nighttime proper. Just then—

  “Oh!” said Asahina, looking skyward. “Rain!”