Broken Notes

by Ann Marie Frohoff

  Aly barraged me with questions, searching my face and squeezing my waist. “What are you doing here? When did you arrive?”

  “Just flew in. I wanted to surprise you,” I answered, looking at her lovingly. Her excited state had me zinging inside.

  “Come on, let’s go,” I said, staring down at her flawless face.

  “Jake, I can’t just leave him.” She laughed under her breath, glancing in Nathan’s direction.

  “Did you eat already?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then you can. Go say good-bye. Tell him the truth and let’s go.” I held her tight to my chest, kissing her again.

  She paused, pushing away from me, and sighed. Her lips pressed together and her head bobbled from side to side. “Okay. I feel bad though.”

  I looked at her with raised eyebrows as she backed away, wearing a helpless expression. She turned and slowly walked back to Nathan. Kyle stood behind me, silently timid and not wanting to get involved in any way, which took me back to our childhood for a split second. I watched Aly intently as she pulled nervously at the caramel tips of her hair, making up some sort of an excuse. Aly grabbed her bag and gave him a hug. To my gut-wrenching surprise, Nathan got up and followed her. I could only imagine what was going through his head.

  Fuck – confrontation.

  Nathan approached us and Aly took my hand. He stared me up and down, and I stood taller, meeting him face to face. My heart thumped in my throat then he spoke.

  “You don’t deserve her,” he growled under his breath, then walked away before I could form a comeback. Aly clutched at my arm, stopping the torrent of anger coursing through me.

  Fuck him.

  “Sporto didn’t take this well,” I said smugly.

  “Get over yourself.” She nudged, trying not to smile. “Of course he’s not gonna take it well. But I told him when I got back from London what was going on, and he chose to keep hanging out with me.”

  You clearly liked hanging out with him too, I thought hypocritically.

  Draping my arm around her shoulder, I pulled her close to me as we walked to Kyle’s car. I decided to tell her about Sophia when we got to my house.

  2

  Jake

  Aly hung over the back passenger’s seat, her arms wrapped around me. I kissed her hands and fingers tenderly, over and over again. I wished I’d gotten a room somewhere instead of thinking I’d stay with my mom at the house. All I could think about was being alone with her in a king-sized bed. One of her hands slipped down into the neck of my shirt, and her fingers lightly brushed my skin, giving me the chills. I could have jumped into the backseat then and there.

  Soon enough, we were pulling into Aly’s driveway. I stared at my childhood home, where it all began: everything. I tensed up, knowing I’d be face-to-face with my mother. Strange, I thought. We’d actually been getting along really well since her trip to London – we’d still yet to talk about anything life-changing. Not sure what my mood was all about. My mom had only joined me on the road twice in Europe, and Notting made sure to take charge, keeping her at arms’ length. There wasn’t really anything that she could control now that I was grown and on my own.

  I sighed loudly, gripping the door handle. “Okay, here we go,” I announced. I opened the door, swinging my legs out and walking to Aly’s side of the car.

  “What’s wrong?” she said, shutting the car door. “Aren’t you excited to be home?”

  “Of course I am, come here.” I reached out for her, pulling her tight to my body. “It’s just weird. The last time we were here together, it was…crazy.”

  Aly nodded her head, stepping back away from me. She held my hand, swinging it back and forth, staring at it. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  A jolt went through me. Was she trying being cute?

  A smile peaked at the corners of her mouth. “Wow, no pun intended, but now that it’s out there, nice song,” she said dryly.

  We never did talk about the song I’d written and recorded after we officially broke up. The song that got mass airplay all over the country, the song – Talk About It. I guessed now, maybe, we’d talk about it.

  I smiled weakly at her. “I’m sorry how that all went down.”

  “Yeah, a pretty sucky time. When I heard it for the first time on the radio, it made me hate you more.”

  What was I gonna say to that? We stood staring at each other for a long moment. The song said it all. “That’s all behind us now. Let’s go say hello to Kate.”

  I began walking away, but Aly didn’t follow. “Um, I think maybe you should go alone, text me in a bit, and I’ll come over.”

  I totally understood where she was coming from. I didn’t look forward to my face to face with her father, either.

  I shook my head, walking back to her. “Okay. It’s probably better, seeing she has no idea I’m here.” I chuckled. “I’ll text when the excitement fades. Then you and I are gonna do cartwheels.” I winked at her, leaned down, and kissed her goodbye.

  ***

  I stood staring at my front door. Nothing about its off-white surface had changed. The same potted, neatly trimmed succulents lined the steps. I bent down, picking up two tree-trimming leaflets someone left in hopes of new business. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. I counted all the way to ten before I heard commotion come from behind the door, and then it swung open.

  I smiled sheepishly. “I’m home!” I said, raising my arms. My mother beamed and gave me a radiant smile. I felt a tinge of burn in my nose and my eyes tingled. When I went in to hug her, I got misty-eyed.

  She held me firmly, all the while whispering, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, my baby’s home.” She’d never used the words my baby before. I held her snugly in return.

  I pulled away and noticed that her hair was different. A lot about her appearance had changed since I’d seen her last. Her hair now grazed the tops of her shoulders. Gone were long the golden blonde waves. She was still blonde, but more grey peeked out from behind the blonde strands.

  “What are you doing here? Does Notting know? Oh, geez, Jake Masters. How could you do this? I’m not ready for you.” She kept chitchatting in excited bursts.

  “Mom, relax. Take a breath,” I laughed.

  We slowly walked through the foyer and I glanced at the wall. I noticed all the black and white photos that I’d left behind were now gone. Lined side by side were black and whites of me and the band, performing at various venues and stadiums. “Wow, when did you get those?” I asked, pointing.

  “Oh, Notting and I…” She paused. “He came home with one as a gift on my birthday one time, and then it just grew from there.”

  I got the feeling she didn’t want to admit that Notting and her had taken things to another level. “Is Notting living here?” I saw her gulp and surprise flashed in her eyes. Whoops. She certainly didn’t expect me to ask that so quickly. “Come on, Mom. It’s no big deal.”

  Her chest rose as she took in a breath and held it. Her eyes searched mine and she let out a big sigh. “Jake, Notting does stay here from time to time.”

  I smiled at her impishly. “Mom, I’m not thirteen anymore. It’s okay to have a boyfriend. I already know you guys have had a thing going on for years.”

  She grew rigid, standing taller, then turned, sitting down on the sofa. “Notting and I are very good friends, Jake, and…”

  “Mom, it’s okay. Don’t you get it?” I said, interrupting her. I still couldn’t believe after all the time that went by, and how long I’d been gone, that she still couldn’t admit anything about Notting. “Did you hear what I said? I know about Notting.”

  The skin on her cheeks flushed pink and I immediately felt bad. I totally put her on the spot, but it needed to happen. She should be happy to have everything out in the open. “What’s the problem?” I probed.

  She fidgeted with the rings on her fingers. “I want to hear about you.” She blinked. “Who met you at the airport?”

  I
laughed, shaking my head. “Okay. Let’s see something.” I turned around and walked toward her bedroom. She didn’t say anything until I was all the way into her room.

  I heard her voice faintly. “Jake, what are you doing?”

  I stood facing the neatly made bed with its white comforter pulled and tucked tightly against its mattress. I glanced around the room. I spotted Notting’s camel-colored travel satchel. I knew it was his. It had the familiar scars of travel, and Dump’s branded cigarette-burned happy face stared back at me.

  “What are you looking for?” she said, coming up behind me. “Notting’s not here.” I didn’t answer her and walked toward the closet. “Jake?” she said, her voice strained.

  Just as I thought, Notting’s razor sat on the side of the sink, across from the wall of closet mirrors. I pulled open the doors, and men’s clothing hung there.

  I shot my mother an ironic look over my shoulder. “I guess I’m doing what you would do; just seeing for myself.” I stared at her, smiling, waiting for her to admit it. “Can’t we all just move on?”

  Her forehead knitted together. “Jake this is not how I wanted you to find out.”

  “Mom, you’re acting like you got caught cheating or…” I stalled as the words darted from my mouth, thinking of my father. “I mean, come on. It’s okay. I’m a big boy.” There was something that flashed in her eyes. What was her problem? “Look. I know I caught you off guard and I’m sorry. I think I’ll just stay at a hotel until you work whatever it is you need to work out,” I said, swinging my arms around.

  “No, no, no. I want you to stay here.” She reached over, grabbing a little black elastic band from the bathroom counter, then tied her hair back. Instantly, she looked ten years younger. She exhaled loudly. “Come.” She turned, walking toward the bedroom door, and I followed. “Notting won’t be home for a while. I want to hear about what’s been going on with you. Notting, of course tells me everything, but I want to hear your version. Are you still dating Sophia? Or is this thing with Aly still happening?”

  Kill me before the pink elephant swallows me whole, I thought.

  I didn’t want to talk about Sophia with her. I decided not to lean on my mom anymore about Notting; instead, I’d just ask him directly. I was shocked he never said anything to me in the first place. I felt strange about the whole thing. Why wouldn’t he tell me, especially after all the intimate talks we’d had in the past?

  I sat at the kitchen counter as my mother did her usual frittering around, making food I wasn’t hungry for.

  “Are you still seeing Sophia? I really liked her. She seems like a good one.”

  Not as good as Aly. “Um, about that…” I paused.

  She shut the stove carefully. “What happened?” she asked, sadly. “Did you break it off because you and Aly are getting serious again? I had a feeling since London…but with her school and all, are you sure you want to have a long distance relationship? It wouldn’t…”

  I sucked in a deep breath and stood up. “Look, Mom,” I interrupted her babbling, “actually there’s something I want to tell you.”

  “Okay.” She kept shredding cheese, without looking up at me.

  “Aly is coming back with me to New York.” I held my breath. My heart thumped hard in anticipation of her reply. She smiled softly and kept shredding for a moment longer.

  She looked at me, wondering if I was kidding. “This is news. I’m not sure what to say.”

  Really? She didn’t have one thing to say about it? I waited. She most definitely had to have something to say about it.

  Gulp – nothing. Lick my lips – nothing.

  She looked away from me and began placing the cheese in a bowl.

  I wasn’t about to go after this. Or was I? Reverse psychology at its best.

  “No other questions?” She shook her head. I nodded. “Okay. So. Um, I guess I’ll go get checked into a hotel and come back in a bit. I wanna spend some time with Aly, too.” I stood blinking, dumbfounded.

  “I’m making enchiladas. Will you please come for dinner?” Her voice sounded funny. It pitched higher, and the mood that filled the room was nothing I was used to. She sounded small, insubstantial, unlike herself. This yanked at me.

  “Yeah, of course. I just don’t want you to feel weird about Notting, Mom.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Her lips turned up at the corners, but I knew she didn’t mean her tiny gesture. She was faking it, like me. A faker knows a faker, a con. “Notting and I are working through some things. Trying something new.” She paused and sighed. “I don’t want this to affect you, Jake.”

  I huffed, disturbed by her ridiculous concern. “Stop it already. You can’t be serious.” She had to be kidding. Was she trying to milk me for attention? “I’m really not sure what the problem is. I want you and Notting to finally be together, and it’s obvious that you’ve had a problem with me knowing about it for years.”

  She leaned against the counter as her eyes diverted from mine and snatched a nearby dishtowel up, holding it to her face. Fuck, was she crying? “I can’t do this, Jake.” Her muffled voice squeezed through the rag. “We can discuss this later.”

  I gulped. Holy shit, she was crying. I hadn’t seen her cry in a long, long time. Like a time warp, I felt six-years old. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  She removed the towel from her eyes, which continued to pool, and she sniffled. “I wanted to tell you, not have you find out like this. I’m sorry,” she said, holding back more tears. “It’s just very emotional for me, moving on.” Then she laughed ironically, tossing her head back. “I’m supposed to be the parent, and here I am crying to you. It shouldn’t be this way.”

  She shook her head and her forehead creased with sadness. She shouldn’t be sad; she should be happy to be moving on with her life.

  “But it is his way,” I remarked. I wanted to go to her, but I stood paralyzed. I wanted so badly to tell her not to be sad, that she deserved better than my father and his going with another women behind her back.

  She smiled and put on a brave face, tucking the stray hair behind her ear. “I want you to be happy, Jake, and successful. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. It seems you’re about to have everything you’ve ever wanted. That’s all I could ask for.”

  I laughed to myself. She was the master at diversion.

  “I just wanted to love you and provide for you the best I could, in memory of…” she paused, sucking in her tears, “your father. To not having anything in my personal life affect you in any way, and it could have many, many times. So I made you my number one priority, and I still do. I’ll do it until the day I die.” Oh geez, why was she always so melodramatic?

  I sighed. “I know, Mom, I know you did.” Now it was getting really heavy, and I couldn’t take it. This was her issue; she was right. I needed to go. I wanted Aly. I scooted to her side and gave her a gentle hug. “What time do you want me back?”

  “Seven.” She turned, going to the fridge. “Jake. Please stay here. There’s no reason to spend money on a hotel.”

  I laughed. “Mom, there are other reasons I want to stay in a hotel.” I hoped she’d get the hint as I turned and walked out of the kitchen. “I’ll be back.”

  3

  Alyssa

  The warm afternoon air pressed against my face as I walked into the Shade Hotel, our towns local boutique hotel. I prayed that the person at the front desk wasn’t someone we knew. I was relieved that I didn’t recognize the lady with short brown hair and sparkly gold earrings, punching away at a hidden keyboard. I glanced around for any familiar faces. Just what I needed was for my mom and dad to hear they saw me with a boy, checking into the hotel down the street. My heart raced like I was gonna get in trouble or something.

  I wondered if this paranoia would ever go away. I mean, I was eighteen after all. I’d traveled all the way across the globe and back and my parents knew about it. What was my problem? This lady obviously didn’t recognize either of us. I breathed a soft si
gh of relief as I waited quietly behind Jake, keeping my head bent down, as if that would thwart anyone noticing me.

  My fingers traced the sweeping dark blue and black lines permanently etched onto Jake’s left bicep – he’d gotten more ink work done. I tried to make out what he was going for; the only markings I could make out were the little musical notes. He told me it was a surprise, so I stood there wondering, waiting for the elevator door to open. Walking through the hallway, I could barely feel my feet hitting carpet. I was tingling all over, and could hardly contain myself as he swept me up into his arms and walked through the hotel room door.

  “Honey, we’re home.” He smiled seductively.

  I took his face in my hands, feeling the slight roughness of his unshaven cheeks, and kissed him deeply. I wanted him so badly, I couldn’t feel any other part of my body except my lips, tongue, and the intense ache that radiated through my hips and down my thighs. It was as if he was my life’s breath, and I would die if I didn’t inhale every bit of him. He laid me gently on the bed and lingered above, pressing into me. Sliding my hands up underneath his shirt, his skin felt like silk. I pulled the shirt over his head, and he stared down at me with his blue, dreamy eyes. He was now firm against me, and it made me wet with desire. Wow. I wrapped my legs around him, wanting us to melt together for eternity.

  We feverishly yanked at each other’s clothing and tossed them across the room, giggling and laughing like I don’t know what. Was it nervous laughter? Mischievous laughter? Maybe it was both. It’d been so long since I’d been with him, and my insecurities were looming over me. Would I be able to satisfy him again?

  “You’re the end-all, Aly,” he whispered, looking at me intensely. My breathing was erratic, and I was ready to explode. His words continued, caressing my ears. “I love you. I wanna show you how much I love you. I’ll move mountains to be with you; nothing’s gonna keep us apart now.”