Broken Notes

by Ann Marie Frohoff

  “Hey Aly.” A male voice startled me, and I jumped, looking up from my food. It was Marty.

  “Hi.” I said, chewing faster and swallowing my mouthful. “Sorry.” I shrugged impishly and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and then my hand on the side my cotton dress. “I don’t mean to be so gross.” I laughed off my boorish conduct. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.”

  He smiled looking down at his feet. “You’re not gross.” He laughed. “I’m sorry for coming unannounced. I’ve just been trying to get ahold of Jake since SNL, and haven’t heard back.”

  I nodded, sadly. “There’s some family drama going on.”

  His eyes went wide. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everything is okay?”

  I sighed. “It will be. It’s a big deal thing.” I nodded again. “I’m sure Jake will fill you in.”

  Marty shuffled his feet closer to me and handed me an envelope. “I was gonna leave this for you, actually.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah. I know Jake is really busy as it is, without the family drama, and I just didn’t want to bother him anymore. So I left my contact information for you, and inquired if all was good.” He backed away from me, and seemed to have trouble looking me in the eye.

  “Marty. I’m not going to bite you.”

  He laughed nervously. “I know. I feel bad for catching you off guard, and I know Jake wouldn’t like me speaking to you alone, like this.” He backed away farther, like I had a disease. “Jake sent me a text to block several weeks off in October for that Eva tour, and I just need to talk to him more about it.”

  The smile fell from my face, even though I didn’t mean for it to, and Marty caught it. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

  I composed myself. Fucking Eva. “No, no.” I focused on the first part of his statement. “Why would Jake mind you talking to me? Like this?”

  He cleared his throat. “Um, he just said that you’re off-limits, and I want to respect that.”

  My eyes tightened. “Really.” It wasn’t a question.

  Marty smiled, and his eyebrows rose up his forehead. “I am a paparazzi after all.”

  He instantly lightened my mood. “You’re a friend now, Marty. I don’t think Jake would have you around if he didn’t trust you.”

  Marty gave me a tight grin. “Okay, well, in that case, you have my information, and, well…just let Jake know that I need to talk to him.”

  Just as Marty strolled away, Nadine pulled up in a cab, waving animatedly at me. She whipped open the door and trotted up to me. “What. Is. Up?” she practically shouted in my face. “Dude, do I have something to tell you!”

  “Are you drunk?” I wondered, and didn’t doubt it.

  “No! But I wish I was. Let’s get drunk.” Her eyes bolted wider. “You’re gonna shit when you hear this. I’m kinda sick about it.” She grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the door. Just as we stepped inside and our heels hit the granite, we ran into Jake and Notting.

  Jake gave me a gloom-laced half-smile, and he placed his hands on my shoulders, piercing me with his impossible blue eyes. They were darker than normal, and matched his mood. The warmth of his hands against my skin gave me the chills. I wanted to kiss him, love him, take away all the pain and confusion he must have been feeling. “We’re gonna go for a walk, and I’m not sure when I’ll be back.” He noticed the food carton in my hand. “I’m glad you ate.”

  “Hey Notting. How’s it going?” Nadine chirped happily. I wanted to slap her.

  “Hello, Nadine.” He tipped his head. “How are you liking New York?”

  “I want to move here,” she gushed, curling her arms to her chest. “I just have to talk Aly and Jake into me living with them.” She laughed mildly, looking between all of us. I knew she meant it.

  “I’ll catch up with you guys later,” Jake announced, and walked away, dragging his feet.

  “Good to see you, Nadine. Aly.” Notting saluted us and followed Jake out the doors.

  ***

  Nadine sat with a bowl of rice and the rest of my chow mien in her hand, shoveling bites into her mouth. “I’m freaking starving.”

  “What the hell did you do all day with Sienna?”

  Nadine shook her head as she bit off a noodle. She chewed and held up her hand, pointing at me to wait. She took a deep breath. “I think she’s losing her mind.”

  Breath escaped me. “I would, too, if I knew Jake was probably gonna die.”

  She shook her head fervidly. “No. I get that. But she thinks Jake is going to take care of her.”

  “Okay,” I droned, looking confused.

  “She was talking crazy, like she was gonna move in with him…or you guys. She just kept talking, like – “God forbid Dump doesn’t get better…Jake said he’d take care of me. Dump said Jake would take care of me.”

  My stomach sank, and my thoughts bounced around. Of course he would make sure she was okay and settled. What a nightmare. “Yeah. Of course Jake wouldn’t just abandon her.”

  “No, Aly, this was different.” Her eyes sprung wide, looking at me like I was stupid, then she shrugged. “But then again, I don’t know what I would do either, if I might lose the love of my life.” She sighed soberly. “Shit, man, I’ve never been in love.”

  “It’s a pain in the ass.”

  “I want someone to be a pain in my ass.” She grinned and stuffed another forkful in her mouth.

  “But seriously. How is he? How’s Dump? Did you see him?”

  She shook her head no, chewing.

  “What did you guys do?”

  “We went to some place called the Meatball Shop.” Her eyes went big. “Dude, you totally have to go there. They have all kinds of meatballs, gourmet shit, and they have homemade ice cream sandwiches.”

  “What are you, a foodie now?

  “You fucking better believe it!” She placed her empty bowl on the coffee table. “I’ve dreamt about coming here, and eating and drinking and walking and breathing Gotham my entire life. Who knows when I’ll be able to afford coming back?”

  I smiled, uneasy. My mind was still on Sienna. “Did you not wanna see Dump?”

  She looked solemn. “Is that bad?” Her green eyes danced around my face.

  I shook my head. “No. I mean, yes and no. It’s depressing. It’s awful, and I’d feel the same way if I came to visit you for a fun time and got thrown into miserable circumstances.” I sighed heavily, thinking of my own sad situation.

  Nadine shook my knee. “What’s up?

  “Well, you know about Notting and Jake.”

  She threw her head back. “Crazy times. I mean, what the hell is going on?”

  “I’m going crazy. I am.” I pointed to myself.

  “Why?”

  “What’s that saying, sometimes love isn’t enough?”

  Nadine pushed herself forward. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I can’t stay here.”

  “What. The. Fuck.” Her hand covered her mouth, then dropped into her lap. “Does Jake know?”

  “I think so, but we haven’t talked about anything because of what his mother just sprung on him.” I slumped downward, deeper into the sofa. “The whole idea of this life is amazing, and if I wanted to just be a wife and tag along in Jake’s life, then it would be cool. But I want to do my own thing right now, and I thought I could do it here, at NYU. But I don’t think I can. I’d be an idiot to not take these next four years and just do the right thing by me and my parents.”

  “Dude, you can’t live your life for your parents,” Nadine said to the ceiling, picking food out of her teeth.

  I sneered at her. “I’m not an idiot. You know what I mean.”

  Nadine looked around the room. “You guys have it all, Aly.”

  “Not yet, we don’t.” I thought about Jake’s upcoming tour and Eva.

  An hour passed by as I filled her in on the entire SNL night, and how Jake sprung the Eva tour on me. All Nadine could do wa
s shake her head in disbelief. She couldn’t fathom saying no to someone like Jake. I lined up all the sorry reasons why things were so messed up, and she kept lining up why things were so right for us. She thumped me on the forehead more than once, trying to convince me to marry him. Finally, I got up and moved to a chair on the other side of the coffee table. Just as I was about to continue with my four-year-plan, Jake came through the door with Marty.

  Marty smiled sheepishly and waved. Nadine stood up, smiling with a curious glint in her eye. I looked at Jake and Marty, and back at Nadine. Marty leaned over and asked Jake something I couldn’t make out; then Jake pointed toward the hallway. Marty had to use the bathroom.

  “Who’s that?” Nadine whispered to me and smiled at Jake. “How’s it?”

  “Been better.” He placed his keys on the foyer table.

  “What’s goin’ on?” Jake’s tired eyes hopped back and forth between Nadine and I.

  “We’re talking about your future,” Nadine offered.

  I huffed and my mouth hit the ground. “Nadine, shut up.”

  “What?” She threw her arms out. “Not gonna lie. This whole thing here…” She made a circling gesture with her hand. “Is some jacked-up shit. You people need to figure it out and live the happy life you’ve been planning for. Sorry, Jake, about all the family stuff, but you guys need to take care of you guys.” With her poorly strung-together and lamely timed words, she plopped back down on the sofa.

  Jake just shook his head, and Marty came waltzing back out, looking hip and nerdy all at the same time, with his mussed hair and pressed button-up tucked in beneath his slim-fitting khakis. He wore tan boat shoes. What an adorable nerd he was. I smiled, watching him shift nervously, and then Nadine’s loud voice broke the silence.

  “So who are you?” Nadine smiled coyly, batting her eyes.

  Oh my God. Jake threw me a horrified look, and I tried not to laugh.

  “Uh, I’m Marty.”

  “I’m Nadine. Aly’s best friend in the whole entire world, and the rock in Jake’s shoe,” she announced, matter-of-fact and pleased.

  This made Marty laugh. “Great to meet you.”

  “So what do you do?” Nadine tilted her head, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears as if she was sincerely curious.

  Jake moved over to me as Nadine talked up Marty. “What’s wrong with your friend?” he murmured in my ear, and smiled in spite of himself. He folded his arms around my waist.

  “I’m the band’s videographer,” Marty answered proudly.

  Nadine studied him more closely. “That’s right. You’re the guy who did the interview with them when they announced Dump had cancer.”

  I wanted to stuff my fist in her mouth. Why did she have to sound so brash?

  “Yes. That’d be me.”

  She nodded. “Nice to meet you, Marty.”

  “Likewise.”

  “So what are you doing right now?” she asked him directly.

  He gulped. I don’t think he was used to talking to girls in social settings, especially girls like Nadine. “I’m just headed home.”

  “You gotta work early?”

  “I kinda work my own hours.”

  “Great!” she sang out. “You wanna grab a drink? My treat!”

  Marty didn’t know what to do with himself and looked over at us. He pushed his specs higher onto his nose, stood up taller, and gulped again. “Sure.”

  “Right on, Marty. I promise Nadine won’t eat you alive.” Jake looked over to Nadine, laughing. “Right? You promise?”

  Nadine smirked playfully. “Oh no. I may only be motivated to have a taste.”

  “Oh my God. I can’t take this,” I said, laughing, and untied myself from Jake’s arms. “Marty. I’m sorry about these two. Nadine’s harmless.”

  “I’m just fucking with you, Marty,” Nadine smiled, shoving his shoulder. “Please come out with me. I know these two don’t wanna go anywhere, and it’s still early.”

  “I would love to escort you out for the evening.” He tipped his head.

  “Sweet!” Nadine jumped up.

  In a whirl, they vanished. I was still standing in the same spot, wondering how Marty’s timid nature would make out against Nadine’s boldness. Marty would probably have the time of his life.

  “Wow. What just happened there?” Jake asked as he moved to the sofa.

  He appeared to be upbeat, and I was dying to know how his talk went with Notting, and to feel his skin against mine. I walked over to him. “Don’t get comfortable.” I nudged his knees as I stood in front of him. His eyes hung low, and I could see desire flickered as he sat up, grabbing my calves. His hands ran up under my dress and over my thighs and butt, resting on my hips. He nuzzled my belly, and the heat from his breath made my knees go weak and my fingertips tingle.

  “You’re still not wearing any underwear,” he muttered against my body.

  “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”

  He massaged my hipbones with his thumbs, rubbing gently down over my groin. I wanted him to keep going. I wanted his mouth and his velvety tongue prodding me. As if he read my thoughts, he lifted my dress, and the heat of his moist mouth took me. I gasped in ecstasy, and thought I would collapse.

  “That fast?” he said, his voice deep with desire. “I’m getting’ pretty good.”

  I panted. “Almost, but not quite.” I took his lips to mine. “I’m gonna fall down if you don’t lay me down somewhere.”

  He scooped me up in his arms and hauled me off to bed.

  19

  Alyssa

  It was annoyingly bright, and I squinted my eyes trying to get a glace at the clock. It read 7:15 AM. I turned to look at Jake. He was still sleeping, looking yummy and rumpled. His full lips puckered out as his face squeezed into the pillow. I wanted to kiss them, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to wake him. I knew he’d tossed and turned the whole night. Every time I rolled over, he was up, the light from his phone cast over his face, reading or texting, doing who knows what.

  I slipped out of bed to make coffee, and I peeked in on Nadine. She wasn’t there. Oh my God. No, she didn’t! I thought, smiling. “She fucking did. I just know it,” I said out loud, and laughed quietly, padding in to the kitchen. I looked for my phone on every surface. I sighed, realizing I’d left it in my purse in the bedroom. I got the coffee brewing and snuck back into the bedroom to retrieve my phone when Jake’s horse voice startled me.

  “Alycat, what you doin’ creepin’ around?” He rolled over to get a better look at me.

  I giggled. “Isn’t that what cats are supposed to do?”

  “Creep on over here.” He patted the space next to him.

  I dug in my bag and looked at my phone. Good girl, Nadine. She did text after all, letting me know she was with Marty and watching a movie over at his place. That was at 3 AM. “Nadine stayed with Marty last night,” I snickered.

  Jake looked at me like he was hearing things. His face bent and his eyebrows furrowed. “No way.”

  “Yes way.” I showed him the text message.

  “Slut.” He smiled.

  I huffed and grabbed my phone from him. “It’s probably the best time Marty’s ever had in his life.”

  Jake laughed out loud. “I wish I was there to watch how that all went down. He probably pissed himself.” He laughed harder. “Speaking of.” He got out of bed, holding an obvious pee boner, and I watched his bare buns disappear into the bathroom.

  Anxiety flushed through me. I didn’t want to leave New York. I didn’t want to this to end, not even for a minute. I wanted to have it all. Why couldn’t he just move back to California? My stomach turned. I sucked in a deep breath and forced the issue from my mind. I wouldn’t leave until he left on tour with Eva, if that’s what I decided to do. Fucking Eva. I punched the pillow like it was her face as I got out of bed to get coffee.

  Jake met me in the kitchen with his drawstring pj’s hanging low. “Nice view.” I fingered his cute butt crack.

/>   “You like that?” He threw me a crooked grin and scratched the back of his neck. I sipped my hot coffee with all its creamy goodness, enjoying the moment, admiring his tattoo of me and my musical hair. Maybe I would just say yes and get married. Fuck it. Go to school here. Have babies and just be his for the rest of my life. I smiled at the thought, the simplicity of the choice.

  “I hear wheels turning.”

  Ugh, he knew me so well. “I want it to be like this forever.”

  “It can be.” He tapped the spoon on the side of his cup and then stuck it in mouth, looking over at me, melting me with his mussed hotness. “If you stay.”

  Crash.

  I took a big gulp, as if I needed to wake up more. Maybe the caffeine rush would stop my already out-of-control heart, and I could just die happy right there. I couldn’t believe he was finally calling me out on it. Just when I was thinking about it, maybe we did have a connection like no one else. He read me like I was an open book.

  “Look Aly. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it.” He took a sip of his coffee, and I watched the steam caress his face. “With all this shit going on with my mom and Notting…and Dump. I just don’t know. I know you’re not happy.”

  “I am happy, Jake.” I stepped over to him. “What makes you think I’m not happy?”

  “I watched you the other day, at NYU, for a long time. You’re not gonna be happy there. I know it.” His face wore an expression that made my stomach sink: wretchedness on his face again. He looked as if we were breaking up. Just like he did all those years ago. “I just don’t know what to do about it all.”

  We stood side-by-side, leaning against the counter, drinking our coffee, in silence. We were at a crossroads, two semi-trucks headed in different directions. Tension and guilt spread over me.

  “Move back to LA. Just ‘til I finish school.”

  He scratched the back of his neck. “Aly, I’m not gonna be home anyway.”

  He didn’t say anything else. My heart froze and my limbs turned to ice. “What are you saying?”