“This song is dedicated to all the fucking lovebirds out there! I hope it lasts for you.”
What the fuck was happening?
The words that were meant just for me, for us, burst out into the room filled with five hundred people, and I couldn’t breathe. Half of them held recording devices, and soon the entire world would hear it. The song Jake wrote for us, for me, when we were still in high school, before his super fame, when our dreams of a life together were so fresh and new, now taunted me. It was no longer ours; it was now officially theirs. The deep velvety rasp of his voice wrapped around my heart, crushing it. How could he?
And then the worst happened, and I knew it would unfold as I watched Eva’s smiling face standing next to him, her sweet falsetto sang out the words that were once mine. Tears began to roll from my eyes. When their voices embraced at the chorus, it was too much for me and it was as if Jake knew it. His eyes landed right on mine. He stopped singing, and I heard my name, but I was blind.
Just as I turned to push through the crowd of people behind me, Jake jumped from the stage. I didn’t want him. I didn’t care that he was coming after me. I wanted out, and I shoved people out of the way as I ran through the doors to the street. I ran toward where we parked our car, but didn’t have the keys. I sobbed and screamed words of hate, searching the street for a cab, holding my arm out as if I was in New York City. I heard my name. Jake was running toward me, stumbling and pushing people out of the way. “Aly! Wait, please!”
I shook my head, and finally a cab stopped. I rushed to open the door. “Please go!” I cried.
“You don’t want him?” The man pointed. Jake was just feet away. “No! Go!”
The cabbie tore away from the curb, nearly running Jake over. I heard him shout “Motherfucker!” but didn’t look out the window.
“Miss, are you okay?” the balding driving asked. No stupid ass, I’m not okay! “Yes. I’ll be fine. We just broke up,” I said, wiping my face with my coat, but the tears wouldn’t stop from coming.
It was 11:30 PM and I would be ringing in the New Year alone, in the back of a cab. My phone was blowing up with Nadine and Marshall’s texts and calls. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t care to read the texts. I just wanted to go home and forget about Jake forever. He wasn’t worth it anymore, and now I wasn’t sure he ever was, with what just happened. He’d just proved he didn’t care at all about what we had or about any future we’d talked about.
I barely had any cash on me to pay for the ride home. I had the cab driver pull into the bank around the corner from my house for an ATM visit. It was 12:13 AM. As we pulled up in front of my house, I had to blink twice. A shock ran over my skin when I saw Nathan leaning against his car, parked in front of my house, talking on his phone. I quickly rubbed up under my eyes and smoothed my hair. I didn’t want him to see me like this – embarrassed and broken. Why the hell was he here? It didn’t make any sense. As I fumbled to pay the cabbie, Nathan opened the car door.
I swung my legs out and hung my head. “Why are you here?” I tried to rush past him, but he grabbed my elbow and pulled me to him. I lost it. I sobbed, collapsing against him. “Why?”
“Shhh.” He squeezed me. The comfort I felt in his arms made me cry harder. I didn’t deserve his soothing affection. “Nadine called me.”
“You’re supposed to be in Brazil, with your family. Why…” I stepped away from him.
“I lied. I wanted to spend New Year’s with you there, if you were gonna stay. We all came back the day after Christmas, as planned.”
“Nathan, why are you here? I’m crying over another guy breaking my heart!” I yelled at him, as if he was the one who’d broke it.
A confused look creased his forehead. “Because I’m your friend, and Nadine asked me to check on you. She’s on her way here.”
I wiped my face with my hand and my running nose with my coat and tried to hold back the tears of guilt, sadness, and anger. “You shouldn’t be here.” I shook my head. I wanted to tell him he was the reason Jake broke my heart, but that wasn’t fair. Jake would have done it anyway. He had it in him to be the most terrible person on the face of the planet.
“I need to be alone.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“Nathan, I’m confused, okay? I’m totally heartbroken. Jake did the most fucked up thing he could have ever probably done to hurt me. And at the same time, I’m relieved you’re here.” I swung around with my arms out. “I’m going crazy. This is making me crazy. I need to be alone,” I cried out to the sky, desperate for answers.
Headlights swung wildly around the corner, then another set came quickly behind. It must be Nadine and Marshal, but who else? I faced Nathan again. “Can we just talk later, please?”
Tires screeched, scaring me numb, and I hopped back, ready to run. The black truck hopped the curb, stopping just short of the tree in my front yard, and the door swung open.
“Aly!” I was blown back by Jake’s voice. Nathan swung around to face him. Jake stumbled from the car. The look on Jake’s face when he locked eyes with Nathan was pure anger and hurt. His eyes darted to me, and he shook his head. “Can we talk? Please.”
“No. We can’t. Go away!” I screamed.
“I think you should leave.” Nathan stepped in front of me, standing taller.
“Fuck you, Sporto,” Jake spat and took a few drunken steps towards us.
“Look at you.” Nathan pointed in disgust. “You’re a real fucking winner, aren’t you?”
“Fuck you,” Jake growled. “Why don’t you go on home? You don’t live here.”
Another car whipped around the corner, stopping in front of my house. This time it was Marshall and Nadine. They got out of the car quietly, alarm etched all over their faces.
“Oh my God.” Marshall’s voice rang out into the night, and I worried the neighbors would come out, including Jake’s mom. I wondered if she was home. Maybe she would pull him away.
“Get the fuck outta here!” My eyes shot to Nadine, and she pointed and walked toward a couple of men. One held a camera. He was filming all of us.
“Jake what’s the problem?” The camera guy asked loudly.
Jake’s eyes wouldn’t leave Nathan’s.
“What’s the problem?” Jake repeated the man’s question, pointing at Nathan. “He’s the problem. He’s apparently stuck on someone else’s fiancé.”
Nathan’s eyes shot to mine, and I almost passed out. “Is this true?”
My mouth hung open, and nothing would come out. I didn’t know if it was or wasn’t. “Jake, stop it!” I begged.
“Yeah, Jake, stop it,” Nathan laughed cruelly. I’d never seen this side of him. He was almost wicked. “Maybe you made a mistake, because don’t you think your fiancé would have spent Christmas with you and not me?”
A rush of heat engulfed me at hearing Nathan’s words. Jake flew into a fit of rage, charging Nathan, and they both tumbled to the ground. Shouts from everyone around pierced the night air, and we all tried to pull Nathan and Jake apart. Jake’s fists hit Nathan in the face and neck. Nathan was bigger than Jake and sober. My heart raced and fear pumped through me. I didn’t want Nathan to hurt Jake.
“Stop it, Nathan! Leave him alone.” I rushed toward them just as Nathan socked Jake right in the jaw, sending him flying backward onto the pavement. Blood rushed from Jake’s mouth.
“Oh my God! Jake! I scrambled over to him.
“Motherfucker!” Jake leaned up on one arm, attempting to get up and I pushed him back by the shoulders. He spat the blood that pooled in his mouth.
“Jake. Please. Stop.”
Jake’s eyes were bloodshot and sorrowful. “Aly. I’m sorry.”
“You’re not fucking sorry for anything you do!” Nathan shouted at Jake. “You’re just a selfish narcissist who thinks he can do whatever he wants to whomever he wants because he’s famous. Aly, you can’t want this for the rest of your life!”
I was out of breath,
and my mind reeled from what was happening, trying to find words that wouldn’t come. My mouth hung open. I looked between Nathan and Jake, bleeding in my arms. Revulsion draped over Nathan’s face as he stared down at us.
“I can’t compete with this, can I, Aly?” He backed away, touching his split cheek, and his green eyes narrowed as he winced. He was hurt too, but I held Jake and not him. “No, I can’t,” he said in realization.
Sirens came from the distance, and two cop cars were in front of my house in an instant. I looked around, and a few neighbors stood around. I thought of my parents, who were probably on their way home too, because I’m sure one these neighbors probably called them to inform them that their daughter and her rock star boyfriend were causing problems again.
Before my parents arrived home, Jake was hauled away on DUI, Assault and Battery, and Possession charges. Nathan got to leave once he proved he was sober, and witnesses attested that Jake attacked him first and he was only defending himself. I begged to differ on the defending part. Nathan didn’t have to knock Jake’s teeth out, literally.
Just like when I was a freshman and Jake was a senior and he had his first run-in with the law, my parents stood at the foot of my bed, hovering over me for answers.
My mother stood with her arms crossed at her chest. “Thank God you’re okay and didn’t ride in the car with him, Alyssa. He was very intoxicated. You could have died. Not to mention the drugs?” Her hand covered her mouth. “Kate’s going to have a fit when she finds out he’s not sober, good Lord.”
“Oh geez.”
“Don’t you Oh Geez me, Alyssa.” She frowned at me.
“I’m not helping him this time, Alyssa,” my father cut in. As a criminal defense attorney, he’d helped Jake in the past with his legal troubles. “He’s a grown man. He’s had one too many chances.”
I wondered why I still felt a connection to Jake. Even after reminding myself over and over again of the impossibly hurtful, most selfish thing he’d ever deliberately done to hurt me. Drugs or not, he had to know what he did with that song was wrong.
He wasn’t any good for me, not at all, not anymore, I told myself. But I still wanted him.
I love him.
Higher Octave
A Novella
Book 2.5
An Excerpt
Coming 2015
1
A golden pink haze hovered over the Malibu hills as the sun began its decent from the sky, as if it were about to take a dip in the ocean. A light, foggy, ocean mist began to roll towards the compound I’d been staying at for the last three months – the Promises rehab facility. It was the beginning of April, and the spring season fluttered and bloomed around me as I sat waiting for Bobby to visit. Other than calls and texts, it’d been over a year since I’d seen him last.
It was the third spring season to come since my complete fall from grace. The music went completely silent.
I was a free man. Free from answering to a manger, a label, a band or a girlfriend. My entire life was a sad E! True Hollywood Story and Behind The Music – literally. I’d watched those episodes more times than I could count. I even recorded them so I could watch whenever I wanted and it was a lot. I’m a free man, I thought, but I wasn’t really free. I still thought about Aly every day and what I’d done. All the things I’d done and continued to do while I was in and out of the four other rehab facilities around the country.
Aly was in her last year at Pepperdine University. The pull of her was real and more intense as the days went by at Promises. I’d stayed away from Promises on purpose, knowing it was too close a proximity to her, to keep me from wanting to see her. Now there I was and there she was, just over the hill, and I felt the grip on my heart. I could have left Promises whenever I wanted, but I didn’t have anywhere else to be. I wasn’t sure about where I was headed or if I even wanted to make music. Though my notebooks were filled with lyrics and my head was filled with melodies, I’d yet to touch a guitar to string anything together. I wondered if Aly thought about me at all anymore. I had to come to terms that she’d ended up with Nathan. I had to give it to the guy; he never gave up. He loved her and treated her better than I ever did. She’d spat in my face when she found out that Sienna and I had been sleeping together.
The thought of Sienna sent a wave of nausea through me.
I’m sorry, Dump.
Sienna and I used each other in so many ways. We both went to the first two rehab facilities together, in and out, fucking around until it wasn’t fun anymore. Until Sienna began losing jobs and the band got dropped from our label. The media went to town with speculation about our supposed sordid relationship. Even though Aly and I weren’t involved romantically, we maintained close contact, and the news sent her bursting through the doors of a Phoenix rehab facility. Sienna and I never admitted to anything. We’d kept our intimate moments to ourselves and let the media run amok, but when Aly confronted me, I told her the truth. That was the real end of our relationship and the last time I’d talked to Aly.
A flutter to the right of my ear startled me, and I swatted the air, noticing two hummingbirds at the red bird feeder right above my head. I marveled at their hovering tiny bodies and nearly invisible wings.
“Thank you,” I heard Bobby say, and I turned to see Lydia, one of the many staff counselors, pointing in my direction. A smile sprung to my face. Bobby looked great. I stood and was surprised that my knees were a bit weak from excitement.
“Hey man!” I met him halfway, in the middle of the grey flagstone patio. We were the only ones outside. “Thank you, Lydia.” I waved to her, and she vanished inside with a smile. “Welcome to my humble abode.” I bowed.
Bobby grinned, looking around. “Can I smoke out here?”
“Yep.”
“Do you mind?”
“Nope.” I shook my head and I led him back to the table I’d sat at. “I’ll just sit on this side so the breeze will carry that shit in the other direction.” I’d always hated smoke, and blamed cigarettes for killing Dump. “I’m gonna keep sayin’ it. Stop smokin’. I don’t want to have to bury you for some cancer bullshit.”
Bobby frowned and lit up anyway. “My dad smokes, my granddad smokes, and my great granddad smoked until he was eighty-nine. I’m goin’ with good odds.”
“Fair enough.”
“Why are you still here?” He looked at me, perplexed, as he bit his cig between his teeth and lit it.
That’s the million-dollar question. “Don’t really have anywhere to be.”
Bobby sucked on his cig, inhaling deeply, and blew out a stream of smoke. He nodded and smiled at me like he had a story to tell. He leaned towards me with his elbows on the table. “I came here to tell you I’m getting married.”
A shock tingled at my fingertips. Wow. “Damn. Congratulations.” I sat back into my wooden chair. “Holy shit, man. So you and Marshall?” I knew it was Marshall, but I wanted to make sure.
“Yeah.” His eyes beamed with confirmation. “He popped the question two days ago. He’s been a great fuckin’ partner, Jake. I love him. He wants kids, and I kinda do, too, ya know.”
I was truly happy for them. “I’m stoked for you. Seriously.”
“You’re the first person I’ve told.”
Thinking about Marshall made me think about Aly. I was sure she knew they were getting married.
“When’s the wedding?”
“June fourteenth.” That was just around the corner, and as if Bobby read my mind he explained, “I know it’s fast, but I’m leaving on tour and Marsh is going to Paris for an interview at some high profile fashion house.” He waved his hand with raised eyebrows. “I should pay more attention.”
“You guys going traditional? Like a real wedding?”
He nodded with a corny grin. “Marshall wants a wedding. I’m gonna let him do whatever he wants.”
Having Bobby sitting right in front of me had me all jacked up with happiness. I hadn’t felt uplifted in a long time. I almost
forgot what it felt like. “Man, it’s good to see you.” I leaned in slapping my palms on the beachwood table. Guilt crept up my spine, and I leaned back, shaking my head. “I’m sorry I haven’t been communicating and you felt you had to drive over here.”
He blinked twice, looking a bit serious. “I wanted to. I miss you, man. How are you?”
“I’m actually really good. Been writing a shitton, but not sure what I wanna do with it all.”
Bobby sighed and snuffed out his cigarette in a little silver cup. His eyes searched mine, an indication he had more to say. “What? What else you got?”
“If Marshall really goes for a traditional wedding, I want you to be my best man.”
“Sure. I’m down, man.” I said enthusiastically. “And I’m gonna be the best godfather your kid will ever have. That is, if you’ll allow me the honor.”
Bobby chuckled. “Of course.” He nodded, taking me in for a beat. “And you know if it’s traditional, Aly will probably be Marshall’s best chick.”
This time, my hands and arms went numb and heat flashed over me. “Okay. Is what it is.” I shrugged, sucking in a deep breath. I gestured with a serpentine wave of my arm. “Life rolls on.”
Bobby’s smile was tight. “And there’s more.”
My heart was already pounding like a jackhammer, and now it felt like it would pop out from my ear. “What?”
“Nathan asked Aly to marry him, and he may be at the wedding too.”
I could barely spit any words out, and felt like I was choking. I sprung up and walked to the mini fridge next to the barbeque. Anger, jealousy and loss ignited in my stomach. Taking a can of Coke in my fist, I wanted to throw it through the window and watch the glass shatter like my heart. Instead, I sighed deeply, controlling my emotions, and took a big gulp as if it were a shot of whisky.
“Sorry man. I didn’t know how else to say it.” He shrugged, gesturing apologetically.
I belched unexpectedly and patted my chest. “Damn. I never drink this shit,” I said, staring at the can and then back at Bobby. “You know she’s right over the hill?” I pointed with the can in my hand. “That’s why I haven’t left here.”
Broken Notes Page 25