I don't want anybody to feel pity for me; I want to be left alone. I thought I'd be more upset by finding that my mate had slept with another, but as it's the second time this has happened in 5 months, with the same tramp, I feel as though my tears turn to dust and anger replaces any emotion that begs release. I want to hurt Ruk in return, I want him to feel the way I do, it may not be fair, but life isn't fair.
Fuck this life, fuck everything, and everyone!
In some sad, twisted way, I am looking forward to going to the Dark Coven tomorrow, and excited about the battle that will take place to release some of this rage building within me, even seeing Richard.
At least I know where I am with him, he will show me no sympathy, he doesn't care about anyone. He will choose his life of crime and violence at any chance he has, I wish to be like him in many ways, to only care for myself, not to have to worry and fear for others.
"Morning sweetie, want something to eat?" Dallah asks in a cheerful mood.
"No thanks, I'm gunna head off early, I just want a cup of tea first," I tell her with no emotion.
"Ok. Why so early, you said you didn't need to be there till this afternoon," she asks gently.
"I want to get away from this Dallah," I sadly nod, silently telling her that this is the only thing I will say on the matter.
Nodding her head glumly, she turns her back to me and leans on the sink. I know that she has tears falling down her beautiful face, I sympathise with her, she shouldn't feel for me, because I cannot do it for myself. I got myself in this mess, so it is mine to deal with.
"Dallah, you here?" We hear Julian call to her from outside, his tone sounding off.
"Kitchen," she calls out.
Entering the kitchen, I see a hesitant look on his face just before he smiles.
Quickly diverting his eyes from mine, he walks up to Dallah and kisses her head.
"What you two doing today?" He asks her, meaning the both of us.
"I'm not sure what I'm doing, but Zara...”
"Julian?" I call to him before Dallah can finish speaking.
"Um?" He asks, but doesn't turn to look at me.
"Look at me!" I shout, making him jump.
Turning slowly, we lock eyes, and as soon as we do, I laugh aloud.
"What has got into you Zara, don't take it out on Julian, he has done nothing," she tells me in a hurt tone.
"Um hum. So Julian, what brings you here?" I ask with a grin, making him take a second look at me.
"I wanted to see Dallah, of course," he tells me sounding thrown off.
"Of course," I reply sarcastically, "who sent you?" I ask stirring my tea.
"What do you mean? What's wrong with her?" He asks Dallah.
"Oh for god sake!" I laugh and stand to my feet and walk around the table to come face to face with him.
"Who, sent, you?" I ask angrily, my eyes burning brightly.
"You fucking whore! Who do you think you are!" He yells at me, spit flying on my face.
“What’s going on?” Dallah shouts out, as I wipe the spit from my face, glaring at Julian as I back hand him across the face, making his head snap to the side.
Holding his cheek and standing tall, he laughs in my face before hitting me in the same manner.
I manipulate the air, and throw it viciously into his stomach, causing him to thrash against the wall, and fall heavily to the floor.
"Who sent you?" I repeat.
"Bitch!" He yells with rage and throws his hands up to the sky, with his head down.
Forcing the air out of his lungs with my mind alone, Dallah tries repeatedly to break my focus, but in vain.
"What have you done Zara?" She cries, but as soon as she crumbles to the floor in heartache, she scurries away from him in fear and shock when his body shimmers leaving a man with dreadlocks and a dirty leather jacket, with evil eyes laughing at us as he escapes.
"How...did...you know..." She asks in a shaky breath.
"I just knew."
"I'm so sorry, how could I have not seen it!?" She cries.
"I have been waiting for it to happen.” I tell her pulling her in my arms to comfort her. “I'm sorry I didn't let you know sooner, that was cruel of me, but I needed to have his full attention," I tell her calmly. "Listen, you need to go and find Julian, see he is well."
"Yeah, you're right. Shit! I feel so stupid at being fooled so easily."
"I think that’s what he was hoping for. When I am gone, promise you will keep your eyes wide open to this, this could happen to anyone. Keep my whereabouts to yourself, and warn the others." I tell her strongly.
"I will. You be safe Zara."
"Always."
Watching her disappear before me, I run upstairs to grab my bag before transporting to the Dark Coven.
Chapter 10
Standing in the lobby of the hotel, Richard stands before me as we wait for the woman behind the front desk to find which room we will be staying in.
"Hurry up," he tells her in a bored tone.
Stopping myself from biting back at his attitude towards the nervous woman, I look around the lobby to see nearly every pair of eyes watching us discreetly. Frowning softly, I step a little closer to Richard and lean forward to speak to the woman.
"Please, just give us the first key card that catches your eye," I ask her calmly, not wanting to make her any more nervous than she is.
"Yes Mrs, I'm sorry," she stutters, before handing me the card in her shaky hand.
As I take the card from her, I take her hand in mine and look her in the eye.
"You're doing great, calm down and take a breath," I tell her in almost a song like voice.
Releasing her hand, I smile at her, which I get a sweet smile in return, followed by her taking a calming breath and turning her attention to the couple behind us with a polite smile and noticeable confidence which she lacked gravely.
Making our way to the elevators, I'm startled when I feel Richards hand slip into mine.
I know that we are meant to show the world that Richard and I are one, but I didn't think this part through; I can't stand the thought of his skin touching mine. Nevertheless, I have to forget about that time in my life, forget everything that has happened so far, and think about myself and where I want to be, not that it will ever be at Richard side.
As we step inside the elevator, a man dressed smartly greets us and to my surprise pushes the button to the Pent House, and the ride begins.
Looking at the double bed that sits elegantly in the centre of the lavish room, my eyebrows nit together.
"What's that?"
"A bed," he laughs.
"Oh a bed, what does it do," I joke sarcastically, "where is the other one?"
"There is no other, you can take the couch," he smirks.
"Shot gun."
"What, did you just call shot gun on the bed?"
"Yes, I think I did," I smirk.
"Women," he sighs, "get settled, and then we can take a walk around and visit the function room."
"I'm settled, let's just go now.”
I don't want him to know that if I sit here, I will ponder about Ruk, even Den. I want him to know that I'm ready to do this, but more so, I want to get this over with.
"Right, let's go then," he offers his hand to me.
"We are in a closed room, and the party doesn't start for hours," I tell him in a serious tone.
"I disgust you?" He asks almost sounding hurt.
"No, I distrust you."
"I will not lay a finger on you until the day you ask me to," he tells me without a smile, which I would expect when someone's telling a joke.
"Yeah ok, good luck with that," I laugh and step past him.
"Hold my hand Zara," he demands.
"No, there is no need."
Stepping up close to me, he places his hand in mine and stares into my face, taking it all in, and if I were truthful, making me a little nervous.
"You think if you touch me that you feel some
thing for me, and that scares you."
"It's a frightening thought, but not a true one. Don't let me being here go to your head Richard, I'm here because I need your help, no other reason would bring me to your door," I tell him with my head held high.
"If that is what you want to believe then go ahead, but since that night we kissed, I could smell the desire seeping through your skin, calling to me. Even Ruk couldn't kiss you the way I did."
Faster than lightening, my fist connects with his chin, knocking his head to the side and blood to spray from his mouth.
"Don't you dare," I tremble with rage.
"He really messed you up huh. Use that anger out there Zara, because the next time you lift your hand to me, is the time your friends will be visiting your death bed." He tells me coolly.
"What is wrong with you, were beaten as a child, your mum didn't love you, so you belittle women, speak to them as if they are nothing. Well that stops now, I'm strong, I will take you head on," I tell him bravely.
"You know nothing of my life!" he say’s sneering at me.
"And you know nothing of mine!"
A knock at the door startles us back to the here and now.
Pushing me behind his huge frame, he swings it open with anger on his face.
The woman from down stairs on the front desk stands there with a bottle of champagne and two flute glasses, not to mention a smile so wide that I'm frightened her face will crack, until she spots Richards angry face and falters.
"I'm, I’m sorry for the mix up downstairs; will you take this as a gift?" She asks nervously, eying Richard as if was about to attack her.
Stepping around Richard with a smirk, I take the bottle from her hands.
"Absolutely, how kind of you, just what I needed," I tell her with a real smile.
"You are very welcome. Enjoy your stay, and if you need anything then come to me," she tells us kindly and walks back down the hallway.
Kicking the door shut I turn to Richard with a raised brow.
"Look, we don't like each other for very good reasons, but we never have to see each other again after this. Let's do this and do it well."
"Agreed," he says with a look in his eyes that I'm not sure if it scares me or excites me, whatever it is has soon died when I realise who I'm looking at.
Dressed in a stunning floor length gown with small straps, which emphasises my breasts, and my hair hanging in loose curls, I look at my reflection in the mirror, and see the sad, heartbroken girl I tried so hard to keep within. Nevertheless, I hate feeling this way, and I hate that people can see the hurt I walk around with.
Looking to where Richard stands fixing his suit jacket, I walk up to him with my head held high.
"I need my book back." I tell him meaning the book written by my ancestors, the angels, the book of Kartam.
"I'll think about it, you ready then?" He eyes me from head to toe and a small seductive smile forms on his lips.
"No, I want it now," I tell him strongly.
"Why, what could be so important?"
"It's personal," I tell him with a raised eyebrow.
"Ok, for something in return," he says with a wicked grin.
"It is not yours to bargain with Richard."
"I think you will find it is. However, you can have it back, if you spend the night with me," he says in a serious tone.
"You sick bastard, I am not a whore," I tell him outraged.
"Fine, your loss," he answers with a snort.
Losing my patience with him, I decide to take matters into my own hands and transport to his library in the dark coven.
Scanning through the books with shaky hands, I desperate try to find the book.
"Damn it, where is it!" I screech quietly.
When I first found the book it was right here. Where has it gone?
"What do you think you are doing?" Richards’s voice enters the room.
Without turning to see him, I frantically search for my book.
"It isn't there," he tells me with a laugh to his voice.
Breathing back the tears, I turn to him slowly, and when he sees the desperation in my eyes his smug smile falls and us replaces with a look of uncertainty.
"Please Richard, please give me the book, just for a minute," I beg him with with raw emotion.
I should have learnt to keep my emotions hidden, but every time I close my eyes or even look at a man, I think of Ruk, and how my our life will never be the amazing fairytale that is was only days ago.
"If you tell me why?" He asks gently, and if I'd assume right, a little scared that I am upset.
"I need to numb this pain, there could be something in there," I admit.
"Stay here." He says finally, after watching me closely.
Disappearing from before me, he reappears only moments later holding my book in his hand.
Going to take it from his hand, he lifts it high so that I cannot reach.
"Do you know what you're doing, the consequences in which could follow?"
"I do," I tell him, not caring.
"I'm staying," he warns.
"Fine," I reply, holding my hands out for the book which he reluctantly relinquishes.
Placing the book in my palms, I speak graciously and from the heart,
"Show me how to feel strong at heart and numb of emotions?"
As soon as the words leave my lips, the books pages fly left to right and glow beautifully in my hands.
Stopping on a page with a small marking above the page of a heart with a dagger through it, I eagerly speak the words, or should that be sing, as I am aware that when I read a chant, the words roll off my tongue as a song.
While I sing the ancient words, a blue flame forms, entwining around my arms, down my chest and collecting against my heart.
Hearing the gasp from Richard, I look to him unemotionally before returning my attention to the book in my hands.
When every word has been chanted, I close the book with a frown as I can still feel the enticing pain caused by Ruk's words, his actions. However as soon as the thought appears it vanishes completely with an almighty inhale of oxygen.
"You alright?" He asks nervously.
"Never better," I smile at him, and to my amazement it is a real smile, a happy gleaming smile.
It worked; I don't feel sad, or emotional. I feel strong, and as if I have not a care in the world, why didn't I think of this sooner? It's as if no heartache existed, no broken promises. I am the person I was before coming to America.
"So it worked?"
"It did. Shall we get back then?" I hold my hand out to him.
Placing his large hand in mine, he smirks approvingly before we transport back to our room in Paris.
Walking into the function room of this magnificent hotel, Richard stops me with his hand and stands before me.
"Don't fuck this up Zara, do as I say, kill who I say."
"I know, you really don't have to keep reminding me," I tell him with a raised brow.
Stepping to my side, he laces his arm around my waist and pulls me close to his muscular body.
As we stand alone, surrounded by many strangers, well on my part, a young man steps up to us with a tray of drinks in stunning crystal glasses.
Taking two from the tray, I hand one to Richard, and sip the other in my hand before thanking the man with a wink, and in doing so making him blush the shade of a tomato before walking away.
"Wow, impressive," Richard States, and I frown at him for him to carry on, "that book must be full of chants that could help me, a lot."
"Probably but you’re not going to find out," I reply in a bored tone.
"Prince, you look well, how are things at the Coven?" A man asks with a smirk, he then catches my eye.
"Who is this lovely woman?"
"Zara, I'd like you to meet Charles my cousin. Zara is to be my queen," Richard replays smugly.
"Zara, the Charmer?" He asks in shock and awe.
"Yes. It's lovely to meet you Char
les," I say politely, but watching him carefully.
"How wonderful, I'm sure you and your Coven are extremely happy by the strength she offers," he says getting noticeable agitated.
"Oh very much so Charles, where is Patrick?" Richard replies.
"He is here, I'm sure you will bump into him soon enough. Grandfather will be pleased to hear the news."
"I'm sure he will. We must greet the others, goodbye Charles," Richard replies before turning us away from him before he can utter another word.
"Dance with me," Richard asks.
"I would love to," I smile up at him, and in return make him snort a laugh.
"I like this version of Zara much better," he tells me before leading me to the centre of the room where couples are dancing elegantly.
Placing his arm around my waist, and his other hand sliding into mine, we start to move along with the music.
"I think I might actually enjoy myself tonight."
"Me too," I reply making him laugh and pull me closer.
"You look at me differently. What do you see in me Zara," he asks with lust in his eyes.
"A prick, one that beats woman for his own enjoyment," I smile smugly.
"Except for that," he rolls his eyes.
"You mean on the outside?" He nods, "you are a stunning man," I tell him simply.
"So you would like to share my bed tonight?"
"You mean couch, I have the bed remember." I joke.
"I'm easy."
"Yeah I can see that. Look, I may have dulled any reminder of past loves, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten what and who you are. I can think of Ruk and feel a dull ache, but that's because inside my heart, I love him, but you, I have never loved you Richard, nor could I."
"I'm not looking for love," he laughs.
"That's what I'm afraid of," I roll my eyes making a joke of it. However, I am afraid that I will lose myself in his beauty, knowing that if I did go with Richard, he would not want to love or be loved return.
"Smile on, he is here," he whispers.
Following orders, I smile and wait anxiously.
"Richard child, how have you been keeping? Wow, who is this fine woman?" A man very regal in stature asks, while approaching us. He appears to be in his late 40s, a little shorter than Richard but you can see the family resemblance, he is extremely handsome.
Forsaken (book 3) (The Charmer series) Page 10