Felburgh

by Ivan B

Peter signed.

  “Because of their sexuality?”

  “Because of the church’s attitude towards them.”

  Peter remembered Cameron’s remarks when he saw them in his house and he was at a loss for words. Caroline then said to him in her precisely enunciated speech.

  “Your face says it all Peter, are you sad because they are the way they are?”

  “No, I am sad that the church can be so unwelcoming.”

  Caroline gave him a peculiar look.

  You would have no objections to them working in the church?”

  “None at all.”

  Then Peter was taken totally of guard as she continued.

  “What if I was to ask you if you would accept them as Godparents.”

  “Are they baptized?”

  “All of them. Millie, Geraldine and Tammy have also been confirmed, but that was before they came out.”

  Peter was caught in a quandary, when Caroline said.

  “They are the best and closest friends I have Peter. If Henry and I died tomorrow, I would trust any one of them to bring up Rebekah and Loranah; I would also rest assured that they would be brought up in the knowledge of the love of God.”

  Peter smiled.

  “Then you can ask no more of anyone, yes have them all if you want to.”

  “I do; Millie, Geraldine and Patricia for Rebekah, and Josephine, Susan and Tammy for Loranah. Henry wants Sam as Godfather to Rebekah and Tom for Loranah.

  “When?”

  Caroline shook her head.

  “Let me ask them first.”

  “How does Henry feel about it?”

  She grinned like a child.

  “It was his suggestion. We talked about having them baptized, but I was hesitant about the choice of Godmothers and kept putting the decision off. Henry guessed the reason.”

  At that moment Peter’s organizer beeped an alarm in his pocket. Normally with Caroline this would have made no difference, but Rufus sat up and barked, – two short barks. Caroline gave the dog a quizzical look and Peter caught her attention and showed her his organizer.

  “Another appointment?” She queried.

  “I’m meeting Jo to buy a wedding ring.”

  She smiled.

  “I think her engagement earring is a wonderful idea. I know that you will be happy together, both of you have hearts full of love.”

  Peter drove down to the town centre and then walked to Jo’s shop. He walked in and almost stopped dead; Daphne had gone red, well cerise to be exact. She was wearing red shoes, a red dress, red nail-varnish and had red hair. All the reds were exactly the same shade. In addition she had a red necklace, red bangle, red earrings, red lipstick and red eyebrows. The effect was overwhelming, almost like meeting an animated post-box. Daphne virtually ran towards him and kissed him on both cheeks; she smelt of roses (red roses?) The words tumbled out.

  “It’s wonderful you and Jo, I am so happy for you. I’ve never been a matron of honour before. Jo says I can wear yellow, it is absolutely my favourite colour.”

  She then disappeared into the back of the shop obviously intending to fetch Jo. A few moments later a well dressed young woman appeared from the back and walked out of the shop; she was followed by an even younger woman who was wearing white sports clothing. She came forward to the middle of the floor, put her hands on her hips.

  “Read the sign bozo – we don’t do men.”

  Peter was quite taken aback and said, rather unconvincingly he felt, that he was not here to be done, but to see Jo.”

  She looked at him in a disparaging manner.

  “And why would she want to see you?”

  “Because I’m her fiancé.”

  Her whole demeanor changed.

  “So you’re Peter, the one she’s always mooning over.”

  Thankfully Jo then appeared from the rear of the shop and came over and kissed Peter.

  “Come on Janice, leave him alone,” she said happily. “He’s quite harmless.”

  They went out of the shop and across the alleyway and into Mr. Hudson’s Jewelry shop. Mr. Hudson turned out to be a medium built, grey haired man with a happy looking face. He too offered congratulations and pulled out a tray of wedding rings without being asked. As Jo looked at them Peter noticed him looking at her ruby earring. He reached out and touched her ear to have a good look, then nodded.

  “Nice piece that, especially as it matches her ring.”

  He looked at Peter.

  “Since you bought Jo the pair I’ve tried the market out and paired up some engagement rings with one or two matching earrings.”

  “Any joy?” asked Peter.

  “Unbelievable, I can’t put them together fast enough. The best line seems to be one earring to match the engagement ring. I think so far I have sold six sets and passed three of them onto Jo to have their ear pierced at the top here. Two other customers have seen Jo wearing hers and come in for a similar set. Business has never been so good!”

  Jo pointed to two very plain gold rings, in fact the simplest style on display; Peter thought they were a great choice. Mr. Hudson gave her the small one and she tried it on, almost on as it was slightly too small. Mr. Hudson measured their fingers and made some notes.

  “How much?” asked Peter.

  “Nothing.”

  Jo opened her mouth to protest, but Mr. Hudson got in first.

  “Let it be my wedding present. I’ve known you since you opened the shop and would hardly say boo to a goose. I would be more than proud to give you these rings as a gift.”

  “Blast!” said Jo. “I should have chosen more expensive ones.”

  And they all laughed.

  Peter then took Jo into town and to his bank to open a joint bank account.

  “There’s no need for this Peter,” she protested, but Peter was adamant.

  “You said that you would arrange the honeymoon, and you have all the chattels to buy for the wedding and the reception. It all costs money and I can’t expect you to bear the cost, even in the short term.”

  So they opened the account and Peter had ₤15,000 transferred into it. Once outside the bank Jo protested again.

  “£15000. There is no way I’ll even approach that.”

  Peter smiled.

  “Don’t forget you also want to choose carpets, curtains and apparently such luxuries as a dining table.”

  So they walked arm in arm back towards the shop. When outside Jo suddenly became serious.

  “Peter it seems that your making all the sacrifices. You’re changing your house, your accepting Danielle, your… ”

  Peter gave her a hug.

  “And you’re giving up your independence and the thing you treasure most, your anonymity. You won’t be able to sit at the back of the church anymore and creep out quietly; you’ll be the vicar’s wife – on show and often buttonholed to try and influence me.”

  “Oh that’s started already,” she said. “Mrs. Jones collared me on Sunday morning and asked me to try and influence you to re-introduce sung Eucharist.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I told her to speak to you herself and that I did not intend to get caught up in church politics.”

  Peter laughed.

  “How did she take that?”

  “Surprisingly well. She said that she was sure I would make an excellent vicar’s wife as I had that diplomatic touch.”

  After leaving Jo at the shop Peter went back home for his Monday meeting with Charmian. She was still elated about being ordained priest and the church’s response to her. She told Peter all about the ordination retreat and some of the problems the other curates were having, and then put her head on one side.

  “Do you see me as a threat? Some of the other curates seem to have trouble convincing their incumbents that they don’t want to undermine them.”

  “No, I don’t see you as a threat,” Peter replied gently. “Perhaps that’s because I have learned to hang lightly onto my position as vicar, b
ut for some they see it as a stepping stone to higher things and they don’t want black marks in their file.” Peter paused, “But beware, there are members of the congregation who will unintentionally, or intentionally, try to use you if they disagree with what I am doing. Don’t get drawn in to taking sides, or leading some campaign or other; concentrate on developing your ministry and trying out new ideas while you can.”

  She was quiet for a moment before she answered.

  “When I first arrived here I went to Jane’s and cried my heart out. Remember ‘Not a high church. Not a clergy couple. Not staying here. Not a team ministry.’?”

  Peter nodded; Charmian continued.

  “I thought I’d hate it here, but I resolved to endure it. Jane found me crying and I poured my heart out to her. She said that Felburgh would grow on me and that you were not a pushover, but you were compassionate and kind. That’s all proved to be true and it seems to be working out beyond my wildest expectations.”

  “I’m glad.” He paused. “Actually I have a favour to ask of you.”

  Charmian looked at him.

  “I’d like you to marry Jo and me.”

  Charmian was totally surprised.

  “I thought you’d ask Jane, she seems to know you very well.”

  Peter shook his head.

  “I can’t ask Jane for personal reasons.”

  Charmian considered this, and then the penny dropped, she blurted out, “She’s the J in your Bible isn’t she?”

  Peter nodded.

  “Please don’t spread that around, it wouldn’t be fair on Jane or Jo. It was all a long time ago and in another place.”

  Charmian laughed.

  “When I was at theological college I resolved that I would never marry a divorced person, but like many of my preconceptions, that has been blown out of the water. I’d be honoured to officiate at your wedding, you do realize that this will be my first wedding and I’ll probably get the forms all wrong!”

  After the meeting Peter went to see Dan. He found him at his home saying goodbye to a young girl and her mother. He smiled at Peter.

  “Always make the mother stay, that way there are no misunderstandings.”

  He took Peter into his back room and on the way Peter passed his lounge, in it were two grand pianos interleaved like ying and yang, and an old upright piano. In the back room was a harmonium as well as a three piece suite. After a few pleasantries and a discussion about the next Sunday service Peter tried for a winning smile.

  “Dan I would like to ask you a favour,” he said cautiously still remembering Dan’s rebuff at their first meeting. “I know that you don’t normally play at weddings, but I wondered if you would play at mine.”

  Dan’s face was set in stone.

  “Jack normally plays at weddings.”

  “I know, but I hoped that we had developed respect for one another, and anyway you are a better organist.”

  Dan went quiet and huffed.

  “I have my reasons for not playing at weddings. I’m sorry Peter but I don’t think I could; it’s not you or Jo, I tend to breakdown at weddings.”

  Peter did not know how to respond and was about to say some inconsequential nonsense when Dan spoke again.

  “I was engaged once, but we never finished the wedding. She turned up at the church door and then had second thoughts. The vicar took me outside to talk to her, she said that she did love me, but knew that the marriage would be a disaster for both of us.”

  Dan looked at Peter with sadness in his eyes.

  “She knew what I had never voiced, that I am not heterosexual.”

  He paused to study Peter’s reaction.

  “Homosexual would probably be putting it a bit strong. On the scale from heterosexual to homosexual I am somewhere on the margins, asexual would probably be a better descriptor. But she was right in that I am not a passionate man as far as women are concerned; I certainly would not have been able to give her the love she needed. After the fiasco of the wedding I ran away, really. I moved to another job, but really I ran away. I worked at the St Cedd School for Girls until they decided to go co-educational eight years ago; I retired then and have taught privately even since, but as you saw when you came in I am always careful.”

  Dan eyed Peter again.

  “And in case you are worried, I do not fancy David. I enjoy his presence and his enthusiasm for the pipe organ, it reminds me of my youth, but I do not fancy him. In fact I think he has a young lady who works with your intended.”

  Dan twisted his hands together

  “So I find weddings difficult. I see other people who fall in love and care, really care, for one another when throughout my life I have never really loved anyone, or wanted to. Weddings remind me of what’s missing in my life, that’s why I never play at them.”

  “Are you frightened of your sexuality?” Asked Peter quietly.

  Dan shook his head.

  “I was once, directly after the wedding that wasn’t. I was afraid that I was a homosexual, which is why I went to a girl’s school. But I had a friend there called Gordon; he revealed to me one night that he was a homosexual and talked of his various liaisons. I realized then that somehow I am betwixt and between, neither homosexual nor heterosexual. Neither hot nor cold.”

  Peter picked up on the scriptural reference.

  “And are you worried that God will spew you out of his mouth?”

  Dan nodded. Peter reached out and touched the back of his hand.

  “My God doesn’t work like that.”

  Dan looked downcast.

  “I try my best Peter, I know the theory, that God loves everyone, but somehow just as I find it impossible to love a person I find it just as impossible to know what loving God means.”

  “But you play the organ with such passion.”

  Dan gave a slow smile.

  “It’s when I come alive. Once I sit at the keyboard and generate that wonderful sound I feel alive, the rest of the time I am just…” He searched for the words, “Just devoid of emotion.”

  “But when you play the organ in church, who are you playing for?”

  “God. I only play to please him; that’s the one thing I can offer him, it’s the only time I feel able to accept his love for me.”

  “Then keep playing.” Said Peter.

  Dan shifted slightly in his seat.

  “Do you think it is too late for me to go for counseling? The other day I realized that my parents never showed that they loved me. I can’t remember my mother hugging me, I don’t know maybe they didn’t love me. In any case I started wondering if their lack of love had rubbed off on me and whether or not my lack of love was a hereditary genetic flaw or not.”

  “It’s never too late, but it won’t be easy.” Peter replied.

  “I know that, but I have to know. Peter will you pray for me?”

  Peter spent some time in prayer with Dan and then left for home.

  As soon as Peter got home he took Aquinas for a walk. On his way out of the garden he stopped and talked with Albert. Samantha was coming to visit during the summer, but she was going to stay with a friend in Glumburgh so would not need the use of the studio flat. Peter then walked Aquinas to the Felburgh Creek enjoying the fine weather and getting his mind round the next items on his list. He was deep into thinking about who to have as best man when the Major waylaid him. Since the incident over his wooing of Jo, the Major had been a changed man. He had been true to his word and had been making obvious attempts to examine his so-called certainties. The Major bent down and ruffled Aquinas head, Peter noticed that Aquinas did not object, but neither did he wag his tail. The Major harrumphed.

  “Glad to have spotted you Peter, have you got a minute?”

  “Of course, but we will have to walk as we talk, I don’t want to stop on this part of the promenade, the golf course just over the sea wall may be too tempting for Aquinas.”

  So they walked and talked, eventually the Major harrumphed again.

&nbs
p; “There’s something I want to sound you out about.”

  “Sound away.”

  By now they had reached the far end of the promenade and had passed the golf course, so they sat down on a bench. The Major said, somewhat hesitantly.

  “We had a health and safety review of the church recently and two matters stick in my mind. Firstly the glass screens between the church and the side aisle. When we put them in we considered frosted glass, but went for plain glass as it was both cheaper and, we thought, more practical. However, over the past two years we’ve had two people walk into them and if the Mothers and Toddlers are to continue in the church a child could run into the glass.”

  Peter smiled inwardly; he thought he knew what was coming. The Major ploughed on.

  “When I saw your lounge I started thinking, and I wondered if we could do something similar with the screens.”

  “Like Bible scenes on the upper panes and Children’s pictures on the lower ones?” said Peter, wanting to put the Major out of his misery.

  “Exactly, however there is a but.”

  Peter echoed, “A but?”

  “I don’t think Caroline will attempt the paintings without the help of her friends, I’m not surprised really as she has only just had the twins.”

  “How is that a but?” asked Peter.

  The Major squirmed on the bench.

  “But I have probably offended the ladies in question in the past.”

  “So what’s the solution?”

  “With your permission I would like to personally go and ask the ladies if they will support Caroline in the endeavour.”

  The Majors face said it all and Peter did his best not to smile.

  “You mean enter the lions den.”

  “Lionesses,” said the Major, “one has to be politically correct.”

  Peter chuckled.

  “I think that the idea of the paintings is a good one, and I think your idea of seeing the ladies is also commendable.”

  The Major squirmed again.

  “I think I would rather face a line of charging buffalo, but I think it is the right thing to do.”

  “Then go ahead. And the other item?”

  The Major looked even more apprehensive.

  “The Grand Piano has got wood-worm. It’s not as grand as it looks and it has a wooden frame, it’s riddled. We’ve had to move it out of the church to prevent the worm spreading to the pews.”