Dying To Live

by Sam Carter

  “Yeah. I’m with you. I’m with you on this.”

  “That’s my boy,” Cole said as he ruffled Harlan’s hair, this time mimicking Harlan’s dad. Again, the impression was uncanny.

  “Let me say,” Cole said with a little smile starting to show, “I really appreciate your looking past my stupidity and foolishness. I wish you didn’t blame yourself for my mistakes. I mean, come on, how could the times I’ve done things such as becoming a street pharmacist who produced his own goods be your fault?”

  “Wait. What did you say?”

  “You knew all about that, didn’t you? About my recent past?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I did. But I’d forgotten you were making it. Do you still have your chemistry set? Please tell me you do.”

  “I do, but I don’t use it, and I’m not going to bust it out. I do a lot of things for you, but one of those things is not turning you into another type of addict.”

  “No, that’s not it. Not for that. Come with me. I think I’ve come up with a way to finally use that brain of yours for good.”

  Chapter 25

  For the second time that day, Luke found himself in a dark room in the middle of Seattle. This time, however, it was his choice he was there. This time he was not sitting in some chair made for torture, but in a comfortable chair worthy of him. In fact, this one sure looked a lot like the chair Kenji was sitting in when he met his untimely demise. He was also sitting behind a large, beautiful mahogany desk that was covered with incredible decorations from all around the world. He could get used to sitting in a place like this and all the unbelievable things he could do with this kind of power. Too bad it was all wasted on the person who used it. Such a pathetic use of resources, if you asked him.

  As he sat there, basking in the ease with which he had made his way into what should have been a highly secure building, he smiled. He had been doing a lot of smiling lately. Maybe it was to make up for all the lost time, the lack of opportunities to smile in his life. Just another thing he could blame on his waste of a father.

  Regardless, he could not stop smiling. Right now, the cause for this moment of contentment was thinking of the look that would come on his guest’s face when she entered the room, turned on the light, and saw him sitting at her desk, in her chair. Yes, he knew that it was not his office, so he was technically her guest. But he was no one’s guest. Everyone was his guest, no matter the situation, or where they were. End of story.

  He pictured the look on her face as a combination of surprise, shock, horror, and then superficial excitement to see him. Oh the joys of being Luke Masterson and having the ability to control every situation.

  At last Luke heard the door unlock and slowly open. He could hear his visitor fumble around as she searched for the light switch. Finally she found it and began to walk in, head down buried in some boring paperwork. As she got closer to her desk, she looked up and saw Luke, smiling directly at her. The look on her face did not disappoint at all. It began with a look of “I am going to crap my pants” shock, and then quickly evolved into “I already crapped my pants” horror. But before she could reach the fake excitement stage, Luke began what was going to be a fun conversation. At least for him.

  “Well hello, Dr. Josie Silver. Or would you rather I call you by the name that brought you this undeserved position, Joserin Matsui?”

  Josie cringed in fear as she heard her real name, obviously terrified that someone might hear it.

  “Luke!” Josie said, obviously trying to make it look like she was excited to see him. “What a pleasant surprise. After you didn’t show up to your game last night, I was so worried. We have all been so worried.” She slowly walked toward Luke with her arms wide open to give him some sort of concerned, motherly hug.

  Luke’s arm shot out, and not to give Josie a hug. Quickly and with minimal force because he did not want to kill her just yet, he pushed her away and right into one of the other chairs in her office.

  “Shut up, Josie. Shut. Up!” Luke could feel his anger beginning to boil over and knew that all would unravel rapidly if he gave into it.

  Very few things enraged Luke like lying. It reminded him of his mother and her constant lies. “Today will be better. Just you wait and see.” “He loves us both so much. He doesn’t mean it.” “You have no idea how bad he feels after. He won’t ever do it again.” Every time someone lied to him he could hear his mother’s voice lying to him. Not protecting him. Protecting his father instead. And every time he wanted to hurt that liar, just like he hurt his mother. Every single time.

  Anger was another part of his past that he had worked so hard to control. It was his inability to master his incredible anger and his bouts of depression and delusion that had made his youth so difficult. For so long, Luke had allowed these traits to dominate his entire life and control his actions. But not anymore.

  Now every decision he made, every action he took, everything he did was with a cool head. And on the rare occasion he felt himself spinning out of control, he had learned how to get himself to back away. It was one of many things that he had learned during his time in Japan, and all those things made the lives of those who crossed him more challenging.

  Right now, though, he was finding this self-control increasingly more difficult. After all the Matsuis had put him through, after all their shortsighted decisions, he did not feel the ability to control himself quite as quickly anymore. Knowing he needed to do something, Luke paused, caught his breath, felt a little more in control and continued.

  “I’m sorry for my little, unnecessary, outburst,” Luke said with a measure of calmness. “That was not why I came here to see you. I just wanted to talk. Catch up. See how things are going. It’s been way too long.” Sadly, because of his mother, lying was never difficult for Luke; it came naturally. But this felt uncomfortable and forced. The angrier he became the harder it was to lie. He wanted to yell and make her feel the pain he had felt that very morning.

  “Really? Oh, um, good. Your being here, out of nowhere, surprised me. Quite a bit, actually. Plus, I have been concerned since you didn’t show up last night. I could not imagine you, of all people, not being there for something like that.”

  She just kept lying. She had to be. It made no sense if she wasn’t. Why would she be concerned about him and wonder where he was? She was the reason he missed his game. She may not have been there, but she put him there. She called the shots for the family in Seattle, and she knew Luke knew that. Did she think he was a fool? Did she think he didn’t know how things worked? The arrogance of these people was maddening.

  Something was gnawing at Luke though. Something was off. At the moment, everything about Josie—her speech, her body language, everything—told him that she was telling the truth. And that made him even more concerned. And angry. He was not sure controlling it would be possible, but he needed to try. There was too much left to do, and as much as he hated to admit it, he needed Josie to do it.

  “I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit confused.” Luke didn’t want to sit around and talk about the weather. He wanted this to be quick.

  “Confused about what? Why wouldn’t I be worried about you?”

  “Because you’ve never been worried about anyone. Ever. Why would you start now?”

  “Come on, Luke. Of course, I’m not actually concerned about you. I used the wrong words before. I’m concerned about losing what you bring to the table. What you know. What you can do.” At least she was being honest now. It did make sense as to why everything pointed toward her telling the truth before. She was. Except for one thing.

  “What I still don’t understand is why you were concerned in any way at all. You knew where I was last night. Why pretend that?”

  “I’m not pretending anything at all. I have no idea where you were.” Her words may have sounded sincere, but this time her body language gave her away. She was looking right at him, but it wasn’t natural; it was forced. He could tell by her stiffened posture. And there was one more
thing. As she spoke, she couldn’t stop licking her lips. She was still doing it now.

  With that, Luke had had enough. He slowly stood up and walked over to where Josie sat. He looked at her and began to laugh. Josie, relaxing a bit now, began to laugh, too. Just as she thought all was well, that he believed her lies, he quickly reached down, grabbed her by the waist and slammed her hard against the wall.

  “Why are you lying to me? I’m not a fool. You can’t lie to me!” Josie looked terrified, like she knew death was coming for her. “Speak, Joserin. Say something. Just be careful not to dig your grave any deeper.”

  “Please, Luke. Put me down. Please.” She sounded pathetic and this made Luke’s whole body fill with joy. He loved this feeling of absolute control.

  “No. I will not. Not until you tell me the truth. Don’t you dare lie to me again.”

  “I had no choice. No choice.”

  Luke cut her off. “Stop lying to me. Aren’t you the Matsui calling the shots around here? No choice? That’s ridiculous.”

  “You don’t understand. There’s another. Another with more power, more control. He threatened me with things no one else would know.”

  “Who is this person? I need to know now.”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never seen him. Just heard his voice. Seen his shadow. Felt his presence slowly creeping into every facet of my life. I don’t know anything more than that.”

  She was telling the truth now. She had no reason to lie. But he wasn’t ready to put her down just yet. “He? What did he threaten you with?”

  “He knew things about my past that no one else knows. He knew everything about my daughter and my son. About where they are.” She stammered with guilty emotion. “What, what, what I did to them. Or what I didn’t do for them.”

  “And how does this faceless voice get in touch with you? How does he contact you?”

  “It’s never the same. Ever. Sometimes it’s a message on my phone. Then it’s an untraceable email. Then he just shows up, like I said before, in the shadows.”

  Luke was intrigued by this voice that was terrorizing Josie and running the show on this little operation. At least running the Matsui side, but he still did not have any control over him. Luke wanted to meet this person, this voice.

  “Nice to hear some honesty. I’m glad there is still some honor among thieves. And, being a man of honor myself, I’m going to let you down like I promised.”

  “Thank you, Luke,” Josie said as he slowly and carefully placed her back down on the ground. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore. He would need her to find this new adversary.

  Luke turned and headed back toward Josie’s desk. This time, however, he did not make the same mistake that he made the previous day: the mistake of relaxing. The mistake of thinking that all was well and nothing bad would happen at that exact moment in time. And it was a good thing, too.

  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Josie lunge in his direction. In the split second that he had, Luke reached out and grabbed her by the arm before she could connect the backside of his head with what appeared to be a solid stone paperweight that could have done some serious damage.

  Luke pushed gently, because that was all it took to cause excruciating pain, on a pressure point on her left bicep. Just another trick he learned and then perfected during his time in Japan. Josie’s hand flew open, and she dropped her weapon to the floor as tears filled her eyes.

  “Josie, Josie, Josie. I’ve always known you to be stupid and rash, but a fool? I thought better of you.”

  “I’m so sorry, Luke. I needed to keep you here. I can’t let you go. You’re the only way he will leave me alone.”

  “You do need me, I know you do. It’s good to hear you say that. But you won’t be able to keep me here, not on your life.”

  “Please, stay. Don’t you want to meet this voice? The person who has done all this to you?” Josie was trying to appeal to Luke’s ego. She obviously felt she knew how his twisted mind worked.

  “Of course I do. But not on your terms. And certainly not on his. We will meet when I am ready. When I say so.”

  “Then you need me to help you. I’ll do anything. Please, just don’t kill me”

  “I love hearing you grovel at my feet. It’s very becoming. And please don’t worry your pathetic little head. I’m not going to kill you, but not because I need your help.”

  Josie let out a sigh of relief, thinking this meeting was over. That she had survived.

  “But, my dear Joserin.” Luke whispered in her ear. “That doesn’t mean you will leave here unscathed.”

  Before Josie could even attempt to wriggle free from his grasp, Luke tightened his grip and began to twist until he heard a loud, explosive crack come from her arm. It wasn’t only the sound that helped Luke know it was not just a break, but a complete fracture of her humerus bone, it was the feeling. That sensation, the exhilarating sensation, of feeling something that was once solid and strong snap in your grasp. That feeling of strength, of power, of dominance. Oh, that feeling of complete and absolute control of another person’s ability to function. There was nothing in the world that Luke loved or craved more. Nothing.

  Josie attempted to scream out in pain, but the pain was so intense nothing came out. She just stood there, still locked in Luke’s grip, with her mouth wide open and her eyes pleading with him to stop.

  “Just a simple reminder who you are dealing with,” he said as he let her go, not onto the comfort of her overstuffed chairs, but onto the hardwood office floor. “And another reminder never to mess with me again.” Luke bent over and grabbed her arm with such violent force that her broken bone ripped through her flesh.

  “My goodness, Josie. That sure looks painful. Maybe you can find a doctor, a real doctor, to help you.”

  Josie just stared at Luke with an expression that simply asked why? Why are you doing this? So, Luke answered her look.

  “You have earned this treatment. This pain. Without me, you are nothing. Yet, you forgot and tried to sell me out to some voice in the shadows.” For good measure, he stomped on her already disfigured arm as he began to walk out.

  “And when I want something, when I’m ready to meet this fool, I will contact you.”

  Without giving Josie another glance or thought, Luke slowly and confidently made his way out the front door of the hospital.

  Chapter 26

  “Are you sure this will work?” Cole asked as they pulled up in front of Seattle Children’s.

  “Nope. But it’s all I’ve got.”

  “So then what do you need from me?”

  “Right now? Nothing. Just wait in the car, and I’ll be back in a few.”

  “Got it. But don’t keep me waiting too long. You know how much I miss you when you’re away.”

  “Shut it,” Harlan said as he opened the door to get out.

  Before Harlan went into the hospital he stopped, took another deep breath, and made sure he knew what he was doing. Made sure he was doing what was right for the patients and not just for himself. And he decided it was his only choice. Something more, something deeper, was going on. And this was the only way he could get to the bottom of it.

  As Harlan walked into the hospital, Barry was walking out. It wasn’t unusual to see Barry leaving the hospital late, as he often stayed later just to go around and make sure the night staff knew they mattered. Just another thing Harlan liked and appreciated about this administrator.

  “Harlan! Fancy meeting you here. Why are you walking into work so late on a school night?”

  “Just trying to wrap my head around what’s going on here, ya know? I have some thoughts, and I couldn’t wait until morning to check them out.”

  “Good. This is puzzling for sure. I’m glad you’re working so hard on it.”

  “It’s important to me. They’re important to me,” Harlan said pointing inside to where the patients were resting.

  “I know. It’s what makes you so good. But don’t stay too late. Chec
k out what you need to, then get some rest. Lots of good to do tomorrow, too.”

  “Sounds good. And you get some of that, what did you call it? Rest? Whatever that is, it sounds nice. You deserve to get some, too.”

  They both offered each other an exhausted smile and went in their separate directions.

  Harlan made his way to his office to meet with Clara. On the way to the hospital he had called her to see if she could come help him with his new plan. And, even though she was on a date with the flavor of the month, she dropped everything when she heard it was to help Stacy.

  He thought that he would probably have a few minutes to wait in his office before Clara arrived, but as he opened the door, there she was waiting for him and already in her scrubs. She was geared up and ready to do this thing. Whatever it was. Harlan hoped that after she heard the plan she would still be on board.

  “I’m not sure how you find the time to be late for a last-second meeting, but you’ve found a way.”

  “Did I set a time? I wasn’t aware of that. Sorry about breaking up your date tonight. I hope he wasn’t too disappointed.”

  “What else would he be? But he knows, as they all do, that’s how it’s gonna work if you’re gonna be with me. And complaining about it won’t help, because your number will just return to the queue, and it could be months until you get with this again.”

  Her confidence was both incredible and nauseating. Right now, he needed it though and was glad to have it.

  “But enough about where I was. Let’s talk about where I am now. What’s on tap?”

  “First off, please hear me out before you shoot it down and run to get my license revoked. Can you at least do that?”

  “You’re funny, Dr. Allred. Nothing you could suggest could be that crazy. Give me your best shot.”

  “Ok. Good.” But before he could start to explain the events of the day to Clara, the phone that the voice had given him began to ring. Once again, Harlan froze as he stared at it.