Dying To Live

by Sam Carter

  “Anything for you, Stacy.”

  Harlan walked out and back to his office only to see the nurses, every last one on the floor, standing there, smiling at him as he walked by.

  ***

  Harlan sat at his desk trying not to lose his mind waiting for Joe to show up with the number that he would use to prove Alex was the voice. And then what? What would he do with this information once he knew? He hadn’t thought that far.

  This wasn’t some movie where he could just walk up to him, tap him on the shoulder and say, “I figured it out. You’re the voice, and I’ve caught you. Now turn yourself in and save the kids.” Then the credits would roll and they would all live happily ever after.

  He needed a plan. He wasn’t good at things like this. Cole was. Cole could come up with something on the spot. Where was Cole? Shouldn’t he and Clara be here by now? Harlan’s paranoia kicked in and every worst-case scenario started to run through his head. If only there was some sort of technology he could use to make sure everything was ok.

  As if Cole was thinking the same thing at the same time, the loaner rang.

  “Where have you been?”

  “Geez. Sorry, Mom. I didn’t know I had missed my curfew.”

  “You know what I mean. I just got worried that something had gone wrong.”

  “We were in the middle of nowhere and didn’t have reception. I would have called. I know how you worry about me.”

  “Yeah, that’s it. I’m worried about you. It has nothing to do with the cure that you may or may not have with you right now.”

  “I always knew you loved me for my brain. I feel so used.”

  “Will you two quit flirting,” Clara yelled from the passenger’s seat.

  “You’re not getting jealous, are you?” Harlan was not sure he liked this playful banter between the two of them. He didn’t need them ganging up on him.

  “What’s the story? Did you get it? Did Fang really have what we need?”

  “Slow down, tiger. We got it. Except . . .”

  But Harlan was too excited hear the last part. “Are you serious? He came through. Things are finally looking up.”

  “Yes and no.”

  “And I know who the voice is. I just have to prove it.” Harlan wasn’t listening to a word Cole was saying. The fact that he now believed they were finally in the home stretch and an end was in sight made it difficult for him to think of anything else.

  “Harlan. Calm down. There is something else I need to tell you. Something you might not want to hear.” Cole sounded serious. Something that made Harlan feel more worried than anything else.

  “We only have enough antivenom for eleven kids.” Silence. Both ends of the phone went silent. No one knew what to say. Harlan put his head on his desk, not wanting to ever move again.

  “Harlan? Harlan! You still there?”

  “Physically? Sure. But everything else is gone. We can’t play God and decide who lives and dies. If we can’t save them all, what’s the point?”

  “I know. I know how this must tear you up. But you can’t let them all die just because one won’t live. You have to know that.”

  “I do. Of course, I do. But it doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make it right or fair. How do I decide?” How could anyone decide something like this? Harlan thought. This wasn’t why he had become a doctor, and after all of this, after all the disappointment, he wasn’t sure why anymore.

  “You’ll know. You always do, my brother. I don’t know how you do it, but you always find a way.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Now hurry up. I could use your support.”

  “We are fifteen minutes away. Hold tight and don’t do anything stupid until we get there.”

  Harlan hung up and put his head back down on the desk. It would be impossible for him to do anything stupid when he didn’t plan on moving anytime soon.

  His dreams of lying there until this was over, until this nightmare was finally in the past, were swept away by a knock on his door.

  “Didn’t mean to startle you, Doc,” Joe said as he walked in and Harlan jumped up. That’s right. The phone.

  “Sorry. My mind is still with the patients.”

  “I’m sure. Sorry about what’s going on. Everyone feels it here when so many kids are suffering. Hardest part about working in a children’s hospital, ya know?”

  “I do.” There were plenty of days that Harlan wished he hadn’t chosen pediatrics as his field. The pain of kids was devastating. “You got something for me?”

  “You bet. It was a tough one, too. Whoever did this is didn’t want his number to be found.”

  “But you got it, right? You’re one hundred percent sure?”

  “Yup.” Joe handed Harlan a piece of paper with just ten digits and the phone, too.

  “Did the phone ring at all while you had it?” Harlan hadn’t thought of that before. What if Alex had tried to call him while Joe had the phone?

  “No. Not once.” Harlan exhaled. “Hey, Doc? I saw the texts. They didn’t say much, but at the same time, they said a lot. What’s going on? Why did you want me to do this?”

  “It’s hard to explain. And I don’t think I could if I tried. But this will help. More than you can possibly know.”

  “Glad I could be of service. And if you need anything else, let me know.”

  If he did, Harlan would. It was good to have another person he knew he could trust. He would repay this guy as soon as he could.

  Harlan stood up. He had no idea what he was going to do once he knew for certain that Alex was the voice, but he would figure it out as he went along. Just like he did in times of crisis for his patients, he would find a way.

  Chapter 54

  If someone had told Rodriguez yesterday morning that over the course of twenty-four hours, she would take part in faking someone’s murder (unknowingly, but still a part of it); blame that murder and another one (a two-for-one special of the worst kind) on an innocent doctor; discover that Luke Masterson may have been involved in those murders and even the deathly sickness going around the children’s hospital; find out there was some voice manipulating not only that same doctor, but her partner; and then, to put a bow on it, she would get shot by her partner for trying to stop him, she would have told them that they’d been watching too many Lifetime original movies. But now she sat next to her partner’s hospital bed trying to figure out what had happened that day and how it had gotten away from them.

  Her shoulder hurt, but it would heal, and it would heal fast. Mancuso, on the other hand, was in it for the long haul. That rookie, Bennett, had saved her life with his quick shot. And his poor aim had saved Mancuso’s life, too, but the wound would take a long time to heal. Though not as long as the mental and emotional wounds Mancuso had from his actions. Those might never heal.

  Had Mancuso not smartened up and told this voice character the lie that she and Harlan had come up with, she might not be sitting next to him now. Forgiveness had never come easily for Rodriguez. Not now or ever. She was learning. Not easily, but she was getting there.

  It also became easier to forgive Mancuso when he told her the secrets he was trying to keep hidden. Had they been hers, she would have shot her own mother to make sure they didn’t get out. Especially ones he had hidden so well, not just from his family, but from himself.

  Earlier, right after Harlan had stormed out of his house, Rodriguez stepped hard on Mancuso’s wound. He screamed out in pain and looked at her like a child who didn’t know why he was being scolded.

  “What is wrong with you?” She removed her foot, but left it hovering over his arm as a warning.

  “You don’t understand. You can’t.”

  “You’re right. I can’t understand. I can’t understand how anyone would do what you did tonight. We all cut corners, but this was more than that.”

  “My secrets. He will tell everyone. My life. Ruined.”

  “So you would ruin another person’s life to save your ow
n? What secret can be so bad that you would do all of this?”

  Mancuso looked up at her. “Do you really want to know? Ok. Bennett? Outside. Now.”

  As soon as Bennett left the room, Mancuso began what may have been the most horrible and heart-wrenching story Rodriguez had ever heard and it didn’t take long for her to know why he would do anything to keep this hidden.

  “When I was twelve, my mom died. She got mugged and didn’t have enough money, so the guy killed her. He was so high, I’m not sure he even knew where he was. My dad took it hard. He was a cop who couldn’t keep his own wife safe.”

  She had never heard Mancuso talk about his family before. It explained why he cracked down harder on drugs than any cop she had ever worked with.

  “And I get it, ya know? It was horrible. But he still had me. He just forgot about me. Wouldn’t even look at me. He went back to work the day after the funeral. Didn’t even take a leave of absence. He left me to fend for myself, no second thought at all. Right away he gets put on this intense case, like his captain thought it would help him move past it or something. Stupid, if you ask me. Anyway, it was the huge child porn ring that had exploded in Seattle. This was about the mid-nineties, and the Internet was starting to get big. It made it easier for perverts to hook up.”

  Rodriguez was maybe seven or eight when this case happened, but she still remembered it well. Kids were getting kidnapped and then vile, graphic pictures of them were sold on Internet chat rooms. It was all over the papers, and her parents were constantly warning her about not going anywhere alone and the dangers of any and all strangers. They didn’t have a computer in their home, and she wasn’t allowed near one without adult supervision.

  “Dad became obsessed with the case. He even bought a computer and started using the Internet to find out more about it. If he wasn’t at work, he was in his room. Working. Looking at child porn.”

  Mancuso grimaced. Rodriguez couldn’t tell if it was from the physical pain or the mental anguish of the memory.

  “He started chatting these guys up. A lot. I’m sure at first it was for the job, but then he couldn’t get enough of it. He was no longer a cop trying to crack a case. He was a pervert, too. But the other guys started getting angry when he never sent them any pics. He was getting death threats all the time. He could have just left that world behind and moved on. He had the chance. Why didn’t he take it? Why didn’t he choose me?”

  Rodriguez had a feeling where this was going. She hoped she was wrong. She prayed she was wrong. Yet, she knew she wasn’t.

  “He had me. Me. His son. His own flesh and blood. With no one to protect me. He would take me to the basement. Make me undress, take off everything. He would yell and scream and hit me until I did it. He wouldn’t let me eat or go outside until he got the pictures he wanted. And those guys, those perverts, never got enough. They were always asking for more. My dad started charging more and more. He was making big bucks off me. And then, that was no longer enough. Not for any of them.”

  Mancuso paused and looked past Rodriguez like he was trying to see beyond the memory. Hoping it would fade and never come back.

  “One guy offered a lot of money for me to sleep over at his house. My dad didn’t even question it. He just drove me over and dropped me off. He let some guy have his way with me. All night. Then he picked me up, like nothing had happened. He sold me for sex, and he didn’t even care.”

  Rodriguez had a hard time imagining something like this could really happen. How could anyone do this to a child? To his own son?

  “Once word got out, I was with someone different almost every night. Passed around like a sack of potatoes. Like something to be bought and sold. Because that’s all I was. They even started taking me on vacations all over. Paying tons for the chance to take me away and rape me for hours. My dad got loaded. This went on until I was fourteen. Two whole years. Then it just stopped. I guess I got too old for their liking. I was no longer useful to them. Or my dad.”

  Rodriguez just stood there. Stunned. Mortified. She couldn’t comprehend what Mancuso had been through. What he still went through. He could have shot her a thousand times to keep the truth from coming out, and she still would have forgiven him.

  “Can you imagine what would happen if anyone found out about this? My wife and kids would be devastated. They could never look at me the same way again. My career would be over. A detective who was sold for sex by his father? No one would take me seriously.”

  More than anything she wanted to tell him that wasn’t true. His family would still love him. None of the other cops, especially those that mattered, would care. He would be fine. But it wouldn’t do any good. Devastation, traumatic, horrifying devastation like Mancuso had been through warps the brain. Makes you believe you are worthless. Makes you think no one could love you if they knew.

  “And those guys that did this to me, I don’t want them to find me. I don’t want to see them ever again.”

  Rodriguez finally did put her arms around him, and they sat like that until the ambulance arrived to take them away.

  “You’re not crying over me, are you?” Mancuso had woken up from the drugs they gave him for pain and startled her back to the present.

  “No. No way. Me? Cry over you? Never. Good to see you’re awake though. How are you feeling?”

  “Horrible. But, it’s ok. I deserve it. I’ve been thinking about what Harlan said about Luke Masterson.”

  “I didn’t know you heard that.”

  “That house was so empty. Everything echoed. We could hear everything. Anyway, what do you think? Think Masterson has something to do with this?”

  “I do. I think he has a lot to do with it.” She expected Mancuso to laugh at her and call her out for her stupid theory. But he didn’t.

  “Me, too. I think we find him, we will find the voice, too. Then all of this will stop.”

  “I know. But how? What do we do? How do we find him?”

  “Not we. I can’t go anywhere. You. Go, find Masterson and the voice. And put an end to this now.”

  “Yes sir!” she said with a sarcastic salute. That got a little smile out of Mancuso. “Where do you think I should even start?”

  “Harlan saw Masterson at the children’s hospital, right? Go there. Everything that has happened the last few days leads there.”

  Chapter 55

  Harlan paused and sat down on a bench as he made his way to the fourth floor. As much as he was ready to do this, he was unsure of how it would go and if it would even matter. He told himself that knowing for certain that Alex was the voice was essential for him to save his patients. He needed to remove Alex from the situation. Once Alex figured out that Harlan had the cure, the chance of actually getting the antivenom into their bodies was slim to none. He would block them at every turn.

  The question was how would he get Alex out of the way? Harlan didn’t have a clue. He didn’t have a relationship with Alex, not even much of a working one. He didn’t know enough about him that he could use to get him out of the picture and do what he wanted.

  Harlan’s mind was clouded by Cole’s revelation. One of the patients would not get the antivenom. One of them would die. There was no way around it, and that crushed Harlan down to his soul. Even if he found a way to get past Alex, it wouldn’t matter. One of those families would go home without a child.

  “Harlan, are you all right? You look like death.” Harlan looked up and saw Dr. Diana Baxter, another one of his fellow pediatric surgeons. She was the opposite of Alex. Friendly, calm and helpful to all. She even had a good relationship with Alex. Harlan had no idea how she did that.

  “Thanks for the compliment. That’s the exact look I was going for when I got out of bed this morning.” Diana laughed. She always laughed at his jokes, mostly because she was too nice not to. “Other than looking horrible, I’m all right. This stuff with our patients is difficult to handle right now. Harder than it has ever been.”

  “I know. It has been for al
l of us.” Diana sat down next to him and locked her arm with his. “Why did we go into pediatrics again?”

  “I ask myself the same question all the time.”

  “Me, too.” That was the first time Harlan had ever heard Diana not be completely positive. “This has been the most difficult few days for me. I feel lost. Do you have any ideas about what’s going on?”

  “I might. I need to look at one more thing, and then I’ll know for certain.”

  “That’s good news, Harlan. What do you think it is? How can I help?” Harlan didn’t want to tell her. He was afraid she would tell Alex, which would make sense for her to do, but he couldn’t risk it.

  “I’m afraid if I say it out loud it will jinx it, and I’ll be wrong.” That was lame. He used that same logic all the time when watching sports, like having to get food and be in his seat before the game or sitting a certain way on the couch or his team would lose. It was lame then, too.

  “I get that. Everyone has their ways of doing things. Most of them are insane, but whatever works, right?”

  “True. We are all a little insane.”

  “I need to go, but good luck. Let me know what you find out and how I can help.” Diana got up and began to walk away.

  “I will.” Harlan now had an idea of how he could do what he needed to do. Harlan stood up, filled with confidence. He finally had a plan to get Alex.

  As Harlan got closer to his destination, he pulled out the loaner. He knew that if he used his phone or the phone Alex so graciously gave him, Alex would know it was him calling. He also figured that Alex wouldn’t answer his phone from a number he didn’t recognize.

  Harlan didn’t want to talk to him anyway. What would he say? “Alex! It’s me, Harlan! Caught you sucker!” There were no scenarios where Harlan saw that going well. All he needed to do was hear Alex’s phone ring and see him look down at it. This would confirm what Harlan already knew.

  The only thing he worried about now was that Alex wouldn’t even be there. With the way the last few days had gone, that would make sense. Why would it be this simple?