Choose Me

by Valentina F.

  "I love you, so much," I whisper softly, my mouth on hers.

  Without taking my mouth off hers, I help her roll the condom down along my erection, and we make love right here, on Maddy's solid wood dining table, my heart pounding in my throat, my hands that won't stop shaking, and it's the most intense pleasure I've ever experienced.

  I don't how we got in this state, it was too intense, over too fast. All I know is, there are clothes everywhere, her braid is a mess of tangled hair, and I'm sweating more than if I'd run a marathon in the scorching mid-August sun.

  I cover her face with tiny kisses, then her neck and shoulders and she giggles with pleasure. I need to take a shower, clean myself up, however.

  "I told you we wouldn't make it in time..." Her sassy tone makes me laugh.

  "That's because you're a bad girl and very naughty."

  She kisses me softly. "Very, very naughty." We get lost again in an awesome kiss, all the time trying to regain control of our bodies.

  Car headlights light up the room as if it were day and we both leap to attention. I look outside and recognize Erika's car.

  "Shit!" I yell, tearing myself away from Blondie.

  Half a second later, she's on her feet, laughing. "Shit, they're back!" And I laugh nervously, too.

  We start picking up our clothes, which are scattered everywhere, gathering my shoes, boxers, and the shopping bags in one swift movement.

  "I can't find my underwear!" Blondie can't stop giggling, while I'm getting more and more agitated. I don't want them to find us naked in the living room, it would be too embarrassing. Funny, yeah, but I'd die of shame.

  "Under the table!" I yell as I grab her skirt.

  Her arms full, Cat runs toward her room, but plants herself in the middle of the corridor and I almost knock into her.

  "The condom wrapper!" She turns back to the living room and I'm startled to hear Erika and Mark in the driveway, only a few feet from the front door.

  She dashes into the living room, grabs the wrapper, and leaps back into the corridor, but one of my shoes falls to the floor and now I really can't stop laughing.

  I've no idea how we do it, but we get to her room one second before we hear Mark and Erika's voices from the living room. I drop everything on the floor and cover my face with my hands, trying to stifle my hysterical laughter. She does the same and our clothes are scattered over the floor once more.

  "That was close..." She laughs and I stride toward her.

  "It would have been pretty embarrassing."

  "Caught in the act like two kids. I'd never be able to look them in the face again. Well, I mean, I'm leaving tomorrow, but you'd have to move to another state."

  She's grinning, but when she says "I'm leaving tomorrow," our euphoria vanishes in a second. I don't want her to go. Not now that it's taken us so long to find each other again.

  "Don't go." I rest my forehead on hers and inhale her scent. How she can still smell so good after what we were doing only five minutes ago is a mystery. She lightly strokes my cheek without replying.

  "Wait here, okay?" I pull away from her. I really need to freshen up.

  I take a quick shower then wrap a towel around my waist and one second before leaving the bathroom, I remember I have only a few hours left to spend with her and I want those few hours to be intense and unforgettable.

  I run hot water into the tub and pour in her expensive bubble bath. The tub begins to fill up with scented bubbles and I join her in the bedroom.

  Blondie's right where I left her but now she's wearing a t-shirt, pulling the hem down to cover her legs.

  Now she's being shy?

  We hear Mark and Erika's voices coming from Erika's room and Blondie, index finger on her lips, signals for me to shut up.

  "Mark, keep out. Leave them alone."

  Cat giggles. "Mark said he wanted to come in and make sure everything's okay," she whispers. "According to him, your car's parked out front and it’s too quiet in here."

  "So, my brother wants a little action, does he?" I pick her up and she lets out a surprised shriek, and claps her hands over her mouth. I carry her into the bathroom and set her down on the marble top.

  "You don't need this..." I take off her shirt and gaze down at her in the glow of the lights. My avid mouth has left red marks all over her body. Her eyes flicker to the bathtub and she glances around the room as if she just entered it for the first time. She doesn't like to be seen naked but she'll have to get used to it, because I'm determined to memorize every inch of her body.

  When the tub is full, I turn off the water and help her climb in. She casually covers her breasts with her arms but it's the area between her legs that attracts my attention...shit, I'm hard again.

  "What time do you have to leave tomorrow morning?"

  She lets out a long sigh. "I booked a cab to pick me up at six."

  "Perfect, that leaves us..." I check my watch. "Five hours and fifteen minutes. I'll take you to the airport."

  I join her in the tub and her wet body against mine, the soap on her skin, making it softer and smoother than ever, gives me a thrill I've never felt before. She leans her head back against my chest while I trail a lathered sponge over her arms.

  "Ben...I have to tell you something. It's important." Her voice trembles and my heart skips a beat.

  "No. No, no. Not now. Whatever it is, I don't want to know." She sounds embarrassed. I don't care what she has to say, I won't let her ruin this moment.

  She giggles and turns to look at me. "Sure?"

  "Nope, don't want to know."

  "Okay, whatever...but it's something nice." She shrugs and smiles sweetly.

  "Okay, then. Go on..."

  "No, no, you're right. I'll shut up now."

  I grab her playfully and push her down until her head is almost under water. "Stop teasing me! Come on, tell me!" I threaten to push her down again and she laughs happily.

  She suddenly flips herself around until she's straddling me, rubbing herself against my erection.

  I can't get enough of her. "Behave! I don't have anymore condoms on me, they're all at home." I warn, but I can't stop stroking her face and kissing her pouting lips.

  "I just wanted to say, you gave me the most spectacular orgasm...ever..." Her eyes light up and I literally burst out laughing. I throw my head back and laugh out loud, my mouth wide open and, at this point, I don't give a shit if people hear me, her expression melts me into a million pieces.

  "Oh, Blondie. And I wasn’t even trying!" I tease.

  I take her face in my hands and kiss the tip of her nose. I'll never share her with anyone, ever.

  "Cat..."

  "Mmm?"

  "Choose me."

  46

  He was right. The next orgasm was fast and overwhelming, a rush of emotions that left me breathless, exhausted, and drained. I knew we'd have to make up for lost time, but I didn't think we'd do it in just one night.

  The alarm on my cell phone rings and I turn it off before it wakes Ben. His arm is wrapped tightly across my stomach and I lift it delicately and slip out from underneath. I sit here in silence for a few minutes, just watching him. He's so beautiful, his ruffled hair falling over his eyes and a serene expression on his face, the look of someone sleeping blissfully, dreaming of wonderful, far-away places. A slight smile plays on his lips, accentuating his sweet, perfect features.

  I didn't tell him I love him. I think he knows, but I didn't tell him.

  I make my way to the bathroom on weak legs, my muscles sore, trying not to make any noise. I don't want to wake him and I certainly don't want him to take me to the airport. I'll never find the courage to say goodbye. Don't know how I'm going to live without him for two whole weeks without having told him how I feel and it would be too painful to say goodbye at passport control. I have to go to Rome, break it off with Leonardo, and come back to Ben. That's my plan.

  I don't have enough time to wash my hair, but when I check my reflection in the mirr
or, I get quite a shock. My hair is an awful, tangled mess and looks filthy. I gather it up in a French twist on top of my head, not daring to think what my father will say when he sees me like this. I take a quick shower and two minutes later, I'm wrapped in a towel. I can skip washing my hair but there’s no way I’m leaving the house without washing away the residue of the most amazing night of my life. Will it always be like this with him? One magical night after another? I smile as I gaze at my reflection. My lips are washed out and I have huge purple circles under my eyes.

  I get dressed in silence, then tiptoe back to my room. I pack my beauty case inside my suitcase then, without making a sound, drag it into the family room. The kitchen is perfectly still and when I open the refrigerator door the noise is deafening, as it cuts through the gloomy silence of the house.

  I pour myself a glass of fruit juice and, as I sip it, I find myself staring at our Christmas tree. It's turned off, but I can see the red envelope perched between the branches. I decide to leave the envelope with the concert tickets on my pillow, next to his head, far from prying eyes.

  I take a piece of paper from the block we use for writing shopping lists and think for a couple of minutes before writing:

  Don't open the red envelope until Christmas Day...and, Ben, I have something to tell you...it's important, but now I think of it, you won't want to know, so I'll shut up...I'll tell you when I get back...will you wait for me?

  Why am I mocking him like this? By the time he wakes up, I'll already be in the air and, knowing how impatient he is, he'll be chomping at the bit, striding restlessly around the house. Not to mention, how pissed King Carter will be when he realizes I left without saying goodbye.

  I have a million things to tell him, not just one, but he'll have to wait for me to get back, because I want to look him in the eye when I tell him.

  I go back to my room and gaze down at him, trying to resist the temptation to touch his face, to caress him, and softly kiss his lips. I refuse to give in, I won't let myself wake him.

  One arm is tucked under the pillow, his face burrowed into the mattress, his right arm reaching out toward the place where, only a few minutes ago, I was laying next to him.

  I place the red envelope and my note on my pillow and take a deep breath. I'm going to miss him so much, this crazy musician who has shaken me up, body and soul, with the force of a hurricane, making me question my whole existence. He turned my life upside down, and I let him, too weak to resist.

  I tiptoe out of my bedroom and drag my enormous suitcase out of the house. The cab arrives a few minutes later and, as we pull out of the driveway, my face is glued to the window as I instantly regret not waking him.

  I have visions of those movie scenes, where the hero runs out of the house in his underwear, chasing desperately after the cab. I can just imagine Ben, begging me not to leave, yelling that he loves me. It doesn't happen, of course. The cab glides quickly through the residential streets and, two minutes later, takes the airport road.

  For the first time in my life, I actually slept on the plane, despite the guy in the seat next to mine who kept the blinds open the whole flight, almost blinding me, and must have called the poor flight attendant forty times for food and drink. I slipped my earbuds in and listened to Ross Copperman's song at least thirty times, finally falling asleep with his sweet notes playing in my ears, thinking of Ben singing the same song to me, only a few hours earlier.

  I remember to switch my American SIM card for my Italian one and, as soon as the plane touches ground, I turn my iPhone on to find one, solitary message. From Leonardo. He's waiting for me in Arrivals...

  I can't help making a face. I don’t have the strength to face him right now and, anyway, I thought my dad was picking me up. My post-sleep good humor vanishes instantly, and the feeling of bliss that accompanied me from Orlando evaporates. How am I supposed to behave with Leonardo, when I still have the signs of my night with Benjamin on my body?

  My father calls me while I'm waiting for my bags. "Ciao, bambina mia! Have you landed yet? How was the flight?"

  "Good. Why aren't you here to pick me up?" I snap, though he doesn't deserve it.

  "Leo insisted on coming. Tonight however, it's just the two of us and your grandparents, I promise. Has your suitcase arrived yet?"

  "Not yet," I snort. "See you at home anyway." I hate speaking to my dad like that but, damn! He told me he'd pick me up and now I have to face Leonardo and I'm not ready.

  I almost don't mind the twenty-five minute wait for my case. My iPhone is mute, not one message from Ben. I was hoping to find something at least, and I can't hide my disappointment. I'm so upset, I can hardly swallow for the lump in my throat.

  My bag comes around the carousel and a nice guy helps me heave it off the belt, asking in Roman dialect if I have a body hidden inside. I have to laugh. All things considered, I missed hearing the Roman accent. I come out through the huge sliding doors and spot him immediately. He has his hands in his coat pockets, a pair of Ray-Bans perched on top of his head and the sweetest grin on his face.

  Shit!

  47

  I lie here, awake, eyes shut tight. I know she's gone. I’m too rested to have only slept a couple of hours and I can sense the emptiness on the other side of the bed. I prise open one eye and turn toward her nightstand, where her clock tells me it's past eleven thirty.

  I never heard a thing and she left without waking me. I didn't get to speak to her or say goodbye or even send a stupid message to wish her a safe journey. I close my eye and pull her pillow over my face; it smells of fruit-scented shampoo and her.

  She's been traveling for three hours now and it will be at least another six before I can talk to her. The pillow suffocates my cry of frustration. Damn! I don't recognize myself anymore. That girl has turned me soft and I'm addicted to her.

  I turn over and something jabs my neck. It's a red envelope with my name on and there's something inside. I sit up and notice there's also a sheet of white paper, her beautiful handwriting all over it. I read it thirty times, over and over:

  Don't open the red envelope until Christmas Day...and, Ben, I have something to tell you...it's important, but now I think of it, you won't want to know, so I'll shut up...I'll tell you when I get back...will you wait for me?

  I'm grinning so much I'll get a cramp in my jaw. I'd wait my whole life for her. I seize the red envelope and tear it open...did she really think I'd wait until Christmas?

  Inside, there's a card with Rudolph on the front, with a huge, red plastic nose. I open it and it plays a Christmas melody and Rudolph's nose begins to flash. Two pieces of paper fall from my hand and land face down on the bed.

  I pick them up and turn them around. Holy shit! It's two tickets for the Breaking Benjamin concert! I sit up straight, turning them over and over in my hands. How did she get a hold of them? It says on their website that tickets won't be available till mid-January.

  Wow! That spoiled brat managed to get tickets before me!

  I find it hard to swallow, my saliva gets stuck in my throat. I'm definitely turning soft. I shuffle the tickets between my fingers and it's only then that I notice the date. July twenty-first. She'll be gone by then, back to Italy, and just thinking about it makes the lump in my throat even bigger. I can't think about it now, one step at a time. First I have to get through the next two weeks and make sure she comes back to me, that she chooses me.

  I'm about to put the tickets back inside the card, which is still playing its tinny melody, when I notice she's written something. It's a phrase from “Breath”, her favorite song, the one I sang to her last night.

  Was it only last night? It feels like an eternity since I was on stage, watching her, seated between Jessica and Erika, her braided hair hanging to one side, shiny red gloss on her lips, wondering if she was ever going to give me a second chance.

  Before I told her that I love her with all my heart, before we spent an unforgettable night together.

  My car is
still parked outside in the driveway and I know both Jessica and Erika are home because their cars are parked behind my Mustang and Blondie's Wrangler, blocking the way.

  I could try and sneak out but what's the use?

  I grab my phone and start writing a message to Blondie. It's about a mile long and I delete the words 'I love you' at least six times. I pull on the same jeans and shirt I was wearing last night, feeling strangely relaxed and rested, unable to wipe the stupid grin off my face, then tiptoe out of her room.

  The house is silent, but just before I get to the front door, Jessica's high-pitched voice stops me in my tracks. "Where do you think you're going? Kitchen, now!"

  I throw my head back, trying to recompose my face and, before entering the kitchen, I cast a glance over at the wooden dining table, searching for evidence of what we did on top of it, but everything seems to be in order.

  "Morning," I announce, trying not to laugh, my voice tense. I was always so good at scowling, I've been doing it for years, but now, for some reason, I've forgotten how.

  Erika's in the swivel chair, holding a cup of coffee, while Jessica is cross-legged on the sofa. "There's fresh coffee..."

  I don't say anything, I just follow her orders. I take my time pouring myself a cup then slowly sit down between them.

  "Well?" Erika asks impatiently.

  "None of your business," I reply calmly, then take a sip of my coffee. "Erika, you made this, didn't you?" I point at the muddy liquid in my cup and she makes a face. "Shit! It's undrinkable."

  "That's not true!" she snaps in irritation and I bite my tongue to keep from laughing.

  "Benjamin Carter, don't change the subject." Jessica points a finger at me.

  "I'm not changing the subject because there is no subject. You're both just nosey!"