Crushing Misery

by Kinsey Taylor

  I sit there with tears pricking the backs of my eyes, blurring my vision while I take in his words. My mother was raped. I shoot straight up, knocking my chair back and bolt to the front door. I can’t breathe. This isn’t happening. So, all these years I wasn’t really his daughter, and because of what happened, he blamed me - a child - taking all his pain and agony out on me. Pulling out my phone, I dial Corbin’s number.

  “Hi, Boss.”

  Silence. I can’t get anything out.

  “I-I need you, Corbin,” I bawl.

  “Where are you?” he barks.

  “Molly Malone’s.”

  The phone goes dead. I lean against the wall and slide down plop and wrap my arms around my legs in front of the pub, staring out at nothing while tear after tear keeps falling. I must look like a mess, but right here, right now, I don’t care. I’m feeling every crushing pain inside me floating to the surface. It’s too much to handle. I never even heard Corbin pull up; I’m that numb. I feel his arms lifting me, as I lie limp against his chest. He places me inside never saying a word. I lean into the car window feeling the cool glass press to my cheek and act asleep the entire ride home. I hear the car engine die and feel him turn in his seat to face me.

  I sit still, my eyes remaining closed trying to escape the darkness and sorrow. He carries me inside, lays me down in his bed and strips me out of my clothing. I feel the bed dip and his arms wrap around me. I try focusing on the rhythm of his heart beating against my skin. I fail and fall to pieces, and he holds me tighter allowing me to cry. I turn to him reaching for his chest, gripping him so tightly I can feel him flinch.

  “What is it, Kennedy? Please, talk to me. You’re scaring me. Did someone hurt you?”

  It only makes me dig my nails deeper, and I lose the last bit of resolve I have.

  “W-Why me?? C-Corbin, why does everything have to h-happen to me? I’ve never hurt anyone. Help me understand. Please, explain it to me?”

  “What happened, Boss? I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

  I let go of him opening my eyes. The fear I catch sight of reflecting in his eyes was devastating to see. Wiping away my tears as I feel the snot run down my chin. Getting up he walks over to the dresser, pulling out a handkerchief handing it over to me.

  “I-I went to see my dad today.”

  “What? Why the hell did you go without me?”

  “I-I felt this was s-something I needed to do on my own. I’m sorry, Corbin. I didn’t it do it to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “I do, babe, but I fear for your safety, Kennedy. I couldn’t live with myself if anything else happened to you. How am I suppose to protect you when you hide this shit from me?”

  “P-Please, hold me, just hold me. Don’t let go.”

  Pulling me into his warmth once again, I lie there feeling cocooned in my haven which is Corbin Nash.

  “He told me my mom was raped, and a month later she found out she was pregnant with me.”

  “What the fuck? Carl told you this?” I nod into his chest.

  “Oh, Kennedy, I’m so sorry. Shit! I don’t know what to say.”

  “I’m a product of a rape, Corbin. How am I supposed to feel about that? Carl was never even my real dad, and because of something I had no control over, he felt his abuse was justified. I’m so damn confused.”

  He pulls me in tighter.

  “Corbin take all this pain from me. Make me feel only you and me, our connection and nothing else. Don’t be gentle, release the beast on me. Let him rip away the pain and replace it with your love.”

  He complies, and I know I’ll be sore in the morning. Anchoring every moment of my hurt with his. We lie together for hours, and he finally breaks the silence and softly says,

  “What do you want for the future, Kennedy, where do you see yourself, in say, five years’ time?”

  “I hope to own my own building for my photography business, even if it’s small. I’d like to recruit kids coming right out of high school or young adults from college, and help them build the skills to become amazing photographers. I hope to get married again, even as loony as it may sound, and have more babies. Ashlynn is the one thing in all the disarray who I’m so unbelievably thankful for. Her love got me through so many hard times. I may dislike her father, but I’m grateful to him for blessing me with her. What do you see?”

  “This took me awhile to come up with. With all the money from my winnings and sponsorships, I’m going to buy the Olympic Fitness Center. I’d like to purchase the back lot behind the center too, and expand it into a huge training facility. I want to add on a rehabilitation center to help anyone who gets injured and needs it. I’d like to marry the woman of my dreams, and yes, even start a family. The one thing I’d love to do is adopt Ashlynn as my own and give her my last name. How do you feel about that?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “As serious as a heart attack, Boss.”

  “I’d like that a lot actually. You’ve been so amazing with her. She’s already chosen to call you daddy. For as shitty as this day has been, you sure know how to cheer up a girl.

  “I hope I always will, Boss. I love you.”

  “I love you. I’m all tuckered out, dude. Need sleep.”

  He kisses my head, and I cuddle into him quickly falling asleep.

  ***

  The following weeks fly by. I’m visiting my counselor regularly on a weekly basis. I couldn’t go back to the same counselor I had before I left. Mrs. Archut, the counselor from Azuela, recommended a counselor out here for me to see. I couldn’t have been more excited to find another female counselor who can dig out my past making me acknowledge I can’t change what has happened. But I can change the way I let it affect me and hold me back.

  I woke this morning with a new determination I was taking the bull by its horns, and I was getting my life together. I was going to leave the past in the past as the saying goes, “Inhale the future and exhale the past.” I feel better than I have felt in months with Corbin at my side. He is so supportive of my needs; he understands when I need space to figure things out on my own. He calls asking to meet him at a building by the center. He told me he needs my opinion before he can make the final decision to purchase it. It was the same with buying the back lot; he includes me in everything, even in the details of his plans to make it exactly as he has envisioned.

  Epilogue

  Corbin

  For months now, I have been planning this for Kennedy, and the day is upon us. Staying calm on the phone this afternoon while I asked her to meet me tonight was unbelievably hard. I made jokes like I normally did to disguise how nervous I am. I hope she will fall in love with this space because it is perfect. I pace around the room, and the wait is making me sweat; my heart is racing, and, man, I hope she arrives before I pass out. Please don’t screw this up, Nash.

  A knock on the door makes me jump. I race over to open it, and she is there… a vision of beauty, the woman I could only dream of, and she is all mine.

  “Hi!” I say.

  “Hi, to you too, Playboy. What are you up to, Nash?” She giggles eyeing my attire.

  “I have a function to go to tonight and I wanted to show you this place before I head out. Why are you bagging on my digs?”

  “Alright, give me the grand tour. I’m only teasing you because you are wearing a suit. ”

  We walk around the small space, and the sparkle in her eyes as she takes in everything is the reason I adore her. She sees past the dusty mess of a building to the magic that this place could become.

  “I can imagine it perfectly. I think it’s a wonderful idea. I can’t wait to see how it all turns out. I want to come back before you get started and take a before and after shot, that way we can compare them once everything is finished. How fun would that be?”

  “Sounds great to me, Boss.” I wink. “Alright, I need to head down to the center and grab a few things. Want to run down there with me before you head out?”

  �
��Sure.” She eyes me suspiciously.

  When I reach the door of the center, I spin her around and push her against the wall. Smashing my lips to hers, I kiss her, pouring all the love inside me into her. Breaking the kiss, I look deeply into her eyes.

  “I love you, Kennedy.”

  “I love you, too, Corbin. Wow, that was sure some kiss there, buddy. Panty-dropping good.”

  Adjusting myself, I pick her up and push the door open. The cheers that follow as we step inside is awesome and having the ones we love to experience this special moment with us is amazing.

  “What the… What’s going on, Corbin? Put me down.”

  I place her down and reach into my pocket and pull out the paper that took me days to write.

  “I’m not very good at this poetry stuff like you, so please, bear with me okay?”

  Getting down on one knee, I watch as Kennedy’s hand shoots up to her mouth but not before I catch the smile that graces her soft pink lips.

  A Promise

  A Promise is kept through the worst we see

  But nothing matters most, it’s just you and me

  I won’t ever leave, I’ll always stay

  Just as long as you keep your promise for today

  We’ll hold each other through thick and thin

  And we’ll get out of whatever trouble we’re in

  Just as long as you’re there, there’s nothing to be afraid

  Just knowing you care, I’ll keep that promise for today

  When life is short, and I’m on wounded knee

  I just have to know

  Will

  You

  Marry

  Me?

  Letting the paper fall away, I open the box I’m holding in my other hand, giving her a view of the vintage, round shaped diamond sparkling as it catches the light.

  “Yes! Yes, Corbin, I’ll marry you! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you did all of this for me.”

  I hear the cheers and claps that follow from our friends and family. The best part is still to come; she hasn’t seen that I have flown in her Grams and Pops for this special occasion. Kissing her, I lift her in the air and spin her around.

  “She said yes!!” I yell out in happiness. “I have a couple more surprises for you. The building I just showed you, I bought it for you. This way you can start on one of those dreams you have. The other surprise is standing right over there.”

  I point in the direction of her grandparents. She turns back around and hugs me.

  “I love you! Oh my gosh!”

  “I love you, too! So much, Boss.”

  Running over, she hugs her grandparents to her and is bouncing with joy. This is the reaction I thirst for on getting from her hopefully for the rest of my life. She deserves so much happiness, and I’m going to make up for a lifetime of just that.

  “I really can’t believe you did all this for me, Corbin.”

  “Well, you had better be getting used to it soon-to-be Mrs. Nash. I plan on making you a very happy wife.”

  “Oh, really?” she says. With a raised eyebrow and lip biting smirk. Thank you so much for flying my grandparents out here; it was the cherry on top that sealed the deal for me, you know.”

  “I have one more thing to ask you.”

  “What is it?”

  “I want to share this news with Ashlynn and also about the adoption. Is that okay?”

  She jumps into my arms and attacks my mouth. I will never get tired of her touch and taste. It is so intoxicating.

  “I don’t know what to say other than I’m honored and can’t think of a better father for Ashlynn than you, Corbin Nash. Thank you for loving us.”

  “Ashlynn! Where are you?”

  “I here, Corbee!”

  “Come here, beauty. Your mommy and I have something to tell you and ask you.”

  I watch as she almost takes a stumble as she runs over and bumps into a chair. I jog over to pick her up.

  “What you want?”

  “Ashlynn, how would you feel about me marrying your mommy and becoming your new daddy?”

  “You already my daddy, Corbee.”

  “I know, baby, to you I am, but I want to adopt you, and you’ll even have my last name.”

  “What last name?”

  “Nash. You’ll be Ashlynn Nash instead of Ashlynn Anderson. Would you like that? When I marry your mommy, she’ll have my last name, too.”

  “Ashlynn Nash. I like it, Corbee.”

  “I love you, Ashlynn.”

  “I love you too, Corbee.”

  The End

  About the Author

  Author Kinsey Taylor lives in the beautiful state of Washington. You'll find her running after her three crazy minions, two food-loving dogs, and a moody cat who believes he's the King of their castle. Her inspiration for her books comes from deep in her heart, inspired by her soul mate and husbands adoring support. The everlasting romantic, Kinsey's writing is sure to give twists, turns, and plenty of drama that will leave you breathless.

  You can stalk me here:

  http://www.Facebook.com/KinseyTaylor3

  Twitter- @KinseyTaylor3

  Pinterest-

  http://www.pinterest.com/authorkin…/crushing-misery-teasers/

  Kinsey loves mail of any kind: AuthorKinseyTaylor@gmail.com

  P.O. Box 2046

  Port Orchard, WA 98366

  Acknowledgements:

  First and foremost a huge thank to my husband and children for all your encouragement, love, and understanding through this whole process. I promise next time won’t be as bad. Babe, you’re one amazing husband and dad. I wouldn’t be half the woman I am without your understanding, unconditional love and support. I love you, Reed!

  To my parents for always encouraging the use of my imagination. I wouldn’t have this crazy brain of mine without all the dress up time and outside plays I used to put on and practice. Dad, thanks for sharing your dirty mind. LOL

  Thank you to L.B. Simmons, for writing Running In Place and giving me Tatum and Noah. This all came about because of you. I believed so I did. Reading RIP was a true gift of encouragement. One I will cherish for the rest of my life.

  Annie Anderson, my gorgeous soulmate who was hijacked by a sexy woman’s body. If only I swung that way… Damn it!! Pay It Forward was without a doubt the best blessing in this writer's life meeting so many amazing peeps but really you and JJ for reals, though. Bitches 4-Life Yo! Honestly, you were the best slave driver I could have ever asked for. You make me strive to excel in writing and be a better person all around. I’ve learned a great deal from you in a short amount of time. How to whip out my editing ax and chop away. One day I will master your art of descriptive bliss, you Descriptive Ninja! You’ve been upfront and honest with an iron fist. Pow! Without your friendship and mad skills, this book wouldn’t be half of what it is today! Words can’t express how much your HELP, eye for detail, OCD, encouragement, hard word and LOVE has meant to me. I owe you huge, and I can live a thousand lives and still never properly repay you! I will sure try! Thank you for EVERYTHING, babe! It’s been a heartwarming experience to have someone in this life who really gets me. Thanks for giving me so many fabulous visuals and dreams of our stories intertwined. Oh and one more thing… And your love of my Scrumptious ‘Stallion’ of a man. Saddle up, cowgirl and giddy up. Love you, Annie!!

  Be on the look out for this amazing woman. Her upcoming book is one to keep an eye out for. Trust me you’ll thank me!!!

  To JJ thank you for all our fun conversations, your friendship, and amazing encouragement! Also, for teaming up with me to torturing Annie!! Love you, babe!!

  Kendall Grey and Danielle Allen for putting together Pay It Forward 2015 in NC. You ladies are badass, and I’m so grateful to know you. Kendall, thanks for all your help, and hello, giving me Letty!!

  My beautiful cousin Erin who shares my love of books. Thank you for keeping this stuff on the down low and supporting me from afar. Love you cuz.

  To Rh
onda Dennis, for all your help with getting me started in this crazy biz. You are a true living breathing beautiful soul. All you’ve taught me, your incredible patience, and your sincere, kind words have been amazing. I’m so thankful, Autumn accidently one clicked Going Home. Best mistake EVER!!

  To Jennifer Sons from Through a Booking Glass, you are an inspiration to the human race! You and Rhonda sure pushed me to finish this book and were the best of friends through it all start to finish. I can’t thank you enough even though you would have loved to strangle me a few times. LOL

  To Laura Hidalgo from BookFabulousDesigns, I can’t thank you enough for the amazing cover and seeing my vision of Kennedy right alongside me. You pushing me at the beginning and yes I may have pushed back but, it made me keep going. You have helped me with insight into this crazy book world, our long chats, several messages and graphics only brought me to make sure I never gave up. To my two best friends, a girl could have ever asked for Heather and Rebecca, who have become my biggest cheerleaders through this all. I’ve bared my soul to you both, and you stayed around. LOL Thank you not only for your amazing friendships but always being there with laughter and honesty.

  My Kinsey’s Beta Beauties thank you thank you thank you!! Annie, Heather, Becky, Kayla, Molly, JJ, Jenny, Rhonda, Lisa, Shawn, Tina for all your help with my ding dong timeline mishaps, dealing with my love for grammar, and giving all your feedback. I seriously can’t thank you all enough for taking the time to read through and comment. I trust you all so much with my baby and feel like it’s made a huge difference with making it that must better. I would also like to thank Lindsey Bridges, Carmen Jenner, Ali & Debbie from Black Heart Reviews, Stephanie with Smart, Savvy with Stephanie and so many others for keeping my secret safe until I was ready. Love my Washington Bitches!