Mirage

by Perry Brass

"May I be allowed to talk?" Greeland asked.

  The priestess, haughty as ever, asked who he was. "I am only Greeland. I live in the enclave of the Dark Men."

  "Pleasant place—under the right circumstances—I've been told," the priestess said. "You should all be busy preparing for the Goddess Dance—and not here! Is there trouble?"

  "Not at the moment, Your Grace, " Aawkwa said.

  "Then why are you here?"

  "An unfortunate incident," Greeland began. "Something beyond our—."

  The priestess looked more impatient. Our other brothers were so quiet you could have heard a feather drop from space. The priestess interrupted, "Tell me who you are, Greeland."

  "I am Greeland, a hunter of the Dark Men. I have been promised to this young one, Enkidu. He is everything to me. My life and heart."

  "Yes," the priestess said. "We remember Enkidu's birth. My generous Sisters and I arranged it eighteen Ten Moons ago."

  Suddenly, to my surprise, Greeland fell to the perfectly cropped grass and kissed the toes of the priestess' slim, black leather boots. He pulled himself up, and thanked her generously with the beginning of tears in his eyes. Immediately, I felt the most tender regard for him. "We must talk to you and the Sisters," Greeland confessed, "about the burden we bring from our enclave."

  The priestess shot a look over at the litter, with the body of the stranger completely covered on it.

  "What is this burden?" she asked.

  I was not allowed to go into the inner Temple, which was surrounded by a heavy wall. Aawkwa, Greeland, and Wingfra brought the litter in, with the priestess marching sternly ahead.

  I sat with Shoomoo by a beautiful pond. I asked him what he thought they were talking about in there. He said he had no idea. "The priestesses are a strange group, but they run the planet well. You'll see, young one, that there is tremendous balance here. Everything has a cause, an effect, and a resolution. Where else can you find that?"

  I didn't know, because I'd never been anywhere else.

  One of the groundskeepers appeared. He was small, with a thick neck and an almost bald head. I thought he looked very queer. Coarse gray hairs, like short bird quills, grew out of his chin and nose. At first he was so busy I was sure he didn't see me. He carried a large basket of garden tools, and was furiously clipping hedges, sweeping paths, and weeding plants in the Goddess' garden. Then he saw me and ran over.

  "Wonderful young thing!" he said, and started to kiss my face and neck. I recoiled from the feeling of his stubby face hairs brushing me. "Let me take you away with me. If only for an hour. Only one hour!"

  "Get away!" Shoomoo said. "Leave!"

  The gardener slunk away. "Before they die, they start to lie all the time," Shoomoo swore. "Filthy creature. One hour, my life! He wants to suck from your third Egg. He thinks that will save him. What a foolish, dumb beast!"

  I asked Shoomoo what will happen when the gardener dies. He looked at me like I was crazy, then said, "I'm sorry. I forget that you do not know. He will return to the Ki, to the Goddess who has made us all. Some of his material may end up as someone else, even another Same-Sexer. Who knows? We believe that living material never dies, but is continually brought forth from the Goddess." He smiled and lowered his eyes. "You could say that we are always recycling it."

  A short time later, another priestess came out of the Temple. She was dressed much like the first priestess, but seemed nicer. She smiled when she saw me. "Are you Enkidu, my young one?" I told her I was. "I am Nahna," she said, and took me gently by the hand and told me that because they had been talking about me in the Temple, I was to come in with her.

  I asked her about Shoomoo. She smiled once more and apologized. "I'm afraid your old friend cannot come. All time in the Temple is precious. You are in the presence of the Goddess, and we are sparing with it."

  She took my hand and led me through the large, heavy gates of the Temple. The gates were so black they seemed to disappear. They were very frightening, but her hand was so warm, her manner so tender, that I had no fear. I wanted suddenly to kiss her, and tell her how happy I was that she was nice to me.

  The Temple was a large, stark room. It seemed cold and empty to me after being out on the beautiful grounds. The walls were sheathed in a material that looked like rusted iron—strong and forbidding. At the furthest end from the door was a large golden statue, perhaps twice life-size, of Ki herself.

  I looked at it, and realized the statue had almost no face. Simply two depressions for the eyes, a suggestion of a nose, and one for a mouth. Whereas the images on the Temple grounds were so real you expected them to talk, Ki could be any woman. About thirty priestesses sat in two semi-circles under the pedestal that held the Goddess' imposing statue.

  They were chattering animatedly, but became quiet when I walked in with Nahna.

  A tall, ancient lady with very straight posture stood up. She had the most serene expression, and wore a simple white dress, without the boots and leather trappings of the other priestesses. "You are Enkidu," she said to me. "I am Hortha, Elder Priestess. Come here, young one."

  I was too scared to go to her. I knew something horrible was going to happen. Nahna turned to me. "You must go," she whispered.

  I approached Hortha, and noticed that beside her was the unwrapped body of the stranger. He still looked beautiful, bedecked in lavish feathers and ornaments from the old men's hut.

  I looked over at Greeland, but his face was turned away from me. Aawkwa was holding him, and the couple Wingfra, or Wing and Frango, looked terrified. I felt incapable of speech.

  "Have you ever known, or seen—or even dreamed of—this man before?" Hortha asked calmly.

  I told her no.

  "He was your older brother, the handsome but difficult Ert."

  No, I said to myself, barely hearing what she was saying; again I saw the last look on his face, before my promised friend killed him.

  "We admit," Nahna went on calmly, "he was a trial to his parents, but he was popular with the fighters of the Court. He was a boastful and impetuous young man, who was attracted to dangerous situations; the sort who became intoxicated easily, and who would go out without a knife. He ran after women, and ruined several households. We hoped he would settle down, but as yet he did not marry."

  I looked over at the corpse. I still did not know who this man was, or what was his connection with me.

  "He was a favorite of his mother, Candra," Nahna explained, projecting her voice to the entire room. "But eight years after his birth, she was made pregnant by the seed of your fathers, the pair known as Wilfel. She nursed you tenderly for the first year, then had to give you up. We remembered how hard it was for her, but the law of Ki imposed it. Her husband, Ertan—the esteemed chief of the First Couple of your cousins, the Off-Sexers—would have killed you in jealousy. Perhaps Ert watched you being taken off; there is no telling what effect this has on our children, but we only carry out the law. You were promised to Wilfel, and so were given to them. And they, in turn, promised you to Greeland, who now—we must tell you—has killed your brother."

  As dry as my mouth was—and as wet my palms, and as much as my voice shook—I made myself talk. "Elder Priestess, I do not believe Greeland killed from hate, but to protect me. I have no memory of this man whom you say is my brother, though I must now hold him dear. What he did made no sense to me at all. My friend is brave and generous. He is a famous hunter among us. He loves me and has kept his promises. He is noble and truthful."

  Hortha looked at me with her dispassionate gaze. "He must give you up. The priestesses have ordered that."

  "He will die," I cried. "Greeland will die if he has to give me up. Please, merciful Sisters!"

  Greeland broke away from Aawkwa, and embraced me. He was trembling all over. I had never seen Greeland afraid of anything. I'd seen him kill the stranger with barely more feeling than killing the small deer. Now his tears ran down my neck.

  "We will return the body to Ertan and Candra,"
Hortha said. "This will make strife in their Court. Their fighters will want Greeland's head and yours, too—that is their way. There is little fairness among them. We know they will insist Greeland should have stayed out of Ert's way; that a seasoned hunter from your enclave did not need to cut the throat of one of their fighters, a noble who was unarmed at the time. But it is our decree that neither of you will be murdered. The Court will settle, I am sure, with you as their servant and hostage—since you are also a son of Candra. It is the edict of the Temple; they dare not go against it. You will be allowed to go back with Greeland for this night. And that, my child, is all."

  "I would rather leave him here," Greeland sobbed, breaking away from me. "The pain is too much."

  Nahna, the kind priestess who'd brought me in, spoke: "Hortha, you are being too cruel to them. Let them part now!"

  "No, Nahna, I know what I speak. This day and one night. That is all. And afterwards, Enkidu, you will go to the Court of the Off-Sexers, and become their slave. There, I must tell you, you will be surgically stripped of your Egg."

  "You old bitch!" Greeland screamed. "Kill me instead! Kill me now! How can you do this to this young man, whom I love more than my life? I will fall upon any knife right here—just allow it."

  A huge murmur erupted from the priestesses. Aawkwa ran towards Greeland and grabbed him. "You fool," he whispered. "They'll take revenge upon all of us. The priestesses are only doing what's right—they know more than you do. They realize the Off-Sexers can now try to wipe out our enclave. Nothing would give them more pleasure."

  "I cannot allow us to be separated," Greeland cried out loud. "Don't you see what this will do to all of us?"

  Aawkwa held Greeland for a moment, then spoke. "Hortha, and dear Sisters, our brother Greeland has made an excellent point. How can we perform for the Goddess during this Third Moon, when we are in such pain? Every one of us will know that Greeland's heart has been ripped apart. To dance for the Goddess with thanks in our hearts will be a lie. And we cannot lie."

  "Well spoken, Aawkwa," Hortha said. "It is true, you cannot lie. But your thanks will not be a lie, for we have given Greeland his life—otherwise, he will be beheaded by the Court. And only danger would exist then for the young Enkidu. At the Goddess Dance, when your brothers portray Kiwa—Her brother, your benevolent father—we will ask Greeland himself to come forth and give thanks to Ki."

  Greeland composed himself. "I cannot," he said, his voice strained. "That would be a lie, and that lie will throw all of Ki out of balance."

  "Think, Greeland," Hortha said calmly. "We Sisters will give you time to think. And we will spare your life as we said, and look forward, all of us, to the next Goddess Dance."

  Greeland looked directly at her. But the strain had been too much for him. He collapsed to the floor. It was all a terrible error, he cried. I wanted to go over to him, but Aawkwa grabbed me and led me back towards the black gates of the Temple. I looked back at Greeland. He was still on the floor. Then I looked over at the litter holding the body of the stranger. In answer to my own questions, I told myself: this was Ert, my half-brother.

  I remembered the look on his face at me: those clear blue eyes, with flecks of green through them, like distant water. That smile that knew even before he met us that he was playing with death. And the recognition—on his part for me—that must have been. Handsome. Beautiful. Monster. Off-Sexer. Enemy. How could we spring from the same mother?

  At the gates, I looked back again. Hortha was standing over Greeland. She knelt down and calmly said to him, "Leave now, Greeland. Hunter. Leave, go away."

  Chapter Five

  On the way back, all I heard was the silence inside myself—filled with the small dark birds fluttering above the bony plain between the Temple and our forest. Later, the swoosh our feet made in the slippery grasses before we entered the trees. Then the forest itself, with its breathing tremors, stirring, like life itself breathing.

  I knew Wing and Frango were trying to talk, but every time they opened their mouths, nothing seemed to come out. The way back seemed twice as long as the journey there, even without the weight of my half-brother's body.

  I could hardly look at Greeland. His grief was so intense. He kept stopping to hug me. He was an affectionate but often shy person, despite his boasting and bombast. Now it seemed that all his defenses were down. By the time we crossed under the waterfall that stood before the enclave of the Dark Men, the sky was dark. In the sky was the beginning of the Three Moons. Greeland looked up, and smiled.

  I asked him why he was smiling. He told me that we must go into his hut. We said good-by to our friends. Wing and Frango kissed me goodnight. Aawkwa and Shoomoo hugged me.

  "Why were you smiling?" I asked, when we were alone and naked.

  "Soon we will be in the Three Moons," he answered. "And that is always good for us."

  Greeland began to kiss me on my neck and chest. I told him this might be the last night we'd spend together. No, he said. He would die before giving me up. All of my reticence towards him melted; I gave myself completely in love with him. I released all the seed from my third Egg into his mouth. He released his into mine, connecting with the Promise to exchange this guarded substance.

  Instantly, I felt his seed scattering through my body, reacting like a code to unlock passages and secret stations that had always been there. The seed threw me spinning into a voyage so intense I feared I would never come back, or want to. Now there were no colors, but a streaming velocity of visions, both seductive and tormenting.

  Flying through space, out . . . further than the ten Moons strung out on their elliptical lariat around Ki, I watched our own small planet recede to the size of a tear in my own eye. The tear dissolved, shattering my physical self with it. The Moons disappeared. I fell further, faster. Inside my own consciousness, I closed my eyes: leaving the borders of Reality. How thrilling—then so terrifying—all this was, beyond dreams or the bounds of what we thought possible; physical.

  I had to hold on to every drop of my courage. I was frightened—I was no longer in control of this vision, but in the control of the vision itself. I no longer directed it; it directed me. It seemed to have me by my very guts. I found myself getting smaller—concentrated—until I was like a shiny loose knot on a thin celestial rope, pulled and pulled until I was too small to see. Had I somehow stepped with Greeland some place, outside even our ability to control the seed of the Egg itself?

  Before me, I saw a tunnel of uncharted space. Or was it another sensation completely: that space, like a river of energy, was charging through my head? I tried to scream, but nothing came out. I rolled myself into a ball to stop the sensation of flying and falling at the same time. Then I realized I had stopped. The sensation, which was like being pulled without effort or control, had ceased.

  I was in another place.

  I was not on our small planet, but the place seemed huge and foreign to me. Cold. Damp. There, I opened; bloomed like an airborne seed. Around me was a mist so thick it quickly settled into water; now I was above an ocean, an ocean bigger than all of Ki. And I was alone; desperate to be back again with someone else. Desperate to hold a body, as I had held one before. To hold; to hold on. I felt thoroughly empty, for everything I knew that seemed so true—so real before—was now groundless.

  I had to grab for something. It was Greeland.

  He put his warm lips over my face, and woke me. I got as close to his body as I could. The visions had spun from gorgeous to terrifying. I wasn't sure I was the same person I had been before I'd ingested the seed from his third Egg. But I knew the visions were real. I would be separated from Greeland, and yet, in some way, not. Simultaneously, how could this be so? I wondered how long the visions lasted. First, I thought I'd been gone a long time. Then, I realized the whole thing might have lasted only a short moment. Then it was over.

  Greeland took my hand and kissed it. "It sounds like you were having a terrible vision."

  I nodded my head a
nd asked how his was.

  "Wonderful." He smiled. "I saw that I'd never be separated from you. We will get help. I know it."

  "How, Greeland?"

  He held me in his warm, large arms. "Trust me, Enkidu. I love you," he whispered. "How far would you trust me?"

  "As far as we can go," I answered immediately. It never occurred to me not to trust him. I had been promised to Greeland. The Promise was binding. It was a part of our lives. How could I not trust him?

  He got up and put on his breechcloth with his knife, and a pair of warm leggings. Immediately, I saw how attractive he was, in his dark, animal way. Now that I had seen Ert—and recognized my unforeseen loss for a dead half-brother, I saw Greeland as exceptionally beautiful; I realized my need for a promised friend, and how deeply my thoughts for Greeland were bonding.

  "Where are you going?"

  "To the old men's house. To talk to Aawkwa."

  How could he leave me now? I told him I would have to go back to the Temple shortly. "We will see," he said.

  I waited for what you might say was two hours. It was past the middle of the night. Still, the first faint morning light from the Star would not appear for some time. I put a robe around me, and walked over in a damp chill to the old men's hut. The sky was heavy. Almost milky. But for an evening at the beginning of the Three Moons there was an intriguing amount of light reflected off wisps of low clouds.

  "I'm glad you're here," Aawkwa said in the old men's hut. He was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, in a warm robe, next to Greeland and another old man. I'd never seen the other old man before. He was wearing a thick blue robe, trimmed with bird feathers and strange ornaments.

  "I am Woosh," he said. "I've just come from the enclave of the Blue Monkeys. Do you know of us?"

  I had never heard of them.

  "We are a small enclave. Many do not know us, but many have never seen a blue monkey, either. Have you?"