Single Ladies

by Tamika Jeffries

  "See, that's your problem Marjorie! Oh excuse me, little miss perfect, I-gotta-keep-up-my-fake-image Daphne! Don’t tell me I had it easy cuz you dont know the half! I didn't have anything easy. I still get the stares when I walk out my front door, in my car, and everywhere I go in public! Some asshole is watching me, knowing I'm a woman, but thinking, "that's a dyke". I know what it's like to have doors shut in my face, not only because I'm a Black and Latino woman, but because I'm a lesbian. Think about how my mother took it when I was growing up , a lesbian and not the little girl she thought would blossom into the woman who would marry a man and live happily ever after. Think about how my father thought of me, growing up and telling him I never wanted to have kids! My father took pride in his grandchildren and I never gave him any before he died. So, don’t talk about easy, because if that's the case, it's you who got it easy. You have always been beautiful. Pull out your first grade pictures . The ones where you wore the pigtails, the pretty little earrings, and the dress with the tights and ruffle socks. And you probably felt just like the little girl you born. My parents dressed me like that, but I would run off to the bathroom and put on my brother's tee shirts and jeans or just sit and cry. I never knew how to sit with my legs crossed and act like a lady. That shit aint me! I never felt like the woman I have grown to be. When I got my period, I was traumatized. I have always felt different. Always. I have always felt like a guy trapped in a female body. And you think life is ea-sy?" her voice broke into a guttural wail.

  Daphne sat next to Jas and rubbed her arms. Tears formed in Jas' eyes, but never fell onto her slightly adrogenous face.

  "I just want to let the world know that not only am I a lesbian, but that I'm the happiest lesbian; with the most beautiful creation that heaven could've sent. I want the world to know about us, Daphne." When Jas looked into Daphne's eyes, she could see not only beauty, but years of worry, depression, and agony.

  Daphne struggled with her own worry, depression and agony, too. "Jas, just as much as you've had it hard, I'm having it the same way now. I am the total opposite of you, but it doesn't mean that I don’t have feelings and I don’t worry about things. It's not that I'm ashamed of us, you, or my lifestyle. I just don’t want to hurt my career with the ignorance of other people, and I don’t want people judging me."

  "Daph, if some of your clients walk away because you're a lesbian, you don’t need them coming to your salon anyway. If your friends judge you, then they aren't your friends."

  Daphne's long black hair shifted as she nodded in agreement with Jas. " I know. I'm just not ready yet. Just trust me. I will come out soon, just give me time to wrap my head around things. It's nothing to do with you, Jas. Please trust me. I love you."

  "I hope you do, Daphne, because to be truthfully honest, I have never been with a woman who was in the closet. I've never had to watch my hands or be afraid to kiss my woman just because her friends were around. Just think about what I said."

  "I will", Daphne whispered quietly as she planted a seductive kiss on Jas' full lips. It was the prelude to another lovemaking session. Daphne couldn’t get enough of the way Jas handled her feminine body. She thought of the first time they made love. They were on a warm pink sand beach in Bermuda, watching an orange sun set over sparkling turquoise waters. Her domineering sexual energy amplified Daphne's sexual submission. As Jas placed her hands underneath the small of her back, Daphne moaned and raised her hips to meet the tongue that was on a slow journey from the surface of the silky skin on her belly to the sunset between her honey gold thighs. Everytime was just like the first time.

  The only person in the salon the next morning, was Monay, one of Daphne's stylists. She had a client at seven in the morning.

  "Girl, you know you be early, tryna get that money."

  "Yeah, but it's taking a toll on me. I aint getting enough rest, and the hubby kids are complaining that they don’t see me enough."

  "Oh, so you know you betta get on it, sista. Handle your family business", Daphne smiled.

  "I know."

  Daphne organized her Vigorol products and stocked her area with shampoos and conditioners. "Did you take care of that bulk order of the short n' sassy texturizing glaze?"

  "Yep. It should be delivered this afternoon. Oh, and the Illusions hair magazine emailed everyone...something about featuring you and Nivari's work in their September edition. You haven't said anything about it, I was just wondering if you paid it any attention."

  "Yeah, I got it. Girl, I have just been having so much on my plate lately, I haven't been that excited about it. Besides, not to sound bigheaded but my work has been featured in so many hair mags, I'm cool on Illusions, you dig?"

  "Yeah, I guess if I was ballin outta control like you, I would!" she laughed.

  "You so silly girl."

  Daphne's cell phone rang. "You complete me", by Keyshia Cole, was the ringtone.

  Monay looked up and smiled . "Oooooh, we in love Daphne?"

  Daphne playfully waved her off. "Hello?"

  It was Jas.

  "Yeah, I know. Are you coming tonight? Spaghetti... yeah, me too. Alright, eight o clock. Talk to you later."

  "So, who is the new love? Or am I being nosey?" Monay reclined in the evergreen colored chair, that sat next to the peach chaise that floated on a small evergreen, peach, and grey rug.

  "You are being nosey!" Daphne laughed .

  "Yeah, cuz don’t think nobody has been seeing you and K'hari Modasi flirting back and forth."

  "Girl! I just be playing with that man! Maybe I should stop before he takes me seriously, cuz Lord knows I wouldn't have him!" Daphne said matter-of-factly.

  "Damn. As fine as he is, you are either one blind ass or one crazy ass sista!" Monay snorted, pushing her glasses up over the pelican hump in her nose.

  "Yeah, a lot of them that come in here is fine, but I dont want none of em." Daphne said before she thought. Monay gave her a funny look, but didn't say anything.

  Her cell phone rang again. This time it was her transgendered brother, Denise.

  "Neecey, what's going on?"

  His voice was very weak. "M-my nurse dialed your number for me. U still comin to see me?."

  There was a painful silence as a lump grew in Daphne's throat.

  "N-Neecey, of course I am."

  " I know I'm gon beat this shit, Daphne. I been sick for almost twenty years, they cant t-tell me it's over for me. This is my third opport-unis-tic disease, though" he forced his words out.

  "Neecey, I'm coming home. I'm gonna catch a flight out there tomorrow. I gotta see you."

  Denise laughed. "My lil sis always been there to take care of me. I luv you, Marjorie Daphne." he teased.

  "Luv you too, Darnell Elliot the 3rd." she retorted.

  "Damn, you alm-almost made me c-come to the ATL and k-kick your ass!" he tried to laugh but started coughing profusely.

  Hearing her brother being so ill made her fight back the tears in her voice. "Babe you need to get some rest."

  "I am. You don’t worry about me so m-much."

  "I'm not. I' know you a soldier. I'm just going to get out there tomorrow. I'll be there, you can bet that. I Love you. See you soon."

  Monay had been watching an emotional Daphne. "Everything alright?"

  "Yeah. My brother's in the hospital. He sounds so weak. Not like himself, ya know? I mean- he's been in and out the hospital so many times, and even put in a hospice once, cuz they thought it was the end, but he bounced back. He just- he just don’t sound right this time, you know what I mean?"

  "Yeah, I feel you. You are talking about the one up there on that picture right?"

  Daphne looked up at the photo of a healthy, flamboyant Denise, and giggled. "Yeah, that's him."

  " Damn, don't take this the wrong way, but he makes a beautiful woman. But, I know the feeling. My cousin, Robert, the one they call Romeo, he's sick too. His lover died a year and a half ago and he just went down hill from there. I know what you're going through.
If you ever need me for anything, you let me know."

  Daphne looked at her and they exchanged a "knowing" look and empathetic expression that only friends or family of people with AIDS could recognize. It was like belonging to a club or knowing a secret. You just knew that look when you saw it.

  "Thanks Nay."

  "Oh, here comes your seven o'clock. Call me to the front in about twenty minutes, cuz I got Loreci coming in to get a sew-in. I'm gonna go back here and sort the order that came in a couple days ago."

  "Okay", Monay nodded, then greeted her client.

  Chapter 6

  Karla

  "You have to be strong, Deanna. You don’t have to accept a man putting his hands on you. Think about Ryan, and Alyssa. You don’t want them to grow up thinking this is the way of life do you?" Karla held her client's thin hand and stared into her lost eyes.

  She sniffled and blotted her running nose with a kleenex. "No, of course I dont. I'm just scared to leave him, Karla."

  "I know. That's why I'm going to refer you and the kids over to the safe women's shelter. It's an unknown and confidential location. He could never find you there. Here's the gift card that you can use at any major grocery for food. We usually give vouchers, but I trust that you will do the right thing with it, so it's okay. There's also a bus pass for you and the children, that's good for just today and tomorrow, okay?"

  Deanna looked grateful. "Okay."

  "Alright, I just have to make a few phone calls for you. Are you still active with your drug counselor?"

  "Yes."

  "And what is your case manager's name?"

  "Uh - it was Jill Carmichael, but now it's Tracy Hart."

  "Yes, I know Tracy. She's a very kind person. Just let me make provisions for you and the children and I'll give you buss passes for the week."

  "Thank you so much, Karla. For everything", Deanna became emotional.

  "No need to thank me Karla. I am in this thing to help you. I want nothing more than to see you and the children be safe. You have no idea how many people have walked into this office with a black eye or bruise and a couple of weeks later, I was attending their funerals, or getting locked up for retaliating on an abusive husband and being held on charges for murder or attempted murder. It's just not worth it, babe. My mother died at the hands of an abusive boyfriend before I was old enough to even know what was going on. I grew up feeling like a part of me was missing. Like I was incomplete. I went through some counseling myself. That's why I got into this field, because not only do I enjoy helping other women, but it's also very therapeutic for me. It helps us all. But we have to want the help, Deanna. You have so much to live for. You have no reason to stop now. Your husband being a heroin addict, beating you, and neglecting the children is terrible. But when you let fear take charge in your life, you will shut down and fail. When I first met you, a year ago, I didn't know if you were gonna make it. You are still here, hon. See, sometimes the bad things that happen to us, aren't so bad after all. Sometimes it's just the Lord's way of making sure we get where we need to be in life. He will allow us to come down to help us come out, Deanna. We overlook, so many blessings, like waking up everyday and being able to look at our children and hear their laughter. You are alive. You still have a chance to start over." There was a long pause.

  "Now, I know I can ramble on, but I just needed to tell you that, hon. You are the strong kind. You are built like that. I didn't mean to bring religion into this, because I'm not religious. I am spiritual. I have faith. I don't live a perfect life at all, but I have faith." Karla felt herself about to ramble again. "Okay, I'm going to refer you to the shelter. When you get there, I want you to get acquainted with my associate and friend, Gaile Nelson. She is the social worker on site there, and she can assist you with making sure that you and the children get to appointments, if you dont feel safe taking public transit. She's really resourceful, too, so anything you would ask me, you can ask her and I'm sure she'll be on it. Okay?"

  Deanna smiled and nodded. Her long, ash blonde hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, revealing a purplish bruise on her left cheekbone, and a stitched cut on the right side of her neck. She turned her head to see her children playing in the kids room, next to Karla's office. She appeared to be nervous or high, Karla couldn't tell.

  "Hey, Gaile! It's Karla. I was just talking about ya!", she laughed. " Hey, listen, I have Deanna Warren here with me. I need a family room. Two children-. Oh okay." She placed her hand over the receiver. "Just a minute hon, she put me on hold."

  "I'm gonna get me and the kids some water from the lobby", her voice was shaking.

  "Uh-okay. I'm just waiting for her to come back to the phone."

  Deanna grabbed the voucher and bus pass and quickly exited the office and got her children from the kid's room. She held both of their hands and walked swiftly to the vending area. Karla couldn't see them, once they passed the kids' room. They were walking so fast, it was almost animated. Karla looked at her watch. It was a quarter after four p.m.

  At 4:56, Karla was sure that she wasn't returning. She probably needed the gift card for her husband. He would probably give it to a drug dealer in exchange for a couple hits of heroin, and their kids would go hungry. She sighed and shook her head.

  Her co-worker, Marsha McAllister entered her office.

  "Hey, you know that client of yours. The one you see regularly, Diana, Deanna, or whatever her name is, she walked past the reception area with the children and ran across the street to where some guy was waiting on her."

  Karla rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling and whispered a silent prayer for her and the children. "Tall, slim, dark haired guy?"

  Marsha nodded.

  "I knew she wasn't coming back after about five minutes. She claimed she was going to the lobby to get some water for her and the children. I should've known. She looked so spaced out."

  "Karla, you gotta stop taking these clients to the heart so much. You get in too deep and you lose sleep at night. I keep telling you that."

  "Yeah," Karla sighed, gathering her things to go home for the day.

  "See you in the a,m", Marsha gave her an empathetic smile, then walked out.

  "Yeah...I know, Marsha." she was still sighing and shaking her head, all the way to the parking lot. "Lord please watch over her and those kids." she whispered, as her cell phone rang.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey girl! It's your sister."

  "Hey, Syd. What's going on?"

  "Not much. Just thought I'd call and say hello. I been out in Jersey since last week. Lisa's pregnant, you know. I wanted to be the first to tell you!" her sister's voice was so loud. She turned the volume down on her cell phone to the lowest audible, and could still hear her if she took her ear off the phone.

  "Really?! Finally, huh? How far along? And what does Jerry say about it?"

  "Oh, he was thrilled. Um- I think she said she was like two months."

  "Yeah. That's great. Send them my blessings. Has anyone been going to see Gary?"

  "Yeah. He's still the same. Not saying anything. Staring into space. He looks good, though. Been eating. But Tina is still doing nothing out here. I heard she's stripping again."

  Karla had enough stress for the day. The last thing she wanted to hear about was her younger sister's wild escapades and risky things she did for money. She was a true lost cause.

  "That's no surprise. She's always been stubborn as a mule. Grandma let her get away with too much before her and PawPaw left this Earth. Nobody can tell that girl anything. Well, I wished I could talk more Sydnie, but I gotta rush home and get showered and dressed for this church service tonight. I joined the new church I was telling you about two weeks ago, and they are having a prayer and testimony service tonight."

  "Oh! Well, praise on sista. You need to pray for you a man in your life."

  "There are two reasons why I didn't curse you out right now, girl!" Karla laughed. "One, is that you're my older sister who I love dearly, and the
other is that I know you didn't mean any harm."

  They giggled in unison.

  "Talk to you soon, my love", she said.

  "Alright Karla, I'll be back on business soon, so I wont be calling a whole lot the next month, but I love ya!"

  "Me too.".

  After getting dressed in a crème colored dress, that came below her knees, brown closed toe sandals with a heel, and an olive, brown, and crème necklace and bracelet. She was moderately attractive, standing at five nine, with a slender, yet curvy physique. She'd cut her shoulder length permed hair in college and grew dredlocks. The auburn colored, small and well kept silky coils came to the nape of her neck. She'd pulled them back and secured them with a brown clip. Her choice of Earth tone colors drew attention to her cinnamon brown complexion and hazel eyes.

  The church service of prayer and testimony would be relaxing to her mind and spirit. She decided to put her clients, the fact that her sister Sydnie was the only one who seemed to call her from her family, and the fact that she didn't have or want to be bothered by a man, aside. She focused on how the prayer service would bless her.

  "Lord, let there be a blessing for me, this evening. Whatever you see fit." she whispered as she started up her white Toyota Camry. The sound of "Where do broken hearts go," by Whitney Houston was the song that blared from her speakers.

  "Oh, what a pathetic song for such a beautiful voice, Whitney," she said as she pushed her Lalah Hathaway CD into the disc player.

  It had always been a mystery why the seated people in a church, always turned around and looked at the person coming in. Karla found herself forcing a big, nervous smile on her youthful face, as she walked into Serenity Church of God in Christ, and people of all walks of life, seemed to zoom in on her face. If she had a booger in her slender nose, she was sure somebody in the church saw it. Once seated, a young lady next to her handed her a flier with the date and time of an upcoming Youthful praise and prayer convention.