Shadow of Flame

by Caitlyn McFarland

  Knowing she had a reason to talk to him again made her a little giddy, though, fuzzy-brained as she was, she was pretty sure any real conversations would have to wait until she’d had some sleep.

  Kai gave Juli one last hug as everyone gathered themselves. Though Juli and Ashem had been heartsworn for two months, things felt different now. Like this had really been a wedding. No matter how close Kai and Juli were from now on, they would never be as close as Juli was to Ashem. Weddings were so famous for being beginnings, but they were endings, too.

  When Kai pulled away, Juli was crying. “I will always be your best friend.” She wrapped her pinkie around Kai’s, something they hadn’t done since junior high.

  “And I’ll be yours.” Kai laughed and wiped a tear from her friend’s cheek, then one from her own with the back of her hand. “Congratulations. To both of you.”

  Ashem actually smiled.

  Juli and Ashem finished making their rounds and left for their apartment. As soon as they were out of sight, Kai collapsed against the wall next to Deryn, who’d been hitting the mead pretty hard. “So. What now?”

  Deryn pushed herself to her feet, stumbled, giggled and pulled Kai up. “Now we go to bed. You’ll have to go through the rotunda, but Ashem told me he put a barrier around the whole summit of the mountain so you can go through the upper halls without anyone seeing you. He said he’s taking it down in ten minutes, so you need to go.”

  Kai glanced behind them as Deryn tugged her out of the room. Seren was still there, speaking quietly to Rhys. Kai couldn’t be sure because of the golden, charm-covered veil Seren wore, but she thought the Seeress was shooting glances at her. Whatever she was saying, Rhys disagreed, because he shook his head.

  Kai felt for those mental cracks that had given her hints of what he was feeling earlier, but for the moment, nothing was coming through.

  “Come on, I’m so tired!” Deryn pulled Kai out of the room and down a corridor that ended in a set of stairs. She yawned massively and threw an arm around Kai’s shoulders, leaning as she walked.

  Kai, nearly to the point of passing out herself, stumbled. “You are still so freaking heavy.”

  “Shh!” Deryn threw an arm around Kai’s shoulder. “‘Member when we met? Ancients, you were whiney. D’ya know Kai is Cornish for ‘dog’?”

  Kai laughed. “You don’t say.”

  Then the weight disappeared. Deryn let out a small scream as Rhys lifted her off her feet, spun her around and planted her firmly on his other side with her arm around him, instead. “You are as graceful as a drunken elephant, fy chwaer annwyl.”

  “I’ll stab you in y’r sleep,” Deryn slurred, drooping against him.

  Rhys laughed, and Kai found herself smiling, content to walk and listen to them banter. They passed a few branching corridors and came to a long, narrow set of stairs that let out in a huge hallway. From there, they followed everyone to the rotunda that held the entrances to the vee’s apartments. Kai was glad she hadn’t come alone. The mountain was a freaking maze.

  Rhys gave Deryn’s braid a tug as he said goodnight. She swung at him, only to be caught by Evan when she overbalanced. He swept her up and noisily kissed her on the mouth. “You’re drunk.”

  Deryn giggled. “You like it. To bed!”

  Evan tipped his head to Rhys and carried Deryn up an archway that led to a spiral staircase, a mirror image of the stairs that led to Rhys’s rooms.

  That left Kai alone with Rhys. She swayed a little, but walked beside him up the stairs. “I didn’t know Deryn knew how to giggle. Are they...?”

  The corner of Rhys’s mouth turned up. “Yes. A few years ago Ashem assigned Evan to Deryn permanently because he already sleeps in her room every night.”

  “You’re okay with that?” Kai thought of her own brothers. Once, they’d followed her and a date to a movie theater and dumped a bucket of popcorn on his head because he’d tried to kiss her.

  Rhys’s smile went wry. “Deryn would boil me in my skin for thinking I’d the right to any opinion about her love life.”

  “You don’t have one?” Kai asked, concentrating hard on not falling down the stairs, which seemed to be moving. “No. Not a love life. I mean a...um...’regular’ bodyguard.”

  They arrived at the heavy wooden door, and Rhys pressed his palm against it. “No. The vee takes turns.”

  “No one is guarding you now,” Kai pointed out. Quite cleverly, she thought. “What if I were an assassin?”

  Rhys chuckled as he swung the door open. “For tonight a member of the Invisible is guarding the ledge outside. Try not to assassinate me until we’re upstairs.”

  Kai followed him in. She liked his laugh, and she liked that she’d made him laugh. “Oh, if I were an assassin you’d totally be dead by the time the invisible dragon got in.”

  “I’m sure,” Rhys murmured.

  And she thought, now, that she could feel warm amusement through those cracks. She wanted him to laugh again. “Hey, I’m dangerous!”

  She tripped over her too-long dress, muffling a squeal as she went down. That had not been part of the plan.

  Rhys caught her, pulling her close to keep her from falling. They were in the doorway of the atrium now, the sound of the waterfalls drowning out the noise they made. He held a finger to his lips, and dimly Kai remembered him saying that there was a strange dragon out on the ledge, and that she was supposed to be a secret.

  Still.

  “I’m very dangerous,” she whispered, noticing belatedly how the heat of his body was soaking through her borrowed clothes like she was leaning against sun-warmed stone. Remembering what it was like to touch his skin with no clothing between.

  His face was inches away. “Yes, cariad. Very dangerous.”

  Kai squinted, wondering if she should kiss him. Then she remembered squinting wasn’t sexy and widened her eyes. She was definitely more out of it than she’d thought.

  Rhys laughed again. Kai was about to protest his laughing at her, but he leaned down. Her breath caught. He was going to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her. Oh, hell. She wanted him to do more than kiss her. At least, she thought she did. Did she? She’d never slept with anyone before, but she was pretty sure she wouldn’t mind experiencing new things with Rhys, especially not if he started kissing her like he had—

  He kissed her forehead.

  Kai scowled, but he didn’t notice, because he took her hand and ran with her silently across the bridge and up the stairs. When they reached the doorway to her room, he opened it. Kai looked into the darkness beyond, vaguely disappointed.

  He didn’t let go of her hand. Instead, he turned it over and played with her fingers. Her disappointment retreated. Maybe he was going to kiss her.

  Instead, he spoke. “Kai...Seren thinks we—you and I—should have a pledging ceremony once I present you to the people.”

  Kai stared. Something about his tone made her feel abruptly, unpleasantly sober. “You and me? Ceremony?”

  He nodded.

  Kai placed her free hand to her spinning head. Now was not a good time to talk about this. “I thought that was only for people who were...I don’t know, committed?”

  “That’s why she thinks we need to have one. So the Council and the people believe I’m committed to you. That we’re”—he cleared his throat—”in love.”

  “In love?” Kai repeated stupidly, even more sober than before. She wasn’t feeling anything from him again, as if he’d withdrawn.

  Rhys nodded, not looking at her.

  “What does that mean, ‘believe’ you’re committed to me? That you aren’t, but you want people to think you are? Or that you are and they should know it?”

  “I...” He foundered for words.

  Kai dropped his hand. “You what? If you don’t want to be committed to me
, Rhys, just say it.” No, no, no. Stop fighting with him, Monahan. Things have been going so well!

  His brows furrowed. “You ask me if I’m committed, but refuse to drop your shields. How can you demand to know what I feel when I have nothing from you?”

  She opened her mouth, then closed it. “Nothing?” Kai looked around at the cave, then down at her borrowed dress. “Rhys, you have my entire life. Isn’t that enough?”

  His eyes lit blue flame. She could burn in those eyes.

  “No.”

  The word cut deep. “No?” She barked a humorless laugh. “You want to know what I’m feeling? All right. I’m afraid.”

  When he opened his mouth to speak, she held up her hand. “I’m not afraid you’ll hurt me. You’ve given me space. You’ve been so good...” She pressed her lips together, knowing she shouldn’t go on. But earlier she’d decided she wanted to build this thing between them. Not only did that mean asking him when she needed help, it meant they had to talk about all these stupid, difficult things. It meant opening up.

  The words came out in a rush. “What if you don’t like me? What if you reject me once you know everything about who I am? Or worse, pity me in that patronizing way that people who know they’re insanely desirable feel bad for the peons who fall for them?”

  Had that even made sense? She didn’t know.

  Kai reached for the door and steadied herself. He was so close, but he didn’t try to speak, didn’t react to what she was saying. Just stood there with a damn unreadable look on his perfect face.

  “I don’t even know what you want out of—” she gestured sharply between them “—this. Maybe if I knew...maybe...” Her steam ran out. She looked around. “I can’t believe that you would say I’ve given you nothing. I gave up my life to come here. For what? To sit in your rooms and be your dirty little secret?”

  “No. Ancients, Kai. If you think I’m ashamed of you, I’m not. It’s so sundering complicated.” He touched her face.

  Oh, hell. She was going to cry.

  “Majesty?” The voice came from the atrium. “Are you home?” Footsteps echoed as its owner climbed the staircase—the top of which was only a few yards away.

  Rhys’s eyes widened, and Kai felt his fear.

  “Who is that?” she hissed.

  “It’s Haru, the juvenile assigned to clean my rooms. Sunder it, I forgot that he could let himself in. It must be cleaning day.”

  “Well, crap.” Kai backed into her room and closed the door until she peeked out at him through a crack. Rhys just stood there, a consternated look on his face.

  “What are you doing? Go!”

  He hesitated, nodded then strode toward the stairs. “I’ll be right back.”

  So much for conversation.

  Kai shut the door, shucked off Deryn’s too-big dress and collapsed into bed, closing her eyes against the morning sun shining through her window. She could hear Rhys talking to the kid—a kid who was probably several centuries older than her. Kai was frustrated that they’d been cut off. They needed to do this. Needed to finish this talk they’d finally started.

  He wanted to stand up in front of his people and lie about loving her. Fine. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand. It was just...if she fell in love with Rhys, it wouldn’t be a lie.

  Maybe it was a lie to tell herself she wasn’t half in love with him already.

  Rhys and Haru were still talking—which was fine, it hadn’t been more than a minute. Kai told herself to get up. Get dressed. Make things work with Rhys. But the bed was soft and she was so tired and...

  * * *

  After talking for a few minutes, Rhys sent Haru back to his trainer, telling him the rooms were clean enough and he could manage for the next week or so. Beyond that, Rhys would have to figure something out. He knocked on Kai’s door. When she didn’t answer, he opened it and peered inside.

  She was asleep.

  He closed the door and leaned his head against the cool wood.

  Sunder me. What do I want out of this?

  He wanted her to drop her shields. His life had always been filled with pressure—from the Council, Owain, his people, even his friends—but being cut off from her multiplied his stress exponentially.

  Then this afternoon after that phone call something had happened. Like watching a fire through a window, he could almost feel what it would be like to wrap himself in her warmth.

  Almost.

  Dirty little secret, she’d called herself. Ancients, she couldn’t tell from the way he looked at her? The way he touched her? He craved her. It was more than lust and more than friendship. Or maybe it was some combination of both.

  He’d spoken carelessly. He hadn’t meant that he didn’t appreciate her sacrifices, he’d meant that he wanted—needed—more. He wanted her to be his. Partner. Lover.

  Lover.

  Did he love her?

  Rhys went into his room and sank onto his bed, his head in his hands. He had seen love. Ashem loved Juli. Griffith had loved Ffion. He wasn’t there yet with Kai, but, Ancients, he enjoyed her company. Wanted to make her laugh. To protect her. To share the things he loved with her, because he suspected she might love them, too.

  He was falling.

  He only wished he knew if he was falling alone.

  He stood again and started to pace. He hadn’t realized how ridiculous the whole charade would be until Haru had called up the stairs. Kai had scrambled for cover, but after his initial fear of being caught had ebbed, he had felt ashamed. Not of Kai—of the fact that she was right. He was treating her like he was embarrassed by her, except he wasn’t.

  He rolled his options through his mind, considering. They had Kavar, and yesterday morning he’d received word that Morwenna’s mission had been successful. Politically, he was in as good a place as he’d ever been.

  Hoping that bigots would change their minds just because he’d done a little extra good was stupid. Besides, Ashem was right. The longer they waited, the more they risked someone else finding out about Kai first. If the Council discovered her before he could bring her out himself, it could be disastrous. Many of the dragons who would forgive him a Wingless mate would not forgive him a lie, even a lie by omission.

  He lay back, staring at his ceiling, and made a decision.

  There was a Council meeting tomorrow. It was time to tell his people about Kai.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Warbringer

  Cadoc’s shadow zipped across the smooth, frozen surface of a lake then fractured into a million pieces as he soared over a forest of pine. He spotted the lake he wanted ahead. Not the heart-shaped lake near the cache where his blood charm was hidden. This lake was larger, resembling a crescent moon.

  This was where he’d find Mair. He tilted his wings into a dive and came down onto the icy surface spraying snow in all directions. Skidding, he righted himself and limp-hopped his way across the solid ice to the lake’s edge.

  A dock, half-shrouded in snow, stretched out into ice. Cadoc could just make out a mansion made of split logs tucked into the shadows of the looming evergreens. He hobbled onto the bank and changed. Fire flared, and he became a man.

  A bucketful of snow melted by his transformation dropped onto his head. “Blood of the Ancients!”

  A frozen twig snapped. Cadoc wiped slush from his eyes. Half a dozen men and women had appeared beneath the trees. He reached inside for his fire. It was flickering and dim, lately. Unreliable. Still, if they meant to attack—

  A Derkin woman stepped forward. “Cadoc ap Brychan?”

  He relaxed, recognizing her. Tall, with brown ringlets and a lean, defined face. She’d been with Mair two months ago, when they’d freed him from the pit in which Owain and Izel had tortured him. He regarded the others warily. “I’m afraid I don’t know y
our name.”

  “Ophelia.” She was beautiful, in an experienced, sensual sort of way.

  “Ophelia.” He smiled, but days spent flying alone had left him empty and exhausted. “I never got the chance to thank you.”

  Ophelia tilted her head, her eyes running down his body, lingering. “Perhaps you still can. Your...talents...are famous, even among the free dragons.” Her lips curved. “Mair wondered when you’d join us.”

  Famous, was he? Then he should at least keep up appearances. He swept into a bow. Less dramatic than it could have been, since he kept his crushed hand shoved into his jacket and he was tired enough to fall over “When has arrived.”

  She gave him an arch look. “Come. Let’s find a way to warm you up.”

  He followed them toward the house, almost reminding her that he was a Fire Elemental, and Fire Elementals didn’t get cold. Except he was. Frigid, shivering and wet like he’d never been in his life—until the pit. Sometimes it was like the ice of the curse kept him from using his own magic. It frightened him, and being frightened on top of every other glorious thing luck had handed him in the past few months made him angry. He swore.

  It came out a little too loud, and one of the dragons walking beside him, a male Derkin, looked at him askance. When Cadoc met his eyes, the male spoke. “So you’re the famous bard?”

  Cadoc laughed bitterly. “You haven’t heard? The bard is dead.”

  “Then who is this stranger who comes to my home?” A graceful figure stood outlined in the light of the door, her long, auburn braid streaked with silver and studded here and there with gems. “Awenydd. I’m pleased to see you.”

  Cadoc stopped at the bottom of the stairs and bowed again—seriously, this time. She had been a queen, once. “My Lady.”

  Mair wore deceptively simple clothing reminiscent of what she’d have worn as a girl in Gwenydd, an ancient kingdom in Wales. But her father, rich as he was for the times, would never have been able to afford the gold and gemstones that dripped from her hair, neck and wrists. Each of her fingers glimmered with rings, from simple metal bands to thick pieces carved of moonstone and ruby.