Chasing After Destiny

by Emma Easter

  Jude sighed again. He had to be positive and hope for the best.

  But he could not quiet the negative voice in his mind. With the way my luck has gone these past few months, I will probably be deported before Shaffar can find someone.

  He looked up when someone approached his table.

  “Hey Jude!” Ben smiled.

  Jude could not muster up a smile for his friend. When Ben sat down across from him, Jude put his hand on his forehead and sighed. “Man, I’m in trouble,” he said.

  “What is it?” Ben asked.

  “That girl, Maya — the one Shaffar arranged for me to marry?”

  “Yes, what about her?”

  “She pulled out of the deal, Ben. After everything, getting two jobs and working illegally to raise the money I need, after placing my hopes in the fact that I will be able to stay in this country once I get married and have my Green card. Now nothing. I’m going to be deported, Ben. I am going to be thrown out of the United States. I’ll have to go back to a country where I don’t even have a home or parents anymore and will be reminded about that every day.”

  “I am sorry, Jude,” Ben said.

  “Shaffar said he will try to find someone else, but who knows how long it will take to find someone willing to marry me under the circumstances and as soon as possible.”

  “You’ve raised about three thousand dollars already. There has to be someone who needs that money.”

  Jude shook his head. “You know a large part of that will go to Shaffar.”

  Ben said again, “I’m really sorry, Jude. You have been working so hard. We will just have to pray Shaffar finds someone else very soon.”

  Pray. Jude ran his hand across the table. Prayer would not help him. It never had. He said, “I need all the luck I can possibly get.”

  Two girls passed by their table, smiling at him. One of them was voluptuous with smooth dark skin and full curly hair. She was the type of girl he was usually attracted to. Under normal circumstances, he would be on his feet now, walking up to her to get her number, especially as she seemed equally interested. But now was not the time for any of that.

  He thought about the possibility that a relationship might actually be the solution he was looking for now, and then immediately discarded the idea. Even if he started a relationship right now, most girls would want some time to decide if they liked him enough to stay with him, let alone marry him. And there was a very high possibility that it would not happen. Plus there was no time for all of that.

  Besides, he certainly didn’t want a serious relationship now, and he definitely didn’t want to be married to anyone. Not a real marriage at least, with the huge amount of commitment it required and all the challenges that came with it. And the idea of starting a relationship just to get a Green card, especially when the girl he would be dating wouldn’t even know that was all he wanted, did not sit well with him. The marriage he was after would simply be a business deal with both parties understanding their commitments. A Green card for cash.

  He watched the pretty girl until she disappeared from sight, and for a brief moment he wondered what the girl Shaffar might find for him would look like. Would she look like that pretty girl, someone who was close to his type, or would she be completely different?

  And then he dismissed the thoughts. It did not matter what the girl looked like. All that mattered was that Shaffar found someone who was willing to marry him now and who fully understood what their arrangement entailed. He turned and focused on Ben again.

  Ben was grinning at him. “I see someone just caught your eye. The Jude I know would have gone after her.” He chuckled. “I am sure she hasn’t gone far. You can still catch up with her.”

  Jude shook his head. “I am in trouble, Ben. I don’t have time for all that.”

  “Stop worrying, boy!” Ben said, patting his shoulder. “I am sure Shaffar will soon find someone for you.”

  Jude grunted.

  Ben said, “So what if Shaffar finds someone for you today? What happens then?”

  Jude rapped his knuckles on the table and tried to press down the anxiety rising up in him. “We have to get to know each other as much as we can,” he answered. “The girl and I. After we get married and she files a petition for my ‘adjustment of status,’ we will be invited for a USCIS interview and asked very personal questions to make sure nothing is amiss. If they get suspicious, I will definitely be deported, and she might be charged for fraud.”

  “Wow!” Ben leaned back in his seat. “I didn’t know all that.” He rubbed his chin, a thoughtful look on his face. “It sounds pretty risky. No wonder that Maya girl pulled out.”

  Jude quickly smothered the guilt that was rising up in him. “Yes,” he said. “That is why whatever girl Shaffar finds for me has to be open to knowing everything about me in as little time as possible, and I have to do the same. We cannot leave any stone unturned. Once I get the Green card, we can get a divorce immediately.” He groaned. “Why did this happen, Ben? Just when I was beginning to have such hope, Maya pulls out.”

  Ben leaned forward. “What about Zoe? Did you ask her? She might be willing to help you. You both know each other well enough… since you dated and all.”

  Jude laughed harshly. “First, we only dated for two months and I cannot say we know each other well. But I did indirectly ask her, as we are still kinda friends. She gave me the evil eye and told me I was crazy. But I deserved that. I should not have even asked such a thing of her. I tried to call to apologize, but she didn’t pick up. I guess it’s all for the best, anyway.”

  “Well, that’s harsh,” Ben said with a laugh.

  “It’s not funny, Ben,” Jude said. But he smiled in spite of himself. “I don’t blame her for being mad at me.”

  “So, what are you going to do, Jude?”

  “What can I do but hope and bide my time? I have to keep believing that Shaffar will find someone soon while I continue to try to raise the rest of the money.”

  “I wish there was another way,” Ben said.

  There probably was, if there were time. But time was a luxury he didn’t have. Every day he stayed in this country as an illegal immigrant meant that he could be found out and apprehended by ICE. Having to work illegally only made matters worse.

  Once again, his heart began to beat really fast. This arrangement with Shaffar had to work out, or he would soon be back in his country in the midst of all that was going on there. For the third time in a week, he felt like praying and asking God for help. But as always, he brushed aside the urge to pray. He knew it would do no good. The only thing he needed now was patience… and luck. Lots of it.

  Chapter 5

  Sofia stood in front of the kitchen sink in Edith’s house, washing the dishes. The kitchen, like the rest of the two-bedroom single-story house, was tiny. She dried a plate and put it in the drying rack, and then looked out the window. All she could see outside were plain single-stories as tiny as this one. Edith’s house was very plainly furnished, functional and cramped; completely different from the plush apartment she had lived in for the past few years. Which she had now been forced to move out of.

  Thinking about the apartment brought tears to her eyes again. Every time she thought about it, she could not help thinking about George and how much time they had spent together in that apartment. She hated herself for allowing him to use her the way he’d done, for allowing herself to fall in love with him and believing that he would leave his wife for her. She should have known better. And maybe she had, but she just hadn’t wanted to face the truth even though all the signs were there.

  She sighed heavily and went back to washing the dishes. Tears streamed down her face and dropped into the sink, mixing in with the soapy water. She began to think about Lily and all that Lily had told her. Her friend had warned her about dating George because he was a married man, but she had told Lily to mind her own business, believing somehow that she and George would be together forever. Now she felt like a fool. Wh
y on earth had she believed that anyway?

  Once again, she felt an overwhelming loneliness and helplessness and sighed. Why am I still alive, anyway? What’s the point of going on if I will continue to live like this?

  Her mind traveled to the day George broke up with her and her subsequent botched suicide attempt. A part of her was glad to be alive, but another just wanted to be done with life. To lie down and die. Unfortunately… or was it fortunately, her friend Edith had not let that happen.

  She finished washing the dishes and dried her hands. She began to clean the kitchen floor as she thought about that day. After she’d returned from the hospital, Edith had told her that she had called her number a couple of times to ask if she was home because she wanted to come over. “When you did not answer, I decided to postpone my visit to the next day,” Edith said. “But because I had to run some errands, I decided to take the opportunity to go to your apartment and see if you were home.”

  Edith had a frightened look on her face as she continued talking. “I got to your apartment and found your door open, so I entered. When I called your name, you didn’t answer and I went looking for you around your apartment. You can imagine how horrified I was when I found you lifeless on the bathroom floor. I called for help immediately, and you were rushed to the hospital.”

  She narrowed her eyes in anger, having made an educated guess of what had really happened, probably from the lit candles and the dishes on the dining table, as well as the lingerie Sofia had been wearing. “Why would you do that to yourself, Sofia? No one is worth dying for.”

  Sofia had said nothing about that. Instead, even though she’d felt empty and regretful that she was still alive, she’d given Edith a grateful smile. At least she had someone else apart from Lily who still cared about her. She had been staying at Edith’s for about a month now, but the despair she felt that day remained with her.

  She finished cleaning the kitchen at last, washed and dried her hands, and then went to the tiny spare bedroom, the room she’d slept in since she’d come to live at Edith’s. She stopped in front of the dresser mirror and gazed at her face. Her eyes looked sunken and miserable, her hair in disarray. She’d stopped caring about her appearance. It was completely unlike her to let herself go. She looked frightful… but she did not care.

  She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and went to sit on the narrow bed. She still hadn’t stopped thinking about George and the day he’d came to the apartment with his wife to announce that he was breaking up with her. Since she’d been fired from her job, she’d hardly left this house. George had let his wife take everything from her: her job, her car, the apartment he had gotten for her, which had been her home for the past few years.

  How could he do that to her? What hurt the most was that she’d allowed herself to love him only to have him throw that love in her face. She had stupidly believed that he was coming to her apartment to propose to her when in actual fact he’d come to break up with her.

  She lay on the bed and covered herself with the blanket. If only she had died that day. A cloud of despair and horror came over her as she wondered what would have become of her if she’d died. She had never thought much about the afterlife, but it suddenly dawned on her that everything Lily had said about God had somehow managed to make its way into her heart even though she had tried to ignore her friend’s words. She shuddered as she thought about the possibility that there might be a heaven and hell; places she had previously not believed existed. Would she have gone to heaven or hell if she’d died?

  She pressed her lips together. She was certain that since she had ignored God for most of her life, he wouldn’t have opened the doors of his home wide for her and let her in. For a moment, an intense fear seized her, and then she pressed the dreary thoughts out of her mind.

  She groaned when the bedroom door opened and Edith came into the room. Edith had been away at work, but before she’d left in the morning, she had told Sofia that she had something important to talk to her about. Sofia did not want to discuss anything important with Edith. She did not want to discuss anything important with anyone. The last time someone had told her they had something important to discuss with her, it had ended in misery and an attempted suicide.

  She covered her face with the blanket, but Edith came and snatched it off her face. “Sofia, I saw you wide awake just now.” She put her hand on Sofia’s shoulder and added, “You look awful.”

  Sofia sighed but said nothing. There was no point trying to explain to Edith why she’d been crying.

  Edith kept staring intently at her, and Sofia frowned. “What?” She tried to snatch the blanket away again so she could cover her face, but Edith held it away so she could not reach it.

  “What is wrong, Sofia? You look a mess.”

  “Well thank you,” Sofia said.

  “I used to envy you,” Edith said. “You’re beautiful and you found yourself a rich boyfriend who pampered you like a queen, bought expensive stuff for you, paid the rent for your luxury apartment, gave you a good job and took you on trips around the world.”

  Sofia’s frown deepened. “What is this about, Edith?”

  Edith continued as though she’d not heard Sofia speak.

  She gave her a sympathetic look. “He gave you everything, but…”

  “Edith!” Sofia stared angrily at her. “Where are you going with all of this? I do not want to talk about George right now. Can you please stop talking about him?”

  Edith’s sympathetic look melted away, replaced by a sneer. “How the mighty have fallen,” she said, shaking her head.

  “Wow, Edith! I’m glad you saved my life and all, but why are you gloating now? What have I ever done to you?”

  Edith sighed and said, “I’m sorry, Sofia. We’ve known each other since college, and you can understand how I felt when right after we graduated, you got everything a girl could possibly dream of while I struggled.”

  “What are you saying, Edith? At least you still have a job, your own apartment, and you and Flynn are still together. You haven’t lost everything you have. I wish I had known sooner that none of it would last.”

  Edith looked sympathetic again, and Sofia pressed her lips together. This was the reason she disliked Edith sometimes. She could be the nicest person in the world in one minute, and the next she was trying to make other people look really small in order to feel good about herself. And the worst thing was that Sofia felt like she had to indulge her, or Edith, in her usual unpredictable way, might decide to send her packing. And even though she was trying to be careful with Edith all the time, it would not be long before Edith complained of the inconvenience of sharing a tiny house with her and asked her to leave. Where would she go then?

  Once again, she felt an overwhelming urge to speak to Lily. Lily might not have agreed with her relationship with George, but unlike Edith, she knew what to say to make her feel better.

  Edith folded her arms across her chest. “We need to talk, Sofia.”

  Sofia stifled a groan.

  “I’m really sorry for everything that has befallen you,” Edith said. “But the thing is… you know how small this house is. It’s not possible for you to continue to stay here.”

  Sofia’s heart sank. She hated to beg anyone for anything, but right now she felt vulnerable and alone. And she had nowhere to go. She would get on her knees now and plead with Edith if that would change her mind. She threaded her fingers together and gazed into her friend’s eyes. “You know I have nowhere to go. Please let me stay here for a little longer. Just until I figure out what to do.”

  Edith shook her head. “I’m sorry, Sofia. I just can’t let you stay here.” She sighed again. “Flynn and I want to take the next step in our relationship. He’s moving in with me tomorrow. When he does, there will be no space for you.”

  “But can’t I just stay in this small room? I won’t trouble you or Flynn.”

  “No, Flynn said he wants to use this room for something.”r />
  Sofia shut her eyes for a brief moment as the reality and seriousness of her situation crashed down on her. She had no job, and she didn’t know when she would find one or what kind of job it would be. And then she would have to wait to be paid and try to save enough to get a decent apartment. That would take time and, from the stern look on Edith’s face, time was not something she was willing to give.

  Sofia pleaded again. “Can I sleep on the sofa in the living room? I won’t get in the way, I promise. Once I find a job and save money to rent an apartment, I’ll move out.”

  “But when will that be?” Edith asked. “You haven’t even started looking for a job. You have been sitting in this room moping every day.”

  “I will start first thing tomorrow. I promise.”

  “No. Flynn will be here soon and you know he doesn’t like you very much. He’s not going to want to share the house with you.”

  “And I don’t like him either,” Sofia murmured.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Where will I go to if I move out?” Sofia asked.

  “I don’t know… You can move into a cheap motel, get a job flipping burgers or something, and then try to save up enough to rent an apartment.”

  Sofia stared at Edith, astonished by her friend’s insensitive words.

  “Stop looking at me like that, Sofia. You know I like to say things as they are. Don’t expect to get the kind of cushy job George got you.” Edith shook her head. “You had that job for quite a while, but you have nothing saved up. You spent it all while living off of your rich ex-boyfriend.”

  Sofia looked away in shame. Maybe Edith was right to sneer at her. She had nothing to show for her old job. She hadn’t even tried to pay off her college loan. She’d been living lavishly, believing George would always be there to take care of her. How foolish she’d been. “You know I can’t flip burgers,” she said.