Chasing After Destiny

by Emma Easter

  She and Jude walked out of the art studio together. It was almost ten o’clock in the evening, and the studio was as brightly-lit outside as it was on the inside. The light illuminated the cars parked in front of the building. She followed Jude to his friend’s car that he had used to pick her up from Edith’s. They got to the front of the car, but rather than get in, Jude leaned his back against the hood and looked up at the sky. She smiled and went to stand next to him.

  Without turning he said, “It’s a beautiful evening.” He grimaced and a look of agony crept into his face.

  “What is it, Jude?”

  “In times like these, just when I fully start enjoying being here with friends and relishing the life I have, that overwhelming guilt suddenly hits me as I remember that there’s a war going on in my country and that people are dying.” He turned to Sofia. “My countrymen and -women are dying.”

  She ran her hand up and down his back, hoping to soothe him. She didn’t know what to say to him or how else to make him feel better.

  “Sometimes I feel as though I’m a coward for wanting to remain here. As though I am jumping ship and abandoning everyone back in my country.”

  “But you’re not abandoning anyone. You don’t even have family in your country anymore.”

  “But I left friends back there.”

  “You left before the war began. You did not jump ship, and you are certainly not a coward.”

  A few other couples were standing near their cars, chatting. The blonde and bearded man who had worked close to them at the studio walked by and waved. Sofia smiled and waved back and then faced Jude again. She was worried about him. What if he decided to go back to his country on some ill-advised notion that that was the right thing to do? She shifted closer to him and linked her arm with his. When he turned to look at her, she gave him a wide smile so he would know she would always be by his side, no matter what.

  “We’re getting married in three days, Sofia,” he said. “Can you believe it?”

  She smiled with relief at his words. At least he was thinking about their marriage rather than going back to his war-torn country. “You’re looking forward to marrying me?” she asked.

  “Yes, of course I am.” He turned fully to her and took both her hands. “The more time I spend with you, the more things I discover about you that I love. It’s not a business deal to me anymore, Sofia. It’s very real now.”

  Her heart began to thud. Calm down, Sofia, Remember that you have to protect your heart. She could not afford to fall for him.

  And yet, as he searched her eyes and she studied his face, she yearned with everything in her to kiss him. His eyes moved to her lips, and her breath caught in her throat. Maybe he felt the same way. Maybe at any moment he would kiss her. She tilted her head and shut her eyes, anticipating his kiss, but he did not kiss her. Instead he said, “Sofia, I have something to tell you.”

  She sighed in disappointment but forced herself to smile. “What is it, Jude?”

  “I went to see my ex, Keziah, yesterday.”

  She felt as though someone had poured a bucket of cold water on her.

  “My friend, Felix, the one we saw at the courthouse the other day, told me she lives in Phoenix now and that she was divorced. He said she’d told him that she missed me.” He looked away for few seconds and then looked at Sofia again. “He asked if I wanted to see her, and I said yes.”

  Sofia shuffled her feet and looked down at the ground. Her heart raced with fear and uncertainty. What was he about to tell her? Was he back with his ex? Did he want to break off their engagement?

  She dismissed the worrying thoughts. Jude had told her days ago that he was looking forward to marrying her. He wasn’t the kind of person to change his mind. She was sure of that.

  She blinked when he said nothing more and then looked up at him. “Is that all, Jude?”

  He looked uncertain, and she knew there was something else he was not telling her. “I want to hear it all,” she insisted. “We promised each other that we would disclose everything we could about ourselves in preparation for our interview once we get married.”

  He sighed audibly and looked intently at her. “Are you sure you want to hear it?”

  Her pulse spiked, and she took a deep breath. She was sure whatever it was that he had yet to tell her, it was something that would be difficult to hear, and yet she wanted to hear everything. “Yes I do,” she said to him.

  “Felix and I went to see her, and she apologized for breaking off our engagement and marrying someone else. She said she realized she’d made the biggest mistake of her life shortly after and that she wanted me back but knew it was too late. And then she said she still loved me and wanted us to get back together.”

  Sofia pursed her lips as worry flooded her, but she said nothing.

  “When I told her there was someone else, someone I was planning to marry soon, she told me she was a legal resident in the U.S. now and could file for a spousal visa for me if we got married.”

  Sofia’s heart crashed to the floor, and she fought the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. That meant Jude did not need her anymore. She wanted to shut her ears so she would not hear the next thing he was going to say. But she didn’t. She had asked him to tell her everything. She had to hear it all.

  He sighed again. “She kissed me, Sofia. And I kissed her back.”

  Sofia shut her eyes as pain tore through her. So he was going back to his ex. Why then did he tell her now that he was looking forward to marrying her? Jealousy and despair flooded her, and she bit her lip. The thought of him leaving her for someone else hurt more than she had thought it would. If she felt such pain when they were not yet married, how would she feel if they got married and they later got a divorce? Maybe going back to his ex was the best thing for both of them. She looked down at her shoes as a tear rolled down her cheek.

  “Sofia, look at me.”

  She refused to raise her head up.

  He tilted her chin with his finger. When their eyes met, he looked deep into hers. “All through the time we kissed, I could only think about you. I realized I was not in love with Keziah anymore, and that it was you I wanted. I knew there was nothing more I wanted than to marry you.”

  She gasped and her heart soared. “Really?” she asked, joy sweeping through her.

  “Yes. I adore you, Sofia.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her.

  She gave in to the heady sensations racing through her and kissed him ardently. She wrapped her arms around him as they kissed, completely shutting out everything around her. And then she recalled what he had said about kissing his ex and uncertainty flooded her. She drew back slightly and looked into his eyes. “Jude, are you sure you want to marry me and not your ex? You told me how much you loved her. Are you sure you still don’t love her?” She wanted to ask him if he loved her now, because he still hadn’t told her that he did, but she was scared of what his answer would be.

  He placed a hand on her cheek. “Sofia, I made a commitment to you that I would marry you. I’m not the kind of guy who backs out on his commitment.”

  She shut her eyes as disappointment filled her heart. She did not want staid commitment. She wanted love. She wanted to feel secure knowing he loved her. He cupped her cheeks, clearly to kiss her again, but she stepped away from him. She could not stand here kissing him and giving up her heart, when she was not even sure how he felt about her. She also wasn’t sure she had given up her feelings for George completely.

  Take a chance, Sofia. Open up your heart to him.

  But she resisted. How could that be the right thing to do when he had kissed his ex just the day before and told her now that he was going to marry her because he was committed?

  “Are you okay?” he asked, gazing at her with a look of concern.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. Why did she feel so jealous, and so afraid?

  She knew why. She’d let her guard down and started to fall for Jude. But she had to p
rotect her heart now, to remember that this was a business transaction and, if either of them weren’t interested in moving forward with it, they could walk away. He had paid the introduction fee and she had received her share. Since they had not gotten married yet, he didn’t owe her anything else. He didn’t have to marry her for commitment’s sake. They owed each other nothing. He could go back to his Keziah, who he was still probably in love with. When he married Keziah, he could get the Green card he needed and also be with his childhood sweetheart.

  “Sofia, are you sure you’re fine?” he asked again.

  She nodded. “I think I’m just tired. Can you take me back to Edith’s now?”

  “Sure,” he answered. He gazed at her with a question in his eyes, and she looked away. She opened the car door and got into the passenger seat.

  They said nothing to each other as he drove her back to Edith’s house. When he parked in front of the house, he reached out and hugged her. When he pulled back and looked at her lips again, she knew he was going to kiss her. She turned her cheek to him just before their lips met.“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as she got out of the car.

  “Yes,” she said slowly, and then strode to the front door with a sigh and went into the house. She made her way to her tiny spare room, changed into her pajamas, grabbed her phone from her purse, and got into the narrow bed.

  She had turned off her cell phone just before she and Jude had entered the art studio for their date. She turned it on to see if she had any messages or missed phone calls and blinked in surprise. She had missed calls from George. She scrolled through her messages, and her heart skipped a beat. George had left a message for her. She read it and then shut her eyes as her emotions roiled. Opening her eyes again, she re-read his message, which basically said he was so sorry for breaking up with her. He wanted to meet up at their favorite restaurant for dinner tomorrow. He also had something important to ask her.

  She shook her head and groaned. Why had this message come now? She felt utterly confused. Once more, she read the text message and bit her lip. Just a week ago, she would have been on her feet by now, already searching her closet for what to wear to George’s planned dinner. But now, after spending a full week with Jude, she wasn’t sure she wanted to meet with him. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to see him ever again. But then again, she was curious. What exactly did he want to tell her?

  You know there’s a part of you that still wants him.

  She sighed. He had apologized. He probably wanted to get back together with her. But was that what she wanted now?

  Jude’s face filled her mind. What if she went to see George and all her feelings for him returned and she decided to get back together with him? Maybe it was best she didn’t go to dinner. But had Jude not gone to see his ex? She owed it to herself, and maybe to George, to see him and get some closure.

  But she could not make up her mind as she lay in bed. She tossed and turned, trying to find peace and to make the right decision, but she felt restless and unable to arrive at any firm decision.

  Two hours later, with her head and heart full of conflicting thoughts and emotions, she finally fell into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter 15

  Sofia felt tense as she dressed for her dinner with George. She’d chosen a strapless red dress that hugged her every curve. It was a dress she had bought on one of her few trips abroad without George. She slipped on a pair of black, sky-high sandals and went to stand in front of the mirror. Swiping on a red lipstick that matched her dress, she put on a pair of gold chandelier earrings. She glanced at herself in the mirror. She looked exactly the way George liked her to look when they were out together — slinky and sophisticated.

  What are you doing, Sofia?

  Her heart knocked as she picked up her black clutch from the bedside table. She had told herself that she would go and meet George today, just to get some closure on their relationship and tell him that she was moving on, but now, looking at herself in the mirror and the way she was dressed, she wasn’t so sure that was going to happen.

  Her thoughts traveled to her last date with Jude. How would he feel if he knew she was going to see George? Guilt ran through her, and then she remembered that he’d gone to see his ex and had even kissed her. She squared her shoulders and pressed away the guilt. He had gone to see his ex; she could go to see hers.

  She heaved a sigh as she walked out of the room. It was only two days until her and Jude’s court wedding. He had told her yesterday that he did not see their upcoming marriage as a business transaction anymore, and it was the same for her.

  So why are you going to see George?

  She had no clear answer for that. All she knew was that she was going to get some closure. She had been in a relationship with George for years. They had history together. She had only known Jude for less than two weeks.

  Edith came out to the living room and stared at Sofia. “Wow! You look amazing! You have a fancy date with Jude today? Where are you going with you all dressed up?” She grinned. “To the Oscars?”

  “I’m going to see George,” she said slowly and then regretted speaking.

  Edith stared at her for a long moment and then said, “You’re going to see who?”

  Sofia turned away from Edith. “He sent me a message last night. He said he had something to tell me.”

  “Didn’t you tell me that was exactly what he told you when he broke up with you? You thought he was going to ask you to marry him, but he walked into your apartment with his wife and took everything you had away from you.”

  Sofia shook her head. “He didn’t take everything.”

  “Really? He took your apartment, your car, your job…”

  “He wasn’t the one who took those things. His wife did.”

  “Keep lying to yourself, Sofia. George does not care about you. And why would you want to do this to Jude?”

  “I'm not doing anything to Jude. This is not about him. I’m not going to get back with George, if that is what you are thinking. I just want to find out what he wants to say to me and get some closure. It’s not easy to just forget about someone you spent years loving. You can ask Jude about that. He visited his ex two days ago and even kissed her.”

  “What? He did?” Edith looked surprised. “Did he get back together with her? Did he break up with you?”

  “No, he said he didn’t love his ex anymore and he wanted to marry me because he was committed to me.”

  “Well…” Edith looked at her. “So is that what this is? You want revenge? Since Jude went to see his ex, you decide to go see yours? Just don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I am not planning to.”

  “And this talk about it not being easy to forget someone you spent years loving. Remember George is married. He should be easier to forget than most.”

  “That makes no difference. Our relationship was real to me even though he is married.”

  Edith glared at her. “At least Jude did not get back with his ex when he went to visit her. Just remember he is counting on you when you go and meet George.”

  Sofia shrugged. No matter what happened, Jude would be all right. He would still get his Green card if they didn’t get married. Keziah was prepared to marry him and get that for him. “Jude will be just fine,” she said.

  Edith stared at her but said nothing.

  Sofia went to the door to open it just as the doorbell rang. She flung the door open, and her heart skipped a beat. Jude stood at the door, looking at her with a confused expression on his face.

  “Where are you going, Sofia?” he asked, studying her. “I’ve been calling you since this morning but could not get through to you. What happened?”

  “Oh… I turned off my phone before I went to bed. I was tired and wanted to sleep without interruptions.” She looked away after she’d spoken. That was a lie. She had turned off her phone so he would not be able to reach her. She’d been afraid that the truth would spill out of her and she would tell him about her planned
dinner with George. She did not want to have to deal with his reaction. She dug her hand into her purse, brought out her phone, and turned it on.

  Edith smiled at Jude and said, “Let me leave you two to talk.” She left the living room quickly.

  “So, where are you going, Sofia?” Jude asked. “I thought we were supposed to spend this evening together right here.”

  She turned away, and to avoid answering his question, she said “I’m going to the bathroom. I will be right back.” She hurried away before he could say anything more.

  She got to her room and stared at herself in the mirror. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her nerves. Why had Jude come right now when she was just about to go out? Maybe she should not have turned her phone off. She could have given him an excuse as to why she could not spend this evening with him. She glanced at her wristwatch. She would be late for her dinner with George if she did not get going. But how would she get rid of Jude without raising his suspicions. She still hadn’t answered his question. Without a doubt, he would ask her where she was going again once she came out to the living room. She had to come up with a convincing excuse.

  She took another deep breath and went straight to the living room. She would tell him she had a girls’ night out and was meeting up with some friends. Guilt flooded her heart at the thought of lying to him. But he would be hurt if she told him she was going to see her ex.

  She began to approach him, and then she frowned. He was holding her phone, staring at it with a look of distress and confusion. For a few seconds, she stood still, unable to move, and then she forced herself to walk up to him.

  He looked at her and, in a voice full of hurt, said “Sofia, when were you going to tell me that George contacted you?”

  Her hackles immediately rose, and she grabbed her phone from him. “Why did you go through my messages?” she asked angrily.