What Matters Most

by Beers, Georgia

Chris sighed. “I’m sorry. I know he’s tough on you.” They were quiet for a beat or two. “What are you going to do?” Chris finally asked.

  “I don’t know yet.” Kelsey shook her head. “The only thing I can do right now is wait until the axe falls. See what kind of damage I’m in for and go from there.”

  “I’d tell you not to stress about it until you have to, but I’ve met you.” Chris’s grin was tender and Kelsey felt her heart warm.

  “Yeah, well.”

  They chatted for a few more minutes about their parents and other things before bidding each other goodbye. Kelsey sat in the silence of her small apartment for several long moments and tried to focus on her breathing, to just get herself to stop worrying so much.

  I’m going to give myself an ulcer, she thought, not for the first time.

  Chris was right about one thing: she shouldn’t let herself go into full-blown panic mode until she had to, and she was skirting dangerously close to it as it was. She was fine right now. The shop was fine in this moment. She remembered one of the women she’d met through the softball team telling her all we have is this moment. There is no future. There is no past. There is only now. And while she’d smiled politely but had internally rolled her eyes at such hippie-Karma-silliness, she understood now that there was something to it. Maybe she would die in her sleep tonight; she had no way of knowing. And then none of her current worries would matter. She’d have spent time freaking out for nothing. All she had was right this very moment. The present. The now.

  What did she want to do with right now?

  With a nod, she refreshed her screen and went back to Netflix to watch the final girl outwit the bad guys. It wasn’t a bad way to spend the moment.

  ***

  Friday dawned hot, and the brightness of the day got Kelsey moving early. She made sure her outfit consisted of layers. While the heat could get surprisingly heavy given how far north it was, it was the air conditioning inside that messed with her body temperature. It was difficult to fathom how it could be ninety-five degrees outside, but she could be looking out the window from her shop with goose bumps on her arms. She had to be careful adjusting the temperature, though, because her customers never seemed to be as chilly as she was.

  The morning sunshine had a joyful effect on Kelsey as she drove, sunglasses on, radio turned up loud. Her talk with Chris the previous night had helped her to relax. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, with or without her incessant worrying. That was fact. When she’d opened her eyes this morning, she’d been pleasantly surprised to feel that lightness still holding on, keeping the worry at bay. It was a nice change of pace.

  “I do believe a Frappaccino is in order on this beautiful morning,” she said aloud to the empty car as she steered it into the Starbucks parking lot. It was earlier than she was usually there on the occasional mornings she stopped in, but she also had over an hour before she needed to get the shop opened, so she wasn’t worried.

  To the shock of no one, the place was packed, a good fifteen people waiting in line to place their orders. What did shock Kelsey was the mane of wavy blond hair on the head of the woman at the end of the line. Funny that she’d recognized it from the back. It made her mentally chuckle as she took her place behind Lisa and said quietly, “Big case today?”

  Turning to face Kelsey, Lisa’s face flushed just a little bit and a grin split across it, revealing perfect teeth. “Shelley, hey. Yes. Huge case today. How’d you know?”

  “The suit,” Kelsey said, waving one finger up and down. Not only had she noticed the smart cut of the suit itself, but she’d also noticed how well it was filled out. Especially the backside of the pants... “You look really sharp. Perfect for chowing down on a measly public defender.”

  “My favorite midmorning snack.” They each shuffled forward a few inches. Kelsey could smell that usual Lisa scent: cinnamon, honey, some kind of subtle fruit—cranberry? “What about you? You’re in early. Let me guess: a weekly hair appointment with an elderly woman.”

  “I wouldn’t call her elderly, but she’s older, definitely. Yes. She needs, um, a set and a blow dry.” Kelsey laughed at her own attempt to wing some hairdresser speak. “Good guess.”

  “Most people—and by ‘most people,’ I mean people who aren’t my grandmother—don’t want to roll out of bed directly into the salon.” Lisa furrowed her brow. “Though I guess that’d be a great way to have terrific hair for the day.”

  Kelsey laughed as they approached the cash register. Lisa put in her order for her usual, then said, “And whatever this lovely lady is having this morning,” as she gestured to Kelsey.

  “Oh,” Kelsey said, caught off guard. “Really?”

  “Absolutely. My treat.”

  Kelsey ordered her Frappaccino, then turned to Lisa. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I don’t have to do anything.” Lisa handed her Starbucks card over to the cashier and gave him their names as Shelley and Lisa, making Kelsey chuckle.

  “Thank you.” Kelsey took a chance by reaching out, touching Lisa’s arm lightly, then dropping her hand back down.

  “You’re very welcome.” Lisa’s smile was wide, seemingly genuine, as she put her card back in her wallet, her wallet into her purse. They slid down the counter to stand at the end with the handful of others who were waiting on their caffeinated beverages.

  “So, tell me about the case.”

  “Oh, it’s a good one.” Lisa lowered her voice to a whisper. “Murder.”

  “Ooohhhhh,” Kelsey said, her voice just as quiet. “Listen, if you have a suspect that looks anything like Shirley Knight, she’s guilty. Just sayin’.”

  Lisa barked out a laugh and it seemed startlingly loud on the heels of their whispers. “I’m pretty sure we have a placard of some sort in the office that says as much.”

  “It’s probably in Jack McCoy’s office.”

  “I bet you’re right.”

  “Good. It’s very important information to have.”

  Their drinks were called and set on the counter. Shockingly, their fake names were spelled correctly—though they were on the wrong drinks. They laughed and switched cups. Lisa held hers up and touched it to Kelsey’s.

  “Have a great day, Shelley. I must go protect and serve.”

  “Do it well. And thanks for the Frap.” Kelsey was getting used to the view as Lisa walked away from her.

  It was a nice one.

  A very nice one.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  REE AND DJ LIVED in a cute bungalow about half an hour from Kelsey’s apartment in a little gem of a neighborhood Kelsey hadn’t discovered yet. She was nervous, though she wasn’t sure why. Much of the softball team would be at this party, so it wasn’t like she’d be walking into a den of strangers. Hannah had said there’d also be some faces that were new to Kelsey, and she was looking forward to that. For now, though, the butterflies had kicked up their speed and felt like they were dive-bombing into the sides of her stomach.

  It was three houses up before she found an open spot to park, did so, and pulled out the bowl of spinach artichoke dip she’d made for the occasion. She’d dressed in denim shorts and a pink-and-black-striped tank, sandals on her feet, and for about the twenty-third time that day, she wondered if she should have worn something else. What, she had no idea. It was an afternoon outdoor picnic party. Shorts and a tank seemed perfect attire.

  “Too late to do anything about it now anyway,” she muttered as she glanced around. She spotted Hannah’s car down the block as well as a couple belonging to softball players.

  Okay. I got this.

  As she approached the front door, Kelsey realized the party sounds—laughter, the buzz of conversation, music from Pink—were coming from behind the house, so she detoured to the back where she found a gate in the chain-link fence that surrounded the yard.

  “Kelsey!” a familiar voice called out, followed by a few more, and Kelsey felt herself grin at being so happily greeted.


  “You made it,” Hannah said, opening the gate latch for her and ushering her into the yard. Ree waved from the deck where she was setting a plate of something on a table. DJ called to Kelsey from within the above-ground pool and waved a wet, beefy hand.

  There were maybe fifteen people milling around the yard, and the party had only just begun, so Kelsey expected more would turn up. A foursome was playing a game where they threw two balls connected by a string at a ladder-shaped thing about twenty feet away. A few people splashed around in the pool and the remainder sat in chairs on the small deck. Kelsey felt Hannah’s hand in the small of her back, directing her toward the back door.

  Ree reached out and hugged her. “We’re so glad you’re here,” she said when she pulled back, and the smile in her eyes was warm and kind. She went around the deck, pointing a finger at each person Kelsey might not have known, introducing them. Kelsey did her best to remember the names, knew she’d most likely fail miserably, but smiled in greeting anyway. “Kelsey is a fellow requisite cheerleader at the games. She keeps me company in the stands.”

  “I brought a dip,” Kelsey said, holding out the dish. “It needs to go into the oven for about a half hour.”

  “Follow me,” Ree said, and Kelsey did, feeling Hannah right behind her as they went through the back door into Ree’s kitchen.

  “Did you have any trouble finding it?” Hannah asked.

  “None at all,” Kelsey told her with a smile. Hannah had wanted to pick her up, but Kelsey felt it was safer if she had her own wheels. That way, she could leave when she wanted and wasn’t tied to somebody else’s schedule. Since Ree’s remark a couple weeks ago about Hannah thinking they were a couple, Kelsey had attempted to step more carefully, texting less, taking a longer time between responses. She felt awful because she suspected Hannah felt the shift, but it was definitely the best course of action.

  “What are you drinking?” Hannah asked.

  “What are my options?”

  Hannah laughed and looked at Ree, who was putting Kelsey’s dip in the oven. “She’s clearly never been to your house before.”

  “Right?” Ree laughed.

  Turning back to Kelsey, Hannah said, “Basically, whatever you want.”

  “Wow. That gives me a lot of options.” Kelsey chuckled as Ree threw her a wink. “You know what? I’ll just have a beer.”

  “Cool. What kind?”

  Kelsey’s eyebrows raised. “I have options there, too?”

  “We don’t mess around,” Ree informed her.

  “Apparently not,” Kelsey said.

  Hannah simply grinned, took Kelsey’s hand, and led her back outside, down the deck steps and around to the side of it. Three large coolers were lined up, end to end. Hannah flicked the tops open on each of them and Kelsey saw more brands of beer than she could count.

  “Wow,” she said again. “You guys don’t mess around.”

  “Nope.”

  Kelsey pointed. “I’ll have the shandy.”

  Hannah grabbed it before Kelsey could move, popped the top with the opener on a long chain around her neck, and handed it over.

  “Nice bling,” Kelsey laughed, pointing at the opener.

  “Preparation is everything.”

  Kelsey was given a chair at the table on the deck where she participated peripherally in a few conversations, but mostly listened. The woman to her right (Kay?) was a physician’s assistant and the woman on Kelsey’s left (Amy, maybe?) was a pediatric nurse. This meant Kelsey spent a lot of her time doing her impression of a tennis match spectator, turning her head from one side to the other to follow the conversation (which was very interesting, despite her not being a part of it). She watched the party guests come and go, some having other places to be, some having had earlier obligations, so arriving later. Hannah bounced around, checking in on her regularly, which Kelsey found simultaneously sweet and irritating, as the impression she was giving to those around them was pretty obvious.

  “So...Kelsey is it?” Kelsey’s attention was snagged by the woman directly across from her. She had short, chestnut hair and warm brown eyes. At Kelsey’s nod, she asked, “What do you do?” The others at the table turned their gazes her way.

  “I own a scent shop,” Kelsey said.

  “A scent shop?”

  “That great little place in Pineview Plaza,” Hannah piped in, seeming to materialize out of thin air. “She sells lotions and body sprays and stuff. Smells amazing in there.”

  Kelsey smiled, again feeling a sprinkle of gratitude and a prickle of annoyance.

  “Oh,” the woman said with recognition. “Common Scents?” At Kelsey’s nod, she added, “I love that store.”

  “I’m glad,” Kelsey said with a nod and smile.

  “You just opened it recently, right?”

  “About two and a half months ago, yes.”

  “Are you from here?”

  Kelsey shook her head and took a sip of the beer she was nursing. “Charlotte.”

  “North Carolina?” At Kelsey’s confirmation, the woman gave a knowing smile. “Well, winter oughta be new for you.”

  Chuckles went around the table and Hannah offered, “I’m going to take her shopping for boots, a coat, gloves, all that good stuff.”

  You are? Kelsey thought, but let it slide rather than embarrass Hannah in front of her friends. Instead she simply smiled and asked where the restroom was.

  “I’ll show you,” Hannah said.

  As gently as she could, Kelsey said, “That’s okay. Just tell me.”

  To Hannah’s credit, she did.

  Inside the house—and once out of the kitchen—it was peaceful and quiet. The small powder room off the hallway smelled pleasantly of jasmine and there were three framed photos on the wall. All were of Ree and DJ, and all were taken someplace other than Westland. One showed them posing on some red rock—maybe Utah or Arizona? In another, they both sported Mickey Mouse ears and huge grins. The third, they stood huddled in front of Niagara Falls, looking like they were being pelted with gray rain, but smiling widely anyway. In each photo, they gave the impression of complete happiness, arms around each other, teeth gleaming from inside enormous grins. Kelsey couldn’t help but smile, and then she felt a slight pang in her chest.

  What’s that about?

  Silly question. She knew. She knew exactly what it was about. And while it was an uncomfortable feeling that made her the tiniest bit sad, she also knew it was a good thing. For the first time since pulling herself together after Janice’s abrupt, shocking, and painful departure, Kelsey was actually feeling a little...lonely. She’d honestly wondered if she’d ever feel that way again, ever find herself ready to try something, someone, new.

  Was it time?

  Her thoughts immediately went to Lisa, from Starbucks, which was silly, as she knew nothing about her and suspected there was probably a handsome and devastatingly fit man waiting for her at home. Still, she was the first woman to snag Kelsey’s undivided attention in a long time. It only made sense her brain would head there first.

  And thinking of Lisa made her smile. Nothing wrong with that.

  She glanced at the photo from Disney World again, ran her fingertips over the smiles on Ree’s and DJ’s faces, smiled herself at how ridiculously happy they looked just to be standing there next to each other.

  Yeah. She wanted that again.

  One day.

  One day soon.

  ***

  Kelsey stayed at the party until about six o’clock, but claimed she had some paperwork to get done before the shop opened at nine in the morning Monday. Not exactly a lie, but not the whole truth. In actuality, Sundays were her only full day off and she had to do some fun and exciting things in her apartment...like clean the bathroom and mop the kitchen floor.

  She did neither of those things, though. Instead, she turned on the TV, plopped on the couch with her laptop, and looked up the lesbian dating site she’d overheard a couple women discussing at the party.
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br />   It was time.

  To be honest, she hated the idea of online dating. It seemed to her there was no way to tell if you had that spark with somebody, that all-important chemistry, just from reading their words on a page. For example, she knew that if she’d been virtually paired by a computer dating service with Hannah, she’d have definitely gone on a date, as they looked great on paper, had a lot in common. Hannah was cute, she was smart, she was funny, but that instant attraction just wasn’t there for Kelsey and the date would have led them to exactly where they were now: friendship.

  “Which isn’t really a bad thing,” Kelsey said aloud. “Can’t have too many friends, especially in a new town.”

  There was a long span of time that simply consisted of her staring at the home page, at the little red box that cheerfully shouted Sign Up Here! Her attention shifted between the NCIS rerun on the television and her computer screen, back and forth, back and forth, before she finally blew out a breath and clicked the box, muttering, “Damn it,” under her breath.

  It didn’t take long. There was a list of twenty questions about personality, likes, dislikes, all of which seemed reasonable, some credit card info, and a place to upload a photo. That turned out to be the most difficult aspect of the whole thing for Kelsey: choosing a photo. There was a handful on her computer and she pared it down to three. One was a shot of her on a hike with Chris the last time they’d been together. Kelsey had her hand on the trunk of a tree and was looking up at the branches. She liked that one. Another was a photo of her and Janice. She could easily crop her ex out, and had, but she kept it because she herself had been having a really good hair day that day. The third was a shot Hannah had taken of her only a couple weeks ago while messing with Kelsey’s iPhone (unbeknownst to her). It was startlingly flattering, a close-up of her smiling, looking away from the camera, squinting in the sun. She’d been surprised when she’d discovered it the following day; she’d laughed at Hannah’s antics, but hadn’t been able to bring herself to delete the shot. It seemed to capture her perfectly.