What Matters Most

by Beers, Georgia

  Kelsey nodded, enjoying the animation in Theresa’s voice, in the way she used her hands to talk. She had a plan for the route they’d take around the store, which items she’d need (coat, boots, gloves, hat, scarf), how long it should take.

  “So...you’ve thought this through.” Kelsey said it lightly, jokingly, but Theresa’s face stayed fairly serious.

  “I have,” she said, with one sharp nod.

  Interesting.

  Part of Kelsey wanted to talk, to discuss things, to dive right in. But another larger and louder part kept her from doing that. Instead, she decided to simply enjoy this time with Theresa. Laugh, joke, have fun, and wherever things went, they went.

  Not nearly as easy as it sounded.

  They took care of boots first. As they stood in front of the display wall that showed them twenty-five styles, easily, Kelsey made a point.

  “I live in an apartment. I don’t need to shovel or anything, so I probably only need something basic. Nothing big and fancy.” She glanced at the price tag on a pair of boots with built-in foot warmers, extra traction soles, and zip-tie laces.

  “What if I want you to shovel my driveway?” Theresa asked.

  Kelsey just stared for a beat. “I would,” she said honestly, then turned the tag over. The number caused her to mutter, “Holy shit,” before she could stop herself, and Theresa laughed. “But not in these. Are they serious? Are these made of Corinthian leather and also gold? Because that’s the only way I’d justify this price.”

  Theresa laughed some more before taking the overpriced boot and placing it back on the shelf. Then she tugged Kelsey by the arm down the wall a bit. “You don’t need top-of-the-line. You need warm, functional, and affordable.”

  “Exactly.” Kelsey stayed close, hoping to keep Theresa’s warm hand on her arm for as long as possible.

  Once they’d chosen a pair of boots that fit Kelsey’s needs (and wallet), they moved on to coats. Theresa pulled three off the rack immediately, and Kelsey felt that familiar tightening in her lower abdomen. There was something inarguably sexy about Theresa picking out clothes for her, even if it was bulky outerwear and not sleek and sexy lingerie.

  “Try this.” Theresa handed her a navy blue Columbia with a hideaway hood and a zip-out lining.

  Kelsey slipped her arms in and Theresa stepped right into her space, pulling the sides of the coat to zip it up, tugging on the arms and around the shoulders. When she grasped each side of the collar, her thumbs brushed Kelsey’s jaw on both sides, and the contact made her swallow. Theresa caught her eye and they stood like that for a long moment, close enough to kiss.

  Theresa cleared her throat and took a small step back. “Warm?”

  Kelsey nodded, not trusting her voice.

  “You like it?” Theresa gestured to the full-length mirror behind them and Kelsey took a long look.

  “I do.” She gave a nod and Theresa handed her a second coat.

  “Try this one.”

  They did this same dance for six different coats. Kelsey would have tried on a hundred if it meant Theresa would continue to dress her, to stand close and touch her. By the time she decided on light blue coat with faux fur trimming the hood, she felt slightly worn out, as if it had taken most of her energy simply to keep calm and outwardly unmoved by Theresa’s proximity. The reality was that her insides were burning. Completely ablaze. In a good way. She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t just incinerated into a pile of ash, and she was so ridiculously turned on that, if they hadn’t been standing in a store full of other people, Kelsey might actually have thrown herself at Theresa and said, “Please. Just take me. Now. Right now.”

  Instead, they moved on to accessories. As they rifled through different gloves and hats to find some that matched the coat Kelsey had chosen, they grew quieter and quieter. Yet they still seemed to stay, by unspoken agreement, remarkably close to each other. Kelsey could feel Theresa’s body heat, wondered if she felt as warm as it seemed she should. When Kelsey glanced at Theresa, she was staring off into space and her cheeks were tinted a very rosy pink. Could she be as affected as Kelsey?

  They went through the checkout line in silence. Kelsey handed over her credit card and tried not to wince at the total. It was all necessary. She was buying nothing frivolous, and that helped ease the anxiety. A little.

  “This stuff will last you at least a couple years,” Theresa said quietly, startlingly close to Kelsey’s ear. “It’s worth the money. I promise.”

  Kelsey nodded, signed, and took her bags. As they exited Jig’s, she asked, “Now what?”

  “Hungry?” Theresa didn’t look at her when she asked.

  Kelsey hit her key fob and her car beeped itself unlocked. “As a matter of fact, I am. You?”

  “Starving. I didn’t eat any breakfast.”

  The weather was chilly and as the breeze kicked up, slicing right through her nylon jacket as Theresa had predicted, Kelsey was suddenly grateful for the purchases in her trunk. “Okay. Late lunch/early dinner it is. Where to?”

  They ended up at a cute little café called Root 66 that specialized in local, organic, fresh-made foods, and their salads were huge. Kelsey ordered a Cobb salad, grateful for all the greens and tomatoes to balance out the chunks of chicken, turkey, ham and cheddar that would suddenly appear in the salad as she moved her fork, like hidden icebergs in the Arctic Ocean.

  Theresa’s grilled cheese sandwich looked heavenly, though.

  “So...what if I asked for a bite of your sandwich?” Kelsey asked. “Is that allowed?”

  “It is if I can have a chunk of that chicken,” was Theresa’s reply. “And maybe a bite of cucumber?”

  They were more than halfway done with their meals before Kelsey finally decided she needed to bring up the subject, the enormous gorilla that had been tagging along with them all day. She sipped her soda, wiped her mouth with her napkin, then leaned her forearms on the table and waited for Theresa to give her eye contact.

  “So.” Kelsey wet her lips, paused to choose the right words. “What made you suggest today?”

  Theresa stopped chewing for a second, then began again. “Well,” she said, setting down the crust of her sandwich and dabbing at her own mouth with a napkin. “Several things, really.”

  Kelsey propped her chin in her hand and made a show of being all ears.

  “It’s getting cold. Winter’s almost here, and I promised I’d help you prepare.” Theresa toyed with the straw in her Diet Pepsi as she gazed somewhere over Kelsey’s shoulder.

  “Uh-huh.” Kelsey watched her face, was pretty sure she saw flashes of uncertainty. Of nervousness.

  “And I thought, after all the texts and e-mails and messages and your visit, maybe it was a good idea to be face-to-face for a change. You know?” Those gorgeous blue eyes shifted so Theresa looked at her for no more than a second or two before darting off again. This was hard for her, Kelsey realized.

  “I do know,” Kelsey said, and sipped her 7UP.

  “And...” Theresa hesitated and Kelsey could see her swallow. Then she cleared her throat and finally settled her gaze directly on Kelsey. And held it for a long stretch before finally saying, very softly, “And I missed you.”

  Kelsey wasn’t sure how to respond to that. All she knew was that her heart rate picked up speed and a warmth began to spread from inside her body outward to her head, her limbs, her fingers and toes. She could feel the smile form, feel the corners of her mouth turn upward before it even registered in her brain that she was about to smile. It was that instantaneous, and it was that effective. And poor Theresa looked so anxious, like she’d let something slip she hadn’t meant to and was now awaiting her horrible fate. Kelsey let her off the hook.

  “I’ve missed you, too.”

  They basked in that for a long moment, and the relief was like a vapor surrounding their table and then gently lifting away. Kelsey could tell by Theresa’s expression that she felt it, too, though it was also obvious there was more she wanted to say.
She reached across the small table and covered Kelsey’s hand with her own. “I mean, I can’t figure out why,” she said with a grin, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

  “Right?” Kelsey laughed along with her before they both grew serious again and Theresa spoke softly.

  “So...I’m just going to say this and if you think I’m way off base, I need you to tell me. Okay?” Her voice was still quiet, and now there was a new earnest quality to it that told Kelsey she needed to listen and be honest. She nodded once. Theresa wet her lips, studied the remnants of her sandwich for several seconds before looking back up at Kelsey. “I’ve touched on this before, but I think it bears repeating. I feel like we have something, you and I. Something good. Call it potential. Call it possibility. Call it whatever. But I think it’s there. It’s the reason I haven’t been able to just blow you off, chalk us up to a fun romp and let it go. Even after...everything else.”

  She had the grace not to mention Kelsey’s horrid behavior, and for that, Kelsey was grateful. Kelsey also knew she needed to address it herself. “I was such an asshole,” she said, barely above a whisper.

  “No,” Theresa said with conviction and squeezed Kelsey’s hand. “You weren’t. You were upset.”

  “I was. I was in a really bad head space. In my mind, I was losing a dream I’d worked hard to build, but now I know that maybe I was looking at the wrong thing, that maybe it was my move alone that was the big dream, the big lifestyle change, not the actual shop. I really like my new job, there’s much less stress, and I’m making more money. So, yes, I was upset at the situation, but that was no excuse to take it out on you for simply doing your job.” Theresa’s expression seemed slightly skeptical, so Kelsey added, “I know you had yourself removed from the account.”

  Theresa’s eyes snapped to hers. “You do? How?”

  “Liz. She’s very mama bear—or stepmama bear, rather—with you, you know that?”

  A half-grin tugged up one side of Theresa’s mouth as she gave a gentle nod. “I know.”

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Kelsey said quietly.

  Theresa’s gaze became a bit more intense as she said, “Yeah. I did.”

  Kelsey cocked her head, curious, so Theresa went on.

  “I saw how much your store meant to you that day when I popped in. I hadn’t realized it until I saw the pride on your face, how happy you were there. I knew I couldn’t stop what my company was going to do, but I could fix it so I didn’t actually take part.”

  “But...you jeopardized your position there.”

  Theresa merely shrugged. “You meant more.”

  Kelsey sat back in her chair, just a little bit stunned at the revelation, and stared. Had Theresa really just said that? Did the gorgeous, intelligent, successful woman sitting across from her really just tell Kelsey that she meant more to her than her very high-powered, well-paying, lots-of-room-for-advancement job she’d worked hard at for many years? For a moment, she let herself revel in the glow of that feeling, the feeling that somebody put her above so much else. An instant later, she felt her heart sink and her eyes well with tears.

  “Okay,” Theresa said with a grimace as she, too, sat back. “I said more than I should have. I’m sorry...”

  “No!” Kelsey cried as she sat forward and grabbed Theresa’s hand before she pulled it from the table completely. “No, that’s not why I’m upset. I’m upset with myself.” She snatched a napkin from the table and wiped her nose, even as the tears began to flow freely. “I was so selfish, so unwilling to even have a discussion.” She shook her head in real, solid self-deprecation. She fingered the napkin, crumpled it in her palm. When she finally looked up, Theresa was watching her with a surprisingly open expression. “I was horrible to you, Theresa, and I am so very sorry.”

  The two of them sat in silence for what felt like a long time. Out the café window, the wind had picked up, and clouds the color of old ductwork were rolling in. It looked cold, hard, unforgiving outside. How apropos, Kelsey thought, sure that Theresa was going to get up and leave at any moment, despite not having a car. Instead, she turned her hand over so she could grip Kelsey’s as firmly as Kelsey gripped hers.

  “What if we started over?” she asked quietly.

  Kelsey furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

  “I know it’s a bit cliché, but...” Theresa looked down at their hands, brought her other one up so she could play with Kelsey’s ring. “What if we let everything that happened go? I don’t feel like I handled it well. You don’t feel like you handled it well. I don’t feel like you handled it well. You don’t feel like I handled it well...”

  With a squint, Kelsey said, “Okay, now you’re just rearranging the same sentence.”

  Theresa laughed for the first time in a long while. “I just mean, let’s start with a clean slate.”

  Kelsey liked it. She liked it a lot. But was it possible? “I think we can give it a shot. Do you?”

  Theresa pressed her lips together, rolled them in as she seemed to contemplate her next words. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Like, a lot. Trying to figure out what it was about our situation that made it so not cut and dried, which was how I expected it would be. And what I came up with was this: I asked myself what matters most. You know? Is it my job? Is it my pride? Or is it this profound connection I felt with this woman—in bed and out—that won’t let me shake her out of my head? What matters most?”

  “It’s a good question,” Kelsey told her, and it was. “I’m not sure I’ve asked myself that in quite some time.”

  “Maybe you should.”

  “Maybe I should.”

  They sat there, grinning at each other, still holding hands. As Theresa spun Kelsey’s ring, Kelsey studied her. This beautiful, amazing woman wanted to try again. If Kelsey was going to be honest, she wasn’t sure she’d give herself another chance if she were in Theresa’s shoes. She wasn’t proud of her behavior, and that was something she was going to have to accept and move on from. Not an easy feat.

  But I want to.

  And that was key. Looking at Theresa now, she still felt the same flutter, the same intense arousal, the desire to be around her, to spend time with her, to have in-depth conversations about anything and everything. None of that had changed. She still wanted to be with Theresa, to give them a shot, and Theresa wanted the same thing.

  Wasn’t that what mattered most?

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  THE KNOCKING SEEMED MUFFLED, like it was coming from underwater. Or maybe Kelsey was the one underwater. Which couldn’t be the case because she was too comfortable. Too warm. Too not drowning.

  Without opening her eyes, Kelsey took stock of her surroundings. She was toasty and cozy, and it wasn’t hard to identify the feel of her own bed beneath her back, her favorite pillow cushioning her head. She could tell it wasn’t quite dark yet, both by the color of the insides of her lids and the fact that she wasn’t sleeping deeply. It wasn’t the heavy, comatose sleep that came at two in the morning. It was a catnap-type sleep. Light. Temporary.

  Next, she took stock of her body, and the most important detail was that she was naked. Gloriously naked and sated, her thighs doing a gentle throbbing of muscles that would be sore tomorrow. The best part, though? The other warm, naked body that was wound around her like ivy taking over a tree, wrapping its branches, its trunk. The smell of cinnamon and honey and sex permeated the air, the sheets, and, still with her eyes closed, Kelsey pressed a gentle kiss to Theresa’s forehead, which was very near her lips. In response, Theresa snuggled closer as she let out a little breathy sigh in her sleep.

  The knocking came again, and this time it was accompanied by a voice.

  “Kelsey?” It was Chris. “K-Pete. You in there? I see your car, but you’re not answering your phone. Is everything all right?”

  Shit. Kelsey had turned her phone to silent when she and Theresa had ventured into her bedroom after their late lunch. They had joked a bit about how prominent sex was
apparently going to be in their relationship, and then Theresa was kissing her with that gorgeous mouth. Touching her with those hands that seemed to know her better than she knew herself. And then they’d gotten lost. In the touches and the murmurs and the gentle words...and then things moved far away from gentle. Thus, Kelsey’s sore thighs. She grinned at the memory even as her body flooded her with a new wave of arousal (again?).

  Kelsey shook herself free of the thoughts of sex and opened her eyes. Chris was worried, so she needed to reassure her favorite cousin that she was, in fact, alive. Extricating herself from Theresa’s body as gently and quietly as she could, she donned a fleecy red robe and padded out to the front door.

  Chris blew into the small apartment like a tornado, forcing Kelsey to step out of her way or be run over.

  “Jesus Christ, Kels. Where have you been? You never don’t answer your phone. You had me worried sick. Are you okay?” She took in the robe. “Are you sick? Do you not feel well?”

  “No, no, I’m fine. I forgot I turned my phone to silent. I’m so sorry.”

  Chris pushed out a breath, obviously relieved. “Well, good. Don’t do that again, okay? I didn’t know what to think.”

  Kelsey grimaced. “Sorry,” she said again. “I’ll be better.”

  Chris flopped down onto the couch. “I was calling because we’re having a game night at Hannah’s tonight and I want you to come. Relax and have fun. You in?”

  “Game night, huh?” Kelsey stood so Chris was facing her and unable to see the gorgeous woman with the sleepy eyes and tousled blond hair leaning on the doorframe of the bedroom. She wore Kelsey’s green-and-white-striped pajama bottoms and the matching green V-neck T-shirt, and Kelsey wanted nothing more than to back her into the bedroom again. She smiled at her, then said to Chris, “Can I bring a date?”

  Chris flinched as if Kelsey had poked her with a stick. “A date? You want to bring somebody?” Her surprise was apparent.